First of all, I need to point out that BlogHer is doing an ad campaign for Drumsticks, with quotes from bloggers. Hello??? I have written extensively on this blog about my love for Drumsticks. Who better to talk about them than me? I am an authority on Drumsticks. I can talk about them for hours. I can wax rhapsodic about their perfection. Harumph!
I’m out of town, as you know. Since my mom has been in the nursing home, my dad and I usually talk on the phone at least once a day, sometimes more. He’s getting frailer and more overwhelmed by his situation. Sometimes our talks are fairly calm, at other times, Dad is upset or crying or saying he wants to die. The other night, after a long day of rehearsal, we were having a conversation of the latter sort. I spent quite a while talking to my dad, offering sympathy, trying to buck him up, trying to get a word in edgewise in the midst of his rising distress. When my dad gets like that, I have to ‘talk him down.’ It’s always been that way. It was an upsetting conversation. I felt depressed.
No sooner had I hung up when the phone immediately rang again. It was my husband. Shouting. One might even say screaming. “How do you turn off the alarm, how do you turn off the alarm????” He was in a panic. He had been cooking and a pan started smoking and the smoke alarm went off, thereby setting off the alarm system for our house. He was shouting so much that I had to top him vocally to get him to hear me. I tried shouting the code to him while he let out a string of curse words. Meanwhile, he told me the alarm company had called and they were sending out the fire department. He tried to get them to cancel the call, but he didn’t know if it was going to work. The alarm was still going off. I shouted instructions to him. He said he’d try the code and get back to me. If it had been a movie, I would have shaken him and slapped him across the face to stop the hysteria.
He called back, still cursing, and said that he could hear the sound of the fire truck in the distance. Our little volunteer fire department, no doubt having to leave a peaceful dinner with their families in order to respond to the alarm. “They’re coming! I can hear them! They just went by! Now they’re coming back! They’re here!” Again, I had to shout. “Well, go out there! Go talk to them!” He hung up.
Eventually, husband called back and told me that the captain had been very understanding. Don had apologized profusely. The alarm had stopped. Don was calmer. God knows what the dogs were thinking.
I remarked that in the space of approximately 10 minutes I had been forced to deal with two men who had temporarily lost their minds. The two men closest to me had become unhinged. If they had been in the room with me, I would have to do some non-face-slapping-face-slapping, if you know what I mean. Then I remembered that old song (which I detested) that Mike Douglas sang, The Men in My Little Girl’s Life. I made up new lyrics:
The men in my little girl’s life, the nutso men in my little girl’s life…
Don chimed in.
The men in my little girl’s life, the insane men in my little girl’s life…
The men in my little girl’s life, the crazy, demanding men in my little girl’s life….
There were more versions. You get the picture. If you don’t know this song, google it. I bet it’s out there somewhere, just waiting for you to give it a listen. It’s dreadful. But it made us laugh. I can even get my Dad to laugh sometimes. That makes me happy because laughter is indeed the best medicine.
Do I need to add that I can be just as nuts at times? Of course not.
As to my dad, we are all doing everything we can for him. He’s hanging in there. My sense of humor is what keeps me sane in the midst of all of this. If I didn’t look at things through a humorous prism, I’d be a goner.
Have a good Wednesday.
Perhaps there is some kind of help available for your father, something in the community in which he lives. He sounds overwhelmed, poor man.
Boy a house just needs a women in it doesn’t it?
Oh what a night! The fire-alarm story made me LOL. Reminded me of the time my car alarm was stuck “on”, and I had to drive home with my lights flashing and the horn honking. I was a real hit at the stoplights ((:
Claudia, this was hilarious! Probably not to you at the time and maybe not now but I can actually see the scene you have described. Marvelous writing!
We all get a little bit crazy at moments like that when we can’t get a grip of a situation! Great post!
