Writing any sort of post is almost impossible for me now. I know you understand.
All my energy is focused on getting through the day and doing my work. Throughout the day, images and memories of my little girl are constantly in my head. I often find myself aimlessly walking around the apartment.
A couple of mornings ago, I sobbed all morning long. First, by myself, sitting on the sofa. Then, in a conversation with my sister. Then on the phone with Don. And much the same thing happens every day. Yesterday, it was Don’s turn.
There really isn’t any way to explain the profound, powerful, and magical presence that Scout was in our lives. She had more than a touch of the divine. She was an old soul. She taught us more than I can say. We mourn her. We are simply devastated.
Some people – not, I believe, any of you – will grow impatient with our grief. They won’t understand. If anyone says ‘But she lived a long life,’ or worse, ‘It’s just a dog’ I will deck them.
Just as the fact that my parents lived long lives has absolutely nothing to do with the depth of my grief or how quickly I should ‘get over it’, neither does the length of Scout’s life.
I won’t even address the ‘just a dog’ way of thinking.
I’ll get to the point. I lost my mother less than 2 years ago. I lost my father 3 months ago. And now, I’ve lost my daughter. I’ve hit a wall of grief that has been steadily building since April 24, 2014 – the day my mother died.
And now it has exploded.
That’s where I am.
Romeo and Juliet is going very well; it’s a beautiful production and the audiences are really loving it. Beautiful performances. Beautiful direction by Darko. I’m honored to be a part of it.
I am preparing for a Master Class on Shakespeare that I’m teaching on Monday. I’m teaching it to the the seniors from the BFA Acting program at the Hartt School (University of Hartford). We’ll work through their Shakespeare monologues. This requires a fair amount of prep on my part. It’s keeping me occupied.
I’m trying to keep up with my blog reading, but frankly, I have no patience with endless decorating posts or Valentine’s Day posts or any of that sort of thing. It all seems so trivial. It isn’t, of course, and I mean no disrespect, it’s just where I am at the moment.
Thank you again and again for your kind words, for your compassion, for your love for our girl. I know you understand and that has given me enormous comfort these last six days. To say I treasure each and every one of you is an understatement.
Posting daily? Not sure when that will resume, but not for a bit.