Scout — Page 16

Back in the Saddle?

February 22, 2016 at 8:03 am by Claudia

I’m going to make an attempt to write a post every day, as has been the norm around here for several years. I may fail at times. You all know what’s been going on and that I feel emotionally and physically drained by (most recently) my father’s death and Scout’s death. That continues. Crying is the norm these days, for both Don and me. Exhaustion and erratic sleep are also a constant.

Don’t worry, we’re taking care of ourselves. Nevertheless, we are struggling.

Yesterday, we took a drive, thinking we’d look at a favorite antique shop. We did, but my goodness, it was disappointing. There’s a difference between vintage/antique and junk. Unfortunately, the vast majority of items being sold by individual dealers were what I would call junk. Of course, that might be another man’s treasure, and I certainly don’t go for high-end antiques, but somewhere there is a middle ground and it wasn’t in evidence yesterday. Lots and lots of ‘stuff.’

Ah well. We did split some fries, and they were yummy. There is that.

While I was in Hartford, I succumbed to some more pieces of Roseville pottery. One was waiting on our porch steps when we came home on Saturday. Another is on its way.

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This is a 7 inch bud vase in the Clematis pattern. It was a steal at $17.50. (I think I’m the only one who placed a bid.) You’ll notice I only share the price of a piece of pottery with you when I get a really great deal. Otherwise, I’m mum on the subject. $17.50 for any piece of Roseville would have been unheard of a few years back…maybe for a badly damaged piece. Maybe.

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The other side.

I’ve cleared a shelf in the pink cabinet in my office and I’m going to display some of my Roseville there. The pink vase I bought last month is there. This piece will be there. My Zephyr Lily console bowl is already there and the piece that’s coming later this week might live there as well. We’ll see.

This one is flawless – no chips or cracks. It matches the flower frog that Barbara gave me…

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Remember?

Clearly, Roseville is my current passion. I love all my McCoy and I have a lot of it, so I am less apt to purchase anything new, simply because I have most of the pieces I want. I saw some McCoy yesterday; some of it I already had, some of it wasn’t my style. The same thing happens when I search on eBay.

But Roseville is another story.

What else? I’m currently reading the most recent Simon Serrailler mystery by Susan Hill. After that, I will be all caught up. Sob. I’m doing laundry and some minor cleaning. I have a lot of sorting and organizing and dumping to do around here, but though I think about it a lot, I’m just not motivated at the moment. In time.

Happy Monday.

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Home

February 21, 2016 at 9:22 am by Claudia

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Home. Masses of packing yesterday morning. Masses of unpacking yesterday afternoon. Thank goodness, Don was in Hartford, too – he took a load of things home in his car. I stayed a bit longer to pack up my car and do some last minute cleaning in the apartment.

We had a lovely time together in Hartford. On Friday, we stopped at Blue State Coffee for some coffee for Don and hot chocolate for me. We spent a couple of hours at the Wadsworth Atheneum. Don loved it there, as I knew he would. We wandered back to the apartment and donned our opening night duds. We had dinner at Salute, an Italian restaurant with great food and service, and then went to the theater. The show was wonderful. I, of course, have seen it a lot, and watching Don watching it was a huge treat. The Opening Night Party took place right after the show. Don got to meet everyone, though he already knew Darko and Kandis (our friend who plays the Nurse.)

A long, but wonderful, day.

I’m proud of my work on Romeo and Juliet. And it’s awfully rewarding to see that work show in the growth of the actors onstage. To see it pay off. It’s also very rewarding to hear them express their appreciation and thanks. It makes it all worth it.

I know I love seeing Don with his colleagues when I get to see him onstage. I love seeing him through their eyes, watching him interact with them, seeing the respect and admiration they feel for him. He feels the same way about me, and he was definitely the proud husband on Friday night.

He gets it.

Now, we’re back home…recovering.

And of course, being back home is bittersweet for me. Everywhere I go, I see emptiness where Scout should be. This morning I automatically started to look for her water dish to make sure it had enough water in it. I looked for her when I came downstairs this morning. I looked for her when I unlocked the door yesterday afternoon. I’m experiencing what Don has already experienced over the past two weeks, a cottage without our girl.

There is a quiet in the house that is filled with her absence. We’ve lived here for ten years and she has always been here with us. I broke down last night and cried. I miss her so much and I still can’t believe she’s gone. I would give anything to have her back. To be her mom again.

Her ashes are waiting for us at the animal hospital. We’re not quite ready for that experience yet. When we’re ready, we’ll go together and bring them home.

Oh, Scoutie, you are missed by your mom and dad. You are missed.

Happy Sunday.

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Six Days

February 13, 2016 at 9:53 am by Claudia

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Writing any sort of post is almost impossible for me now. I know you understand.

All my energy is focused on getting through the day and doing my work. Throughout the day, images and memories of my little girl are constantly in my head. I often find myself aimlessly walking around the apartment.

A couple of mornings ago, I sobbed all morning long. First, by myself, sitting on the sofa. Then, in a conversation with my sister. Then on the phone with Don. And much the same thing happens every day. Yesterday, it was Don’s turn.

There really isn’t any way to explain the profound, powerful, and magical presence that Scout was in our lives. She had more than a touch of the divine. She was an old soul. She taught us more than I can say. We mourn her. We are simply devastated.

Some people – not, I believe, any of you – will grow impatient with our grief. They won’t understand. If anyone says ‘But she lived a long life,’ or worse, ‘It’s just a dog’ I will deck them.

Truly.

Just as the fact that my parents lived long lives has absolutely nothing to do with the depth of my grief or how quickly I should ‘get over it’, neither does the length of Scout’s life.

I won’t even address the ‘just a dog’ way of thinking.

I’ll get to the point. I lost my mother less than 2 years ago. I lost my father 3 months ago. And now, I’ve lost my daughter. I’ve hit a wall of grief that has been steadily building since April 24, 2014 – the day my mother died.

And now it has exploded.

That’s where I am.

Romeo and Juliet is going very well; it’s a beautiful production and the audiences are really loving it. Beautiful performances. Beautiful direction by Darko. I’m honored to be a part of it.

I am preparing for a Master Class on Shakespeare that I’m teaching on Monday. I’m teaching it to the the seniors from the BFA Acting program at the Hartt School (University of Hartford). We’ll work through their Shakespeare monologues. This requires a fair amount of prep on my part. It’s keeping me occupied.

I’m trying to keep up with my blog reading, but frankly, I have no patience with endless decorating posts or Valentine’s Day posts or any of that sort of thing. It all seems so trivial. It isn’t, of course, and I mean no disrespect, it’s just where I am at the moment.

Thank you again and again for your kind words, for your compassion, for your love for our girl. I know you understand and that has given me enormous comfort these last six days. To say I treasure each and every one of you is an understatement.

Posting daily? Not sure when that will resume, but not for a bit.

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Back in the Saddle?

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