I don’t know if anyone else feels like this – I suspect they do – but I often look at the lives or houses or accomplishments of others and think that they are adults and I am not.
Yes, I know I’m an adult. But this morning, for example, I looked at an IG post referred to me by a follower, which led me to another account. I looked at the house she lived in and, though it wasn’t ostentatious by any means, it looked like the decor had been planned and consistent over time and it was lovely and gracious – nothing looked in need of repair, all the pieces were either new or very expensive antiques. Whereas my decor is not planned; it’s mostly vintage and used. Our sofa in the den is falling apart, our kitchen cupboards need to be painted, the drywall in our bedroom ceiling needs to be patched because of leaks that occurred when we had chimney problems…you get the picture, two of our windows have cracks in them and need to be replaced. We can only fix what we can afford to fix. It’s a big deal in our house when we can afford to buy a new bed. Or fix the shed roof and the leak above our front door (both of those things, thank goodness, are going to be fixed in the next few months, thanks to my work on the movie.)
We don’t have investments, except those in our pension plans. We don’t have much in our savings account – I suppose it would be a laughable amount to many.
We’ve never hired a contractor – something adults seem to do. We don’t have a financial advisor – something adults seem to do. We can’t afford to build extensions on our house, or renovate our kitchen, or buy a new car – things adults seem to do.
I’m not complaining, mind you, just making an observation. Often, Don and I will turn to each other and say “Is this being an adult?”
Maybe it’s because we’re in the arts and have always lived hand to mouth. Maybe it’s because we never had children. I don’t know. But, though I know I’m an adult and have spent years as a teacher and coach, as a dog mom, as a mentor – I still don’t feel that way. I often feel as if I’m “playing adult.”
Is it a bit like imposter syndrome, that feeling that you’re really not as qualified, or as skilled, as people think you are? That if they only knew, you’d be seen for what you are? Sort of.
Anyway, that’s what I’ve been thinking about this morning. Don’t get me wrong, I’m generally not envious of others, and this has nothing to do with that. It’s simply a feeling I get at times. Don feels the same way.
Thoughts?
It’s very, very cold here today. Sunny, but darned cold!
Stay safe.
Happy Monday.
You are adults. Both of you. No doubt about it. More and more, we are seeing “staged” lives that aren’t truly real. They seem real but not so much. Hang in there and continue to live your REAL lives the best you can.
Take care,
Luanne
I love our life, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that the term ‘adult’ seems to be more of a legal thing, and not necessarily a daily life thing!
Stay safe, Luanne.
I can relate. I remember, long ago, writing a note to school for my son and suddenly the feeling hit me that ‘I’m a grown-up’!
Every once in awhile I’ll do something ‘adult’ and get that feeling again.
Sometimes I don’t want to be a grown up!
Take care
I quite often don’t want to be a grownup! Believe me.
Stay safe, Marilyn.
I think it all boils down to choices we make.
We decided to pay extra on our mortgage tighten our belts and pay off
Our mortgage before my husband retired, We did it!
It wasn’t fun but now we only have the upkeep on the house( never ending) , taxes, and house insurance.
Again I truly believe it is all about choices.
It is and it isn’t. But I have absolutely no regrets. I lead the life I lead because I am a creative artist and have always been – since I was 12 years old. So is Don. So we get magic and incredible experiences and often have the struggles of a freelancer. It is the way it is. I would be desperately unhappy living any other way. (We’ve never had the kind of income that allowed us to pay extra on our mortgage! Bravo to you!)
Stay safe, Linda.
Hi Claudia, boy, do I know this feeling! We too have no children and I do think that plays a part in not feeling like an adult. My sister had a child later in life and said that really changed how she felt. We have done “adult” things like pay off our mortgage and have investments but sometimes I think I don’t want to be an adult today.
I think all we can do is do the best we can.❤️
Robin
Being an adult is sometimes overrated, Robin! Don says that frequently!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
Stay safe.
I know that feeling. I was a single parent for 7 years and I worked at a preschool. Most of the parents were around my age. My children and I were invited to many birthday parties at the homes of the preschool kids. Their homes were beautiful and I used to feel inadequate around them and not adult enough. It’s a weird feeling. Now that my kids are grown, I occasionally get that feeling again. Maybe because in my mind I still feel 18. I still listen to loud rock and roll music in my car. I still dress in t shirts and jeans. My kids are home owners at a fairly young age. I don’t have the answer. But, I am 60 years old and certainly an adult. So I get it.
