Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while might remember Nella, my parents’ adored cat. They had to say goodbye to Nella several months ago. On that terrible day, to their surprise, they came home with 2 rescued kittens that had been living at the Vet’s – Luke and Lydia. Here is Lydia today:
She is the smaller of the two. She has an exotic look and her profile looks rather Egyptian and sphinx-like. She is also the one who gets in the most trouble.
Mr. Luke the handsome. This boy has huge eyes. He is shy, but I am proud to say that yesterday he let me pet him. That accomplishment took 6 days. These two run and play and provide an endless source of amusement for my parents.
I believe that caring for our aging parents is one of life’s most difficult tasks. Yet, it is also one of my most cherished memories — a chance to return all the love and care they provided for me through the years. I am so sorry for the pain of an estranged sibling, too. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers for easier days.
Claudia, I tear up as I read this… You know I know…
Your situation parallels almost to a tee the one that our family has been in. My parents moved in with one of my sisters years ago when it became apparent they could no longer live alone. And like your sister, mine has shouldered all the life-altering responsibility. Even though the rest of us team up to help out a lot, at the end of the day, it is her home that was turned almost a medical facility (due to all their ailments and need for special equipment).
And the gut-wrenching heartache over watching your parents slowly fade is just that — gut-wrenching.
I’m so sorry you are in the midst of the storm. I have tried to look at it like this: as much as they cared for me all my years growing up, I now try to care for them – even when it costs more time than I think I can possibly spare. They put up with our sicknesses, bad attitudes, etc. and now it is an honor to return the favor for them.
They lose a bit of dignity when they begin to fail and lose their faculties, etc. They sense that loss of dignity and the most we can do is try to keep as much of it intact for them as possible as they walk through the last year of this life.
Claudia, my email or telephone “door” is always open to you. And since they are here in Florida, next time you visit, perhaps I can even meet up with you somewhere for coffee and a hug. :)
Sure will be keeping you uppermost in my thoughts an prayers, deal girl. :)
Ruth
I am so sorry, I can see how hard that would be!!! getting old is so awful, I bet they are so happy you are there with them!
Hi Claudia,
I see my parents and in-laws aging before my eyes every time I see them. It does break your heart. It takes time and a lot patience some days. I just keep reminding myself that they are not happy about losing their independence. This has to be harder on them then us.
You are a sweet girl Claudia and full of love. You are not along.
Big, Big hugs~Elizabeth
Witnessing our parents grow older makes us cherish them all the more doesn’t it. I wish so often that I could stop the clock and see my parents thrive forever.
I spend a lot of time with endearing, elderly, and often unhealthy adults everyday. I’ve learned so much from them. Be sure to reminisce the happy days often. I find that elderly people hold their memories so dear to them. It’s like re-witnessing and validating their lives. I know that you have brought so much joy to your parents through the years– revisit those moments. It will bring them even more joy– and you too.
Hugs,
Jill
Claudia I really do understand. My father is very ill and my parents live in Florida as well. I wish I could do more for them all the time. Sigh. My hubby is in the military and we are here in NC. It is next to inpossible to be there as often as I would like. Oh I pray and struggle with this daily. You are doing a wonderful job!
The cats are precious!
*Smiles* ~Melissa :)
Dearest Claudia,
I do know how you feel. I’ve been in that situation too many times with not only my own parents, but an ex-sister in law that passed away from ovarian cancer. My father passed away from lung cancer in 2007 and even though our whole family is out here, I took the brunt of the care as I was the only one without a job due to my disability. How’s that for justice??? I have family members that piss me off consistently in regards to the care of family, and unfortunately I’ll probably always harbor resentment for them…..but I’m a B*&#h and it’s expected. You are a sweet soul who’s exceptionally sensitive and it makes it so much harder…..I’m so sorry for your current situation. Whenever you wish to rant and rave even more, please use my email (meriw@cox.net) and I’ll prop my huge ears in your direction and put a new blubber pad on my shoulder for you……we all care and love you missy. My thoughts and prayers are out there for you and your family.
