Why that title? You’ll see later in the post.
Lots of leaves on the ground and on the roof. The very old maple starts dropping its leaves fairly early. It isn’t officially autumn but it sure looks like it around here.
Don’t tell me it’s time to start raking again. I’m not ready for it.
I had a bit of a meltdown last night. As you know, I headed out to buy jeans yesterday and, as always, it was a depressing experience. Most difficult was the realization that I had gained a lot of weight. More than I had realized. Nothing like the funhouse mirrors in a store to shock you into reality. I found the whole experience so disheartening. I was a very thin woman well into my late forties so I was, I admit, spoiled by never having to watch my weight. All that has changed in the last 20 years and I often don’t recognize my body.
After making my depressing purchases, I came home. Don called to check on me and I shared my emotions. Later last night, as we were watching television, I found my thoughts circling back to my recent professional heartache. People I trusted completely betrayed me, each in a very particular way. The remembrance of that, along with my feelings about my body, made for a very insecure me. I guess, even though I’m usually pretty strong about what happened to me professionally, I’m not quite past the hurt.
Fortunately, Don was there and I cried in his arms. I’m feeling a little wiped out this morning but I suppose I needed the emotional release. Letting it out aids in healing.
We won’t even go into my anger over what is happening to Christine Blasey Ford, the brave woman who stepped forward, knowing it would change her life forever, to speak out against Brett Kavanaugh. She is a patriot. Yet, her life has been threatened. She has gone into hiding to protect her family and children.
I saw posts on Twitter that gave her home address and phone numbers as well as calling her a b*tch. I reported them. But the damage was done. If I hear one more white republican male cast aspersions on her without even hearing her side of the story, automatically choosing to believe the man rather than the woman, I am going to slap someone – preferably, one of the smug members of the Senate Judiciary Committee. This is also coming from some women, which is even more appalling.
What have we come to? Death threats? Publishing private information? (Also called doxxing.) And then they have the gall to say (every time) “Why didn’t she come forward sooner?”
F them.
It happens rarely now on the blog, but it did happen the other day, so I will reiterate this. If, by this time, anyone supporting the liar-in-chief is still reading this blog and leaves a comment in support of IT, the comment is deleted and the commenter is blocked. This is my piece of real estate on the web. I pay for it. We would not invite anyone who supports that evil thing into our cottage because that support means tacit or overt agreement with a whole litany of evil things; bigotry, racism, misogyny, white nationalism, sexual assault, putting 12,800 children in cages, stealing children from their families, xenophobia, lying incessantly, trying to take away our rights, mocking the disabled, mocking a war hero – you can fill in the rest of the blanks. Not invited into my home on the web either. The time when I would try to have meaningful dialogue with a supporter is long past. It isn’t possible. It isn’t worth my time.
Okay. Deep breath.
Let’s close with a pretty fading zinnia. So lovely.
That beauty is what I’ll focus on for the rest of the day, partly to preserve my sanity, but also to remind myself of what truly matters.
Happy Wednesday.
Can you hear my standing ovation?
This whole Kavanaugh thing makes my blood boil! And just because it is traditional and the expected norm to blame the victim in a he-said/she-said situation it is NOT right! As someone who has been the victim, I can tell you that there is no way that a woman can or would disrupt her life to cast blame on an innocent man! She simply has too much to lose. She is a hero for trying to keep him from a lifetime of power on our highest court. Justices have our rights and freedoms in the palms of their hands! We need to be able to trust them. And, while we’re at it, can we impeach Clarence Thomas?
I’d love to impeach Thomas, who NEVER should have been seated on the Court.
What woman would willingly subject herself to what she is going through just to lie? No one. She’s telling the truth. And the Republicans know it. That’s why people like Grassley and Graham are saying they must move forward. If they knew it was a false accusation, they would welcome the investigation.
Claudia, thank you. I’m so with you. Fulminating and fomenting. Before his Supreme Court appointment, Thomas was head of the EEOC. This is the agency that’s supposed to enforce the laws against harassment and discrimination, including the type of hostile work environment he inflicted on Anita Hill. Plus, his “silent treatment” toward the Court itself over the 27 years he’s been there is another example of what happens when we elect or appoint people who believe they are above the law.