I definitely still feel 18 – no more than 25. And we chose the life of a creative artist, which is the only way we could live. Believe me, we’ve tried the other way!
Thanks so much April.
Stay safe.
I am quite frugal. I have worked many jobs to save for a vehicle…etc. I did that several times. My kids and grands house and car came before any other purchases. my disposal Income small goes to help grands or others. The money I spend on myself is what I need. Not much
I worked from age 15-70 plus and still tutor
I don’t need or want things…I am minimal in my life.
I am happy to be finished with the house part of life and upkeep. I am happy to have few things. However that being said one must live in the way that results in happiness. I mentor a young woman.. she has cut out so many little things and is astonished at how much she is saving for a house…one bit at a time.
Happiness for us is the life of a creative artist. It couldn’t be any other way. It allows us to create, to play, to express ourselves. And we’re still working and hope to be working into our seventies.
Thanks, Brenda.
Stay safe.
Claudia,
I’ve never commented but I’ve been reading for a couple years. Your blog is so enjoyable because it reflects a life well lived, a home full of love, and things you love. One question you never have to ask and probably never have is “what do I want to be/do when I grow up”
Many of the people in my industry ask this everyday up to retirement!
Thanks for the blog that’s real.
Oh, thank you, Lisa! Your words mean a great deal to me.
Thank you for commenting here today! It’s good to meet you!
Stay safe.
Hubs and I were unable to have children and sometimes I feel like friends and family treat us as if we are not the brightest bulbs in the pack.. We are. We just go about things a bit differently. Lots of delayed gratification and instituting very frugal ways early in life allowed me to reach my goal of retirement at age 50 and while hubs didn’t meet his at age 55, he is now recently retired at age 60. No doubt about it, w/out the expense of raising children had a great deal to do with this, yet most days I would rather have had the blessing of children and all that comes with it. Going through an adjustment period w/ this newly found retirement together and have to say how much I envy your ability to embrace your inner child and how you make time to “play”. I am working on this. Family has never taken advice from us that they ask for yet we evidence we have done pretty well in financial decisions etc. So it is sort of the opposite for us, people don’t seem to think we are as skilled or qualified as we truly are. Then again it might have something to do with the fact that when we are cutting up and perhaps acting a bit of the fool, we always laugh and say we can act that way cause we don’t have any children to set examples for. You and Don are indeed adults, your life works well, you don’t ask for anyone else to pay your way and you balance the “have to” with the “why not”. Can’t ask for anything better!
Thanks so much, Chris. I’m glad you could retire at 50. In contrast, we didn’t buy our first home until we were 53 and 54 years old! Everyone’s path is different, isn’t it? I have no regrets, but I must say, I often feel like a teenager!
Stay safe.
As Linda stated, it boils down to our choices. How will I spend my limited financial resources? How will I prioritize needed home repairs (and we all have them in some form)? What is my choice when buying shoes? Store brand or generic food? The list goes on for all of us. Each of us looks at available resources and determines how best to be a good steward of those blessings. Learning to be content with one’s individual choices is the key.
We are both quite content with our choices, as truly, any other choice would have made us miserable. I’ve done what I needed to in the past to earn money. I’ve worked in offices, I’ve temped, I’ve worked in an animal hospital. Don has done landscaping, and worked for a car rental company. But we are truly creative artists, have been since we were teens, and that is life we must lead.
Stay safe, ZiZi.
Funny, when I read your blog, I have a bird’s eye view into a life being lived very differently than my own. Financial security has always been the number one motivator in my life. I would have never taken the chances that you have, my career was a means to an end. I so admire you for what you have accomplished, the friends you have made (and kept), the places you have gone and the things you have experienced. It speaks to an extraordinarily competent and confident individual to do all that you have done. Possessions are fine, but maybe there is a greater wealth in lived experiences.
Oh, Anne. This brought tears to my eyes! Thank you. I appreciate your perspective.
Truly, I know deep within my heart that I could live no other way than I do. Don feels the same. I guess it comes down to being true to your heart and your needs. You’ve done that as well, Anne.
Stay safe.
The way people live and spend says nothing about being an adult. Being an adult is about kindness, thoughtfulness and inclusiveness. It’s about loving your life and being grateful for your partner and family. Looks to me like you and Don are excellent at adulting! xoxo
Oh, Betsy. Thank you so much.