Love ya’
Meri
Claudia, I’m sorry to hear about your worry and frustration with your parents and sister. Sometimes life really just seems so hard and out of our power to control, but its life, its so much bigger then us. I find myself worrying more about my own parents, seeing the changes in them year after year as they age and completely empathize. I remember them when I was a kid and wish they could stay young and vibrant, it seemed there was nothing they couldn’t do.
The pictures of their cats are so sweet, I’m sure they bring them alot of joy and amusement, I couldn’t imagine not having my 3 cats in my life.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Sending you a big hug!
~Brooke XOXO
Hello Claudia,
I’m sorry to hear these things about your difficult times going on in FL. My thoughts and prayers are with you, my friend. Been there and can only suggest to take each second at a time.
Mr. Luke and Lydia are precious, animals know and help us through some very difficult times, don’t know what I would have done without my pets, including all pets in my past that really pulled me through too. I think you and Luke will be good friends (Lydia too) as it sounds for those six days he was trying to find ways to win you over with his sincere ways (not the other way around ;).
xo~Tracie
Hi Claudia. I know these things are difficult. I am just starting to deal with health issues with my own parents and I am like you, the daughter that lives further away. I did go thru many of these things with my grandparents, especially the part re: non-involved siblings. Those things are never easy to reconcile and what I kept tapping in to was, they were missing out on the interactions and it was a gift to me to be able to participate. I have the memories – good and bad. It is hard but luckily you and Meredith have one another for support.
Those kitties are so cute – and photogenic!!
Hang in there and enjoy your visit.
I’m sorry about your parents. Those of us who have not yet faced what you are describing, soon will.
The cats are adorable!
karin/lifeinsmallchunks@blogspot.com
Hi Claudia, I am so sorry to hear what is happening to your parents, it is so hard. I am going through the same thing, but I am lucky to live in the same town as my parents, I also have a sister and we share the work. When you are young you think of your parents as so strong and that they will always be that way. It is so hard to see them become frail. You are in my thoughts and prayers and it is wonderful that you can spend some time with them. Hugs, Terri
My father and I don’t have a great relationship, and yet I’m all he has because he has alienated most other people, including my sister. So I do what I can for him all the while feeling a resentment I can’t shake. As he gets older and needs more help, it burns me more… but I do what I have to because there is no one else for him. Sad.
Atleast your parents have each other and two wonderful daughters who care and do what they can.
Love their cats, especially Luke, how beautiful!
Oh Claudia….I feel for you. Yes, I have been where you are now with a lot of the same issues. One day you will be so glad that you did all that you could for your parents..you will never regret it! As for the sibling, she has to live with herself. You can’t fix everything and everyone. Just be glad for what you can do and all that you have done! I have found that time does heal. Just have FAITH!~Hugs, Patti
Claudia~that is such a hard situation. My heart goes out to you. Try to let your “absent” sister go and put your loving energy into your loving family who are there for you. Big hugs to you. cory/dogwood
PS~~~Darling kitty cats. They are both beautiful.
Dear Claudia:
Know that all of your friends love and support you. I can’t imagine how I would feel if my mum were to become infirm. I don’t speak with my father anymore, so I don’t know what I do there either.
Try not to spend too much time thinking about the “absent” sister. She’ll have her own issues to deal with, most likely after it’s too late for her to make amends. In the meantime, thinking about her will just drain you, and you certainly don’t need that right now.
Savor every moment that you can with your parents, and we’ll all pray that you have much more time to be able to spend with both of them.
Hugs from your friend in FL.
xoxo
Donna
How well I remember all your feelings. My parents went through a difficult time too in the last years of their lives and it was one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. Your parents are very lucky to have you and your sister looking out for their best interests. Your other sister will have to live with her decisions to have limited contact with her parents in their later years.