Hi Claudia. I feel bad for your father. Maybe there is some help out there somewhere. I know my friend’s dad was failing. He imagined white horses being on his land. He also sat naked on his porch. The neighbors had a fit. They sent out a social worker to help with him. The drinking doesn’t help, does it. Oh how I have had to deal with that.
Now the fire alarm did make me chuckle. I could almost hear those sirens.
You should tell him that it’s okay that they came out and not to feel bad. If I can call them becuase the little girl I watch got her leg caught in a Fisher Price school bus, not to feel bad. You should see the looks I get when I tell people that I did that.
Yes, Mothers Day can be a difficult time. Thanks for visiting.
Oh dear…..so not funny, I know. But one must keep the sense of humor, or go crazy I’m afraid. Prayers for Dad!!!
Prayers for you!!
Kris
What a great post. I can just imagine all the hysteria. I hate to say it but my house falls apart when I’m not there. Why do things like the alarm go off, the hot water heater breaks, the faucet starts dripping, dogs get loose, my husband can’t figure out how to write a check??? I like to think of myself as the calm in the center of the ever present storm. Lol. Hugs to you. I feel bad about your dad. He must be so frustrated.
Men! I know what you mean Claudia. Sometimes I wonder how my husband functions through the simplest things without me. I used to blame his mother for doing everything for him and when I had our son I raised him to learn to cook, clean and do his own laundry, I wanted him to know how to take care of himself even though he had his mom there. You know what, my married wonderful son still calls mommy for everything so I think it is a genetic thing with the male species. I love them both more than anything though so I look at it with the attitude that it is nice to be needed.
Have a lovely day,
Sue
…your post reminded me of the times I go on trips to Washington state from Georgia to see my Lil Grand-Angels. I would keep daily contact with my Guy. He became a dog-lover because of me. I came with a beagle… a package deal. Well, critters being what they are naturally, do things that we wish they didn’t do but have accepted that it is what they do! He called me in a panic, also went to a Beagle Group online that I belong to (because he could not reach me). He was so concerned and asked my pals in the group what to do? Will Abigail get sick from rabies and such. After a moment of time of settling him down to understand what all had transpire, I learned that Abigail had caught two squirrels and refused to give them up. I knew right away that there would be no saving them… I just know. I knew Abigail was up on her shots but he felt very concerned, had him call the vet, felt relieved… Life goes on. Reading your story and remembering mine makes me believe when two people become one and the other half is missing…feel at lost, incomplete. The Abigail incident was two years ago, this year she gifted me two bunnies *rolls my eyes & sighs*. She brought them in and had our Basset Hound named Mr. Peabody “woofing” at them and backing off, “Mommmmmmm what are these” …. life with four-legged kids goes on. OOOps, I went on and on with this comment! Sorry! ;o)
I can absolutely relate to this post, except instead of a Dad I have 2 teenage sons who are in constant states of some sort of “crisis” and a hubbie that can’t boil water without an “incident”!
Well, your the glue that holds those men together!
Well, your the glue that holds those men together!
Claudia, you are so humorous in the description that it’s easy to overlook the issue. Yes, you have seen it in the comments; many seniors begin drinking due to depression. You say he has ‘always been’ this way but without your Mom there to balance his life, it’s probably much more difficult for him. Having worked in social services for 20 years, I too, agree that some kind of assisted living facility that would give Dad something to do and people to be with might be helpful. At the very least, Meals on Wheels and or visiting Block Nurse visits are a stop gap for now. This undoubtedly is very difficult for you, hold tight.