“Fomenting” is perfect!
Clarence Thomas will always have an asterisk next to his name. He never should have been voted onto the Supreme Court. Gorsuch will also have one for sitting in a stolen seat.
I have to believe that there is a huge backlash heading down the pike. We, the 51% of this nation, need to rise up!
I agree. I think the GOP is going to rue the day that they pulled this. Starting in November.
i agree about buying pants … especially jeans. wish there was consistency among manufacturers about sizing, for one thing … and at least one who would keep a line of classics that doesn’t change, won’t follow trends and will respect adult women’s bodies …. ugh.
also agree about never publicizing someone’s home address, etc. or making threats …. thank you for reporting that. i am ashamed that it was a senator from iowa (chuck grassley) who wrote the reply declining christine blasey ford’s request for an fbi investigation. grassley is right that her answers should be the same in any situation … but to deny an investigation before voting on whether or not kavanaugh should be put on the supreme court is just plain wrong. future votes (on critical issues) are too important. plus the odds of someone lying about such things are pretty low, especially since it would be so disruptive and invasive in a person’s life and their loved ones’, too. besides, if it is too much “he said, she said”, let a more neutral group try to sort it out. ugh again! world going crazy, i fear …
glad you let your feelings out. thanks for letting me do a bit of that here.
hope you enjoy those flowers and your day is better.
kathy in iowa
An investigation would only be stopped if they were afraid what would be found out. They’re covering up for Kavanaugh and not just on that front. He had massive debt that mysteriously disappeared right before IT announced his nomination. It’s rumored he has a gambling problem. And he has perjured himself several times – now, and years ago according to Sen. Patrick Leahy.
Bravo! Sorry about your professional betrayals which are so hurtful. Lately I feel we’re seeing the re-emergemence of more people openly and proudly not honoring commitments, taking advantage of others and having no sense of the value of community or relationships. As long as it’s “legal” or no one complains it’s a “go.”
Keep the faith that there are many more good people than bad and if we stick together we will at the least survive and at best prosper! VOTE!
I see the same thing, Do. Everything I was taught as the right things to do seem to be out of fashion.
I do know that there are more good people than bad and that gives me hope! Thanks, Dorinda.
Oh Claudia…
What is it with those dressing room mirrors??? I share your experience as a thin person in my younger years. At age 50 it all changed. When I retired 5 years ago, at age 61, I started changing how I eat, amd making a commitment to exercise. I’ve managed to lose about half the weight, need to lose another 20. It is such a struggle and I backslide sometimes.
It gets depressing to look in the mirror.
I have the same feelings about the Kavanaugh situation.
You expressed it perfectly.
Be kind to yourself today….focus on all the light and love in your life. Hugs
I need to exercise more, but I do a lot of physical exercise in the spring and summer and nothing has happened. Very frustrating! Thanks, Marilyn!
I’m sorry that the ones who made a commitment to didn’t follow through
I see it from both sides. A victim of near sexual assault. I remember the event and where and who I told but I can’t tell you the name of the guy or what he looks like now. This is from 40 years ago. My sister had a crush on this guy.
. I also know of someone who was falsely accused by two female soldiers they (the girls were in the unit three weeks) and made an accusation that was unfounded. They had a record of making accusations in each unit they were in. And when I was in the Army, I was told by a female sergeant to “get in good with the sergeant major” so I can get out of being in a job I was not happy with (truck mechanic). Let just say she had a reputation among the guys. What I am saying is I don’t doubt the event. I am saying am not sure that Mr. Kavanaugh from what I heard while listening to the C-span testimonies is the one did the attack. Giving out addresses and making death threats is wrong from both sides. I hate trying on clothes.
Think of it this way. What woman would want to subject her family and herself to death threats, to have to go into hiding? That alone tells me she’s telling the truth. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were more sexual skeletons in his closet, but whether another victim will expose themselves to the smear machine that the GOP has up and running, I don’t know.
I have thought of it that way too.
xo
Bravo, Claudia!