My dad also did not take their situation into stride and made things very difficult for those of us who were trying very hard to help him and my mother. I always tried to put myself in his place and try to understand his frustration and unhappiness. But it’s a difficult thing to do when you are trying your best and you feel like you are constanting swimming upstream and your efforts are not appreciated.
I always told myself (to stay sane) that if the roles were reversed my parents would have done anything to help me and had when I was growing up.
You and your sister, will be at peace with yourselves in the upcoming years. I was the one who shouldered most of the responsibility with one sibling being as supportive as possible and the other not involved by choice. You will provide such support to your sister just by the fact that she knows if she needs you to help, you will.
I will hope for better times ahead for you. And I love the kitties!
Hello Claudia,
Thos cats are absolutely cute. I am definitively a cat woman. I adore cats. I have had one Lady cat for 15 years and she died 5 years ago.
Now about your parents. I know well how it is difficult to manage with parents getting old but we must face up. It is normal to see our parents getting old and we must support them and love them.
What it is not normal is to see our children die before us.
I have experienced this and do not wish to anyone the terrible pain to lost a young child.
We are living in a society which does not accept the old because it is disturbing. But we do not forget that our parents are our own memory. When they leave we lost a part of ourselves.
I am sure your parents will have still a lot of happy years living with you. You must cherish them even if some sibling are egoist. At the end, you will be proud to have supported and loved them.
Oh Claudia please don’t feel that you are alone. I can tell that you have a wonderfully kind and generous heart. I’ve been where you are with my mom. My dad died suddenly and my mom only lasted 5 years but it was a long and hard 5 years. She was bitter and wanted to be with my dad. She was demanding on all of us. She sent my sister in law into therapy. It’s a big learning process for us all. I have three brothers and I am the only girl. My mom wanted me all the time. Even though my little brother would barely ever show, she would never say a word to him….just the opposite! I surely had a resentment about that! We are only human…it’s hard not to feel strained about this stuff. It’s very emotional. Just do what your heart tells you to do and thank God you have a sister helping you. As for anyone else that’s not, let God take care of that….they will have to deal with that some day on their own…or not. I use the Serenity Prayer for a lot of things. You are a wonderful daughter and I know your aging folks know it!
Claudia I know what you’re going through in a way. I was the sister living at a distance, too ill to be in Florida much when my mother and father were going through this kind of thing. My sister, who lived near them made it very difficult for the rest of us. The scenario is a bit different than yours but it was a horrible few years before my parents passed away. I truly hope things turn out better for your family, than it did for mine. ♥
That’s terrible of her, Claudia. No excuse. I can’t believe they haven’t even seen their youngest grandchild. Shameful. She should be ashamed. When they’re gone and it’s too late, maybe then she’ll realize the high cost of controlling this situation. When it’s just too late. I truly pity her that.
Brenda
Bless their hearts, and yours. No matter how old we are, we need our parents. Your sister’s real suffering will start after they pass. When time shows her all she missed, and can’t get back.
While you will miss them more when they are gone, you will have a peace she won’t have.
I also believe we reap what we sow, and what “goes around, comes around.”
Enjoy your family and let go as much as you can. Don’t let her rob you of your joy! Hugs to you!!
Take comfort in knowing you are there for them and you have extended the olive branch, so to speak.
So glad the kitties have a home and they can keep your parent’s spirits up. Pets are great that way!
Jillian
Bella Rosa Antiques
My brother is like that, he is available when it is convenient and that isn’t often. Sorry, it sucks! I wish sometimes I could live in a world without reality but not really possible. I am sorry your parents are not well it is hard how fast it happens.
Hugs and prayers, Lisa
hi sweet friend,
well, i am just reading this post – after your editing it, however…just reading the comments from friends leads me to the jest of the post. just know i understand what you are going through. a dear friend told me something one time that struck a chord in my heart: “you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family.” my heart goes out to you. you are an amazing woman!
on a lighter note: these little cats are adorable!! what joy they must bring to your parents! you can just see their personality in their photos!
hugs,
becky