Home. Masses of packing yesterday morning. Masses of unpacking yesterday afternoon. Thank goodness, Don was in Hartford, too – he took a load of things home in his car. I stayed a bit longer to pack up my car and do some last minute cleaning in the apartment.
We had a lovely time together in Hartford. On Friday, we stopped at Blue State Coffee for some coffee for Don and hot chocolate for me. We spent a couple of hours at the Wadsworth Atheneum. Don loved it there, as I knew he would. We wandered back to the apartment and donned our opening night duds. We had dinner at Salute, an Italian restaurant with great food and service, and then went to the theater. The show was wonderful. I, of course, have seen it a lot, and watching Don watching it was a huge treat. The Opening Night Party took place right after the show. Don got to meet everyone, though he already knew Darko and Kandis (our friend who plays the Nurse.)
A long, but wonderful, day.
I’m proud of my work on Romeo and Juliet. And it’s awfully rewarding to see that work show in the growth of the actors onstage. To see it pay off. It’s also very rewarding to hear them express their appreciation and thanks. It makes it all worth it.
I know I love seeing Don with his colleagues when I get to see him onstage. I love seeing him through their eyes, watching him interact with them, seeing the respect and admiration they feel for him. He feels the same way about me, and he was definitely the proud husband on Friday night.
He gets it.
Now, we’re back home…recovering.
And of course, being back home is bittersweet for me. Everywhere I go, I see emptiness where Scout should be. This morning I automatically started to look for her water dish to make sure it had enough water in it. I looked for her when I came downstairs this morning. I looked for her when I unlocked the door yesterday afternoon. I’m experiencing what Don has already experienced over the past two weeks, a cottage without our girl.
There is a quiet in the house that is filled with her absence. We’ve lived here for ten years and she has always been here with us. I broke down last night and cried. I miss her so much and I still can’t believe she’s gone. I would give anything to have her back. To be her mom again.
Her ashes are waiting for us at the animal hospital. We’re not quite ready for that experience yet. When we’re ready, we’ll go together and bring them home.
Oh, Scoutie, you are missed by your mom and dad. You are missed.
Happy Sunday.
i am glad for those other things for you (your time with don in hartford, dinner with a friend, the great show/party on opening night/your well-deserved appreciation for a job well done, your being home …), but what i most want to say is that you are forever scout’s mother and don her father and she is forever your girl. forever.
kathy
Thank you, Kathy. I find I’m on the verge of tears all the time.
Life can be so beautiful but at the same time so sad. Comfort to you.
Thank you, Cindy.
Glad everything went well. Now the true healing can begin. Etsy has some beautiful engraved rocks for pet memorials. Inexpensive as well.
Thanks, Linda.
A great big hug sent to you from me in Arizona. I also include some warm sunshine. Cindy P.
Yesterday it was in the fifties and we did have warm sunshine. Not today, however!
Claudia,
I’m so glad all went well in Hartford, and I’m also glad Don got to join you there. Congratulations on a job well done!
As to Scout, I understand more than you know what you’re going through and pray that God holds both of you especially close right now. It is hard, and there is no way to sugarcoat it. But if it helps, there are a lot of us who empathize with the pain you are feeling and wish we could be there to take you for coffee and hot chocolate or bring you some flowers or just be there for you. We are, and we do these things in spirit.
Sending much love across the miles…
xo
Sheila
Thank you so much, Sheila.
I do feel your heartache, Claudia. It will be three months on Tuesday since we had to let our Kanie go and I still feel his presence everywhere. I’ve never lost a family dog so I expect that it just takes a long time to get through it. And saying that, he will always remain in my heart until we meet again. Sending a hug to you and Don. Do take care of yourselves. xo
It takes a very long time, Deb. I know. Thank you.
One day at a time.
Thank you, Doris.
Claudia I am so glad you and Don had a wonderful time in Hartford. You both needed some Joy in your lives. I know so well what you are feeling now that you are home. I miss Charlie every moment of the day, but I’m dealing with it a bit better now. I still cry but there are also moments I can smile at the memories. I wish the same for both of you as time goes on. Sending you a hug and praying for some healing and peace.
Linda
Thank you, dear friend. I know you are experiencing the same feelings as I am.
So happy opening night was a successs and that you were able to share it with Don. My wish for you both is a Sunday of peace and the beginning of a healing process.
Thank you, Sue.
I am so glad Don joined you up in Hartford. You both needed that. I know very well what you are going through. Scout and your others will always be there with you in spirit. They are watching over and will never leave you. Good times will over take the sad and you will find yourselves smiling at all the silly little things she did and know that she knew she was very well loved. Glad you both made it back home safe and sound.
Hugs
Thank you, Nancy.
One step forward and two steps back. It is like navigating a steep icy road. Just when we think we found that magic traction spot to ensure our footing….. we find ourselves sipping backwards again. It just can’t be rushed. It takes time to find our way again.
I hope you will find something to smile about today and peace in that moment. ♡
Thank you, Chris. We are definitely giving ourselves time to grieve and time to acknowledge our loss. No rushing.
gentle hugs
Thanks, Jeannine.
We lost a lovely cat over 20 years ago. I still miss him. He played a game with my handicapped daughter and protected me from big dogs. We had two cats after him and I miss them too. It is like losing a family member. Sometimes the best of us.
It IS losing a family member, Jan. Thank you.
I could not read this to the end without crying. I am so sorry for your loss. Our Fox Terrier died 16 years ago, at the age of 15. As silly as it may sound to some, I still think of him and miss him every single day. Scout was so lucky to have such deep love in her life, and what joy she gave back. It’s one day at a time, Claudia, I wish I lived close to give you a big hug. Take care, I know you and Don will give each other the big hugs…
We are. We are sad most of the time right now. It’s just the way it is. But we give each other support and that’s a good thing. Thank you, Bonnie.
