I found myself in a weepy state for much of the day yesterday; everything was tinged by sadness. When my sister went to visit my mom, I had her call me and hold the phone up to mom’s ear so I could wish her a happy mother’s day and tell her I love her. She didn’t really respond, though she was listening. Meredith says that she feels mom recognizes her but is not always sure exactly who she is. That’s where we are now. It’s as if there’s a curtain in front of mom which hides the mom we knew, but sometimes it moves ever so slightly and a brief connection is made. I’m far away. Meredith is right there. If it’s hard for me, imagine how hard it is for Meredith and my father.
I spoke to Don and cried. In the course of the conversation, I asked if the lilacs were blooming and would he take a photo if they were? Later, the phone rang and Don said that Scout wanted me to look at my Facebook Timeline. She’d been up to something:
My little girl and my little lilac bush.
I have had a couple of days off and normally this would be a time when I could go home for a visit. But, with gas being so expensive and our budget tight, I decided I should stay here. I’m trying to tough it out.
I managed to make 8 more quilt blocks. (Whoops – I forgot to turn the one on the bottom right.) Cutting and piecing was good therapy for me yesterday. I lost myself in the process and eventually emerged from my sadness. The creative process can be so therapeutic.
Mabel has been a treasure on this trip. She performs admirably, all of the time. Her straight stitch is a thing of beauty. I made some minor adjustments to her so that I could get a good ¼ inch seam.
I marked it with a stack of Post-it notes. Unfortunately, they didn’t always stay in place, so I had to slap that piece of painter’s tape on them. I’m always reading about using a scant ¼ inch seam and I tried that with my first couple of blocks, but they were off, so I reverted back to a true ¼ inch. Edited to add: Carol expressed concern that the tape might be touching the decals and might harm them. Only a corner of it was, but I adjusted it (Thanks, Carol!) and all is well. This new photo shows the adjustment.
I call this Sewing Still Life.
And this: Ironing Board Study. I took both of those photos as is. I looked up from the sewing machine and the arrangement in Sewing Still Life is exactly what I saw. And then yesterday, as I was pinning and pressing, I noticed this arrangement on the ironing board, which turned out to be surprisingly color coordinated with the ironing board cover, which, of course, came with the apartment.
Where we are in the rehearsal process: We finished our last run-through in the rehearsal space on Friday. On Saturday, we moved to the theater. Saturday was spent on Spacing. The actors get used to the space, the director sees how the blocking has transferred to the set and makes adjustments. The actors work through entrances and exits and, most importantly, work on the set. In this case, the set is an intricate garden maze. I ran into the director when I was having coffee with my former student, Brian, and he was full of excitement to finally be working on the set. Positively giddy!
Yesterday, the Tech process began. In the Tech process, actors are in costume and makeup for the first time and all the technical cues are added to the play: Light cues, scene changes, sound cues, fade ins, fade outs, props, costume changes. Everything is timed, cues are written and re-written, every moment that involves a cue is run again and again until the director, actors, technicians and especially the stage manager (who calls the cues) feel it works successfully. This is a long and sometimes tedious process. Tech Rehearsals are not about me or my work. The last thing, at least in the first tech rehearsals, the actors are thinking about are their voices. Nor should they. I tend to stay away until the entire play has been teched once. I come back and start taking notes during the second tech run-through. I did stop in for a couple of hours yesterday to see the set (gorgeous) and listen for a bit.
Today is the day off. Tomorrow, Tech will resume. I’ll check in to see where they are. We have another day of Tech on Wednesday and then our first preview (with an audience) will be on Thursday.
Happy Monday.
I read your post yesterday and wondered how you’d do throughout the day…I figured that It might be hard, and I was right. I am so sorry, that’s about all that I can say.
The tech process does sound tedious !
Scout looks so pretty in her picture by the bush….mine is just ready to bloom ( actually posted a picture today and one of the snowball bush which almost has turned into a tree by now, lol..
The blocks are coming along nicely / love the colors. I’d made a little quilted table runner with a charm pack of that fabric while ago. The fabric is so cheery and what comes to mind to me is the word “playful”. It’s good that you have happy fabrics for your sewing time while missing home.
The fabric is very cheery and I really love working with it. I want to be ‘all cheery, all the time’ now!
I feel for your pain on Mother’s Day Claudia. I am blessed to have my Mom – but went through a similar situation with my Dad. I had to fly home to take Mom to the Dr. for minor surgery. She’s 83 and lives in fla. – our home but there is no family here. My sister is out west and I’m in Atlanta. She won’t move to either of us because she is still driving and all her friends and Drs. are here at home. So either my sister or I are flying home once a month to “check on Mom”! LOVE the lovely posting of Scout and your lilac bush!! Such a wonderful and thoughtful husband!! You are blessed!