I like your description of an adult and I’m going to adopt it.
Much love.
Stay safe.
dear Claudia — are we ever adult?? our g-son turned 18 in Oct — he is considered ‘an adult’. i.e, can vote, serve in military, etc. BUT has never worked, only in school, not responsible for day-to-day expenses. he will be off to college in the fall, BUT has never done his laundry, bought groceries(only take out), paid bills, etc. , will he have a rude awakening OR learn life skills as he goes? Will he be able to cope/make do/get by?? sometimes these thoughts wake me in the middle of the night, but no answers come to me. Adult seems to be (to me) a relative term that you can make it to be whatever suits you/your life. of course, worry (by me) will do nothing to help g-son or me, but we will be standing by with love, encouragement, help whenever he calls our name. as usual, have no solutions to problems, ours, yours, or anyone’s, haha! stay safe
Read Betsy’s description of being an adult, Linda. It fits very well with your last sentence. You love and are loved.
Xo
Stay safe.
I loved her description, too.
I think it’s about being confident in decision making, facing the consequences of those decisions, and if I don’t like the direction things are going: having the guts to change it. It’s also about acknowledging that what is my “right” way to be is most likely not going to be yours. How boring it would be if we were all the same! The fine art of compromise is in the mix somewhere as well.
Sometimes, though, it’s simply about pulling up those big girl pants and putting one foot in front of the other!
You’re so right. The big girl pants can be a pain in the tush, but they are definitely necessary.
Thank you, Denise!
Stay safe.
I don’t think being an adult has much to do with home decor or pension plans. I think it has more to do with being in responsible relationships with others, being aware that there is a world outside ourselves, both the human world and the natural world, and being comfortable in the place we have within those worlds.
Perfect, Melanie. Thank you for that.
If that’s so, then I think Don and I are adults – as well as every reader of this blog.
Stay safe.
Hi Claudia, Why are you feeling less adult than others with more material possessions? When we leave this earth nothing we acquired will be what we are remembered by. I was married to a man that loved me and never truly grew up. I am not sure we should all share the same values. We are put on the earth to do life as uniquely as we are. Your gratitude of life and love will leave an impact that no amount of financial security ever will. When our time here on earth is finished how do you want to be remembered? I have hired designers and contractors but I have also pinched pennies to even acquire essentials. You have investments that other people are lacking. You have invested in others . You have given gifts of confidence and knowledge that cannot be measured by a portfolio of invested finance s . You are an adult in ways many never will be. Loving God and loving each other matters most You will leave a legacy many adults will never be privileged to do. The dangers of comparison can steal our joy Keep your joy and keep on loving life and know you making an impact only you are designed to make. Thanks so much for being open and loving and sharing your skills and very adult talents
Not necessarily feeling less adult, but pondering what my perception of adult is – if that makes sense!
Thank you so much for your wise words, Pat. I so appreciate them. I felt that writing this post would be an honest sharing of what I was thinking this morning and would, with the help of all of you, clarify things for me. And it has, thanks to people like you.
Bless you.
Stay safe.
We are bombarded with images that tell us how our homes should look, what we should look like, how much we should weigh and on and on. We are continually being “sold” things and ideas. The world has become a marketplace and we are the customers.
You and Don know who you are and that is all that matters. Your authenticity is what draws me and I am sure all of your readers to your blog. Most of the blog world looks and sounds like commercials for over sized housing with interiors and people designed by advertisers.
“The world has become a marketplace” – truer words were never spoken! Thank you.
Those oversized homes and interiors turn me off and I often wonder how much joy is lost in having to maintain that image.
Thanks so much for your words.
Stay safe.
Oh, and imagine having to clean all those bathrooms! Too many other things to spend my time on, thanks very much!
Really! I can barely clean one and a half!
xo
According to my 3 sons, being an adult is about paying your bills, buying a house, saving for retirement, doing household chores….”adulting” as they call it. Might be a millennial word for all I know. I’m not sure I ever really thought about. Being that I’m 70…I probably should feel like an adult, but I don’t. I look like an adult, but I am basically a kid at heart, always ready to have an adventure big or small. I don’t like being told what I have to do, but I am smart enough to do those things because they are good for me. I don’t dress like what I thought a 70 year old should dress…I, too, am a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal. My home is a mashup of inherited items, and things we love. It’s home to us, and that’s all that is important.