I’m only 65 but at this point I hope to see a positive turnaround in my lifetime. I’m not sure anymore. I see signs of a huge blue wave in November but I am afraid to hope.
Your upcoming trip sounds awesome.
I’m the same age. I never imagined it would be this way in my ‘older’ years.
We all have those moments when everything seems changed – our bodies, our lives ….It can be very disheartening. At 70, I can now look in the mirror and be at peace with what I see – life changes are more difficult. For me it is health challenges and a husband with dementia, for you career obstacles and financial insecurity. Add in buying jeans and I would be in tears too.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with dementia, Melanie. My heart goes out to you and your husband. Much love being sent your way.
Melanie, I read your most recent post on ‘house cleaning’. Very true and interesting! I will read more of your writing…
Jeans, weight, daily bad news, I am 75 and at peace with my big jeans but need to lose weight for my joints.. words I have used for 20 years.
Oh boy does that sound familiar! Thanks, Gayle.
I don’t shop for bathing suits any longer, but I do equate it to jean shopping at age 65+. Just ugh.
I truly believe they will ram this vote through and it makes me physically ill. We were listening to Rachel the other night on the radio as we were driving home from Madison and she was sharing some of the Thomas hearings from 1991. If I didn’t know it was 27 years later, I wouldn’t have belived that what we were hearing wasn’t happening today. Some of the players remain the same ~ and the make up of the committee, all males ~ also the same. The questions and accusations toward the victim also remain sadly what they were nearly 3 decades ago. The bullies remain in power and it appears to be status quo. “What happens at Georgetown Prep stays at Georgetown Prep” and they all laugh. Beyond my comprehension. I cry when I listen and watch this cluster going on around us.
I hope a good cry helped you last night. Sometimes it is truly cleansing, and having Don there was especially great. Glad you also have the trip coming up. As you wing your way over the ocean, hopefully you can leave some of this stuff behind for a bit. I’m sure you are both getting excited and counting the days down!! Have a peaceful Wednesday.
I remember those hearings vividly. I was disgusted then and I’m even more disgusted now.
We are excited. Still a bit far off. We’ll get more excited in a week or so.
I’m sorry you had a meltdown, but as testament to your strength, it was a long time coming. Hope many of the bad feelings were released in those torrent of tears, and you can move ahead. Your upcoming trip will focus you on the many pleasures a dream get-away often provides.
It does help to have that trip to look forward to!
My Dear Claudia. I am so envious of your writing ability, both being able to speak your mind and get your point across and having a logical point to share with people like me. And, then to get right back to what it is that you can control – your own garden, home and blog. I applaud your work. and look forward to reading your words. Thank you for sharing them. Oh, I had to look up the meaning of fulminating.
I wonder if this is how people in eastern Europe felt leading up to the Hitler regime and the citizens of Russia still feel today! It didn’t happen overnight. I am not a naysayer, I believe God is in control and uses people to accomplish his will. He knows what he is doing with it.
I often wonder the same thing, Kelly. It must have been the way they felt.
Thank you for our kind words.
My dear friend, I’m sorry you had the meltdown but I’m sure it helped to just get it out. Don is such a support. I wonder at my depression at times and then I look around me, what a sad and crazy world. I’m still fighting and so are my daughters who I hope are the generation to make a big change in this country. I can’t even begin to address my body issues. After being ill for so long and now depressed my physical condition is pretty low. This week being with Ashleigh has helped me have a new perspective on my life and what I must do to take care of myself. Lets hope I can do it when I return home.
Focus on the upcoming trip and come back home ready to fight again!
I’m sorry you’re dealing with depression. I think I have been, as well. Getting away and being with Ashleigh helps. We often can’t get perspective until we have a change of scene. Thinking of you.
Claudia, there’s no one I like to hear rant & vent about Chunky more than you. No one, including Rachel and the many other wise talking heads in the media. And some of those people are really articulate, even eloquent. But somehow your soapboxes always manage to supply JUST the right amount of acid that have me cheering out loud on this end [even though I’m usually home alone]. Many if not most of us who loathe Trump are not just dejected, depressed & worried – we’re ANGRY too – and there’s no reason that shouldn’t be expressed every bit as much. So I hope you never hold back on saying what you want, especially here on your own blog. Your reasoning on this is flawless [IMO] . Thanks my friend. Enjoy your day & Peace.
