life — Page 264

On Hearts

February 27, 2012 at 10:06 am by Claudia

I found this heart-shaped stone on our walk the other day. It’s small and pretty nearly perfect. I put it in my coat pocket and promptly forgot about it until this morning. It needed rescuing from the dark depths of my pocket – it needed to see the light of day.

Heart shapes evoke strong feelings. Yes, there is the “I love…” symbolism, Valentine’s Day and all that. But within that heart are joy, sorrow, despair, hope, pain, loss, heartbreak, and compassion. So many things contained in one symbol. I never used to be a fan of heart-shaped anything. There was too much of it everywhere. It had become trite. Every bumper sticker I saw had “I {heart-shape} something or other.” Too much. Too little meaning.

But Scout has a heart-shape on her side. Is that a message of some sort? I like to think so.

When I think of heart-shapes these days, I think of so much more than the romantic symbolism. I think of all the emotions we experience every day. I think of those in pain, suffering at this very moment. Of those who are lost and frightened. Those who have lost a loved one. Those whose compassion for their fellow man is astonishing. Those who fight for the rights of our animal friends. I think of everyday people who do heroic things. I think of those who are struggling to hang on to their houses or jobs, whose hearts are breaking. I think of those who have no home and are trying to rebuild their lives.

I think of my dad who told me last night that he thinks his body is shutting down – who feels heartbreak every day. Or my mom whose heart is still beating, even though she is desperately tired and unhappy and has given up.

I think of all of us who are striving to be good people every day. Those whose simple acts of kindness can turn a so-so day into a beautiful one. And of those who are pursuing a dream, hoping that it will come true.

I think of my beloved willow tree. Trees have energy and feelings, of that I have no doubt. If I could carve a heart into the willow, I would do that. But today I will have to say goodbye. It comes down tomorrow.

Heart-shapes have come to mean something entirely different for me than the traditional boy meets girl stuff. Now, when I sew one of my little hearts or find a heart-shaped stone, or discover this heart etched in the gravel just beyond our porch the morning after the destruction of Hurricane Irene —

I take heart.

I hope you take heart, as well, my friends.

Walking Together

February 21, 2012 at 9:48 am by Claudia

On a not-a-cloud-in-the-sky Monday, Don and I took a walk on the Rail Trail.

There is such beauty in the stark landscape of winter.

A splash of red berries against the browns and grays.

It felt good to be walking in the woods with my sweetie.

We, like everyone else I suppose, tend to get in a rut. Don works until late in the evening and I’m usually asleep before he gets home. I rise early. If we just let the time go by, Don doing his thing, me doing mine, before you know it, it’s time for him to leave for work and then our little window of opportunity is gone. We’re going to make a concerted effort to change that.

Yesterday we talked of camping, the smells of the forest, childhood memories, being a camp counselor, lashing together a lean-to. You know, the kind of exchange that doesn’t happen on just any old day. It was special and we need those special times together.

Then last night, I spoke with my dad. After our usual early evening conversation, he called me back. He’s so sad nowadays as he watches my mother drift away. He wanted – needed – to share some memories. Good memories. And some of them were of our family camping trips, days at the lake, driving us back to our respective colleges after a weekend at home. He talked about having very little money when my brother and I were kids. I assured him I never felt deprived. And that he was and is a good father. I’m crying as I write this, because my heart was touched so deeply by his need to talk about happy memories. His days now are about visiting my mother, hoping she might feel like talking, hoping to catch a glimpse of the wife he once knew. He’s devoted to her. He takes her magazines, and plays her favorite music, sometimes just sits there as she sleeps, holding her hand. Such sadness nowadays.

Don and I have been together over 17 years. My parents have been together 66 years. I don’t know how I would feel if I felt Don slipping away from me. I can only imagine the heartbreak, the realization that the end of our days together was near. How my parents, together so many years, can even begin to face this is beyond me.

Sometimes life is so beautiful. Sometimes it is absolutely heartbreaking. All in the course of one February day.

My Blogiversary

February 20, 2012 at 11:39 am by Claudia

With all the drama surrounding the septic system, I didn’t realize until yesterday that my 4th anniversary of blogging had come and gone. I started this blog on February 17, 2008. Four years and 944 posts later, I love blogging more than ever. I wish I had chronicled the various looks of this blog. My first was, I’m sure, just the basic template and a photo of the house. Eventually it evolved to this:

It’s hard to see, but the background was in a pretty shade of brown.

At one point, I used this header:

Then I had Mandy design the font:

Then I used a favorite photo of peonies, with Mandy’s font design:

Eventually I had someone design a new header and background:

I had it for about a year and a half. But there was a problem with that designer. She stopped designing and didn’t tell her clients. She also stopped communicating with her clients. I saw the writing on the wall – I knew there was a very good chance she might pull her designs or let her Photobucket account lapse – and I redesigned the blog on my own. (By the way, her account lapsed several months later and many bloggers woke up one morning to missing design elements. Make sure you are in control of your blog. Keep those images in your own account. After all, you’ve paid for them. They should be yours. Or better yet, create your own design.)

And that brings us to today. Blogs evolve, don’t they? I had an idea of what this blog was to be, but it kept changing as I found my blogging voice. The professional design never really suited me; I see that now. It was an idea, a concept, that I wanted to fit into, much like a pretty dress that is perfect for someone else, just not for me. I’m finally comfortable with who I am, what Mockingbird Hill Cottage is. This blog design, much simpler, fits me perfectly. And I did it myself.

I’ve learned so much along the way. I am not overstating things when I say blogging has changed my life. It truly has. My loves; writing, photography, design, collecting, gardening, decorating, crafting and my husband and dogs, all come together at this little URL. I’m grateful. I’m blessed.

Thank you for being there. Some of you have been with me since the beginning. Some of you are newer readers. I’m thankful for each and every one of you. I’m looking forward to my fifth year of blogging. The adventure continues.
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By the way, I’m behind in visiting everyone and I know it. Life has been a little hectic here and I find that I am crocheting things for the shop in every spare moment. I will try to visit everyone this week. Fingers crossed.

Some of you have mentioned wanting a scarf but missing out when a new one is listed. I just listed this one yesterday (update: sold).

And I’m working on this one in silk and bamboo. Perfect for spring. It will be listed tomorrow.

Happy Monday.

On Hearts

Walking Together

My Blogiversary

Lambs Like to Party

A Note

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