mom — Page 10

An Early Christmas Gift

December 20, 2014 at 9:22 am by Claudia

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When I was a very little girl, we used to visit Santa every year at a local department store called Muirhead’s. My memories are wispy at this point in my life, but I remember feeling I had entered a magical world. It was designed to look like a giant igloo, with all sorts of wonderful decorations. Each family that made the trek to Muirhead’s climbed into a sleigh that ran on a track inside the store with its ultimate destination being Santa himself.

It was simply wonderful. My mother gave me these photos and I had them matted and framed. The other day, I pulled them out and brought them down to the den and when I saw the photo you see at the top of the post, I had to quickly look away. For a moment, it was too painful. There are my mother and brother in the back seat of the sleigh. Now, both of them are gone.

David has been gone since 1991. My mother died this year.

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Such a simpler time.

My mother was so beautiful. As was my brother. I want to reach inside these photos and hug them. I want to tell them how much I treasure the memories of our visits to Santa, of our Christmases spent together, of loving and being loved by them.

This will be a bittersweet Christmas for me and my family. It’s always there for me, right under the surface, this knowledge that Mom is gone, that this will be the first Christmas in my life without her presence here on Earth. Just as my birthday last month was my first birthday without her.

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This morning I was given a gift.

I had a visit from my mom. I know that as surely as I’m sitting here right now tapping away on this keyboard. I won’t go into details because they are private and precious and I’m holding them deep within my heart.

I’m so grateful. Thank you, dearest, most wonderful Mom. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being my mom and my friend and my guide. I miss you every moment of every day. I look in the mirror and see your face reflected in mine. You are never far away, that I know.

Happy Saturday.

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Random Thoughts: Sunday Edition

November 2, 2014 at 8:04 am by Claudia

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I do love fall colors, don’t you?

• Why, oh why do we keep having to change the time twice a year? It drives me nuts. I’ve read all the reasons behind the original idea and they seem entirely outmoded now. Now I have an entire winter of darkness arriving at 4 or 4:30 to look forward to. Thanks a bunch.

• I’m still making coffee the new way. I really love it. The coffee maker hasn’t been used once since I returned home. What I find amazing is that the taste is so much better and the ultimate cost is so much less. Filters and coffee. That’s it. And I find myself really looking forward to the ritual of pouring the water into the filter, bit by bit, until I have a full, aromatic mug of coffee.

It’s the little things that can turn out to be big things in the end.

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• I caved yesterday and ordered one more Emmie Blind from someone on eBay. It was more expensive than the ones I previously ordered, but there seem to be only a couple of them left out there in the width I need, and as I walked into the bathroom and saw the same dreaded tie-up blind that I had in the living room, I knew I had to do it. I’ve searched and searched for something comparable on the internet and haven’t found it. And interestingly, the fabric blinds I did find were all more expensive than the one I was dithering about on eBay, so what the heck? I did it. By the end of this week, Emmie should be happily established on all the living room and bathroom windows.

• Goodness, am I enjoying watching Netflix on the new television! We all know there is a dearth of quality programming on most of the networks, so having the option of watching Netflix on a big screen rather than my 13″ laptop is greatly appreciated. I’ve been watching the BBC series Luther, starring the amazing Idris Elba. Have you seen it? It’s a gritty cop series that takes place in London. Excellent writing, acting and direction. I can’t wait for Don to get back home and see our new television. I envision many cozy evenings ahead.

• I’m not watching Death Comes to Pemberley on PBS. Not because I don’t want to, but because I want to read the book first. I usually avoid all those Pride and Prejudice take-offs like the plague (why mess with the best?) so I avoided this one. But I am a huge fan of P.D. James (I met her once!) and I know anything she writes is of the highest quality. I was having a conversation with Darko’s assistant, Sarah, when I was in Hartford. She’s a fellow book lover and her mother is a librarian, so we loved talking books. She raved about it, which was enough for me. It’s now on my list. A list, by the way, that is so long I could easily be daunted if I thought about it for any length of time. So I won’t.

• Missing my mom. I had a hard day yesterday in that regard.

Atthekitchendoor

• Scoutie slipped off the loveseat and fell yesterday. She usually jumps up there and looks out the window before she lays down and her two rear feet are on the outside edge of the cushion. Sometimes she slips because she her feet are too close to the edge. I heard a thud from the living room and ran in there to help her up. I think she must have really bruised herself as she was definitely in pain last night. Today, she’s a bit better. Poor girl. We will take it easy today and I’ll give her some more Rimadyl, which seems to be the only medication she can tolerate. I worry about my baby girl so much.

• I drive to New Haven on Friday to bring Don home. It’s been way too long. Our pack needs to be back together in our little cottage. It can’t come soon enough.

Happy Sunday.

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Dreams, Lists, and Noise

September 17, 2014 at 8:35 am by Claudia

I don’t often remember my dreams, but I did remember a scrap of one yesterday. What it was about, I’m not sure. I don’t remember any details except for the fact that I was a younger version of my current self and my mom was there. The dream wasn’t about my mom, specifically. But she was there hanging out and talking with me, much as we interacted in my teens and early twenties.

That’s all I remember. But it was lovely. I woke up with a strong sense of my mother and a sadness and happiness for days gone by…I miss her.

I probably dream of her more than I know. Many years after my brother died – he’s been gone for 23 years now – I had a vivid dream in which he and I were dancing together. The dance, as I remember, was a waltz. It was joyous and happy. I woke up with a smile on my face. That dream was so powerful that I knew he’d been with me, as sure as I knew my name. I take comfort in that dream even now.

Ah, well.

from the rear rose

Thank goodness for a second round of blooms on my rose bushes. Every year, long after I’ve given up on them, they sneak back in for an encore presentation. Very welcome, indeed.

I ran a few errands yesterday, made more lists, and in a spurt of energy, mowed the entire front lawn. It’s big, my friends. I should have stopped much earlier than I did, but I kept at it, knowing my back would be shouting in protest at the end of the day. It did.

On the other hand, that’s one of the things on my list for today that I don’t have to do. I like that.

And in the same vein of planned obsolescence as the breakdown of the washing machine, the television is now acting up. We’ve been babying it for quite a while now – the sound has a background of crackles and pops. We would turn on the television, then immediately turn down the volume for about 10 minutes, then slowly increase the volume and all would be okay. No longer. Crackles, snaps, and pops are there no matter what I do. And a new wrinkle: the sound cuts out here and there.

I remember asking the cable guy about it and he asked me how long we’d had the TV. I said about 8 years. Yep, he said, that’s about as long as you can expect it to last. Then things start happening.

Planned obsolescence.

It isn’t so bad if I’m watching something with a lot of music and sound effects, but anything quiet, i.e., The Roosevelts, is not at all fun. I end up turning it off.

After we get back: dealing with the washing machine and a new television.

Shiny new pencils for my work in Hartford:

for the trip pencils

I bought a box of Blackwings. The 602. Our local used bookstore is so cool. I told the owner I loved these pencils and he nodded. They are the best, he said.

Yep.

An Early Christmas Gift

Random Thoughts: Sunday Edition

Dreams, Lists, and Noise

Lambs Like to Party

A Note

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