Having been through a period of anxiety several years ago, Don understands the enormity of it. He went through a particularly tough time several years ago. One of the tips he has passed on to me is to live in each moment. Now that sounds like something in a meme, but he doesn’t mean it quite that way. No, he means it specifically. He literally would say in each moment things like “I’m pouring the coffee now.” Or, “I’m cleaning my glasses.” He’d identify the activity and stay focused on reality. He did that with everything for a long time. It helped to keep him in the NOW rather than in a non-existent and frightening other kind of world. This small (or large) task is what I am doing now.
I think that’s what working a jigsaw puzzle (or a crossword puzzle) does for me. I am totally in the now. I’m examining the photo of the puzzle. I’m looking at the words on the puzzle pieces. I’m observing color and shape and trying to match it. I’m incredibly focused and that focus is entirely on the process. It’s also something I find to be true with working on my dollhouses. And I imagine knitting, crochet – well, actually, I don’t imagine, I know – painting, crafting; anything with a task and an activity helps with that as well. I know that knitting and crocheting do that for my sister. When I was engaging in those two activities, along with quilting, I called them my Zen. Gardening does that for me as well.
We all know this, but it’s important at any time, especially now, to have something that keeps you smack-dab in the moment and not in a place of worry or fear or what if or just plain general anxiety. Something that takes you away from those realms and grounds and centers you.
Right now, for me, it’s jigsaw puzzles. I feel my anxiety leave, my shoulders drop, and a feeling of peace comes over me. For Don, at the moment, it’s playing the guitar and writing songs and practicing his technique, as well as walking.
You all know this. I’m just putting it into words as I wrestle with my own anxiety. If I don’t have something around like a puzzle, I give myself a task. I clean the counters, for example, and stay focused on the actual activity. I don’t let my mind wander. I identify what I’m doing now.
Today, thank goodness, it’s sunny! It’s going to be in the sixties. So I’m going to engage in another anxiety reducer: gardening. Today that includes cleaning the potting table, cleaning the picnic table, working in one of the garden beds and weeding. Heaven.
Stay safe.
Happy Tuesday.
This was the perfect post for me to read today! I need to remember to stay in the moment and not worry so much about what is to come. I have surgery to face as soon as the hospitals can safely do this again – a tumor on my pituitary gland that is causing vision problems. So quite often my brain is thinking “TUMOR”, but I am trying so hard not to focus on that and to stay positive. I am quilting a bit and will head out to the garden today and just breathe. Thanks, Claudia, for the encouragement I needed.
to ellen d …
best wishes on that surgery and recovery. i’m going to add that (you) to prayers.
glad you have quilting and a garden to enjoy.
i hope you stay safe and have all you need.
kathy in iowa
Thanks so much for your kind words, Kathy! Claudia has the nicest blog and she attracts the nicest readers! I went to college in Dubuque, Iowa (Clarke)! You stay safe, too! Ellen in Illinois
small world! i love that area.
stay well and have peace!
kathy in iowa
I’ll be sending positive thoughts to you for your upcoming surgery. In the meantime enjoy your quilting and your garden . Stay safe Ellen! ;)
Thanks, Donnamae! You stay safe also! Ellen :)
Ellen, good luck on the upcoming surgery. You know you will have many of our thoughts and prayers. My husband’s 1st teaching job was right across the river in WI back in the 1970’s. The person he taught with was married to a guy studying to become a minister at Wartburg. We loved Dubuque. Stay well and stay safe, and stay home!!
Sending positive thoughts for your upcoming surgery, Ellen. It’s hard not to think about it, I know. I can cross over into worry in a split second. Enjoy your garden and yes, just breathe. Stay safe, my friend.
Ellen- Positive thoughts and prayers from me also.
Melanie M
first, many thanks to you and don for sharing parts of your lives that some people may otherwise say to hide. you two help remove the stigma that is often associated with mental health troubles and, as a result, someone reading your words may then seek the help they need (same reason i wrote here about getting help for depression; plus we’re friends and i wanted you to know).
don’s practice sounds like something i need to do: tell myself out loud what i am doing so i can better focus on things (especially good and necessary things). since this coronavirus mess started, i often feel like my attention span is about as long as a grain of sand and my focus lately goes back to bad stuff – the virus, worrying about my family and friends, the need to clean everything all the time and always be on guard. thanks for sharing don’s practice, too.
glad you two have other things that help – like music, walks, jigsaw puzzles and gardening.
here’s my list: praying, talking with my family (currently from too far away), going for a walk, painting (watercolor), washing dishes, knitting, puttering around home, sewing and doing some organizing/shredding old paperwork. reading “a gentleman in moscow” is slow-going right now because of my currently-short attention span, but i am working on that!
enjoy the sunny weather and that puzzle. looks like you are going to finish it soon!
hope you all are safe, well and have what you need.
kathy in iowa
I love your list, Kathy. It’s all a work in progress. Sometimes I am incapable of being in the moment. But I”m working on it. And thank you for your kind words. Stay safe!
