I took the day off yesterday. Frankly, I was having a very hard day, which started the night before, as I anticipated the arrival of Mothers Day – the second Mothers Day without my mom and the first in 21 years where I was not a mom. It was also marked three months to the day since Scout left us.
All in all, a very hard day for me, with tears the night before and lots of tears in the morning. My extraordinary husband was there for me throughout, surprising me with flowers and cards in the morning and a lovely book of essays on Beautiful Older Dogs.
He understands. He will go through much the same thing on Fathers Day – his first without Scout.
I simply wasn’t up to writing about my feelings yesterday and I know you understand.
The rain has stopped. We are supposed to have a very nice week ahead, so that means mowing and planting seeds and fixing up the porch are on the docket. I need to get outside and do something, to get my mind off loss and heartbreak and just do something physical.
I painted the TSP’s deck. (I’ve told Don not to check out the blog for an indefinite period of time.) It’s gray with two coats of varnish.
Thought you’d enjoy a bird’s eye view of the TSP.
Henry (our groundhog/woodchuck) has been back in business lately. (Whether it’s actually Henry, or Henry II or III, we don’t know.) No babies spotted yet. We also have several bunnies on the property.
Henry (from the living room window) likes dandelions. We watched him come up to the house and deliberately, yet delicately, eat each individual flower. He has apparently signed on as my personal weed whacker.
One of the bunnies.
The other evening, I watched Henry nibbling on grass over by the corral. He kept eating as he slowly walked toward the ramp to the shed. In the meantime, a bunny appeared, having come down the path from the woods, blithely hopping toward the same ramp. As the bunny stopped, he looked up and saw Henry and did that thing that animals do – he froze in position. Meanwhile, Henry kept moving toward the shed, eyes downward as he nibbled on the grass. He was less than a foot away from the bunny when he suddenly looked up and discovered that bunny smack dab in front of him. He did a double take. The bunny did a double take.
And they both ran off.
Better than television.
I’ve posted a book review on Just Let Me Finish This Page – another winner from Robert Dugoni, In the Clearing. Please stop by.
Happy Monday.
I missed your post yesterday Claudia but was happy you recognized you needed the time, just for you. The social media world yesterday was filled with images and messages focused on having a Happy Mother’s Day. For those of us who are bereaved mothers, and for those who have lost their own mothers, a difficult time. I did notice many posts honoring bereaved moms and grieving daughters and that was impressive. But for someone newly bereaved like yourself, a day off was the best as the mixed messages would have likely been hard on your hurting heart.
Thanks for sharing the pictures of Henry and the bunny. We have bunnies too but I haven’t been fast enough with my camera to capture them. Sweet story!
Take care today. The TSP looks great!
Thank you, Chy. It was difficult and, though many acknowledge the loss some mothers and daughters and sons feel on that day, others don’t. So it can be Too Much. I needed to keep away from social media as much as possible and just give myself a breather.
I’m glad you know when you need a break and take it. Some days are just too hard. For me it was a good day but that is because I’m so blessed to still have my Mom and I treasure each day with her. At 85 I know the time is precious! I also got some time with Sara, just her and I, it was lovely. I had a 3 mo cry over Charlie the other day. It is better but it still hurts. Mr Toes is a good distraction in many ways but I also find myself saying, but he’s not my Charlie. The TSP is looking so good. I’ll be enjoying June when it comes. Mom should be moved, It’s my Birthday month also and Sara is out for the summer. Wishing you a good day Claudia.
hugs,
Linda
Thank you, Linda. I know you understand. It feels so empty without my little girl. Don has always given me Mothers Day presents and cards from the dogs to me. This year he gave me cards, as well, but it was bittersweet. With each present or card, I just sobbed even more, and I know he was worried that he shouldn’t have done it, but I assured him that I loved everything. And I do.
The groundhog/bunny story is too cute. It is wonderful to see the birds and animals return after the long winter.
Your TSP is looking great!
It is. I’ve seen three bunnies so far, one of them is very young and he was following behind his mom.
Glad that you took the day off. When we work a 40-50+ hour a week we all know that a “me” day is necessary every so often. The same goes for us as we retire or work from home. Taking time for ourselves is always a healthy choice to make. You needed that time.
I am happy that the rain has stopped for you. We worked out in the yard and gardens all day yesterday. Truly wonderful to do … truly quite sore today!! On Saturday my daughter and I went to two Amish greenhouses to shop for plants. It was an amazing trip. I am building up my stash of plants and will begin planting them soon.
Next weekend my daughter and daughter in law will drive out to spend the day planting, weeding, etc. with me. I do so appreciate their help, and it is always a great day to spend together in the dirt. Also, the outcome is always beautiful with memories made as well!