I do think being an adult is more about what kind of person are you. How do you treat people. Are you kind to others, generous to others…just plain decent to others? Are you slow to criticize? (I need to work on that.) Are you responsible? Are you just a good human being? If you can answer yes to those questions….then in my book, you’ve met the requirements of adulthood. It doesn’t matter the size of your bank account….what matters is the size of your heart and compassion…your offering of friendship to those in need.
That’s it….that’s all I got. Enjoy your day! ;)
I think it is a millennial word.
I like your definition, Donnamae. And I think we fit that description. So maybe we’re adults!
Thank you, my friend.
Stay safe.
What a wonderful reflective post!
Loved it, and what an amazing group of wise friends you have.
They said it all, in so many different phrases.
Therein lies the proof of your life well lived.
Keep playing and sharing the joy -you allow me the pleasure of another lifestyle.
To all of us👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
To all of us!
I love that. Thank you. There are such good people here!
Stay safe, Jan.
You are adults. I don’t think adulthood is measured in dollars and cents. More in how you treat others as many of your commenters have mentioned.
Peace and joy to you and Don.
Thank you, Ellen! I like that definition.
May we all treat others with kindness. We slip up at times, but if we’re kind and compassionate to others, we’re adults.
Stay safe!
Invite me to share my thoughts and I could fill too many ‘pages’ here. My husband and I have lived hand-to-mouth for our entire (longish) marriage. Too many periods of unemployment; throw in some unwise spending (like trying to tackle a vintage house in the family when we were ‘way over our head and as well resorting to too much DIY stuff which all still takes money for supplies); also, simply (my interpretation) BAD LUCK which came our way (don’t mean to sound like a victim; but it happened; I lost my health and couldn’t work anymore, for one thing; we lost the second income and it was a long time ago now to not have that extra money).
We’re struggling ‘seniors’; we can’t get ahead. It’s why my husband has taken on a part-time job although he’s fully retired and now in his 70s. He’s having memory problems so can’t do the freelance work he’d hoped to be able to do post-retirement; pandemic also shot a hole in that plan. Do you think he likes being a maintenance worker now; cleaning bathrooms? And in a pandemic? No. But it’s ‘essential work’, so he’s needed. And we need the money. It’s also employment close to home; no commuting. The work doesn’t tax his brain the way his other work used to do. It’s good physical labor; a great way to work off negative energy. There’s honor in all work, any kind of work; he’s not proud; he’s just grateful for the opportunity to supplement our income; to have the privilege of work. (Our snooty friends, though, haven’t yet closed their open mouths as they consider all this with ‘horror’. That he’s scrubbing toilets for pay. He says, “That’s their problem.”)
But it’s the veterinary expense, the high cost of human food and pet food, the high cost of everything (we spend SO much money on insurance; car, flood, house, life, extra medical; prescription drug coverage); my husband tries to keep doing his own auto repairs (we have ancient vehicles, all well-over age 20); we’ve reduced going places via automobile to save on gasoline (there are no vacations in this family; no travel; we’ve talked of it, done some planning, came so close; but the reality is that it won’t happen now); there’s nothing left over at the end of the month and it’s impossible for me to be saving for a roof which we need; or anything else in an old house which is demanding continual repair/improvements. My house is ‘tired’; it is approaching age 70.
I try to buck up and ‘self-love’, which is healthier than despair and envy and self-pity, but I feel I am an embarrassment around my otherwise well-funded senior-aged friends and relatives. I feel ridiculous around them. They drive Teslas and BMWs. They own their lovely, newer homes outright. They have stockbrokers. Even with Covid virus, they are taking getaway trips. They belong to wine clubs and that sort of thing; organizations which plan interesting outings; always something new to do, somewhere new to go, something new to try. And whatever they need, or whatever they want, they buy it.
I almost feel I have to apologize for myself and our shortcomings when I’m around them. I hate the feeling I impose on myself. Of four singles we all once were, some fifty years ago, all three ultimately became very successful with lots of money; I’m the one exception. At one point, maybe seven or eight years ago, I dropped out of our ‘circle’ because I felt I could never keep up (I can’t afford to go to some fancy place ‘for brunch’ or some $90 home tour or garden tour for a charity function!). It felt sad and demeaning to be around people who had so much ‘disposable’ money to do fun things, go fun places, get whatever they needed for their well-heeled lives. But I missed them too much. They’re still my friends; part of me has been glad for how their lives turned out. To celebrate their successes of life. So, now, what I do around them is listen to all their goings-on; I think anybody likes an audience! I just try to change the subject, taking it off me and keeping it on them. It’s easier, and I can still live ‘vicariously’ through their experiences. It’s kind of an armchair life. I never wanted to ‘settle’ like this, but stuff happens.