Bless your heart Claudia, sometimes we just need to hear it said and you always say it so well. We can only control so much and then we need to let the rest go. Your living in the moment is a good tool to help with that. I too am going to garden today and will examine each leaf and flower intently. 😊Thanks for all you and Don share.
Just last night Don and I said “We have to let go.” This after Don having to don his mask and go to the pharmacy and me having to go to the post office in my mask. It’s very stressful. Big deep breath, sigh it out. And do just what you’re going to do today – go out in the garden and notice everything. Stay safe, Janet.
Claudia,
I can relate to this all too well. For a long time, my anxiety morphed into panic. My Yoga 4 Cancer classes were so helpful but now they’ve been put on hold. When I do yoga on my own, it does help. I keep busy crafting during the day, getting bit by the new puppy :), and working outside. Evenings when I’m still I can feel it building. I also have to be aware to breathe and not hold my breath so much without even realizing it. Deep breathing when I go to bed helps. You are so right that living in the moment helps. I have to make a real effort to do so. Take good care of you.
I used to teach voice and speech and often had to remind my students (and myself!) not to hold breath. It’s a thing we’re not really conscious of. We do it because of tension or worry or self-protection. But breath and deep breaths are the a key to letting go of negativity and fear and worry and anxiety. Stay safe, Susan!
Claudia,
That is very interesting. Thank you for sharing. Every time I read your blog I’m now going to have that in the back of my mind and immediately release my breath! :). Unfortunately my last Oncologist checkup and scan wasn’t good in many areas and I’ve since had to have an MRI and a biopsy rescheduled several times. The thyroid biopsy is now the first week of May and the MRI for another area is in June. I’m feeling fine and am not worried about the procedure itself but I am really worried about them being in my face. So there has been a lot of breath holding going on! You will now be my breath coach in the back of my mind :).
I understand your worry. Thinking of you and sending you healing thoughts, Susan. xoxo
to susan …
will say prayers for your good health, safety and peace of mind and hope you get good news soon.
kathy in iowa
thanks, I needed that reminder! In the past four days my cell phone suddenly quit working – no phone calls, no texts. Long discussions with the Help Desk. Nothing worked. Finally braved going out to buy a new phone. That was an experience, but thankfully what a kind clerk to help me. Then my email quit allowing me access… another Help Desk person. Finally back in to that. Then my 6th grader was to have a school zoom meeting with Social Studies teacher but couldn’t find the link. ok -I have actually enjoyed the quiet of these past few weeks (once we got over our intense respiratory illnesses & chest xrays proved negative pneumonia)… but the past few days events escalated my anxieties. So I’m NOW going to take a walk outside in the beautiful sunshine that we are fortunate to have available TODAY.
That’s a lot of worry and tension! And in the middle of this pandemic and all the anxiety it produces. Good that you are taking a walk today, Jan. By the way, my sister is having a hard time figuring out all the links and zoom and everything that goes into home schooling her 8 year old! Stay safe.
hej, janl.
hope you were able to enjoy a walk in the sunshine and the zoom stuff is resolved (i would be absolutely no help on that) and feel better. stay safe!
kathy in iowa
Great post…and great advice…stay in the moment. I need to practice that more. I wonder why I am so easily distracted these days. I know others have mentioned it, too. I know I can’t read unless it’s perfectly quiet around here. Which lately, only seems to be at night when I’m ready to fall asleep. It’s like I need all my concentration just to be able to focus on the one thing I am trying to do at that exact moment.
It’s nice out now , but storms are predicted later…we’ll see what later brings. Enjoy your gardening ….stay safe! ;)
I think lots and lots of people are easily distracted lately. I’ve seen lots of book readers that I follow on IG say the same thing. It’s not a normal time. We’ve never dealt with anything like this. Stay safe, Donna.