It’s so hard to be far away from our aging parents, Suzan. I understand.
Hi Claudia,
When I saw the picture of your Featherweight with the blue tape on it, I screeched a deafening “EEEEEEEKKK” Sorry for yelling so loud, but I’ve read that we can damage the decals on our machines very easily by using harsh cleaners and any type of tape. I hope you don’t mind me telling you this.
I loved Scout’s Mother’s Day card. I know you miss her and are missing being so close to your mother.
Relax, Carol! I put it on lightly and there has been absolutely no damage to the decals. I researched it before I did it. I don’t use harsh cleaners at all. Painter’s tape is very forgiving. xoxo
Actually, I just looked and it really isn’t touching the decal at all, except for one corner and I adjusted that.
I so feel for you as you deal with your mother’s health. I remember the day I called mom and she was just babbling and couldn’t respond to my questions – just the worst! I feel the same as you about not wanting them to stay in such a deteriorated condition. So glad you can get busy and not be overwhelmed with your sadness. I love the new quilt fabric!
Betty
It’s so painful, Betty. I wouldn’t wish that kind of deterioration on anyone.
Getting busy really helped!
Sorry yesterday was tough for you..I never was close to my mother or my step mother so I haven’t experienced that loss..Hope you are better today and will be home soon..
I am better today, Missy. I will be home in less than two weeks and I’m trying to stay in the moment and enjoy my time here.
Glad to hear that Claudia..Hopefully the time will fly by..
Claudai – How sweet of Don to brighten your day with the picture of Scout and the lilacs. He’s a jewel!
Know you are getting anxious to get finished and head home. You’re almost there!
Have a great day dear friend.
Judy
He IS a jewel, Judy, and I’m very lucky. xo
Works is really busy for you which is a good thing. Makes the time go faster..I LOVE what Don did for you with Scout..That would have made me cry instantly.. Im so sorry about your Mom.. it’s got to be so terribly hard.. My mom passed away in 1999 and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss her.. Mothers day for me is usually a day I often try to ignore all together but its never possible to completely… Sending love….xoxo
I know that Mother’s Day is hard for so many of us, Robyn. Take care.
Being away is so bittersweet, you need the employment, but you miss your life back home….
And I totally understand the sadness about Mother’s Day…we were fortunate enough to spend it with my Mom and Dad yesterday. But memories of my husband’s Mom, were filtering through. She had Alzheimers for 13 years…and never really knew that we spent those days with her.
Jen
Alzheimers is especially cruel, Jen. I’m sorry that happened to your mother-in-law – and sorry for your famiy.
Yep. I need the job, but jobs in my line of work usually involve time out of town.
I am sorry you were sad, but I understand. I smiled at the post from your baby.
She’s a cutie, Beverly. She always makes me smile.
I know the deep sadness from losing my Mom slowly, slowly, so very slowly and after awhile the new reality becomes the norm and we all saw her differently but with love. I miss my dear Mom who passed away in March this year but I hold my mom memories close and pull them out when I need them.
Take care of you. Love Scout’s FB card.
Joy
I was thinking of you yesterday, Joy. I know that must have been a tough day for you and your siblings. My thoughts are with you, friend.
Hi Claudia. I am commenting on this post and the one before. I think Mothers Day can be sad for those that aren’t mothers. I know it used to be for my cousin. I always wish everyone a Happy Mothers Day. In some way or form we are all mothers, right. You are Scout’s Mama. What a cute thing for Don to do esp. when you are sad. I am sorry that you day was sad because of the phone call, and for other reasons.. Maybe you can go see her when this job is finished. It seems like flights to Florida are more reasonable than others. My father had Alzheimers. Thank goodness he still recognized us til the end. Not our names but our faces. He would light up when he would see us. He might not have know where we fit into his life but he did know he loved us. Maybe she would do that one more time for you. We drove to our home town to see our mothers yesterday. My husband’s mom is in a nursing home. She was 85 yesterday. She didn’t know us. She is grumpy and tells us that she is tired and doesn’t want us to talk. She did laugh a couple of times but she was being naughty. My husband said last night that he wishe taht she doesn’t live like this much longer. h would miss her but thiod life. Then there is my mother. She is 86, totally in her right mind. Drives, volunteers, very demanding and mean to me. She is on facebook and has an I phone. She has had all kinds of health issues where my husbands’ mom hasn’t.