#Resist
#ProtectMueller
Thank you so much, Janet. You made my day! xo
I am an Independent and I don’t pooh pooh her accusations but my question is, as far as an investigation by the FBI, where to start? She doesn’t seem to remember where or when so there is no place to begin.
Yes, there are repressed memories and there are also false memories.
I realize I’m not making any friends on here but when we are talking about accusations about sexual assault (especially that long about with questionable responses) I think about how I would feel it it were to be my husband or my son and them having to defend themselves with so little to go on. Where were we on a certain unknown date or place thirty some years ago?
When there is any accusation of an assault or a crime, we have to know when and where, otherwise, where do they start?
I’m sure there are others who could come forward and corroborate. And I’m also sure there are others who have had encounters with him and would like to come forward. The FBI is good at this sort of thing – the best. The investigation should happen and we should leave it up to them to find out more. If they can track Trump/Russia, they can handle this.
Let’s also look at how his massive credit card debt suddenly got paid off right before the nomination was announced. And the allegations that he has a gambling problem. And the perjury he committed many years ago when questioned by Sen. Leahy and the perjury he has recently committed. All of this should be investigated.
I take your question seriously, Gloria. Nothing wrong with asking that – it’s a legitimate question. But it speaks to his character. And from what I’ve read, this was very much the way many of the students at this elite prep school functioned. Women from other private schools that knew those prep school students have said as much.
We’re talking about the highest court in the land. If there’s a hint of impropriety – whether it be sexual, financial, or lying under oath – he (or any nominee) should be voted down. Better yet, he should withdraw.
Claudia,
My husband and I share our views on all things, political and otherwise. However his friends and some of our family members do not. They are mostly silent but deadly supporters of IT. They often say blatantly racist and or misogynistic statements. I boil, and more often than not excuse myself from the situation. They KNOW how I feel….they just think they are in the right. Thus, I have subscribed to the New Yorker, supported the resistance and am becoming ALMOST as judgmental as those people. I want to scream.
Thank you for your blog.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. I would have a very hard time in that situation and I applaud you for keeping your cool.
Hang in there, my friend.
Rant on Girl! We are mad and most of us don’t want to take it anymore!
Our bodies are ours and I need my next sign to read “I have been holding this sign
too damn long”.
I remember when young women burned their bras and their boyfriend’s draft card!
Everyday now brings more craziness.
It still, after all these years, is an enormous problem. I’m sick of it, too.
Claudia, you have my admiration.
Thank you, Carolyn Marie.
People who makes clothes don’t always do it properly. Once I bought two pair of jeans, Same size, same manufacturer, and they were not the same size. One much looser than the other. And today things are much worse. That is why I make all my own clothes.
As far as the politics, I agree totally. and my husband too. Women really need to turn out this fall and turn out the idiots from Congress. I keep hearing the stupidest things coming out of the mouths of IT’s party. Ugh.
We need to vote them out. It’s almost as if the GOP is trying to commit suicide. Do they really want to get millions of women pissed off right in time for the midterms?
I only want to say that I just recently discovered your blog and am loving it! It is so refreshing to see an open discussion of the failing of this administration headed by “IT”. I never use his name either.
Thank you for providing this refreshing spot in blog land.
Oh, thank you, Lynn! That means a lot!
AMEN, Sister! As for those pounds that have appeared,take it from someone old enough to be your mother, be glad that you are healthy and are able to enjoy your up-coming trip. xo
I am! Thanks, Annette.
Oh…I do mean that I am loving all of the blog…not just the political.
xo
Greetings,
I enjoy your blog, visit daily, and see it as a kind of respite from life here in the city. So first of all, thank you for that. I’ve read you long enough to know that our sensibilities are in sync; I too am sickened by the turn of events since the election, believe and support Dr Ford, and will do all in my power (march, protest, vote, canvas) to hasten Trump’s early departure.