Dear Claudia and Don, It is a profound truth that the simplest strategies are often the most effective. Reminding ourselves to “Be Here Now”, and just exactly what ‘now’ is, is so helpful in our hyper-drive world. Sometimes I think of Laura Ingalls Wilder, and I wonder how she might respond to all the information and issues that confront us. ( Yes, I know that is not being here now. ) Sometimes I cast us as heroic, Living our lives in a purposeful way and trying to make sense of it all. Excelsior! (The state motto of N.Y.). Thank you for sharing.
I think of that sort of thing a lot. What would my grandmother and great-grandmother think of this insanely high-tech world? Thank you for your kind words today, Leslie. Stay safe!
I have a 45-years-long friend whose upbeat & jolly (no pity party) mother (I knew her well from the many decades) would listen to ‘us girls’ talk, back in the day but even in more recent years (she just died last year, well into her 90s). She said to us (more than once, as we navigated our 30s, 40s, 50s), not in a mean way but just as a matter-of-fact sort of thing (and I’m paraphrasing, but this was the gist of it), “I think you girls over-analyze everything. When times were tough for me and my husband through the years, we didn’t think about it, we just ‘did’. Nobody was going to swoop in to magically improve our lives unless we did it for ourselves. As kids we lived thru The Great Depression, as young adults we had to live thru WWII. A lot of it was just basic, daily survival. We lived each day, for each day. There was always work to do. We didn’t think about ‘feelings’ or whether or not we were happy or fulfilled, we didn’t project about this & that; nobody had a bucket list; there was too much to do, every single day. Our role and place in the universe was to do our jobs. We didn’t have all the modern home conveniences; and I had to also keep the books for my husband’s business (he was a roofer; self-employed); I was BUSY. I had to meal plan and keep to a tight budget, get the groceries and make the food/cook, wash the dishes and pots & pans; write out the checks to pay the bills. I ran the household while he ran the business. The days were long and full. I had three kids to raise, mountains of clothes to wash and iron, a house to clean, school clothes to sew. Again, I had the work of the home, he had the work of the business. Neither of us had enough hours in any one day, so I didn’t have time to think about me-me-me. But I wasn’t unhappy, and I’ve loved my life.”
(It was clear, in advancing age, she missed that hum of a busy, productive home … and her place in it. There was nothing to justify or validate. She’d had purpose. She’d talk of how they’d still manage to take the kids on vacay for a week each summer, camping or maybe a modest road trip to do or see something educational, like a state park or national park. And every Sunday was a little drive to here or there, packing a picnic. I think it was just a very well-rounded life; money probably went further in those days but people also didn’t spend as much or want as much; they didn’t even have access to the amount of stuff any of us can buy today. Without doubt, they lived within their means but didn’t seem to resent it. It was indeed a lesser ‘information age’ and I think they’d read the paper, watch the 6pm news on TV, but that was it; maybe it seemed detached from their lives more than global/national news does with us today, permeating our minds, hour upon hour; all this 24/7 ‘instant’ info.)
I remember when one time I was at a work-sponsored seminar; I don’t recall the reason or why of it; long time ago. I think it was about how to handle stress in the workplace. But we had to do an exercise on paper where you wrote down stuff like where you wanted to be in your life, your goals and what you hadn’t yet achieved, what makes you tick and what makes you happy; your ‘life plan’, what are your worries; what’s your place in the world; etc. While I furiously wrote, the gal from the office who attended with me (about ten years older than myself) just sat there, not moving her pencil. I said, “What’s the matter; you’re not writing.” She said, “I never think about my life. I don’t worry about anything.” And she was one of the most positive, jovial people I’d ever come across.
Wise words!
Wise words. Wise goals. As an anxiety sufferer(?), my anxieties are where I live, usually. My sweet spot is imagination and creativity, which, to me, is just the other side of the anxiety coin. Living in the ‘Now’ is the hardest thing for me to do. I always seem to find my way to “what might be’, even when I try not to. I’ll try for a minute only to find myself thinking of something better (or worse) before I realize it. Pffff.
Puzzles and books are great helps. Drawing and painting and sewing and rugmaking usually help me. Just can’t seem to lose myself in those things lately. Imagining something outside of reality is where I prefer to live, for better or worse. Now, if I could just get that happy side of the coin to land face up.
I’m a worrier by nature, so I am often off in the future instead of here now. It’s something I have to work on all of the time. I’m hoping you can get the happy side of the coin and make it work for you. Thinking of you, Shanna. Stay safe!