I mostly feel like an utterly failed ‘adult’ who never got it together. That I’m not ready to die because I haven’t even, at this very/too-late age, figured out how to mature to true adulthood; that I still don’t have my life figured out. That I’m still not ‘fully formed’. And that’s just the truth. You’re speaking truths here, Claudia? Well, there’s mine. I normally don’t write this kind of stuff down anywhere because it’s Debbie Downer and too ‘cry-baby’ (like, grow up, we all have problems; we’ve all made mistakes; stop complaining; be grateful for what you have). I feel inadequate, but I’m also insecure. So, it’s not pretty. But for an antidote, I’m trying to always remember what my husband’s surgeon recently said: Have humor. Have gratitude. Have love and forgiveness for yourself and others. Have faith.
Have just scrolled back thru and read all of the spot-on reader comments here on the blog. A lot of wisdom there.
I just aspire to a life of no debt other than the mortgage. My continuing goal for sure. And to keep it that way. How To Be A Responsible Adult 101. (Ideally of course, have NO mortgage in the retirement years, but I got married late and bought the final house late. It’s a similar scenario as for you and Don.) Live within our means; spend less, save more. Very basic! “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.” (Even people in WWI recited that ‘mantra’. [I might have not quoted it exactly.])
Lessons long learned; learned the hard way; lessons to never forget: Trying to curb all unnecessary spending more than ever in 2022 (if I want a different book, shop my own shelves; or go to the library once it is open again). I want a house that isn’t falling down around me; a place where I could comfortably host someone for dinner. Not have to worry about getting leaks in my old, old roof which needs replacing by 2024. I want to take care of my elderly dog and my aging cat. I need a money cushion, a safety net; an emergency fund.
But I don’t have one. Although I’ll keep trying to make it happen; because, if I did have that kind of security, I wouldn’t have to put stuff on a credit card, like our new kitchen range-stove we had to replace after the house fire in November. We got the cheapest of the cheap, new, electric when we’d have preferred gas; the cost still adds up. (I didn’t feel in a pandemic that we should be negotiating for a used range coming out of somebody else’s kitchen; it wasn’t a situation like you had with your beautiful, used-vintage Stella from a few years ago, Claudia!)
We also had to replace the dinosaur-era fridge in 2020 (after a killer power outage which was its undoing) and we were able to buy a new but dented floor-model fridge that was nicer than we hoped for (large, generous discount for the dent) but we still haven’t hooked up the water line for ice or filtered water (a perk that came with that kind of fridge; nothing we thought we’d be getting) because we can’t afford a plumber and it’s one of the things my husband just can’t do (crawling under the house). Something so silly/hoity-toity as an in-fridge ice maker makes me feel guilty, though; considering that there are children (and other senior adults) starving in the U.S. who have a whole lot more on their mind than ice cubes.
But this is the diff from my friends who are in good financial shape. If they were sitting in the broken-down, uncomfortable-hurting-my-tailbone, cracked-seat office chair I’m in right now at our aged computer which sits atop my dad’s beat-up 80-year-old desk (it’s not an antique to swoon over), they’d just go buy a new chair, which is better for their butt and back. I have this one friend who I swear goes through her house every week, deciding who she can call for this little problem and that little problem, like some faucet that needs something, or let’s get the professional window washers out here again; I really don’t like where that light switch is, so let’s call an electrician to change it out. That’s the difference with financial relief (cash in reserves) as opposed to financial stress. She has the money to make everything … perfect.
When my mom was growing up in The Great Depression of the 1930s, her ‘winter’ shoes had cardboard tucked underneath her bare feet so that they didn’t rub on the ground from the holes in the soles of her old, too-small shoes. Her family was poor. But one of her best friends came from an affluent family. My young mother drooled after her rich friend’s comfortable, new, red shoes under the Christmas tree that year. Think what it was for my grandparents to know their little girl needed new shoes, and they couldn’t afford to buy them for her, much less gorgeous red ones? How do you explain that to a child? Talk indeed about stress; angst; worry; remorse for those parents. Money isn’t everything. But it can make a difference.
