This is the time of year I have to watch myself closely. Christmas is over, the new year has begun and what seems like endless gray skies and cold weather stretch before me. We had a lot of snow yesterday. It’s light, fluffy and quite beautiful. But the snow and the steel gray of the sky can quickly take me to a place where I feel claustrophobic and blue. When I first moved to San Diego after a lifetime spent in the upper Midwest and in the Northeast, I realized just how much those gray, wintry skies had affected me. I came back to San Diego after spending Christmas in Northern Michigan with my family and it was 70 degrees. The sun was out. Heaven.
Of course, after 8 years out there, I was craving the seasons again. So there you have it. I have them now. And that means I have Winter.
Don, being a Southern California boy, wrestles with this even more than me. He yearns for the sun. Every year at this time, he wants to be back in San Diego. It’s a given. And I don’t blame him. (Don’t tell him, but I often feel the same way.)
I’m heading into this year with hope. Hope for a better year for us financially. For work that is creative and satisfying. For all good things. But, my heart is heavy as I see my mother decline and my father exhausted from caring for her. I know that this year might bring the most awful of changes in my life. This awareness permeates my being. It is always there. And it is intensified in this wintry darkness.
We lost Don’s father last year as well as some dear friends. A neighbor of ours was in a terrible, terrible car crash right before Christmas and is fighting for his life in a hospital just north of us. All of it is heartbreaking.
I have coaching work starting at the end of this month – a production of The Merchant of Venice that will rehearse in NYC and eventually tour to Chicago, Boston and Los Angeles. Being immersed in a project will surely help fight the blues. I have to begin my prep work this weekend.
Do you feel blue at this time of year?
On a side note: some of you have asked about the yarn I used in the scarves. It is Mochi Plus by Crystal Palace Yarns. The pattern is here. (There are at least two links for this pattern, but this is the one that worked for me.)
Also, for those of you who have commented on my chalkboard: I’m proud to say I made it and the tutorial is here.