Claudia, thank you so much for this post. I think it’s something that lots of us need to hear. Stay in the moment. Right now I am taking a break from my “moment” of spreading lots of mulch. It’s exhausting but also rewarding. I wish you and Don the best……stay safe.
Also, Ellen best wishes to you for a speedy surgery and recovery. You are in my prayers. Stay safe.
Lorinda in Indiana
I am taking a break from my moment of working outside. I’m not in garden shape yet and I’m tired! Stay safe, Lorinda.
We had 4 yds of mulch delivered yesterday and my husband has been at it since 7:15 this morning. He did come in for an egg salad sandwich at lunch and took the dog for a short walk. He just came in and was heading to the shower and said he has done 25,247 steps today so far. I don’t think lately that I do 1,000 in a day!!!!
Don is a wise man. One day, one hour, one moment at a time. Focus is the single hardest thing I find to be able to accomplish in this age of corona. I just feel so very weary all of the time.
Glad you were able to get out if even for a bit in the garden today. That always helps!!
It does, though my out-of-shape body is complaining! Thank you, Chris. Stay safe!
Claudia- Thank you to you and Don. I’ve heard “live in the moment” so many times, but never had anyone explain it to me the way Don processes it. Thank you! That is extremely helpful right now.
Melanie M
So happy to hear that, and Don will be, too. Stay safe, Melanie!
As someone who has a lot of anxiety, I agree with Don that trying to stay in the moment – literally identifying every little thing you’re doing – helps. So does practicing this: five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, one thing you can taste. For me personally, the two things that really help are yoga and focusing on my breath and meditation apps.
Warm here today (60’s) but since it’s pouring rain right now, you wouldn’t know it. A few hours ago when it was just cloudy, no rain, we made the trip to the local nursery for some plants. Got tons of coleus, lots of herbs, pansies, sweet potato vines, some other kind of flower which I can’t remember right now, and four varieties of tomatoes. Now they’re all in my garage being protected from the storms! Hopefully we’ll get some decent, clear weather soon where I can start planting.
I’m still in need of coleus and much more! Glad you got out to the nursery. Stay safe!
Please pray for Dr. Lorna Breen’s family…… NY doctor who took her life after being told she could not return to work after she had recovered from virus. Front lines are truly suffering.
They try desperately to live up to their oath.
My husband is the last one left still able to lead in his section. I am in quarantine now recovering. Our last aunt died on a vent 3 days ago & our uncle died alone 2 nights before. Life is harsh.
May God place protection over all of you.
oh, r …
i am sorry to hear your news, but thank you for sharing it . i will certainly pray for dr. breen and her family and you and yours.
i am sorry for all those losses and that you now have covid-19. i hope you recover quickly and completely, have all that you need and know things will get better.
with condolences,
kathy in iowa
I have been thinking of you R. – wondering and worried about you. If you are in quarantine, you had the virus? I am so, so sorry to hear of the deaths of members of your family. May you be comforted in this time of sorrow. Your dedication to your work, as well as your husband’s is truly remarkable. We send our love to you and your family. God bless you.
Oh, I’d mentioned this about the dedicated doctor here in the comments before I’d read yours … but I didn’t have the whole story. I thought she couldn’t return to work because she was suffering from exhaustion; I didn’t realize it was because they told her she couldn’t come back. It’s so tragic. The virus robbed her of her life’s work, where she knew she was needed so badly. It can be imagined and is understandable that of course she didn’t want to abandon ship but the virus forced it. She must have been filled with hopelessness over it. The doctors and nurses … all the healthcare workers … are seeing too much suffering; too much death. Desperate hours. They are not made of steel. They are angels, but they are mortal; human. Good souls who feel things deeply and whose aim is to save lives, not lose people to this disease.
I am very, very sorry for your multiple losses. You have been thru too much. Please feel my prayer for your healing of both body and heart.
And may God also help the scientists to develop a vaccine faster than fast, so that the world can be rid of this horrible, horrible virus.
Well, that’s very insightful, Claudia; good for you to write it down for us to digest. Truly.
I had a long talk with my husband today that he needs to get out and can’t keep being so ultra careful … because of me. Although he does have some health issues himself, it’s only technically one ‘real’ underlying issue for the virus complications … age … so I told him, look, he knows how to be careful, so get out where reasonable and relatively safe, diffuse some negative energy and restlessness. I know he’s pretty sick of the house and probably in some ways pretty sick of me at the moment because he’s not seeing anybody else, of course going nowhere, etc. I told him to take the car, go for a drive, get takeout/fast food for himself if that ‘old routine’ might feel familiar and satisfying. He’s a big reader; informed about the virus. He knows what he needs to do, armed with mask, sanitizer, gloves. An intelligent person; clearly, he doesn’t want to get sick; he doesn’t take chances.