So nice for you to have a personal weed cropper on staff! I hope you have a week ahead that is full of lots of dirty nails, a few sore muscles, a nicely mowed lawn, and happy tended gardens. I know how much you enjoy being outside working in your yard. It does provide both physical and mental work outs!! Enjoy! ☀️
How neat that your daughters will be there to help you around the gardens! I’m afraid that the gardening is me, myself and I! Although, Don helps with the mulching if he’s around. Just came in from mowing the front lawn and the corral, and doing a bit of cleanup – but the wind has really kicked up, so I’m stopping for the day.
you know…. there comes a time when we just don’t need more “stuff”. For the past 8 years I have told the kids that for Mother’s Day I would love one day of their time to come out and help me plant and weed, etc. I don’t need a THING,,,,, and this means more to me than anything they could purchase. So far it has always worked out for the Saturday after MD, and I hope we can continue for many many more years!
You accomplished quite a lot for your morning, and it is smart to quit when the wind picks up like that. I think a windy day can be SO tiring ~ on the body and mind!! It totally wears me out.
Plus, wind brings flying pollen and that isn’t at all good for my allergies.
I love your idea – you need their company and help, and that’s a perfect Mothers Day gift!
Henry sounds like the ideal spring/summer yard guest…eating all those dandelions! Sometimes a day off or two is all that’s needed. Love that bird’s eye view of the TSP…it’s looking fantastic! Glad you finally get to go out and mow the back forty, and dig in the dirt. I made a long list yesterday, of all the flowers I need to buy this year. I’m also planning on growing some herbs…mainly basil and tarragon In containers on my deck…I use those a lot in cooking. Here’s to dirty fingernails! ;)
Henry is being very helpful! I have to buy flowers and seeds and grass seed and hanging plants and mulch! Yikes.
I thought you might be struggling with Mother’s Day yesterday. Like you, I only have beautiful memories left.
Enjoyed seeing Henry again.
He’s a cutie.
Of course we understand..we wouldn’t be very good friends if we didn’t understand when you need a break now would we?…I like that birds-eye-view and the gray goes nicely with the red…I am happy that all of our creatures are back to watch and enjoy also…Take care Claudia…
Birds, bunnies, deer and groundhogs – sometimes it’s like a Disney movie around here! Thanks, Nancy!
I’m sure it was a relief and very good to take the day off yesterday Claudia. Life can be TOO MUCH sometimes. We have your rain today. It was very, very windy yesterday and blew pine pollen all over everything but the rain today is helping to wash it off. I laughed out loud at Henry and the bunny. We people can be like that too. Heads down and concentrating on the job at hand and then are startled by unexpected events in our lives. I hope today is a good one for you and Don.
Blessings,
Betsy
Thank you, Betsy! Reminds me of people on their cell phones, always looking down!
“Better than television…” is SO right. And THESE days, she snidely added [haha]. I have a goose couple I watch, who live in a big pond near my building, at my apartment complex. They’ve shown up for the past 8 or 9 Springs and stay right through to the snow each year – some years raising a family, some years not. I even bought a pair of travel-size binoculars so I can watch them when they’re bunked in at their nest by the pond’s edge. I do especially love it when there’s a line of little goslings “toddling” behind Mama Goose, their new “floaty” feathers hovering around them, making them look like Muppet geese. And with a very serious Papa Goose following behind, never eating, just looking all around him like a very vigilant Secret Service agent. It’s definitely better than TV. Well, with the exception of PBS’ “Nature” or “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.”
Is Wild Kingdom even on anymore? That brings back memories!
No, sadly I don’t think it is. If it’s out there somewhere, I can’t find it. And it was “must-see” TV for our family as long as it ran. Right after supper on Sunday night we were hurriedly packed into jammies – then it was “Wild Kingdom,” “Lassie” and Disney’s “Wonderful World of Color.” Even though we were watching on a B&W TV until the early 70s – ha. A rite of passage in our family was becoming old enough to stay up for “Ed Sullivan.” I was oldest and I’ll never forget how excited I was. Victor Borge, Broadway musical segments, acrobats and those people who could spin plates – it was all awesome. I think it still could be today…
We watched Ed Sullivan every Sunday, as well as Lassie, and Disney. Don and I often say that we wish Ed Sullivan was still on.
I figured when you didn’t post yesterday that it was just too hard to drum up what it took to write, and that’s perfectly all right; I’m so glad Don is sensitive, sentimental and compassionate. I love that you are people with heart and soul.