Tammy
Our pevious home had a security alarm that would go off if smoke was detected or if you didn’t get in or out of the door quickly enough. Used to drive me crazy but does give a sense of security. Sometimes it went off if there was a lightning strike near by and that could happen in the middle of the night and almost give you a heart attack! You both will be laughing about it soon enough. Feel bad for your dad. He is coping the only way he knows how. You are doing the best you can and you have to remember that. Hang in there! ~Hugs, Patti
women are not immune to needing a good old face slap. brings to mind the time I went away camping with a boyfriend while living in TX. I had failed to tell Mom, and she happened to call moments after we left. Long before cell phones, so of course she could not reach me for 3 days and upon arrival home I was greeted at my apt by the local and state police with a question” Are you Suzan..?” “yes”..CALL YOUR MOTHER! they screamed at me. This was the first of nearly a dozen such meetings of the “law” that my Mother sent looking for me whenever she called with no answer after 2 hours. I always asked her.” MA, why do you assume I am kidnapped, murdered, dead? why do you NEVER think I out just having fun?” A good face slap was needed.
Once cell phones were out she assumed it was implanted into my arm and the situation was worse.
Dsyfunctional family is an oxymoron.
Your story is funny, so thanks for the chuckle..
xx
z
CLAUDIA….GOD BLESS YOU…..I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL….CAN YOU IMAGINE THIS EARTH BEING WITHOUT WOMEN….MAYBE YOU SHOULD RUN FOR PRESIDENT….IT MUST BE SO TERRIBLY HARD FOR YOU BEING SO FAR AWAY….GOD BLESS YOU CLAUDIA….BROUGHT BACK A FEW MEMORIES….HANG IN THERE….RIZZI
Although you dad may need some community assistance programme, your hubby is easier to fix. Pin the the alarm number to his shirt whenever you have to leave him alone. lol
Thank God you are better with him than I am….you are an Angel!
Meredith
Oh my goodness I can just imagine the scene you described. The story about Don and the alarm is funny (after the fact) The situation with your dad is so sad. Glad your sense of humor is helping you through. God knows I would be a goner if I couldn’t laugh and be more light hearted. I’ve never heard the song you desribe. Laughter truly is a gift in the midst of chaos.
That song is schmaltzy but that was one of the great things about Mike Douglas. lol I liked watching him.
Are you talking about the ice cream treats Drumsticks?
Gosh, I haven’t thought of that song in years! Now it will be stuck in my head all night.
Your poor Dad; I went through much the same with my Dad. Sometimes you can’t do anything but just BE THERE for them.
Hope tomorrow is a better day!
As you know dear I’m always remembering your mom in my prayers, now I will add your dad who seems totally overwhelmed with the situation. It’s very hard for you being far away, but also for your good sister being closer – each of you have different problems to cope with. I do hope the situation improves soon in one way or another – you gals have a lot a stress going on.
As for Don………….shame on him not knowing the code! I can picture the firetruck hurtling along the street……….only good part is that your beautiful cottage is unharmed, thank goodness. Don needs to eat out until you, the accomplished cook, returns, LOL!!! My DH would be just as useless in the same scenario most likely…..he who is hopeless when it comes to anything around the house.
Hang in there friend.
Hugging you – Mary X
Sometimes, a little insanity helps lift our mood, right? Laughter is indeed the best medicine. I believe that a hot chocolate after all it will be good …
Hi Claudia,
I’ve been thinking of going to the NYC blogger event this August and have been following the agenda planning. Apparently if you are not in your 20s or 30s and have no small children at home you are simply not a voice in the blogging world, at least by blogher definitions. The types of issues that we have with our parents who have become like children in their needs, and the husbands who need us for turning off alarms (yes, I have one too) are not of interest to the blogher community planning board. I think it is time to bring back the idea of the “wise woman” who is revered for the value of her expertise and life experiences.
Linda
Humor is absolutely the best medicine, Claudia! (As for the fire alarm incident, to quote a dear friend of mine: “Men. You can’t live with ’em. You can’t shoot ’em.”)
If I didn’t look at things through a humorous prism, I too would be a goner. My old neighbor just sent me the info that my old house is up for sale. I of course looked it up. Saw the gardens. How the mistress had decorated (or not decorated) my old home. And cried. I must look at this through a humorous prism.
Brenda