I love that quilt. You and Mabel are working fast. So glad that you have that to work on in your free time. Glad that the play will start soon. Hope the week goes well. You will be home again soon.
(((((HUGS))))
My mom doesn’t seem to want to talk either – my dad gets frustrated with it, but I told him if I was stuck in a nursing home and had to make conversation all the time with nurses, roommates and a husband that comes 2 or 3 times a day, I wouldn’t want to talk either!
Claudia I know this is a hard time for you with your Mom! When my Dad was so ill and not always ‘sure’ who I was, it was difficult and I also lived far away. I am wishing you some peace about this, so difficult I know. Love the photo of your girl and the lilacs! Wishing you a wonderful week!
hugs,
Linda
Thanks so much, Linda.
I am so sorry about your Mom Claudia..My parents both died suddenly and I didn’t have to go through the torment of seeing them lie in bed and suffer..I don’t blame you for wanting her to move on and be free of this..As for Don and Scout..seems like they knew just what Mom needed to cheer her up and give her a smile..They are both a blessing to you my dear..I feel good knowing that you will soon be home with them..Hugs..
Seeing this prolonged fading away is so sad. This is not what my mom wanted or what any of us ever dreamed would happen.
Oh, Claudia. I was sad and missing my mom so much yesterday. She is at peace and out of pain now, but I selfishly wanted to see her and hear her voice yesterday. Mother’s Day is bittersweet for me – joy from my children and sorrow for my mom.
Scoutie is a cute little girl in her picture! What a sweet girl, and your husband was sweet to take the picture and send it to you!
He is a good guy, Paula.
I cannot even address the Mom issue- too weepy myself…but the machine issue. Since you do not have a computerized machine you perhaps can use this gizmo I have that has a magnetized straight edge you place on the base to guide your seam width. MIne looks like a side lying- left facing T…Totally removable and placement widely variable. I did find this one for you to check out? .. http://www.anniescatalog.com/detail.html?code=166963&source=PLAGG01&device=c&network=g&matchtype=&gclid=CNr-r8rpk7cCFaR_QgodoFoAMw
Thanks so much for the link, Suzan!
When you talk about your and Meredith’s mom, I can so relate. We lost my mom to Alzheimers and it’s heartbreaking when your own mother doesn’t know who you are. ::sigh:: Sweet of hubby to put that photo up for you.
Know just how you feel at this moment as it’s the same with Bob’s mom. We were seriously doubtful about the upcoming 95th b’day being celebrated – but today heard that she is doing better – no speech but trying a few steps with the walker, and listening to a musical show staged in the dining room, with a smile on her face no less!
Hang in there – and I just love the card from Miss Scout! Tell Don he’s a good doggy dad too!
Mary X
I’m sorry that yesterday was such a tough day for you. It’s so sad to see a parent fade away slowly before our eyes. On a happier note, I love the picture of Scout next to your lilac bush. How sweet of Dan to post it on your FB page!
Dear Claudia
I am so intrigued with your quilting. It is such an old art form
and there is just something about joining all those fabrics together
in a thoughtful way that is wonderfully creative.
Your dear little sewing machine is perfect for this task. How
blessed you are to have it. It just “suits!”
Sharing your quiltmaking makes me want to give it a try,
but I think there is much more to it than you modestly
take credit for.
Have a great week! Brenda
I’m sorry to read about your mother. It’s hard to watch our parents suffer with mental and physical ailments that come along with growing old. I agree that getting lost in the creative process is a wonderful cure for sadness and depression and your quilt is proof of that. I’ve been accumulating quilt fabrics and hope to start a quilt myself in the near future. There are so many fun new quilt patterns and fabrics available now. I can’t wait to see your finished quilt!
Hoping you are feeling a bit brighter my wonderful sister.
Hugs to you,
Mere
I think that is one of the sweetest things I have ever seen! I would cherish that pic…maybe frame it. I miss my mom on Mother’s Day and everyday. She had alzheimers too but I got to see her all the time and she did know me where she didn’t know my sister in Florida so much, when my sister would call her. Yes, It’s sad. What else can you say. Someday we will all be together again and all will be well. I hear so many good things about those little featherweights….I am so glad you have it to go with you on your travels. Speaking of travel, that is how I spent my Mother’s Day….on the road home from St Louis. ~Hugs, Patti
Sorry you were so sad Claudia. What a lovely Mother’s Day gift from you darling girl though, I am sure it brought a smile to your face.