But that hasn’t stopped me from thinking about his supporters, so much in fact that I recently wrote about one, in particular. I couldn’t believe that in the liberal bastion that is Manhattan (mostly) there were folks who could vote for someone as repugnant as Trump, particularly given NYC’s history with him. But I guess I’m not ready to write each and every one of his supporters off, I guess I still want to know WHY. Were there nuances in their thought process to vote the way they did; are they having second thoughts because of it? So many Americans cast a vote for him; how will we move forward as a nation after Trump is impeached/removed/defeated?
Becks
I think there are supporters who initially (why, I don’t know) thought it was time for a change. I also think there are supporters who now regret that vote. In fact, I know there are. But there’s a group of what I call cult members, who believe everything he says, every conspiracy theory, everything. Those people have drunk the koolaid and they want to go down with him. Some of them are secretly or not-so-secretly grateful that their own fears have been amplified, that they can be racists, or bigots or whatever is vile and get away with it.
That’s not all that nuanced, of course, just writing off the top of my head. I do worry about how we’ll move forward. I don’t know. Thanks, Becks.
I just had this conversation with my husband the other day. When we get a real president, they will spend their entire term trying to repair just some of the damage IT has done. And once Cheeto is out of our White House there will be no one to reign him in and no one to shut him up. We will never hear the end of his craziness because we all know he will never keep his big mouth shut.
I would give anything to NEVER hear or see him again!
Claudia, you are a sensitive woman with a big heart and this is all good, so don’t beat yourself up ever about any of what you are because, for myself, you’re a great person to ‘know’ and would be a person’s very best friend. Don’t ever change.
And I’m so, so sorry that things have been getting you down; I know what it is to gain weight and look in the mirror as I’ve aged. Soon, you’ll be getting a lot of good exercise as you walk a lot in the big cities of your upcoming trip and, when you get back (don’t do it in Europe, because that’s precisely the time to savor all kinds of wonderful local fare; don’t shortchange yourself on the foods!), maybe you and Don, now that he’s home, can plot out some meal plans that are satisfying to you both but which can help you to curb some calories. I have a lot of difficulty losing weight now, welcome to life as a menopausal woman over a certain age, but I can choose to eat one cookie and not three. Still enjoy making them, eating them; just do a little bit of editing.
I lived apart from my husband for five months a couple of years ago (was due to his work) and we BOTH gained weight living on our own and reaching for things to eat that we shouldn’t have and I know a lot of it was wrapped up in other emotions than hunger. When we have some holes of loneliness, even if it’s temporary, or the joyless (sometimes) thing of ‘cooking for one’ or not sharing when you’re accustomed to sharing, feeling like life’s on hold or reacting to something else bothering you, what do we do but reach for comfort in food, blankies, etc. Maybe this winter when you’re closed in by bad weather and can’t do physical things like mow, you can do exercises-in-place with Don, like buy a good exercise video with some good music to dance and do some stretches with (I had just come over from Susan Branch’s blog recently when she talked of doing exercises in her dining room!).
This vacation of yours coming up…the honeymoon-esque/anniversary trip…is SO what you need right now; don’t let anything ruin it. Keep your eye on the calendar; you are going to have a ball! Give yourself a time-out with this travel; don’t read any headlines over there; give yourself a couple of weeks to immerse and ‘get away from it all’!
I know we’ve both gained weight and we were apart much of last year and for 6 months this year. It surely had an impact on us. It’s next to impossible to lose weight at my age, but I’m determined to. But we won’t start until we return home.
I was gone all day and evening yesterday. and not on the computer until just now.
and OH CLAUDIA! do you also see my standing ovation? !!!
“… that they can be racists, or bigots or whatever is vile and get away with it. ”
AND… so sick and tired of ” boys will be boys.”
all my life in hearing of what happened in Germany in the third Reich I always wondered how on earth it could have got to that point. I think that now I know. ‘ good people doing nothing. ‘
thank you for being YOU.
and hang the jeans. and hang the people who betrayed you. and hang all of it but your lovely smile! let THAT be what you wear on your trip with your wonderful loving husband.
sending love and hugs to you both! be of good courage. we shall fight the fight. xoxo
Thank you, Tammy.
