When I was a very little girl, we used to visit Santa every year at a local department store called Muirhead’s. My memories are wispy at this point in my life, but I remember feeling I had entered a magical world. It was designed to look like a giant igloo, with all sorts of wonderful decorations. Each family that made the trek to Muirhead’s climbed into a sleigh that ran on a track inside the store with its ultimate destination being Santa himself.
It was simply wonderful. My mother gave me these photos and I had them matted and framed. The other day, I pulled them out and brought them down to the den and when I saw the photo you see at the top of the post, I had to quickly look away. For a moment, it was too painful. There are my mother and brother in the back seat of the sleigh. Now, both of them are gone.
David has been gone since 1991. My mother died this year.
Such a simpler time.
My mother was so beautiful. As was my brother. I want to reach inside these photos and hug them. I want to tell them how much I treasure the memories of our visits to Santa, of our Christmases spent together, of loving and being loved by them.
This will be a bittersweet Christmas for me and my family. It’s always there for me, right under the surface, this knowledge that Mom is gone, that this will be the first Christmas in my life without her presence here on Earth. Just as my birthday last month was my first birthday without her.
This morning I was given a gift.
I had a visit from my mom. I know that as surely as I’m sitting here right now tapping away on this keyboard. I won’t go into details because they are private and precious and I’m holding them deep within my heart.
I’m so grateful. Thank you, dearest, most wonderful Mom. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being my mom and my friend and my guide. I miss you every moment of every day. I look in the mirror and see your face reflected in mine. You are never far away, that I know.
Happy Saturday.
Yes!!! Hold this close to your heart….it truly a gift.
It is indeed, Sherry. Thank you.
Dear Claudia. Such beautiful photos and memories. I lost my mum too and i know what you are feeling. How wonderful to have her visit you when you needed it most. My mothers visits me too from time to time and I cherish her memory. Your mum was very beautiful Claudia and you look just like her. Have a lovely peaceful xmas. Love from Julie in sweltering Western Australia. Xx
Have a wonderful, blessed Christmas, Julie!
What beautiful memories of your brother and mother! What a lovely post.
Thank you, Tana.
I love those photos …really brings back memories. I have some taken in that same place of us but haven’t gotten them framed yet.
Saw a huge white owl on the beach today. I think the day is off to a great start. You have a good day too.
Eileen
Love you, Eileen. Thinking of you and yours this holiday season.
Such wonderful photos of sweet memories.
Thank you, Debbie.
Claudia, I love the photos and I know how sad it is to lose family members. I’m so happy for your early gift! My Dad visits me now and then and I treasure it. Wishing you a lovely day full of warmth and memories.
hugs,
Linda
Thank you, dear Linda!
This is beautiful, Claudia. A visit is so comforting. I have had a visit from my father, and feel his presence often. Your photos are treasures…such wonderful memories…xoxo
Thank you, Linda. I’m glad you’ve had a visit from your father. I know that it is enormously comforting.
Claudia, So happy for you that you experienced this special gift. Having lost both parents, my mother when I was 21 (I am 63 now) I am always envious when people feel their loved ones nearby. I so often ask where they are and I am open and looking for any sign, but so far, nothing.
I remain hopeful that someday it will happen for me, but in the meantime I too enjoy looking back at old photos of Christmas past and the happy memories they invoke!
Your parents are nearby, Kathy. I know they are. xo
Lovely pictures…and memories! Yes, treasure them always…it was a much simpler time. I love to bring out old photos at Christmas…it never ceases to bring smiles from everyone in our family. Enjoy your day! ;)
You too, Donnamae!
So happy you had a moment. I was always told when you see a cardinal in your yard/ at your feeder/ it is a loved one returning for a visit. I talk to them every time I see them.
Precious photos. So, you and your brother must be the oldest…. were Meredith and your other sister in any of the pictures? So lucky you have them framed and in your house.
Have a good day!!
I see cardinals all the time! Maybe it’s my brother and my grandparents and my cousins and uncles and aunts!
My two younger sisters are 8 and 11 years younger than me and by the time they came around the Christmas at Muirhead’s was no more and they had their pictures taken at Sears!