I am so happy that you and Don enjoyed opening night! I know the work you do goes toward making the art of the theater so enjoyable for us, the audience. Thank you.
I hope your Scoutie is having fun with my Taffy and Be-Bop. I read how you are feeling and I remember going through the same when my little dogs went to heaven. Deep breaths.
Thank you, Tana.
Yes, I perfectly understand your feelings of an empty house without the presence of your beloved Scout.
ahhh me,… life is filled with these sad and difficult times. I wish it wasn’t so, yet God still gets us through them slowly but surely.
It’s been very sad here for a couple of years now. We need a little break from sadness, Elizabeth. Thank you for your kind words.
Claudia,
You and Don continue to be in my thoughts. I know how it is to be left with a memory and how it just isn’t enough. Be gentle with yourself.
Susan
Thank you, Susan.
Congratulations on another successful show! So glad you are home but know it is very bittersweet with Scout. Get some rest and enjoy Spring in your cottage with your love.
Judy
No Spring yet, Judy, though it’s in the fifties today. Thank you.
Has it been 5 weeks already. Goodness, so much happened in that time. I’m glad Don was able to spend time with you for the Opening; you two probably needed that little diversion. Definitely bittersweet to come home as the sense of loss is heightened. More than 30 years ago, we had to put my Toni dog to sleep and I still mourn her loss. She was a part of my life from the time I was 2 until I was 17. I still have her picture displayed in my bedroom. We had so many cats that I can’t remember them all but Toni was a constant and I will never forget her. God bless Scoutie’s sweet little soul. Peace and comfort to you and Don.
It’s been six weeks, Tammy. Thank you for your kind words.
Bless your hearts, both of you. I am glad Don got to go up and visit, I am glad you are home and now ready to meet the challenges of being there without Scoutie. Take your time, it is part of the process, one day at a time.
Hugs,
Meredith
It’s incredibly hard and incredibly sad around here. Love to you.
I’m glad opening night went so well! I realize it’s difficult to be in your own home, surrounded by so many memories of Scout. Everywhere you turn…the sounds you expect to hear…I get it. I sincerely hope you will gain a little peace everyday…that is my profound wish! ;)
Thank you so much, Donnamae.
I haven’t gotten to the blogs much, but I am following you closely on IG…it is short but sweet. I’m glad you’re home and I hope the days get better. Not always easier, but better. I know you normally have that time where you have to ease back into your home life after being away. This time the transition is more difficult, I would imagine. Then the news of Harper Lee, you addressed it in your previous post, but I wouldn’t have known had you not posted it to IG. I know what the author and her legacy meant to you. (well, I’m aware of your interest) So, for that my first thoughts when I saw your photo– was SHOCK! for you. Another loss. I’m sorry Claudia, you have had a tough couple of years.
Prayers for your brokenness.
I am reminded of a scripture from the Old Testament when you mentioned Scouts ashes…
It says :
To appoint unto them that mourn (in Zion), to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. ~Isaiah 61:3
Lift up your eyes Claudia, from whence cometh help.
(hugs)
It’s much more difficult this time. This is the first time in 16 years that Scout hasn’t been at home to greet me after I’ve been away.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and for the verse from Isaiah.
I’d been thinking, while you were in Hartford, about your return home and your entry into a life without Scout without the distraction of your work. Don is ahead of you there, and you two have such a strong relationship you can help each other through the mourning.
He’s ahead of me, but we’re both immersed in sadness. But yes, we’ll help each other, Margaret.
I remember that quiet in the house. Deafening. Even with other dogs present (which is hard on them, too).
I remember collecting the food/water bowls, the blankets, rugs, leashes, collars and toys specific to the pet. Gut-wrenching. Maybe out of sight, but the pet never out of mind.
(My elderly neighbor went through it a year or so ago, vowing determinedly not to get another dog due to her age, drove herself to the local animal rescue center to donate the things she’d gathered up from her now-departed and beloved dog…only to come home with another dog. Her dog was snow white (good-size dog; breeds you see in Alaska [working dogs]). The people at the rescue center said to her, “We just got in a white dog a few days ago, but he’s little and full-grown.” Before she could protest further, they brought him out and it was love at first sight. He’s a Bichon mix; very huggable. Well-mannered; doesn’t need a lot of exercise. Walks at the lead without pulling. Good watch dog in terms of ‘alert’ status but not at all aggressive otherwise. Happy little guy; loving. She’d never had a small-breed dog in her life.)
We did all that gathering before I left to go back to Hartford. Too hard to see those things. I’ll save the bowls. The collars always hang on the container of ashes. I have my little rituals when I’ve lost a child. Thanks, Vicki.
I’m so sad for you, Claudia. Please know that you will always be Scout’s Mom. Forever.
Thank you, Lily.
Scout was such a big part of this blog…I loved reading the posts she used to do….we will all miss her Claudia and Don…hold on to each other…
Thank you, Nancy.
How could a true bond in Love be anything but forever? Always her mom and always your girl. Hugs…..
Thank you, Grace.
I know women who refuse to adopt another dog after the pain of theirs dying. They say they can’t go through another loss that agonizing. Grief is often the price we pay for love. Especially when they’re our kids! Blessings to you two, Mary
Thank you, Mary.
I am so glad you and Don had some couple time together. You both needed that. Hope you two have a good week ahead. xo
Thank you, April.
You’ve suffered so much lately. I wish I could do more than say how sorry I am.
Thank you, Barbara.