I told Don I feel like a hermit who had to go through an encounter with other human beings (even a nice one, such as with our tree guys) and must now retreat from society. The day with all the tree cutting activity and the necessary interactions with the guys left me feeling exhausted and longing to retreat back into my little compound here at Mockingbird Hill Cottage. That really hit home with me when we drove to a neighboring town yesterday to pick up a book order. We had been working on cleaning up the property right before we left, and the drive was lovely, but I was tired. We got out of the car walked through the town, picked up the books, and when we had circled back, Don said “Let’s go home.” Even the little trip and the chance to walk on sidewalks didn’t do it for us. All we wanted to do was go home and stay home.
Is this the new normal? Am I becoming a hermit of sorts? I don’t know. But as we watched some of Rachel Maddow last night, a segment in which she spoke of Orange Man’s new Coronavirus advisor – a guy with no background in epidemiology, by the way – who thinks ‘herd immunity’ is the way to go, really hit home. She mentioned that the elderly are impacted by younger family members and by trips to the supermarket where they interact with all ages and I turned to Don and said, “Let’s order our groceries online. Now.”
We had been planning on taking a trip to our local supermarket. But somehow, this whole week, which has been an intense one for us, including Don’s visit to the doctor, has been too much and we cannot contemplate any sort of interaction with another human being.
So Don is going to retrieve the groceries around noon.
Does this make any sense to you? It’s where I am this morning.
Our books. Love the sticker, which says: Small Town Heroes Shop Local.
I have a Jane Gardam in there, Old Filth. Don has another Maggie O’Farrell.
This little town is proudly displaying Black Lives Matter signs. And signs like this one:
It does my heart good to see this. To remember there is good in the world, though it can be hard to find during these times.
Okay. I hope you are having a restful holiday weekend. We plan to do the same.
Stay safe.
Happy Saturday.
You are not alone in these thoughts Claudia. Every time we go to town, we end up cutting it short and come home to our little piece of Heaven in the woods. It’s too much stimulation and too much interaction for my comfort. I went in to work the other day for 3 others and I still feel exhausted! It’s going to take time to work back to being in community again.
Enjoy your new books!
X Chy
Too much for me, too. I feel so much better when we hit our driveway.
Thanks, Chy, and stay safe!
Yes. Fellow hermit, here. Add to that three days of allowing masked strangers into our home to look around! We are exhausted already and have only shown one group around. Three more to go this weekend. Ugh. Hoping and praying (and sanitizing) we can stay clear of this virus.
Yay for your little town. Ours has pockets of sanity, but on the whole it’s a trumpers paradise. Ugh. Ugh.
Oh, that must be stressful! I’m so sorry, Shanna.
Stay safe.
best wishes and prayers for a quick and safe selling of your home!
kathy in iowa
I’m very tired … I’d like to stay home. And I really hate the expression “the new normal”. All the best! Regula
That particular expression doesn’t bother me at all, though there are many others that do!
Stay safe, Regula.
Oh yes…it does make sense to me. But, I haven’t totally reached the point yet, of wanting to be a hermit, Probably because in the Madison area, people have been really good about social distancing and mask wearing, unless you are near the university, that is. But, we only venture out to the grocery store, or the pharmacy still.
I think that the cooler weather will bring about more natural ‘hermitting’ in this part of the country, anyways. (I do realize hermitting is not a word…but isn’t that the newest trend….making up words?) But, I digress.
Hope you have a relaxing day. Stay safe! ;)
Oh, I never said I want to be a hermit – at least, that’s not what I meant. I feel like I am, though, because of the pandemic. And I feel more comfortable there for the moment.
Stay safe, Donna!
Sorry…I was perhaps projecting MY feelings on wanting to be a hermit. Lol! ;)
Ha! Well, I have to admit there are days where I feel the same way. I’m a bit of introvert anyway, so I guess that makes sense!
I’ve been getting groceries delivered for almost 6 months and am going to go to the store this Friday, at about 6 am. I’m tired of others making decisions for me and the miscommunication that left me with 17 pounds of chicken thighs this morning. Good thing it was on sale and I have a freezer. Of course, I’ll wear a mask and sanitize everything!
Well that’s the downside. Today, we didn’t even get a text with what was available or unavailable until the last minute. As Don just said, we’re going in person from now on. Frustrating!
