mom — Page 17

Life Updates

July 31, 2012 at 8:33 am by Claudia

Time for some updates about life here at the cottage;

Riley: Life revolves around my boy for the present and that’s just fine. Often, I am awakened at 4 or 5 in the morning by his bark. I run downstairs, lift him up and help him make his way outside where he takes care of business and then gets a nice drink of water. I put him back on his bed, go upstairs and usually, not always, go back to sleep for a while. Since I never had babies, I think this has become my time to experience middle-of-the-night feedings and diaper changes.

This weekend, on Saturday, he got up by himself 4 different times and walked around the room endlessly. It must have felt so wonderful to be able to walk on his own after being bed-bound for so long. On Sunday and Monday he got up one time. Today, he’s already been up twice!

This is good news. He’s still frail and needs to be carefully watched but the fact that he was able to use his weakened muscles to get up is heartening.

He’s such a stoic, determined boy and I’m proud of him.

Don: Don came home for a few days and it was so nice to have him here. He goes back to the Berkshires this morning. We had a really wonderful weekend together.

I know some people scoff at the idea of a husband also being a ‘best friend.’ Sorry. I’m here to tell you that my husband is my best friend. I’m not just repeating some Hallmark card sentiment because it sounds cute. As you know, I’m careful with my word choices. The fact is, I am extraordinarily lucky to have found a life partner who is the person I most want to be with, the person I most want to talk to and feel safe enough to confide in, the person who makes me laugh and who I trust completely. We have a really healthy, solid marriage and I don’t take it for granted. Remember, I waited until I was in my mid-forties to marry.

And, boy, did that patience pay off.

Mom: Today is my mom’s birthday. She is 85 years old. Mom, I know you’re in a nursing home, but no matter where you are or what your circumstances, you are still the same wonderful person you’ve always been. I celebrate you and all you’ve given to our family. I am grateful every day of my life for you. I love you. Happy Birthday!

Happy Tuesday.

A Memo to All Audience Members

May 17, 2012 at 8:22 am by Claudia

A Memo to all Audience Members (past, present and future):

1. Do not leave your cell phone on during a performance. (The woman across the aisle from me received two calls during the show.)

2. Do not put your phone on vibrate. Your fellow audience members can hear that sound. So can the actors. (A man to my left had a vibrating phone. Thankfully, he left at intermission.)

3. Do not text or check your phone for new emails, texts, etc. during a performance. That blue glow is clearly visible. Besides, it’s rude. You’re either present or you’re not. If your phone is more important, leave.

4. SHUT IT OFF.

5. Do not bring your laptop to the theater and continue to work on it until the lights have gone down, then close it and lay your head on it because you’re bored. Is your work that important? Are you the President? (Again, it happened last night.)

6. Do not unwrap throat lozenges or candies during the show. I can assure you, after years of working in theater both onstage and off, we can hear that sound. It’s annoying. If you think you’re going to need a cough drop, unwrap it ahead of time.

7. And my biggest pet peeve: The performers onstage have worked long and hard to entertain you. You have been given the gift of a live performance. That particular performance will never happen again. It’s something you’ve shared for a moment in time with the actors on stage. When the actors come out for a curtain call, please do not miss it because you have already left your seat so you can be the first person out to the parking lot. Really? You’re not going to acknowledge those actors, show them that you appreciate their work, their talent? You’ve managed to stay in the theater through the end of the show and you can’t wait for the 3 minutes more it will take to clap your hands? If I’m an actor onstage, I can see you leaving. It’s disheartening. If I’m in the audience and you’re up and on your way out, thereby blocking my view of the stage, I’m going to be pissed off. The other night, a woman got up, I could see it coming, and I shouted out (under cover of applause) “Applaud!” I don’t think she knew who said it, but she stopped – for a moment – and applauded.

Think twice before you do that. By not remaining to applaud the actors, you’ve not taken part in the whole experience. And you’ve been rude to the actors, or musicians, or performers. It’s not right.

End of memo.
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On another note. You know those moments when you have a doubt or misgiving about what you wrote in a post? I had that last night. I have a quirky sense of humor and it has kept me sane over the years. My dad is a wonderful guy who is going through his own particular hell right now. He does the best he can in the face of tremendous heartbreak. I love him dearly and do everything I can to help him through this. Since I am far away, I call him every day. We talk a lot. Lately, he’s been haunted by World War II. He’s been having nightmares. So we’ve been talking about the war. He’s also been sharing memories of his childhood. I remember that my grandmother did the same thing. As she neared the end of her life, she needed to talk about things that had happened long ago.

I know my dad’s situation is sad. Many of you remarked on that. It’s more than sad, it’s depressing, it’s heartbreaking, it’s never out of my mind. Nor is my mother’s. In the face of all of that, along with a host of other worries, like how do I pay the bills next month, I have to find any glimmer of humor that I can. So does my sister. Our sense of humor has carried us through a lot of heartbreak.

Anyway, if you read this blog regularly, you’ve witnessed my sense of the absurd many times. I hope you didn’t take what I wrote in the wrong way. (I get worried about things like this.) I’m actually rather proud of my sense of humor. My husband is the funniest person I know (a sense of humor was my most important requirement in a husband) and I can make him laugh. Can’t help it – I go for funny. It’s in my DNA.

Oh, and when I spoke of Drumsticks yesterday, I meant the ice cream cones.

Thanks for listening.

Happy Thursday.

On Mothers Day

May 13, 2012 at 9:01 am by Claudia

My mom is confined to a nursing home.

Her decline has been long and painful.

I will speak to her today. But she no longer wants to talk on the phone, so I usually get only a few words in before she says, “Thanks for calling.” End of conversation.

I can’t tell you how many times I want to call her and share something with her; news about a childhood friend, an old movie I’ve seen that reminds me of watching old movies with her all through my growing-up years, a song I’ve heard, something funny about the dogs. I can’t do that anymore. She lives in a half-in-this-world/half-out-of-this-world state of being.

My dad gets frustrated when she won’t talk during his daily visits. But I can’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to talk either.

This isn’t what we imagined for her. And my dad’s lonely existence without her isn’t what we imagined for him.

Many of you have lost your mothers and this day is especially poignant for you. Some of you have never known your mother, so this day strikes a painful chord in your heart. Some of you have suffered the loss of a child, so this day is filled with sadness. Many of you are mothers and grandmothers and aunts. We are all daughters.

I wish for you a day filled with love, whether it comes from others or from yourself. Indulge. Treat yourself to something special. Make a cup of tea. Read a book. And if you can tell a mom that you love her, do.

Life Updates

A Memo to All Audience Members

On Mothers Day

Lambs Like to Party

A Note

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