My dog is sick. I don’t know why all of a sudden she’d do this, but we think she’s been into birdseed that falls on the ground from my feeders. Water from the garden hose, birdbath or water from the tiny bit of rain we had seemed to rot the seed lately…we began to notice all these things at once…and if she WAS eating that, well, she’s apparently picked up some kind of bacteria but, not to go into too many details, what’s leaving her body is bloody and, I’m telling you, getting her to the vet (she’s a good-sized dog; shepherd mix) this morning with my bad arm was an ordeal because she was scared and skittish…and, of course, she doesn’t feel well, poor girl. She’s home now with two antibiotics and a probiotic; I’ve been making white rice per doctor’s orders to add to her dry food. Yesterday was a worrisome day because we had to make a decision of pet emergency vs. waiting for the veterinary practice to open this morning and I’ve had that happen too, too many times in my life with pets (nights and weekends, sick pet and no vet is open for business). I’m guessing it’s the seed; results of course not back from the vet yet but I went ahead and paid for a blood panel, too, just in case. But we have a diseased raccoon population on the hillside and if they’re dragging around the yard at night, my dog could have picked up anything. I’m so worried. The vet said to mix the rice with some baked, skinned chicken so I’m about to go mix this up for her and hope she eats. This dog is only age 7 and she is NEVER sick. We have a routine and, this morning, she wanted to greet me as she always does but all she could do is just lay her head back down on her pillow. I won’t get a thing done today; it’s impossible, she’s my baby. I broke out into tears when I got home from the vet. And I’m crying while I’m writing this. I’m sure she’ll be okay but, you know…well, you know how it is, Claudia…
Oh Vicki, I’m so sorry. You must be worried sick! Is she doing any better? I know what it’s like to weigh the “do we go to Emergency and pay a huge amount of money or do we wait and see if the dog starts getting a bit better?” We’ve been through that so many times. White rice and chicken is good, easy to digest. (I used to work in a Veterinary practice.) How long will it take for the blood panel results to come back?
Our first dog, Winston, used to love to go swimming at the Beach and we often took him there. Not long after he had been swimming in an inlet, not the ocean, he got unbelievably sick. We didn’t know what it was. We only knew that he kept throwing up and kept losing weight. This went on for a long time. Constant worry. Finally, a vet discovered that his pancreas had stopped working – so I suppose he had a terrible bout of pancreatitis, though no one could confirm that – and we had to add a powder to his food for the rest of his life. Riley had heartworm and we had to nurse him through that for six months – not being sure whether he would make it. He did. Scout had all sorts of things go wrong, including being bit by a dog in the dog park, and me having to rush her to Emergency in the middle of the night when I realized she had an open wound. She also had to have surgery for bladder crystals and of course she had a very bad case of Lyme Disease. There’s more, I’m sure, that I’m forgetting. Every time, I worried myself sick and, like you, cried. It’s a terrible position to be in, worrying about our beloved pets, wishing they could tell you what hurts. Hang in there, Vicki. Saying prayers for your baby girl. xoxo
I didn’t know Scout had Lyme disease; I didn’t realize dogs can get it. OMG, Claudia; the things we go through with these pets! Like you, our dogs (and cats) have been adopted and we haven’t often known anything of their early care (notably, lack thereof). My husband and I, once and only once, and it was years ago, started adding up the vet bills and we just stopped; better not to know where our paychecks were going, and how fast! Our 9 ‘rescue’ dogs over these past years had many, many physical and emotional issues; we tended to take the worst cases, I guess trying to fulfill some need in ourselves to make a difference; we had that kind of confidence at the time. I look back on it and I don’t know how we, and they, got through it but, you know, you do what you do.
Images are sailing through my mind right now…the juvenile cat who jumped from too great of a height and broke his leg (he lived to be age 19); my other big ‘ol Maine coon cat who had been ‘out there’ for too long as a stray and struggled with kitty AIDS the rest of his life; two dogs with spinal issues; another who developed early heart disease due to exposure when young from an uncaring owner who left him unprotected in the outdoors; my border collie mix made a valiant effort with diabetes which was brought on by necessary drug therapy for another health issue (I had to do daily injections of insulin but it’s harder to regulate/balance that disease with a dog, unlike a human) and another dog of ours lost her eyes with glaucoma although we are people who were in the vet’s office DAILY with that kind of stuff; and my husband descended into a terrible depression when he was walking one of our lab-mixes and she got hit by a car (died) when she lunged and the retractable leash jammed (don’t ever use those types of leashes, ever…I stop people on the street and warn them, even now). But it’s important to balance these awful stories with all the wonderful, many, majority moments and rewards we had with all of these beloved, precious canines and felines. Any pet owner has their stories. It’s a journey.
My parents’ golden retriever had Lyme. Both Scout and Riley had Lyme. Both Don and I have had Lyme. Welcome to life in the Northeast (and Midwest in my parents’ case.) Riley also had spinal issues, which eventually led to his being unable to move very well. Like you, all of our dogs have had issues, but we wouldn’t trade them for the world! Somehow we came up with the money for procedures or had a vet like our current vet, that would let us make payments.
Your post is lovely, Claudia, and I am enjoying the comments, as well. You have gathered a very thoughtful group of fans here.
I am very lucky. I have the best readers!
We have a bunny or two that we see in the back yard also. One morning I looked out and he was eating what I thought was a dandelion. Another day, it was grass or something in the middle of the backyard. It is nice to see inhabitants other than people.
They love grass, Jan!
It was a hard day for us, too. I looked at my sweet husband and burst into tears at Whole Foods. Why do we feel ridiculous when we cry in public? Like no one else gets sad?
Sending hugs. And hoping I can post this before it disappears. Phones+ me+ blogging = difficult.
xoxo
I suppose we’re worried that people will notice, but in the end, who cares? Right?