Stay safe, Debra.
Hello Claudia, I haven’t commented on your blog in a while, but I see all your posts. I contracted coronavirus, but fortunately I was asymptomatic, if the hospital where I work did not test employees frequently, I probably wouldn’t even know about the disease, I stayed in my isolated room for several days and thank God I didn’t transmit the disease to my family. Unfortunately, we know that this is not always the case. Here in Brazil there are already 125 thousand dead, my city has 66 thousand inhabitants and 30 are killed by coronavirus.
Thank goodness, you’re okay, Edis! My goodness. We’re up to 180,000 dead here and, unfortunately, both of our countries have inept leaders who refuse to follow science.
Take care of yourself, my friend.
Stay safe.
The poster in the shop brought tears to my eyes
Thank God there are still loving people in this world
I know. Thank God.
Stay safe, Linda.
Hi Claudia! To my mind you make a lot of sense.When I am in a blue mood from covid, the OM, people who follow him blindly, I meditate on love. I picture Joe Biden as a lightning rod for love. He gathers those who express love for all humanity and by doing so puts us all to”work” to restore and improve life for everybody. Because I can relate to this (gearing up for Nov. 3rd) I smile and feel stronger inside. I even imagine a compassionate cabinet, a congress that crafts beautiful plans….I know,Pollyanna, but it soothes me and I will not let the imbicile in chief overshadow my hopes, Phew! sorry. Hang in there
I love this, Cindy. I’m going to try that. It can only make the day better and send positive energy to the world and to Joe Biden. Thank you so much.
Stay safe!
Oh you’re so talking to the choir in OB, Claudia! I get so anxious when we have to leave home. I have never been so content to have our own little spot in the world. Bedtime is even better! That’s really when we feel the safest. I say it everynight, “thank God we have one another”.
Yeah, Rachael really hit home last night. I found myself in tears as she was reporting about the beyond, horrible, low life that is in the WH. My heart absolutely broke for those families of fallen soldiers. I just cannot believe he hasn’t hit rock bottom yet, but I hate to admit it, I think there’s even more he do to prove how low he is. Just a horrid time in US history.
On that note! Enjoy your lovely home & each other…this is when it all matter.
We do the same thing at night in bed. We hold hands, happy to be together, Priscilla.
Stay safe.
I totally, totally, TOTALLY ‘get’ what you’re saying, Claudia.
I of course hardly EVER get out since Covid started up. You would think when I do get out, as a passenger in the car, only a couple of times a month, I’d be chomping at the bit. Instead, I look at my town with little interest; detached. I’ve said this before, but it’s as if a life I had is over now. Very peculiar. Just being a passenger and not even the ‘doer’ (my husband’s role) still makes me want to get home sooner than later. Like, how soon can we just get this over with so we can get back home.
We only had one drive, some weeks back, where it felt okay to go an hour or two from home. Thought we’d keep it up (to get away from the four walls) but I think summer has a lot to do with it because it’s hot and there are too many people wherever we go. SoCalif is a fairly crowded place anyway! I can foresee a time maybe toward the end of this month or early October when we can pick and choose our times to go to the beach, probably still just sit in the car but hopefully with the windows down for the sea air; however, nothing is like it used to be; it won’t be an off-season beach as in the past because too many people are out of work and school, and they go to the beach, I’m sure, for their sanity. I prefer the winter beach anyway, I don’t mind when it’s cold with the wind whipping, so I feel certain a time will come where I can feel safer to be in the outside world (at the shore).
I know I’m at the extreme-extreme but, for the first time in 50 years, I’m also not behind the steering wheel of the car; I have only driven once, a short distance, in six months. So my life has dramatically changed in 2020 and I don’t expect things to be much different going into 2021. Right now, I’m just trying to muddle through medical appointments before I can hopefully ‘way shut down again for the rest of Fall/Winter. And I’m not saying any of this is healthy, and on the other hand I’m sick of living like this, but Covid dictates what I do right now. I’m more worried about my husband than myself; he’s increasingly irritable and needs things to do, so I’m foregoing stuff I-Vicki want to do in order to engage him in other home projects, but he might be having this problem anyway as a newer retiree who was too accustomed to getting up and going to work every day as he had for the whole of his adult life.
