The day before my surgery, I was emailing back and forth with my friend, Elyse. We discussed gallstones and bilirubin counts. One thing lead to another and suddenly Elyse was admonishing “Billy Rubin” and telling him to “go take a hike.” So when I came out of the recovery room and Don handed me this little fellow, there was only one choice for his name. Meet Billy Rubin. He was a source of comfort to me as I battled the fog of anesthesia and pain. He has brown eyebrows just like our beloved dog, Winston.
It has been a tough week. Thank goodness, the pain has lessened, but the first 2 days were very, very hard, indeed. I can only sleep in one position and last night I woke up at 2 a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep. Normally, I would change positions to search for that elusive sleep but I couldn’t. I ended up going back to sleep this morning in one of the living room chairs. An impatient Scout woke me up with a short, sharp bark at noon. My eyes opened on her little outraged face – it was well past breakfast time. She’d had enough with patiently waiting.
This summer has been so strange and un-summerlike. I was away for the first part of the summer, finally got to come back home and promptly became very ill. Two hospitalizations, a procedure and a surgery later, here I sit. I think I’ve mowed the lawn once. I haven’t spent much time outdoors in the garden, though I long to. I feel disconnected to summer and the garden and the lawn and all the things I normally am immersed in this time of year. We’ve had our share of financial stress and have been scraping by. Now I have medical bills to pay – thank goodness we pay for health insurance every month or they would be astronomical. Dad called to say that Mom seemed “to be giving up.” Though I think she’s been doing that for a long time, the fact that he finally said it to me says something. Don started working a new job this week – nothing to do with acting or singing. It’s a big change for him and carries its own stress. My dear friend Brenda has been going through a simply terrible time. We talk on the phone a great deal and my heart breaks for her. All of this is very unsettling, leaving me in a strange state of tired-sad-weak-resigned-worried-angry-exhausted.
My mom’s birthday is Sunday. She will be 84.
I know this feeling will pass, but right now life just seems very hard.
Hi Claudia,
I know you don’t know me, but I really hope things will change for you soon. I always feel better when I look into the beautiful, brown eyes of my buddy, Ben (my miniature Poodle).
Let your dogs comfort you for a littlewhile. They ‘know’ what you’re going through.
S
xo
It seems life dumps several things on us at once sometimes, and you just have to say..”REALLY?!”… and soldier on. I’m sorry you’re dealing with worries for your parents as well as your own, when it rains, it poors. Atleast you have the love of a good man and friends you can count on. I worry about Brenda too..what a volitile situation. I hope she gets out of there soon.
So glad, Claudia, that you are doing better.
Old saying … let me dump on you often, to toughen you up.
Love the wee pooch …
Have a great PS weekend ~
TTFN ~
Marydon
Claudia, anytime after surgery there is a period your body and mind go through due to the anesthesia. That alone can cause one to be sad then you top if off with pain associated with the surgery then not being able to get back into the swing of things. I pray GOD will lift your spirits and you get to feeling better and get out in the sunshine. Praying the new job for Don will fill in the spaces till other work come along.
Happy Birthday to your mom and may the day be filled with love from family and friends.
I know the pain is not easy NOR FUN for that matter. Just do what you can and leave the rest to karma. I think about Brenda every day… I read into her words on her blog and hope she can high tail it out of there VERY soon. *heavy sigh* for everyone this summer.
Claudia,
My mother used to say, “This too shall pass.” The surgery is behind you and you will be dancing on the table soon.
A lot of us are worried about Brenda. Not a good situation there.
Take care my friend.
Carol
CLAUDIA,
I AM PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOURS RIGHT NOW. WE ALL KNOW THOSE DAYS WHEN EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING CAN GO WRONG, OR IT SEEMS. DON’T LOSE YOU FAITH LADY, YOU ARE WAY STRONGER THAN YOU KNOW. SMILES, SUSIE
Be kind and gentle on yourself, you have a lot going on right now. Sometimes we need to nurture ourselves, and recovery from surgery is one of those times.
I’m thinking about you Claudia. I know, it can be hard when life comes at you so fast. When I’m feeling blue, I find comfort in nature, and in the homely sort of things. The other day, I was telling my stepmom, who you know, is very ill, that I have always found comfort in the same old things that remind me of the truly important things in life. Someone to love tops the list, always, cheering others up, helps, and nature, my sweet cat, Miss Luna. What would life be without those things to help me through the many losses that I feel still, very deeply, I don’t know. The thing is, there are some things that just can’t be helped in life, but there is much that is beautiful too.