So, all this serves to help me put things into a positive perspective when I otherwise feel my life is bleak. I have it easier! Say again: Count today’s blessings. For shelter, clean water, food, heat for cold January nights; electricity for the lamp so I can read; medicine; clothes and shoes; blankets. It’s a long list of blessings; a lot; lucky enough to still have a lot! Maybe (because I can, in fact, realize these facts?) I’m more of an adult than I think I am? (I dunno. Sometimes I think I was smarter at age 12.)
Absolutely. Count your blessings. Today, in this frigid weather, we both said out loud that we are thankful for heating oil and a roof over our heads and for the fact that we didn’t have to be anywhere and travel on icy roads.
Gratitude is always, always, the key.
xo
But you’re not a failure. You live the life you chose and no one has the right to judge your choices. I understand that feeling, as most of my friends took the more traditional route and have paid off their homes and raised kids. But I’m me. And you’re you. Stop being so hard on yourself, my friend. You live a life full of love for your husband, for animals, for helping others. You are filled with curiosity and passion. In the end, who cares whether you’ve paid off your mortgage? No one. That’s what I’ve had to come to terms with. And I think I have. You’re a good person and it shows in the way you’ve lived your life. That’s being an adult, as so many of the commenters here have said.
Much love,
Claudia
Okay, so you just made tears spring to my eyes; thank you for your compassion, dear cyber friend Claudia of a lot of years now. Thank you for sharing of yourself and then allowing your readers to share (spill!), too. I do also, as you say, try to remember to live by the Golden Rule; I don’t always succeed, but I try.
I just wish I didn’t have to worry about money so much. It would be nice to not have it be such a preoccupation (the lack of it). It wears on the soul. Makes you ‘old’. I think, too, I just feel like other ‘adults’ are more sensible than I am but I guess most of us are works-in-progress. Ongoing self-improvement is just part of growth, and we should never stop growing.
Listen, you know I worry about money. All the time. And I devoutly wish I didn’t have to at this age. So think of it this way: Right here and now, what can you do about it? Make payments responsibly and on time. Do your best not to incur too much additional debt even though unexpected things happen.
And that’s all you can do. If you’re doing that, let the rest go. Otherwise, as you say, it will eat away at your soul and it’s not worth that.
xoxo
Good afternoon! Great topic! I have these same thoughts all the time. My grandmother, at age 84, said she always felt in her head and heart, she was still 18. She only felt a sense of “grown up” when forced to make adult decisions…..home problems, moral decisions, putting food on the table. Otherwise, everything from 18-92 was on the fly with whatever choice seemed best. She also said the lovely lady down the street had a most beautiful home compared to hers.
My cousin is the ultimate professional and I’m blown away with the work she does. She says though, as soon as she gets home she’s never sure her decisions are right or what the person she admires would do. I told her I wish I could be a tad more like her and she laughed and said she always wished she were more like me. Hahaha. I think the fact she has trained for her profession, like you, there is great confidence at her job. But at home, she’s just bobbing along like the rest of us, and it is all of us, looking at others for inspiration.
My aunts home is full of beautiful antiques and is very calming. I grew up thinking they were her choices. Come to find out, she didn’t pick a single piece….it was all her mother’s. But she arranges so well and picks wonderful colors and accent pieces. I learned a lot about how colors affect me from other homes. One of the things I love about your home…bursts of color.
I think in the end, we all admire someone else’s “something “ and that keeps us reaching for a better us, and our tastes evolving. What worked yesterday doesn’t always feel right today and that can be confusing. And welcome to home ownership. That to do list never gets shorter. That IS soberingly grown up. I think the dolls and puzzles are what we need the most of though. Who, really, needs to be “grown up” unless the moment calls for it.
I think people who rescue used pieces (and critters) and give them a bit more life are awesome. I’ve gotten great ideas from a little blog called mocking bird hill cottage. There are grown up thought producing posts (like today), home decor and fun doll posts. A lovely balance….just like life.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Verna. I so appreciate your thoughts. And I’ll hold them in my heart.
Stay safe!
Oh my goodness … same here!!!😁 I always think, maybe, it’s because I never married or had children. I also chose a job that made me super happy, but one that was never abundant in the area of salary.
One of the reasons I love reading your blog is because of your leaking roof, unpainted cabinets, etc. – you are me!
We are kindred spirits, Debbie! Thank you so much for your thoughts on this subject.
Stay safe.