When he goes grocery shopping and I’m sweating over what he’s remembering to disinfect and is he skipping steps, I’m a nervous wreck afterward; I find grocery-shopping day very stressful. (Think if we had jobs?! I’d have to buck up, for sure.) But we were out yesterday for the mail run and I watched him at the ATM later, just about to punch the keypad without a glove on; he’s forgetful. Like what’s the point of a glove handling dirty things, even opening the car door, taking off your gloves but then going right back in with that same car door handle to retrieve something left in the front seat? You have to think, think, think and not cross-contaminate and if I bring that up to him, he’s become so impatient about it that it’s not worth the ‘discussion’. He’s been on a couple of other errands to the hardware store, etc. and I just pray he will NOT be forgetful when I’m not with him. I can’t be his mommy; he’s a grown man. But he’s very fed up with this Covid life and sometimes I feel like he’s about to throw all caution to the wind and just give up. We all did better in the beginning to be protective but we’re Covid-weary now.
I think too many of us have become conditioned to looking at other people and outside places as a danger to us; so, we retreat. We shrink away now. It’s too exhausting to confront and try to deal with it otherwise. I’ve started to nail-bite over my ballot. I don’t want to fall into the trap the Russians and Trump want us to, by not trusting the mail. Yet my old familiar ballot bin, a big-permanent thing INside City Hall has been removed and there’s this spindly-looking, temporary bin outside the door which to me does NOT seem secure although my husband says that it’s emptied at the end of every day (it looks to me like two guys could pick it up and put it in the back of a truck!). So, am I down to voting in person in November when Covid numbers are amped and it’s the last month before winter when we’re not supposed to be out there exposing ourselves? See how I’m completely falling into the trap Trump wants? He’s counting on us not showing up in person at the polls so that there’s a lower voter turnout. One thing I do know, of course, is to VOTE EARLY. And I definitely WILL figure this out.
I don’t think the looking at home as safety (for Covid) is agoraphobic in nature. But I do wonder, if down the line when I do get a vaccine, how much I’ll continue to be careful with myself. It may take some time. Even before Covid, it was becoming a bit worrisome to be in large gatherings like at a movie theater or football game or any other crowded place like a mall due to domestic terrorism/shooters. And I wasn’t even feeling terribly comfortable with the idea of getting on a plane. As I’ve aged, I just don’t like crowds; or crowded elevators or other types of queuing up (does it mean I’ll never go to Disneyland again?). But my husband is the first to say we can’t stop our lives. I’d often, in the past, tried to avoid shopping at peak hours so maybe I’ve always sorta avoided people (some of this is susceptibility to illness due to my lifelong asthma). I dunno.
But I’d opened the front door just now because I heard a package delivery, then the mailman came ’round the corner and it was very obvious that I shut the door in his face as he approached although I tried to shout out, “Have a nice holiday.” Maybe these essential workers are used to this by now; I don’t mean to be rude or unfriendly. But, yes, anyone other than the man I live with, I think I definitely look at all other humans as a threat to my existence since Covid, for me, with all my health problems, is a killer. They’ve told us we’re all Covid carriers of the virus, potentially. So, I guess I took that to heart.
Absolutely strangest year of my life. And I’ve had some strange years. I don’t think there are many people who are going to say 2020 was a good year.
I’ve never been through a year like this one. I’ve had years of heartbreak and loss, but the consistent pain and sorrow and fear, along with Orange Man’s reprehensible actions is just too much. 2020 has been terrible.
Stay safe, Vicki.
Feel the same way…this is the new normal as they say, perhaps. I pick up books at library-try to get old ones that are not popular now-to avoid more germs…Ruth Rendell…Christie…etc. I do run in a tiny store at 8 a.m. Just didn’t want family to continue to shop for me…no big box stores for me yet…no family per se…I do fine at home…esp. as it is not safe for me to become ill…I walk around the buildings outside-apt. complex…continue to do my miles despite dreadful pain…however, perhaps it is not so much being a hermit as being safe…avoiding getting the disease and passing it on…careful…you are doing that. Doesn’t Louise Penny have a new book out soon? Keep writing…keep safe…brenda b P.S. You can tell I am avoiding all news programs…just not good for me…too stressful…some people can take it and be fine…I can’t.
