Several years ago, my husband and I began the process of looking for a house to buy. We had a list of Must Haves, which included three bedrooms, a basement, an attic, more than one bathroom, and a garage.
But a list of Must Haves often clashes with the reality of the market, as well as the call of the heart. We fell in love with a little cottage in the country that was charming, nestled on a plot of land that was a little less than two acres, had wide plank pine floors and big wrap-around porch.
What it didn’t have was a usable basement. Or an attic. Or a garage. Or that third bedroom. It was built in 1891. That meant there were no walk-in closets. In fact, closets were in short supply. We settled for less square footage, less storage, and less usable space because we fell in love with the house.
If you don’t count the tiny outside-entrance basement that houses the oil burner and the hot water heater where, believe me, no one would want to spend any time, we live in less than 1000 square feet.
We ended up storing a lot of items in a shed already on the property that we painted red, along with a lawn mower, a snow blower, and other essentials. That makes for a crowded shed.
An interesting thing has come from this adventure, this living ‘smaller.’ I’ve had to be creative with storage, for sure. But, more importantly, I’ve come to realize that we need less than we thought we did. The other day, we were out in our shed and I looked at all the boxes filled with items I didn’t have room for in the house, but wasn’t willing to part with at the time we moved into the cottage. That was almost ten years ago. For the most part, whatever I had wanted to retrieve from storage had been retrieved. The rest? I hadn’t missed any of it. I don’t need those things. We’ll be clearing out those boxes in the spring. We’ll have less clutter. More space. More freedom.
Here’s what I’ve learned to do since we moved into this cottage:
1. I regularly clean out our tiny shared clothes closet and donate clothing we are no longer wearing. Someone who truly needs a coat or a sweater or some shoes that I’ve outgrown benefits. So do we.
2. I attack a room at a time and if I find we are no longer using something and it has no sentimental value, I donate it to the Salvation Army or sell it on Craig’s List.
3. If I fall in love with something for the home, there has to be a place for it. If there isn’t, it doesn’t come home with me.
4. Though I love to collect, I keep the collections small, both in size and stature. We simply don’t have the space for anything big.
Though I have a lot of little collections, my biggest collection consists of my books. I am a voracious reader. A room filled with books makes me happy. In fact, we recently built some bookshelves in our den because I was running out of space for my most beloved volumes, like the ones shown on the shelf above. I also review books. That means I accumulate a lot of books every year. At least twice a year, I go through them. Any book that I do not feel a visceral connection to, or that isn’t a reference book used in my professional work, is donated to my local library. This little library has an ongoing book sale, the proceeds of which help to defray the expense of keeping the library going. Some of the books, especially new books that have just been published and might not be included in the library’s budget, go on the library shelves. That makes me happy.
Though I would love nothing more than for every wall in my home to be lined with shelves, it simply isn’t feasible. And though I revere the three-dimensional book and think books are pretty much the best home decoration ever, I cannot keep all of them. Freeing up those books I do not need enables me to donate them and spread the joy of reading to others. It helps us to live small, with only those things we love in our home.
I’m fascinated with the Tiny House movement. It truly challenges those who choose that lifestyle to live in a smaller footprint. They live with less, but gain so much more.
We had no choice but to live with less. It has enabled us to give to others in need, and to help our local library. That’s a pretty good trade-off.
Tiny House Nation, a show that airs every Monday night on the FYI network, showcases people who have decided to downsize and join the Tiny House movement. They are faced with the same challenges we have been, purging possessions, living small, letting go of ‘things.’ The second season premieres December 22nd at 9 pm ET/10 pm PT. You can follow Tiny House Nation and the journey of “going tiny” on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Monday Morning (For Lack of a Better Title)
Don and I have lost two friends recently. Both of them lived in our area of the Hudson Valley.