Lots of love to you today.
Take care.
It sounds like you think you should be there for everyone else right now when in fact you need to rest and they know it. Just lend an ear and ‘be there’ at the other end but you have to take care of yourself first. You won’t be any good to anyone if you don’t. Life is full of change and decisions and before you know it you will be feeling well again. You may have to remind people that you just need a little time but that you are always there to listen. Get well soon. Deb
That’s a sweet Billy Rubin!
I don’t know you well, but I can and will say a prayer for your recovery and all the burdens you are shouldering right now.
I haven’t experienced these same problems, but have had times when there was what seemed like too much to bear. And, beside praying my way through, just knowing that it would pass,things do get better,
kept me trudging on. And it will get better for you too!
Blessings
Claudia, It always seems like all the bad and sad things happen all at once. I am glad you are feeling better and that your husband has a new job. I hope he will enjoy it and it will not be any more added stress. As I have said before, I’ve been in the place where my parents were no longer my parents. They somehow had become my children and it is a sad reversal of roles that many, many people experience. I truly hope your mom has not given up hope, but I also understand that sometimes things are hopeless and that the people surrounding you can’t see it and let you go. I wish for you and your mom for her birthday, no pain, no worries, no regrets for one day. I miss my mother each and everyday. Hang in there Claudia. Ann
Dear Claudia, you truly have had a tough summer- first away from your loved ones- then ill- and the surgery, and now the time of pain and feeling bad.
With a dear friend and your mom, not feeling good both- I so understand you feeling sad.
Please try to relax, and gain strengh to deal with the things to come.
Hugs,Dorthe
oh Claudia- I really long to give you a real life hug. This has been a strange summer for me too- although my reasons are not as hard as yours. After my surgery a couple of years ago I called the hospital and got on a payment plan right away. It helped to know that I didn’t have to pay the balance in full instantly-it might help you too? If you are like me when you get blue then you are feeling that things can never get better right now and it would be so easy to give up–but fight that my friend because things will get better eventually. I agree with Deb- please try to take care of yourself and let your body heal before you try to do too much else. I am keeping you, Don and your Mom in my prayers. Sending you lots of hugs and love ♥
Claudia, I understand completely. I hope things will get better for you soon. Sending hugs!
Sending you love Claudia. You have had a long and tough week. Hopefully you can see out to your garden and focus on something beautiful. I too worry about your friend Brenda and hope she is safe. I am so glad that you can talk to her. Hope you are able to write again soon. You and Brenda and your Mom and Don are in my prayers.
Hi Claudia,
I’m glad your pain has lessened. The one thing we can count on in life is “change”. It leaves you feeling the way you feel right now…detached from what you thought was routine. Plus the fact that you’ve had surgery and been in this pain…well, that’s enough to depress you. Thomas and I are right there with you on the financial woes. We are struggling with how much longer we can keep our insurance. It’s just insane what is and has happened to people during this recession…so much of it is totally unnecessary. It has totally crippled our plans for the future. Well…enough of my own whining. I do hope you are feeling much better quickly. Oh, and Brenda…I’ve been right where she is right now…years ago. I emailed her a while back and told her my story.
(((hugs)))
Stephanie Suzanne ♥
Hugs from Kansas.
One of my elderly friends often reminds me that life is not for sissies — and oh, she is so right — especially when everything seems to go downhill at once. All we can do is look to God for strength and comfort and just keep going one day at a time and take as good care of ourselves as we can. Blessings,
hi claudia…. i send a hug and am praying that things get back on track….and they will…i have been through these slumps myself and sometimes you wonder if you will ever feel like “you” and happy again….but it does pass….
stay close to your dogs..it’s what gets me through…
sending love,
kary and teddy
xx
May I offer you my prayers…for all of your stresses you are experiencing at this time. Life is not easy but we are strong…this is what I am told and it has served me. Blessings to you Miss Claudia…
My gracious, it is a trying time for you. I had a mother who gave up at the age of 68 so I know in some ways what you are going through. I am so encouraged that the pain is better. It is very difficult for me to hear that you are in pain. I think the name of your toy is terribly funny. Sending you a big but gentle hug, olive.
Wow, I am so sorry that you are having “blue” days. I hope you recover quickly from your surgery and all starts to turn around for you. Good luck to hubby with his new job.
Sweetness and love to you.
Hugs, Cory/Dogwood
aww Claudia i am so sorry you are under so much stress…when it rains it pours I guess that is true. Meditation sometimes helps me when things get too out of hand. Things will get better. they have to.