Louise Penny’s book is out. I’m waiting for it to arrive in the mail.
It came out on September 1st.
Stay safe, Brenda.
Great…will order from library. Get some rest today. brendab
xoxo
dear Claudia — how long can our nation exist under the OM rule?? hoping I live long enough to see him voted out — THIS year, not in 4 more years. seems like he has hit ‘rock bottom’ but maybe rock bottom has a basement ?? pls stay safe and healthy. linda in ky
We have to vote him out in November. I cannot go through another four years of this. I simply cannot.
Stay safe, Linda.
I love the “welcome refugees” sign. I live in a regional town in the middle of Victoria, Aus. We have a large number of refugees from Iraq, Syria, many African countries, Afghanistan, many other countries. They have brought so much to our community and while of course there are a few racist yobs, we are overwhelming proud of how our community embraces such diversity. Besides, every year the town council closes off one of the main roads and there is an enormous food fest! What a treat, all that amazing food (especially Afghani bread: yummy!)
Good for your community, Denise. Unfortunately, we have the Orange Man at the helm here. Need I say more? Everything about him is offensive – on every level.
Stay safe, Denise.
I saw a headline I think on the NYTimes website that said something like “Is the Pandemic causing us to lose social skills?” I didn’t click on it, but I’ll bet it is probably true to a certain degree for some people. We’re so used to “Zooming” now – with the kids, our lawyer (setting up the will), our financial planner, etc., that it’s not like we’re not communicating with other humans. But it IS just so different in person when you both have masks on. It does get exhausting. Especially when you’re crinkling your eyes like crazy so the person knows you’re smiling :-)
I woke up in the middle of the night thinking again about those Trump sign-wavers downtown in our village and realized what bothered me the most. None of them were wearing a mask. Not a single one as they stood there shoulder to shoulder shouting and spitting on each other.
Take care.
Kay
The whole thing is exhausting, Kay.
Those idiots, not wearing masks. I give up on these people.
Stay safe, Kay.
I found the poster really distressing. If the shop owners feel the need to clarify their position, it makes me wonder what is going on outside of the shop. Sometimes I read the news thinking it’s the 1930s all over again.
It’s a Tibetan shop in a community that is completely inclusive and welcoming. Not to worry. It’s a statement against Trump. Not the community.
Stay safe.
It’s not so bad being a hermit at the lake — even if the neighbors next door have lots of people without masks (I hope they are in a bubble but I don’t think so — though they all seem to be related). We say hello from afar in the yard and are friendly from a distance, but that’s basically that and I’m good with that. They’re not here in the week. I look outside, see my parade of ducks, take quiet walks and if you do see someone, there’s space and avoid the store. But I did go in one very early the other day and I was so nervous. I am NEVER nervous at the grocery but there I was. And I really have no desire of going back to what was for awhile. Distance doesn’t seem too bad except for the hugs and watching family get married on Zoom. But soon we’ll go back to the city and that will be so different. I will feel more imprisoned rather than just enjoying being on my own, if that makes sense.
I love the refugee sign. So much. And here’s something heartening. Up north, in the midst of the DTs, I saw a Joe sign. Not a small one, but a nice, big one on someone’s lovely yard. Made me smile. Big.
It does make sense, Jeanie. I’m dreading winter a bit. Less chance to get out, even if it’s only walking the property freely, without worryng about snow and ice.
Glad you saw a Joe sign!
Stay safe.
i am glad if you and don have been taking it easy today, that future grocery shopping and other errands go well, are safe for you.
hope you both are enjoying those new books and that your next trip there will be more relaxed and fun.
i know the message is the main thing, but i also like the style of drawing on that poster and especially that blue wall paint with the almost-marigold color … a very happy combination!
i feel the same way … kind of like a hermit. i am an introvert and feel very stressed being around people all day at work and for a couple hours when grocery shopping on the weekend … and then both exhausted and very relieved to be home (and showered).
and i am so happy and grateful to see members of my family and talk with them (though it is sadly from a safer distance or by phone), then very sad to drive away or hang up the phone.
very tough ‘rollercoaster’ that we are on.