Bob, who was about as good as they come, was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) several months ago. It was quite advanced at the time of diagnosis and within a couple of months he was gone. It hit Don especially hard. Bob was always there for us, bringing his chainsaw to help us deal with a fallen tree, checking the brake line on Don’s now-gone car, one winter he helped Don unfreeze a pipe in the basement. Always giving, always kind. We can’t believe he’s gone; here one day and gone the next, much too quickly to take in.
Mery, who was diagnosed with Breast Cancer a few months ago, died on Thanksgiving. Mery owned and ran a café in Saugerties, NY called Café Mezzaluna. Don played there for Sunday Brunch many times, as have most of our musician friends. Mery was a great supporter of musicians, visual artists and writers. There were art exhibits on the wall. Poets read their work. Musicians played their music.
Mery was a force of nature and her spirit was pure and loving. Cheri, Mery’s partner in life, was by Mery’s side during her illness, all the while continuing to cook the delicious meals that came out of Café Mezzaluna’s kitchen. Needless to say, the community is reeling. Cheri is trying to buy the café so that it can continue to be a haven and joyful gathering place for everyone and there’s a fund in place to try to raise the money. If it fails, this wonderful place will be no more.
Cheri decided to open up the restaurant for brunch yesterday, so we drove up to Saugerties. I’m so glad we were there; to hug Cherie, to be a source of support, to mourn, to witness, to celebrate Meri and the business into which she poured her heart.
Bittersweet and very sad, yet beautiful.
We grabbed a few minutes after brunch and visited the wonderful used bookstore that is in Saugerties, Our Bookshop. I wrote about it in August on Just Let Me Finish This Page. I wanted to look at the vintage children’s books. I’m trying to gather some of my personal favorites from childhood. My mom had some lovely books that she read as a girl, then passed on to us to read, and somehow our estranged sister ended up with them. Mom had all the Anne of Green Gables series, all the Louisa May Alcott books, Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster, and more titles I can’t remember. All from the thirties. All lovely editions.
So I try to buy them when I can.
I came home with Anne of the Island by Lucy Maud Montgomery and The Mystery at the Moss-Covered Mansion (A Nancy Drew Mystery) by Carolyn Keene. Don grabbed King Kong. (That’s my signed edition of To Kill a Mockingbird on the left.) There was a newer set of the Nancy Drew books in the shop but I didn’t like the binding or the look of them. The one that I bought yesterday is lovely.
And, on Saturday, some carpeting arrived for the dollhouse.
Actually, two runners. I got them from a wonderful Etsy seller, Maison de Petite. The runner that she was selling came in a wider width than my narrow stairs could accommodate, so she kindly reduced the size for me. But I underestimated the length, so I’m ordering 3 more – one that will cover the remaining steps and, since I like the look so much, two more for the stairs leading to the bedroom from the den.
Isn’t it beautiful?
Dollhouses become special worlds, don’t they? No sickness, no sadness, no too-young deaths, no heartbreak. They’re happy, carefree little worlds. I think that’s why so many of us love our little miniature havens.
New post up on Just Let Me Finish This Page.
Happy Monday.
Getting Out of the Way & Trusting the Outcome
At the risk of sounding like someone who says, “When I was a child, we….” I am amazed that kids around here get the whole week of Thanksgiving off.
And here we go: When I was a child we went to school on Monday, Tuesday, and a half day on Wednesday.
Isn’t the more lengthy Christmas vacation right around the corner? Plus, we live in an area of the country where there are lots, and I mean lots, of unexpected snow days. If there are too many of them, additional days in the classroom are scheduled at the end of the school year. So why do they need this whole week off?
Ummm….probably none of my business. (Whoops. I just saw a school bus. Maybe they have school only today? I’m confused.)
Don’t get me started on our unbelievably high school taxes. That’s a post in itself.
This happened the other day. I love it when clouds are tinged with the colors of the sunset.
Time for the Getting Out of The Way Story (for lack of a better title.)
Most professional actors have an agent. That agent submits the actor for auditions, handles contract negotiations, and gets a percentage of whatever the actor earns for a job. It’s virtually impossible to find work in NYC without an agent. Don, who has been acting professionally since he was 20, has had numerous agents over the course of his career.