Hi Claudia, my view of “adult” is such that you have reached the age of “majority” and how you choose to live and the choices you make should bring you joy. I do understand though the numerous instances where we are not given much of a choice. I did not choose for my son to die at age 30. So many days I wonder how he would react to the times we live in today! He would turn 50 this April.
In the last year, I know 3 people that had dumpsters delivered to their houses to unload their life time of saving and collecting. Must be because all that stuff didn’t bring them as much happiness as decluttering and minimizing.
Let’s choose to find joy each day in what God provides for us. The Bible tells us not to store up those things we can’t take with us. That is not a quote.
Hugs and take care…
I’m so sorry you lost your son at such a young age. I had watched a movie called “Things We Lost in The Fire”; was quite early this morning when I was the first one up and it was still dark and cold and I was trying to be quiet for my sleeping husband (I have free HBO at the moment; taking advantage of commercial-free movies). Anyway, the film was about grief and loss at its deepest. “Loss brings memory of loss” so, unfortunately, the story reminded me too much of the ‘silent screaming’ of grief I suffered at the loss of my brother when he was age 34 (today he would be age 64); the grief that suffocates you; that is a physical pain so great that you feel your chest is cracking open from the broken heart. So, I really shouldn’t be leaving comments here today on MHC blog because some melancholy definitely seeped in to my soul from watching that movie, but what you said at the end of your comment has just helped me much (so, thank you), “Let’s choose to find joy each day in what God provides for us.”
I am sorry for your profound loss, Kelly. I lost my brother when he was 45 and my parents never got over that loss. None of us did. So yes, things happen that are beyond our control. But how we move forward is up to us. Bless you, my friend.
Thank you.
Stay safe.
I don’t know, you look pretty together from where I’m standing. Whenever I find myself comparing something in my life to someone else’s, It always seems to turn out that there will always be someone who is more……. and someone who is less……. Whether that is “adult” or “cultured” or “intelligent “… or whatever.
My aunt was perhaps my favorite person and she lived in a very unkempt house which always seemed to need repairs. I greatly admired her style. It was very artistic as she was an artist. She had many friends and threw the best parties! I think our homes fit us – especially those of us without perfect homes.
I would be very uncomfortable in a fancy, perfectly designed home and from what I know about you, I think you would be uncomfortable too!
I would, indeed! You’re so right. It wouldn’t be ‘me.’ I’m where I should be, living the life that fits me.
Thank you, Jane, for your wise thoughts.
Stay safe.
Hi Claudia, You are definitely not alone in your feelings and there is nothing wrong with having those feelings. As I was reading your post I thought “I could be writing this”. We have friends who have a lot of material things and big houses. I use to envy them but as we get older I am so glad we don’t have to take care of all that. It would be exhausting! I look at your wonderful cottage and I can tell how much you really love it. I just love the picture you posted today! I always wanted a house with stairs but it never happened, oh well. I feel so blessed that I discovered your blog and get to share in your life and hobbies. I too feel like I am still 18, but my body doesn’t agree with that!
You and Don seem to have a wonderful marriage and I am sure many people would want to have what you have. Being an adult is not what it is cracked up to be!
Amen! Thanks so much, Deb! Wise words that really have an impact.
Stay safe, my friend.
I think so much is about our choices. And because we are all so different with varying circumstances, they are made up of what we think to be important. We saved to pay off our house before we retired at 60. I needed that security in order to sleep at night. BUT, we have never been to Europe. That feeds your souls, but it isn’t something I would do. My kids have traveled the world, & I am so proud of that, but it isn’t for me. So the people who buy new furniture every year, & have “themes” that change every year for their Christmas tree, I truly don’t understand. The way we spend our money is a personal choice. I don’t understand people who can have lots of debt, just as they can’t understand my lack of investing in adventure. And that is why our lives are pretty perfect for ourselves, but just not for others, I think!!
Yes. A matter of circumstances, choices, finding your path – and sometimes that happens later in life – all of which impact our lives.
Thank you, Chris.
Stay safe.
I know what you mean Claudia. My husband I were teachers and we really didn’t have cash left over to buy anything new or fix anything. It just became our lifestyle. But we always found money for plays and concerts. I was an English teacher and high school library media specialist. I loved the work! Hubs was an artist teaching all grades. We went to a lot of art shows and sold his ceramic pieces or pottery. Now I am 66 and he is 70. He is still traveling and selling his art. I stay at home with Parkinson’s Disease. Yes, we are adults, but today I looked out a big window of our home and saw big fat robins hopping all over the gravel driveway! I was like a little 10 year old girl all giggly inside! I just exploded with joy! Not an adult then.