I think we can see how Nazi Germany happened rather easily these days.
exactly. so gradually as to not even be realized.
until it’s quite possibly too late. so thinking people need to be on their guard.
and reading further… I ditto Janet K.’s comment below! xo
xo
Well said again, Claudia. By the way, look at the zinnia . You find beauty in something that isn’t in the prime of it’s life , so just apply those thoughts to yourself. Your many friends on your blog think you’re pretty great no matter what size jeans you wear.😊
Thank you so much, Janet. Bless you.
Your blog is a gift! I admire and respect your honesty. As to the additional pounds, don’t berate yourself please…. it is probably frustration weight! You are an educated beautiful woman who deeply cares about her world & ours.
IT has been the most frustrating ‘leader’ ever, as well as the most ill equipped to stand up and act his age for crying out loud. His lack of experience is so obvious, and this spoiled old man is draining our country, and perhaps placing us all in jeopardy.
Perhaps it is time for a ‘time out’…for IT.
Sending you hugs for always speaking the truth, enjoy Europe! Looking forward to pictures!
A permanent time out, I think. Thank you, Marcy Ray!
First of all…jean shopping ranks right up here with shopping for a bathing suit, which I no longer do. Once you’ve crossed the 50 year line…weight just doesn’t seem to want to come off. It sucks…plain and simple!
As far as Christine Blasey Ford…she is a hero in my book. I did not realize that she has received death threats….what are those people afraid of? The truth! My heart goes out to her and her children. You state, oh so eloquently, exactly what I feel every day. The only thing I know to do, is to sign every petition I am able to sign…make every phone call I can make to the elected officials in Wisconsin. And vote those b****rds out of office! We are the 51%!!! Let us not forget that!
I hope you are able to enjoy a peaceful evening! ;)
She is indeed a hero. We have to go to the polls and vote these people out!
I can’t wait for Calif’s November2018 elections. I hope people come out in DROVES. I want to be the first in line at the polls. The people are going to speak! We will have our voice, once and for all!
Yes we will!
Claudia, you are going on a wonderful trip with a wonderful man in a few weeks, don’t let this crap mess it up for you!
I share your sentiments 1000%, on what’s happening to our great country but I know it will not last much longer – I HAVE FAITH!
ps. I have loved following you for many years and am so happy to continue to do so☺️🌻
I won’t. I promise!
Wow Claudia!…when you speak up…you speak up good…A big YES to all of it!!
Thanks, Nancy!
I feel terrible that you are feeling so terrible! You work in a business where beauty and being thin is so very important. You mean so much to so many. I don’t care if you are a size 2 or a size large. You are a beautiful person living a life that embraces so many of us. If women were judged by their hearts instead of their size, we would all be better off. Thin or thick I want to see hearts!
And I am with you. I’m not talking about you know who.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Tana!
Bravo, Claudia, bravo!!!
You are a breath of fresh air and I adore & respect your eloquence, spirit, candor, honesty, and strength! I also admire, bordering on coveting, you photography skills and the beauty you capture in the world around you.
I am in 100% agreement with everything you’ve written today, and there are many, many women & men across the country who feel & believe likewise. We will be making our voices heard in November!
Enjoy your trip and have a wonderful time traveling with Don!
You both are more than deserving of an enjoyable and relaxing respite.
Thank you, Amy! On to November!
It’s a sad day when I’d rather face a mirror while shopping for a new pair of jeans rather than listen to my senator calling the accusations a hiccup. What a shameful lack of character! I’m voting blue for the future of my grand-daughters. And will let you know if I find a magic cure for those horrid pounds that appeared and are so hard to banish!
Was that Dean Heller? I think it was. Shameful.
If you find a magic cure, please let us ALL know! xo
Tough day! A confluence of upsetting and unsettling events. I’m glad Don was there for you. Because of the never-ending assaults from our inhumane administration, we are living in a constant state of reaction, anger, and fear. Sometimes, it has to come out. I hope today is calmer. I’m glad you have nature, your garden, and your deep connection with the earth to help ground you. And a loving husband. XO
I am, too. Thank you, Nora.