gratitude

December 16, 2018 at 9:41 am by Claudia

Rain today, some sleet – an altogether messy day. A good day to hunker down and read a good book, which is exactly what I plan to do – along with washing the sheets.

Yesterday, I was functioning on overdrive. I did work outside, I watered all the plants, I cleaned the kitchen, living room and den – and the bathroom, which you know I hate doing. I ticked a few minor things that had been annoying me off my list, the kind of little chores that you come upon every day and file away for the future.

Very satisfying, indeed!

I’ve a couple of presents yet to buy for Don, but I know what I’m getting him. One is on the way. We’re keeping things rather low-key this year. We’ve had an extraordinary year. We’ve been blessed. And even though the show’s closing caused us great pain, as well as a huge loss of income, the good most definitely outweighed the bad. We don’t take any of it for granted and we are humbly aware of the gifts we have been given.

You know, we’ve had some very tough years in the past. Up until very, very recently we never knew if we were going to have enough money to pay our bills and our mortgage each month. Much of my energy was taken up with worrying about money. How much to pay on this bill or that? Would the check for some freelance work or acting work arrive in time to pay that bill? There’s no way I can adequately describe it to you, but believe me, we were in a constant state of stress about our finances. It’s only within the past couple of years that we’ve been able to relax a bit. We still have to cope with living on a limited income, as so many of us do. It was so wonderful to NOT have to worry about money at all when Don was working on Broadway. That’s over. So we still worry. Just not as much as we used to.

Thankfully, we’ve never missed a mortgage payment. We have good credit. But we had to fight, tooth and nail, to accomplish that.

We’ve had Christmases where we tried to scrape enough money together to spend $50 on each other. Sometimes less. In the end, it doesn’t really matter how much, if anything, you spend on a present. Some of our most creative Christmases were in those very lean years.

We’re just grateful that we’re together. That we have a roof over our head. That we love and are loved. That we have friends and family. That we laugh together – a lot.

It’s all good.

Happy Sunday.

A Portrait

July 26, 2016 at 9:29 am by Claudia

The heat and humidity continues. Yesterday brought two big old thunderstorms, with wind and thunder and lightning and sheets of rain. We need the rain, so I’m not complaining. In fact, as is often the case, the first storm rolled in right after I had finished watering all the young plants in the Memorial Garden by hand. Of course!

As I began to water the ‘Sentimental Balloon Flower’ – I use the vintage galvanized watering can I keep on the porch – I saw something jump out from under the plant, land on my foot, and quickly scurry to the other side of the fence.

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It was this little guy. He graciously allowed me to take a picture or two. In fact, he stayed there, frozen, until I finished my chores and went inside.

We haven’t seen the bunnies or Henry since right before this unbelievably hot weather began. I miss them. The birds are using the birdbath like crazy…but no bunnies. This morning, after all that rain, I had hoped to see them outside chomping on the grass, but no. Maybe they’re hanging out up in the woods where it’s cooler?

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The hollyhocks are still blooming, but they are definitely coming to the end of their bloom time. This weather hasn’t been easy on them. I find I’m getting sad at the thought of not seeing these beautiful blooms right outside the side door.

The other day, Don called me when he was out and about and said he picked up a package that was waiting for us at the post office. We have a post office box that we generally check once a week. It was addressed to both of us. Normally, I know if something is being sent our way, but I had no idea what this package was.

It was from Shanna. Shanna is the talented artist who sent us the pencil sketch of Scout and the beautiful machine embroidery that developed from that sketch. That sketch was also miniaturized and framed and is now part of the TSP/Studio.

What was inside?

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This.

A watercolor of our girl, based on a photo of Scout that was on this blog. She’s on the porch. You can see the coneflowers and hostas through the porch railing in the background.

We were stunned. If this isn’t the perfect capture of our girl, her spirit, the look in her eyes, the joy that poured out of her each and every day, then my name isn’t Claudia.

Look at her ears! And her beautiful green eyes! The tufts of hair around her ears, her nose, her tongue, her pink collar.

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The twinkle. The light in her eyes.

She loved going out on the porch. She loved to watch the traffic, the cyclists who would come down our road, the birds, the squirrels. God, I miss her.