Our children made us adults automatically . It gets real quite quickly!
Love,
Lottie
I like the image of feeling like a 10 year old girl, Lottie! How perfect and comforting at the same time.
It’s all about our priorities, isn’t it? You found money for plays and concerts because they were important to you. I love that.
Stay safe!
The comment thread has been as interesting as your own reflections that in many ways mirror mine. When I think “adult,” I see it in a couple of ways — how you handle your life decisions/choices/family and personal issues and how you handle the things that are part of that — finances, commitments, passions. Thoughtful or wildly unreasonable? Calm and reasoned or fly off the handle.
When I think of the surfaces of my life, they don’t look like the decor blogs I read. I’m looking at my house and took an inventory and I realize that the only pieces of furniture in this house that were bought new are a sofa (back in 1993 and it is in sore need of replacement — someday), an IKEA chair ($149), an IKEA table for puzzles ($39), two wicker chairs that really are for a porch but I don’t have one, and three bookshelves. Everything else was either my parents, a yard sale find or from a secondhand store. Until this summer when I bought Rick’s mom’s car, my 2001 Toyota had a bumper held on with duct tape. And yet, people come into my house and seem to like it, think it’s homey and cozy and comfortable. And it feels that way to me, too. If there’s extra cash it goes toward one of several things — the cottage (because that has to be maintained; it’s my back-up retirement fund), watercolor supplies or books. When I feel safe going to live theatre again, I’ll spend on that and I’ll always save for travel because I’m getting back to England again, somehow, someday, no matter what!
But I don’t carry debt (finally) and I think I deal with the challenges of life with a pretty level head. There are a lot of them right now — my own illness, the challenges of Rick’s mom’s failing health, a cat that has stubbornly refused to use the litterbox to pee in unless I carry her down — and she in no way infirm, just stubborn — and some things in the house in dire need of repair. I know the things I can change now, those that will take some time and probably (the cat) some that aren’t likely to resolve in the immediate future. And I recognize those that won’t probably ever change. You learn not to sweat the small stuff (I loved that book!) and put the energy into what matters. Life is short and getting shorter. I need to find the joy and delight whenever and however I can while still maintaining the things I have. At some point, I will have to make hard decisions about moving and downsizing. I want to do that as my choice, not one forced upon me for financial or health reasons.
To me that is “adulting.” Doing the best we can to make the right decisions and managing our lives while still making it essential to find joy, laughter, contentment. Things aren’t always good but I know I have some power to do the best I can with whatever happens. I hope I always remember that.
We do carry debt and I wish we didn’t. But other than payments on time every month (including the mortgage) there’s nothing I can do unless I come into a nice chunk of money!
I agree with you. I try not to obsess and/or sweat things than I can’t do anything about in the present. I try to be responsible.
It sounds like you’re handling things well, Jeanie.
Stay safe.
Well Claudia, the way I look at it all is, some of us have more and some of us have less than the next guy. BUT, we’re still able to have a meal on the table daily, a roof over our heads nightly & if we’re lucky enough to be able to do a few things that make us happy, we’ve made it into adulthood & beyond. If we’re kind to one another & can manage our lives, all is well.
Our home is full of items either given, or bought second hand. We LOVE everything we have in our little home. I don’t care who likes our stuff or not!! We own this little place free and clear & have piece of mind (most of the time!). Just to stay as healthy as we can & enjoy our kids & grandkids when we can is of the most importance. AND we’re celebrating #51 years next week!!
Be well, enjoy what you have & stay warm….it’s only about 66 here in OB today!!! Oops!! so sorry to taunt you with the weather!
Happy Anniversary, Priscilla! What an achievement! Bravo.
You would tease me with Ocean Beach weather!!!
Stay safe.
To be honest I look at the houses that are just so and I don’t envy them. I know what you mean about pretending but I think it’s the other way round. My husband fixes 98% of things in our house. I have filled bit with things I have made. We have plaster that has blown in the hallway. The one thing my husband isn’t able to do. We will save once we have paid off the mortgage. Being self sufficient and not having to call in lots of people in is very adult. I love your house and things. It expresses who you are and not the latest fashion.
Thank you so much for your thoughts, Sue. I so appreciate them.
Stay safe.