5:30 am again?
Even my hyper little Scoutie is still sleeping. She has more sense than me.
I wish I could get, say, five good night’s sleep in a row. I get to sleep just fine. I just wake up too darned early. And then I start worrying about Riley; does he need to go outside, has he made a mess?
And then I start worrying about all sorts of other things. So I get up.
My boy was doing better this week. He was able to get up by himself off and on. You understand that when I say ‘better’ I mean tiny little improvements, don’t you? Yesterday morning, his barking woke us up. He’d made a bit of a mess (not his fault) and was thirsty and had been trying to get up. That struggle to get up seems to exhaust his muscles and for the next day or two, he can barely stay standing.
Right now he’s perched on some beach towels we found for sale at Target. I’ve been having to wash his towels every day, which uses a lot of our well water in this very, very dry stretch of weather, so I figured we could use some reinforcements if only to slow up the amount of washing that needs to be done. $5 each. And we bought all of them.
Oh, this is so hard, my friends. He’s still eating and drinking and occasionally joining in with Scout as she barks. But he struggles. And each time I start to entertain the thought of making the final decision, he perks up a little and I can’t do it.
How do I find a job when he needs me? I won’t make any kind of decision based on that. I could never live with myself. He’s my baby and I need to take care of him until I know it’s time. And then, I’ll help him as he crosses over.
I know so many of you have struggled and are struggling with the same thing.