It’s a beautiful day, warm, 86 degrees at 2pm-ish; sunny. He needs a break from pulling weeds which, lately, is about the only outdoor activity although he does walk the dog (but she’s old and can’t go very far now). He’s barely been out of the neighborhood (very-small town anyway); last time he was in a neighboring town was March 18. (Cabin fever; I hope it’s not the next ‘disease’. He never complains or makes me feel badly about our Covid circumstances, but I know him well enough over a lot of years to know that he’s bored and antsy; I care about his mental health. He’d had a bout of depression about a dozen years ago, enough to have to … for a limited amount of time … take medication for it; I don’t want him to have to go thru a repeat. I told him that I didn’t think he’s contributing to any problem for law enforcement; the car he took is fine, he’s a good driver, it’s a weekday, traffic is obviously very light, so go drive, see something different. I’ve encouraged him to visit friends; easy to set up a portable chair in somebody else’s yard and sit 6 to 10 ft apart.)
I think he was waiting for me to just ‘order’ this (in a serious and thoughtful manner) because off he’s gone (didn’t take a whole of convincing[!!]; he said, okay, it’ll be good to ‘charge up’ the battery on the car) and, frankly, a bit of separation between the two of us at this point is healthy. It’s just a couple of hours! (For me, it’s a weird balance of, sure, wanting to see the beach, yet not feeling quite comfortable to go out of town and do one of these drives; I don’t know why I feel that for myself, but it’s just how it is, for now. But that’s my thing; doesn’t have to be his, too.)
We definitely have to find ways to work with ourselves right now. So heartbreaking to read the article today about the ER physician, working unbelievable hours in such serious times, getting Covid herself, trying to bounce back and work new shifts but suffering from exhaustion. Daughter herself of two physicians … she took her own life at age 49. No one is immune from stress, anxiety, depression. You can’t say, well her stress could in no way be compared to mine … mine is nothing compared to hers … but stress is stress; it doesn’t know an age limit or career or circumstance.
I just did something to make myself happy. I had some books sent to a friend. She doesn’t order for herself, so I did it for her. Louise Penny! (My friend was wanting something that had mystery or adventure; some fiction with which she could deeply immerse. I hope she’ll be surprised and delighted; a little something in the mail.)
Claudia: So GLAD for your nicer weather. Hope the day has gone happily for you in your beautiful yard & garden!
Your husband will be much more relaxed after his little trip. And how lovely of you to send those books. That’s wonderful! Yes, R. wrote about the doctor who committed suicide. So utterly heartbreaking. If you look for R’s comment, you’ll see that she is in quarantine.
The day has been lovely but it seems we only get one day of sun and then several days of rain – which is in the forecast for Thurs, Fri, and Sat. Thanks, Vicki. Stay safe.
I will add all of you to my prayer list to give strength,comfort and peace. Don is a wise man and so comforting to you. Enjoy your gardening and puzzles.
Marilyn
Thank you, Marilyn. I hope you had a good day today. Was it sunny there, too? Stay safe.
Being present in the way Don advised really is grounding which helps ease anxiety a lot. Reading the comments reminds me of just how much everyone is dealing with aside from the virus and financial worries. the metaphor of the puzzle, focusing on one piece, one shape, one color, at a time is very specific and makes me think of creating and maintaining a zen garden. Since I have cats who use cat boxes with “sand” in them, perhaps I can find a way to make a space in our woods or a virtual site. I agree with all, coming here to Mockingbird Cottage is especially wonderful these days. Hoping for good weather so that you can get your gardens going.
Nora, a comment on cats in the garden: my neighbor is the neighborhood cat lady. As far as the cats are concerned, our yard is part of their territory. When we first moved here, we would get upset and aggravated when the cats used our garden as their cat box. Finally I realized “resistance is futile.” I keep a supply of used plastic bags in a flower pot for clean up, and rejoice that, thanks to the cats, we have no rodents. Look at the bright side. (-:
That’s a great idea, Nora. It would be a neat project. Stay safe!
Claudia, what a wonderful bunch of readers you have. I was so touched with all of the sweet comments I received and how the commenters kindly interact with each other on your blog. It is such a lovely forum to share on and you are so kind to share it with us. Thank you!
You are most welcome, Ellen. xo