Claudia-
I don’t have to tell you Christmas is a time of Wonder … For many it is a happy time and speaks to the eternal child in us all.; for others it is a sad time and it only reminds them of times they can’t get back. Firsts are hard- but I know you are not sad– you are full of life and wonder. Hold onto that! :)
It’s a bit sad. A bit bittersweet. But mostly wonder-filled. xo
You do look so much like your mother, Claudia. I am glad you are comforted by her visit. I have received that gift from each of my parents shortly after they passed away, and I am grateful that I was present and able to receive their gift to me. I am thinking a lot the last few days about the people and pets I have lost over the years. Christmas does that, and I could get pretty melancholy if I didn’t make the effort to also remember what I still have. A little wistfulness is permissible though at this time of year, don’t you think?
Absolutely. I feel that way, too.
Besides my mom and brother and all the other loved ones I’ve lost, I think of my dear dogs Winston and Riley. How I miss them!
Visits from our loved ones after they are gone are so precious. I have so many moments that have been gifted to me from our two youngest children, who died in 1996 and 1998, but I keep them in my heart, only sharing with my best friend and my husband and surviving children. Thankfully, he’s had similar experiences and cherishes them with me. I feel that if I shared them with the world, I’d be considered “crazy”, but I know each time what I saw, what I felt and what happened. Truly gifts from them to us.
I love the photos you’ve shared today. You can see so much of your mom in you.
Wishing you peace this holiday season as you remember her and your brother.
Well, all I can say is that the few times I’ve shared that information about Mom’s visits in my daily life and on this blog, the reaction has been overwhelmingly supportive.
“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
From Hamlet.
So true.
I’m so glad to hear your Mom was back for another visit..what better gift could you receive?..What beautiful photos..Beautiful Mom, Handsome Dad and adorable children..How I long for the older. simpler Christmas times without all of the greed and selfishness..Hugs
As do I, Nancy. As do I. xo
Those are wonderful photographs. They remind me of all my favourite black and white holiday movies.
Treasure the moment with your mother.
Instead of purchasing a much-needed new laptop three years ago, I asked for my late father’s clunky old Dell. He was a scientist and pragmatist and most of what he had book- marked meant nothing to me.
There was one entry though, “Song of Myself” by Walt Whitman that seemed oddly out of place. When I read the lines “Missing me one place search another, /I stop somewhere waiting for you” it was as though he had left a message of comfort.
Sending a northern polar-bear sized hug to you today!
Oh, that gives me chills, Barbara, in the best possible way. What a lovely message from your father!
Bless you, Claudia. Hold tight to those treasured memories and visits from your Mom. I still have my Mom with me, but my Dad passed away six years ago. From time to time I have those moments when I know he is right here with me and they are precious beyond words.
Indeed they are. I’ve held it close to me all day long.
Oh my Claudia! You look just like your beautiful Mom. I won’t pretend to say I know your exact feelings of loss because we are each so different. My mother died when I was only 29 and I still grieve for her every day. I think of things I want to tell her as I go about my day. 24 years later I still miss her. I know you will always cherish these beautiful memories of her and your brother.
Blessings,
Betsy
I think we never stop missing our loved ones. I have moments, so many years later, when I am shaken by how much I miss my brother. And I know it will be the same with my mom.
Lovely, now I’m teary…
Oh, I didn’t mean to make you cry, Barbara!
Beautiful post Claudia..I know you are grateful for those moments..Cherish them..
I am very grateful for them, Missy. Thank you.
Claudia, The pictures are a wonderful keepsake. Your family is very handsome. When you speak of your mother, I feel that longing too. I miss my mother every year. The ache of loss eases, the longing never does. Hugs to you . Bless your heart, xoxo,Susie
And bless you, Susie.