For the past few years he has been working with a particular agent. At first, this agent rubbed Don the wrong way. They didn’t ‘get’ each other. One day, they had a long talk which changed everything and they’ve had a fairly good professional relationship ever since.
Side note: I’ve often thought this agency wasn’t aggressive enough on Don’s behalf and I’ve said as much. And Don has felt somewhat the same way – lots of theater auditions but far fewer film auditions and Don really loves working in film and would like to have the opportunity to do more of it.
On the day that Our Town closed in New Haven, I arrive at the theater in time to share in a toast with the actors, crew, and director. After we pack up the car and are on our way home, Don says that one of the actors in the play has just mentioned to him that his agent saw the show and asked about Don’s ‘situation,’ which is agent-speak for “Is he represented by another agent and I’m interested in him.”
This particular agent runs her own respected and well-known agency. So, interest on her part is a very positive thing and Don, who is feeling a bit restless, wonders if he should set up a meeting with the agent. I vote for doing that very thing because sometimes an actor needs someone who sees him with fresh eyes.
We get home. Don checks his email, where he finds a letter from the man who owns the agency he is currently represented by. The letter says that after 40+ years of running his agency, he is retiring and closing the business at the end of the year.
What??
The owner goes on to tell the actors that they will be contacted by their individual agents with more information.
Okay. So now we’re thinking that it is extremely fortuitous that this other agent expressed interest in Don. Don writes the actor and asks for the agent’s name, etc., and asks if the actor could put in a good word for him. It’s the weekend, so Don doesn’t hear from him immediately.
Let me insert here that finding a new agent is never easy. It’s a real challenge. And when you’re an older actor, it’s even harder.
But Don isn’t panicked. He’s remarkably calm. He decides not to worry about it and trust the outcome. (That’s something we’ve been saying rather frequently around here lately.)
Don writes his agent because he’s worried about him. Will the agent be out of work? What will happen to him? He gets a lovely response from the agent saying not to panic, that Don will be taken care of, that there are plans afoot but he can’t say anything about them yet. In a follow-up email, the agent (Ron) says something hinting that he and another agent (Kym) have something in the works.
Okay.
Over the course of the next few days, while waiting to hear from his friend about the other agency, Don mulls over the whole thing and, because Don is who he is, decides that no matter what potential opportunity he has with another agency, he is going to stick with his current agent, even though the other agency looks like it could be a better and more exciting fit.
He’s loyal that way. He doesn’t know what will happen but he trusts that it will all work out for the best.
In the meantime, Don hears from his friend who has given a glowing recommendation to his agent.
Fast forward a few days. Don is upstairs copying some pages for an audition. He calls out to me, “Wait ’til you hear this!”
He comes into the den to read me an email from Kym (who I mentioned earlier.) In this email, Kym announces that she has entered into a contract with another agency, which means she’ll be bringing some actors that are represented by the soon-to-be defunct agency along with her. But only some. During the course of negotiations, she and the agency owner have gone over a list of actors and have decided who will be brought into the new agency.
Don is one of them.
The agency? The same one that Don was tempted to set up a meeting with, but decided not to out of loyalty to his old agent.
The agent who had just seen Don onstage in Our Town and expressed interest in him is the owner of the new agency.
Timing? Serendipity?
The Universe, God, a Higher Power…whatever you want to call it…moved everything into place and engineered an outcome we couldn’t have imagined. The best possible outcome for everyone’s good. (Don’s agent is taking this opportunity to retire, so the outcome for him is good as well.)
Getting out of the way. Surrendering. Knowing that only good will manifest. Trusting the outcome.
It’s sometimes almost impossible for us to trust, to let go, to know that all will be well, believe me.
But we’re getting better at it.
(Did I ever tell you the story of how I got my job at Boston University? Let me know. If I haven’t, I’ll share it with you. Another story about surrendering and trusting the outcome.)
Happy Monday.
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