Blessings, Joanne
Claudia,
I hope your feeling better today. Unfortunately I’ve had several surgeries in my life & I must tell you that gallbladder surgery was the only one that gave me immediate relief! I think in the long run you will be grateful that you went thru with it. Recovering from abdominal surgery is no fun, I understand your pain. Now about heat. OMG, please bring fall here!! We are in a record breaking heat wave, I think 60 days of 3 digits. Awful, we stay in as much as possible.
Saw a sweet pic of you & Elizabeth on her blog last week. How fun to get together with blog friends.
Lisa
Oh dear, lovely Claudia! I am praying your feel better soon – having your gall bladder removed is a huge deal, sometimes they even retract your ribs (they did that to me!) so it is almost like having open heart surgery, without the whole ‘stopping the heart thing’. Take your time to heal, sit on the porch for a few minutes a couple of times a day, that will bring you some sunshine and not tire you to much… I am praying for your lovely lady – you are a kind and genuine person and you have alot of people pulling for your – and your family- Take care!
Hugs to you!
Jenny xoxoxoxox
Oh Claudia, I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. One positive is that you feel better everyday which will make you stronger to be able to deal with other events and family sadness in your life. I am sending a big long distance “hug”, Patti
I just don’t remember this much pain. Maybe because I was younger and it’s been 11 years. Or maybe because you already had that first procedure. I’m so glad you’re not out mowing that lawn of yours (for any reason!) I hope Don is okay. And I will be okay too. Thanks for the mention. Will call next week. Should be a single household within hopefully not too many more days. So yearning for that! Hope they are blissful in their new love nest.
Brenda
Oh Claudia how I wish I could come over and make you some chicken soup and play cards. It is a tough surgery to go through, and I think some think it should be a breeze because they do it laprascopic(sp) now. But it is still surgery, and the fact that they inflate us, so as not to nick an intestine or something causes it’s own pain. Not to mention the yucky stuff they put us under with.
Be careful to make sure the incisions heal, because it will mean another surgery if they don’t, so stay still and be good.
I wish when they say take it easy for a few days, they would then give us instructions on how to get up from a laying down postition. lol! That was a real pain in the you know what!
sending big hugs from here…
thinking of you, my friend. wishing all good things and loving that you named your new pal billy rubin!
xo
elyse
I’m so sorry that you are going through such difficult times, Claudia. I unite my prayers to all those who pray for you. Hang in there, Claudia. I know it’s tough. One thing, though. I can’t understand why you are not taking pain killers. Is that not routine after surgery? It seems to me it would bring you relief and energize you. All this pain must be draining! Why don’t you just get a prescription and take them until the pain lessens and becomes bearable. Then, you can stop taking them. It’s just a one time thing after surgery. They don’t even give you a repeat. It’s just to get you through the worse. I have never heard of anyone undergoing surgery and not taking pain killers.
Hi Claudia,
I want to thank you for taking the time with all you are going through for visiting me at my blog. You are in my thoughts and prayers right now. That was so sweet of Don to get you the little “Billy Ruben” dog. I am not sleeping very well myself right now due to my allergies/asthma really acting up. I am awake at 3 or 4 a.m. each night and try to just lay there and relax. Sometimes, I have to get up and make me some hot herbal tea which helps. I have been averaging about 4 hours of sleep total for the past couple of weeks. If you can’t sleep tonight, just know that I am out there awake, too, and I will think of you…there trying to sleep where you are. I’ll say a little prayer for both of us. Going through what I have over the past couple of weeks has made me thankful that this is a temporary thing for me. I have been thinking about people who have an illness or medical condition that is not temporary—living their lives each day in pain with no end to it. Even though it is hard right now, I am thankful that my allergies/asthma (like your recovery) will get better. With a little time to heal, we both will go back to feeling pretty well and enjoying our lives again. I hope that you are able to sleep soon and feeling better. Happy upcoming birthday to your dear Mom. You are blessed to have her with you still… I miss my Mom every day. I’ll say a prayer for your Mom, too. Have your dad give her a big hug for us. If you do a little posting about her, we can all send her some warm wishes. Maybe your Dad could read it to her. I see you out in your garden soon… Hope you can sleep tonight. xoxo Kim
Oh, Claudia… I’m so sorry you’ve been through this ordeal. I told someone recently that I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a battle field with bullets whizzing around me, taking down so many of the people I love. I’m thankful, though, that your surgery was a success. I hope you are pain free soon.
XO,
Sheila