So glad you had a visit from your Mom, Claudia. Sorry to say I’m jealous too. Like Kathy above, I’ve been waiting to hear from my parents too. Dad died in June 1998, Mom 16 months later in October 1999, and I’ve been looking for signs ever since. Maybe I’m missing the signals, maybe I don’t know them when I see them. But I can’t say that I’ve ever really felt them. So I just cherish the memories all the more. And I like to think they don’t visit us here because they’re just having such a good time with their friends and all the family that have gone on before them. That would be JUST like them…
PS – I hope all my beloved dogs are waiting in heaven too. When our family lost our last surviving childhood pet [a toy fox terrier named Peanut] I was in my late 20s and just inconsolable. The day after it happened I was sitting at one of the little tables in my classroom [it was late August and I was getting ready for the start of school] when my principal popped in to say hi, saw me all red-eyed and asked what was wrong. When I told her, she told me how she firmly believed our pets went to heaven too. “Anything else is unimaginable. I mean, if dogs don’t go to heaven, there isn’t much chance for the rest of us now, is there?” I’ve never forgotten that. Enjoy your day…
I hope your parents are having a ball, Janet!
I am absolutely sure that all our friends, not just the human ones, go to heaven. Your principal put it beautifully.
Such a wonderful post today Claudia. I miss her to, but the Mom of years ago. We always set up two candles to light on Christmas Day to remember David and John’s Dad, we will be adding three more this year.
Love you,
Meredith
We were just talking about that. We have candles for Dave and Don’s father. Now we’ll add one for Mom.
Love you very much,
Claudia
My mother died 31 years ago this coming January. I think of her most every day. Sadness has been replaced with nostalgia .
I understand. We never get over the loss of a loved one. I’m sorry you’ve been without her for so long, Cindy. xo
I am so sorry for your loss. And I so understand and know about the ‘visits’ which are a comfort and a gift. I lost my only sibling when we were both in our 30s and neither of us had children; my parents are gone now. I am actually the end of my branch of the tree; my grandfather’s legacy dies with me. There just weren’t enough offspring to keep the lineage intact. My husband? Mostly estranged from his family; all are out of state and far away. I’ve had to get okay with all of this but it continues to be a struggle and, of course, holidays are hard although I do my best to make them less hard (even as I sometimes fail…the tears seem to start the week or so before Thanksgiving…and who wanted it to be like this ???…not me, because I want to ENJOY the holidays, not just “get through” them…but it’s a struggle). My hope for you and Don is a cozy time together, sheltered in your lovely home from the storm that I’ve just read is destined to hit the East Coast for Christmas, and a terrific new year!
I understand. I have a sister who is estranged from the rest of the family. So that makes two siblings missing: one deceased and one who chooses not to be a part of the family. It makes for difficult holidays. And of course, Don’s family is in California. Mine is in Michigan and Illinois and Florida – not New York. We haven’t had Christmas with our families in several years.
Ah well.
Claudia, your dream of your Mom is a wonderful gift. I love the picture. Doris
Thank you, Doris. It actually happened when I was awake this morning, sipping coffee in my blogging chair. It was wonderful.
xo
Claudia, what a wonderful thing to happen. My beautiful Mum gave me a similar gift after she died. A deep sense of peace, understanding and acceptance came with it. I especially love the quote from Hamlet. It puts heaven and earth in perfect perspective.
It does. That Shakespeare was a very wise man.
Your post moved me so much. My mom has been gone 37 years and I was just sure she would visit me but I’ve never felt her. Maybe there’s still hope. I will try to be more open.
Wishing you a blessed Christmas. Dawn
I hope you can feel her presence, Dawn. xo
Claudia, after reading your reply I said wow how lucky you were. Doris
Thank you, Doris.
I’m so pleased for you; the visit from your mom very precious.
God bless.
Wow. That was beautiful. I love the photos, too. You look a lot like your mother. Every Christmas is painful and bittersweet to me since I lost my son, Phil in 2009. The holidays just aren’t the same and sometimes, even a little depressing.
How I envy you. I have not had a “visit” from my Mom or Daddy since they passed. I do feel their presence around quite often but nothing that totally confirms a visitation. I read all kinds of messages into this dismissal.
Big Texas Hugs,
Susan and Bentley
How beautiful your mother was, and you look just like her, Claudia. She looks so happy in those photographs, especially in the third one. I think she looks just like that now, wherever she is. In her prime.
Hi Claudia,
Your words today are so very touching, heartfelt and special. Such happy family photos of Christmases past, and a mother’s precious presence in Christmas present.
Merry Christmas!
xo
Poppy