given how things are right now, i am grateful to have a job, but i am also grateful that (at 62) i could retire now if need be. there would be a drop in benefits, of course, if i didn’t keep working for another 48 months, but with all the covid-19 problems and worries about what else could happen (especially depending on the outcome of this election), i am grateful there is that option. just hoping and praying i don’t have to use it.
on a brighter note … we are supposed to have lots of rain off and on starting tonight through most of next week (you’d never guess that, looking out the window) … maybe getting over four inches of rain! hope it comes true! whenever we’ve had a good stormy rain and i am at work, i’ve gone outside and taken little videos of it to enjoy later … and just enjoyed the rain and all those negative ions. i hope to do that soon! :)
hope you have a nice night and keep staying safe!
kathy in iowa
It’s good to know you can retire if you come to that point. There must be a feeling of relief knowing you have an escape.
Enjoy the rain, Kathy.
Stay safe.
meant to share that i saw a mask that made me laugh. in big capital letters it had “wtf” … and in smaller letters underneath, “wear the facemask”. haha!
kathy in iowa
LOVE that! Exactly what I feel!
xo
This is not our new normal. It is just something we are dealing with like our ancestors have done on a few occasions. I believe that we are God’s creation, designed to be social beings who love and care for each other and the world. I believe that the devil is pulling all sorts of strings maneuvering his puppets to do his bidding to wreak hovoc on the world.
I also believe we each must do what we can to keep ourselves healthy, both physically and mentally and if that means that some days we need to be a hermit, then so be it. I have been known to hibernate for a few weeks during the coldest and especially windiest days of winter and it served me well. So, I am expecting the same when when these current times settle.
Claudia, your blog has helped me and others more than you know during these times and I thank you for it.
Take care…
Kelly
well said, kelly … and i agree with what you wrote (except i do like to get outside when it’s snowing, watch it fall, go for a walk …).
and i am adding that the devil is going to lose!
hoping and praying that you stay safe and well.
kathy in iowa
Well, it is our new normal for an undefined amount of time. It will certainly be so for another 6 months at the least. And I don’t think I will ever feel as carefree about being out in a crowd again.
Thanks so much, Kelly.
Stay safe.
Being an introvert, this hasn’t been as hard on me as it has my hubs and our kids who are all extroverts. We have our little “bubble” which is us, my daughter, son & DIL & sweet little wee one. They were here for a bit today and we got to babysit as they took the tubes down to the river and floated for a couple of hours. She was an angel, no crying at all, took a 45 min nap, and laughed and talked with us. Such fun!! But I am exhausted tonight ~ more from the chatting than the babysitting. Being home has always been my haven. I do miss being able to go out for a meal once in a while, and wish this stupid virus wasn’t on my mind 24×7. After the bad day the idiot had yesterday, I felt it would be “safe” to watch Rachel last night. He should be locked up for the things he said. But, so many of us have felt he has crossed the line many times, then thought THIS will do him in, and nothing ever comes of any of it. Not sure why I think this might be different. By Monday he will have done 20 more horrific things and this will be in the rear view mirror. I will pray that it won’t be, but it is his MO & we should be prepared that this will also just blow away into the wind. Beyond disgusting.
I do think we are fortunate that we feel safe and happy in our homes. I can’t imagine this quarentining situation in a setting where one would feel threatened and not safe in their home. I do think many things will become our new normal because of what we have learned over these many months. Even in the midst of a normal flu season, should people be hugging or shaking hands? Should people be eating at a buffet during those times (or any times??)? So many things we should examine going forward and also consider, because it is NOT unlikely that this will happen again. And shame on us if we have to start at square one again.
You’re so right, I can’t imagine living this way in a place in which I didn’t feel safe, or where I could find no privacy. We are fortunate, indeed.
Stay safe, Chris.