But in the midst of the pain and sorrow we feel every day, the emptiness of a house without our girl, there is Shanna – also a dog lover – who understands our grief and sends us not one, but three different portraits of our beloved Scout. We are humbled in the face of your compassion and generosity, Shanna.

We are so, so grateful.

Writing this blog for over eight years has been an amazing experience for me. It has introduced me to hundreds and hundreds of readers – indeed, friends – from all over the world. I am reminded each and every day of the good people who are out there in our world, of the kindness and compassion and generous spirit that is the antithesis of the hatred and prejudice and fear mongering and mean-spiritedness that has erupted during this election cycle.

That’s what I cling to. That’s what I remind myself of when the world seems to be spinning out of control. That’s what gives me hope.

Thank you, Shanna.

Happy Tuesday.

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Gratitude

April 11, 2016 at 7:00 am by Claudia

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As I head into Manhattan for another day of coaching work, I am feeling grateful. Not just for today’s job, but for a host of things.

• For a husband who reacts with surprised delight when I unexpectedly come in the door after three days away.

• In that same vein – for a husband who writes the most beautiful lyrics and is a true wordsmith, as well as a romantic. As I was listening to my playlist while driving home from Hartford, two of his songs came up and, though I’ve heard them many times, I was amazed at the beauty of his words.

• For work. For the chance to work at what I love and have loved since I was in the 7th grade. How many people get to do that? I know it’s rare. I don’t take it for granted.

• For inspiring colleagues who, in turn, inspire me.

• For Darko, who I first worked with in 2008, and who has been an inspiration ever since. I am very, very fortunate that he continues to want to work with me.

• For the actors I have the honor of working with. You know, 99.9% of actors are very nice people. There are a few bad apples, but I can probably count the not-so-nice people I’ve worked with on one hand. Maybe six fingers. And that, my friends, is after more than 30 years of doing what I do. How lucky I am!

• For my sister and her family. For my nephews and nieces and great-nephews and great-nieces. For a magical little boy named Z.

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• For a lilac bush that has flower buds, despite unexpected snow and ice and freezing temperatures.

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• For a climbing hydrangea with buds that were encased in icicles just over a week ago. I frantically tried to break them off, but I could only do so much. It has survived quite nicely. I’m not so sure whether the daffodils will bloom and there is definite damage to the day lily leaves and some sedum, but they’re pretty strong, so we’ll just wait and see.

• That being said, I’m grateful for a relatively mild winter after two winters in a row that were devastatingly harsh and seemingly endless.

• For Spring, which is technically here, but not so here during the past two weeks. I know it’s coming. The temperatures look as if they’ll be climbing toward the end of the week. Then I can get outside and do some much-needed cleanup work in the gardens.

• For the car my dad lovingly gave us when he decided to stop driving. It has made my life so much easier. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it. Every day.

• For books and music and beautiful pottery and textiles and all the things we surround ourselves with here at the cottage. Layers of meaning, layers of words, layers of beauty, layers of well-loved things: they are the substance of our home.

• For our cottage. I walked in the door last night and fell in love with it all over again. You’d think I’d been gone for weeks, rather than three days. It is my safe place. It is our home. It is everything I ever dreamed of for all those years when I was living in studio apartments, or city apartments, or rented houses, or rented rooms. I loved all of those places and made each one my home. I didn’t need someone telling me to do that, I just did it. I’ve always done it. Anyplace I hang my hat is home, as the song goes. But this is different. This is something we never thought we’d have; two people working in the arts, earning a livable wage, but not a house-buying wage. At times, it’s been a struggle, but it’s a worthwhile struggle. We love it here. We NEVER take it for granted.

• For this blog and my other blog and for all of you. I’ve written about it many times, so I won’t say anything more. I’ll just say, again, how grateful I am for all of you.

• For all my former students – hundreds of them. I treasure our friendships and the time we spent together. Occasionally, I even get to work with one or two of them, many years later. What a joy they are.

• For my brother and my mother and my father and my father-in-law and Winston and Riley and Scout. Gone from this plane of existence, but with me every day. I love you forever. For grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends and colleagues and students who have graced my life and who have passed on. I love you forever. For childhood friends and pets who are no longer with us. I love you forever.

Oh, theres’s more. But that’s a good start for today.

Happy Monday.

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