I have a pattern of being extroverted for certain periods, and then I retreat from the world for months at a time. This has been a lifelong thing. Years ago when I read “Goddesses in Everywoman”, I identified keenly with Persephone who had to spend half the year underground. I really needed that cozy little cave. Even tho they meet outside mostly, maybe pick up a drink inside masked of course, we sit at tables outside, I’ve only seen my core group of 5 friends once a month or so since March. I miss them so much, our spontaneous conversations, and laughter. It’s much harder to be spontaneous on zoom or FT and the tiny moments of interaction during stories we’ve heard a 100 times is completely impossible. While staying at home for me is not as hard as it for others, I miss the world, the smells of the grocery store, the colors of produce, squeezing the fruit, thumping a watermelon, gazing at the row of pastries and breads. Last night I dreamed of our small family owned grocery store had been sold a while back; in my dream, the entire back of the store had been curtained off, the aisles were moved, the deli was blank, and the produce isle no longer existed. I don’t even shop that often (my husband prefers to–I buy the expensive margarine), but I woke up feeling more than half empty myself and starved for color and choice. And like you I am afraid of all that we don’t know about Covid. What we think we know is bad enough and it’s only the tip of the iceberg. My own home is not as well curated and charming as Mockingbird Hill Cottage, mainly because any attempt I make to clear out clutter or move things around is met with my elderly husband saying “you’re killing me”. There isn’t much stimulation here, except for women’s basketball on the TV. His hearing is so impaired that conversation is virtually impossible, altho he makes every effort he can and has the best technology possible for his condition. So there’s not much music. 3/4 of our windows are covered with thermal-type curtains, so we have exactly 1/4 slice of the beautiful views of the woods in our backyard. My husband loves wood and so when he built this house back in the mid-60s, he put in lovely wood floors and horizontal paneling in dark brown in every single room. There is not a piece of tile in this house. It’s so dark. I guess I’m expressing all this because I love very much what you and Don do together to make the inside and outside somewhere you want to be and feel safe and comfortable in during these awful times. A friend of mine just said that he dreads the fall even tho it’s so special around NE, because of the beginning of flu season and the painful effects of lost jobs and no government help. And that’s why after only dabbling for a month, I now have 4 dollhouses and a room box which I am spending a lot of time learning to build. These houses will be as bright and light as I can make them, even if my cat steals the teeny tiny 1/24 fragile chairs I have assembled and the other cat rolls around on my work surface so that his fur has blobs of Elmer’s glue on it in funny places. He’s so jealous, and he always decides to make his approach when I am holding two corners together. LOL. Sorry for the long post. If you’re read it, thank you. I guess I just needed to commiserate with someone who shares my concerns about Covid, which so many people dismiss. Glad you’re doing grocery delivery even tho I know you’ll still have to wash everything down. Hope you will get some long, lovely late-summer evenings on the porch listening to the birds and feeing the warm sun and cooler air. You and Don have made your home a haven, and if we are hermits, I’m glad you have that Hobbit Hole. Sending love
I also can retreat for months at a time, and have. I understand.
Dollhouses are always a wonderful escape, but what makes them even more special is that you can build/decorate something in a way that is completely different from your own home – for much less money! I’m so happy to hear you’re enjoying your new hobby.
Much love, Nora.
Stay safe.
Dear Claudia, The other day you asked what we have been reading. I have been reading “The Diary of Anne Frank.” I haven’t reread it for many years, and isolating the way we are does feel like hiding. But then, people in hiding ( including members of my family) during WW2 , which was not so long ago in history, endured fear and privation far beyond what we have to put up with. They somehow managed to keep their humanity without Netflix, FaceTime, and shopping online. When I feel a wave of feeling sorry for myself, I think of those seven people in the Secret Annex, and their friends who willingly helped them to survive as long as they did. Some of my relatives survived on a raft in a swamp in Poland, some paid a farmer to live in a hole under the floorboards of his barn, entrusting their young children to neighbors who at war’s end did not want to give them back…and then went on to have successful lives in South America. They kept their faith and their hope in the future. They didn’t give up, and we can’t either!
On the other end of the spectrum, I reread “A Fine Romance” by Susan Branch, her journal of a dream trip to the UK. The pictures, the food, the friends, the descriptions of her travel experiences, it’s a dreamy fantasy of a trip that really happened.
I cannot imagine what they went through, except from reading the words on the page in The Diary of Anne Frank and from the many accounts I have read from other survivors. What stories in your very own family, Leslie. Such strength and bravery in the midst of such a dark time in our history.
I have A Fine Romance here and enjoyed it very much.
Stay safe!
I’ve been ordering my groceries from our HyVee for the past 3 years when I was very ill. Last year (?) they stopped offering free delivery with orders over $100 and went to a yearly fee for “free” deliveries. HAH! Now I’m using the online order and pickup which is great.
Oh good!
Stay safe Christine!