Theaters rely on donations. Whether a generous donation to fund a particular production, cast-off furniture for actor housing, or older cars to be used by visiting artists – all is welcome. Which brings me to the minivan from hell.
“Come on, Claudia, it’s just a regular old minivan,” you say. “It looks perfectly innocent!”
It’s not.
When you climb into the driver’s seat, you are greeted by 3 laminated signs permanently attached to the dashboard.
#1. “What to do in case of an accident. Look in glove box.”
#2. “The radio and CD have been disconnected in this car because they would run the battery down. Completely.”
#3. “Attention Blue Mini Van Driver! Don’t Start without Reading!
1. Start the Van.
2. WAIT 3 MINUTES while it is running. Do not start driving yet!
3. After 3 minutes or so, tap the accelerator.
4. WAIT A MINUTE more.
5. Drive to your destination.
Please do this EVERY TIME you start the minivan. It will help keep the catalytic convertor from having to be replaced.”
This gets old fast. Every time I start it, I have to go through this rigamarole. When you’re actually timing it, 3 minutes is a long time. Often we’ll all be leaving at the same time and within a minute, everyone will drive off. Not me. I’ll still be sitting in my parked van, waiting for the moment I can tap the accelerator.
It is also a gas hog. If you care to look up gas hog in the dictionary, you will see a photo of this minivan.
Unlike most of the company who are being housed within 4 miles of the theater, I am living 11 miles away. Most days, I have to go back and forth a couple of times. I was stunned at how much gas was being used in these relatively short trips. In a desperate plea, I asked if I could change cars with someone who was living closer to the theater. No one wanted to do it.
The theater has suggested we split the cost of gas, which will help a great deal. However, if given an opportunity, I will exchange this beast in a heartbeat.
I hate it.
It’s our day off. We’re all tired. One of the other vocal coaches and I are driving (in her car) to the big city today. You know that MHC is in the country, right? Well, the surrounding area back home seems positively urban compared to this area. It’s beautiful here, though. So Chris and I are going to Madison to visit Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods….we can hardly stand it, we’re so excited.
I’m buying some flowers. Yes, I am.
Claudia, if all else fails, pull over a safe distance from the main road, set the minivan on fire and run away fast!LOL I don’t think anybody would blame you. It sounds like a nightmare. The other option is to do exactly the opposite of the directions on the dash…..Then wait for the car to have a heart attack. It surely will have to be replaced! I don’t envy you. There must be some kind of alternative. It doesn’t sound like the powers that be thought the plan out very well. The one the longest distance from the theatre gets the worst transportation???
Well at least it has character?!!!Perhaps you should name her Pia as in Pain in the …Hang in there.
Oh Claudia, I feel your pain. Nothing drives me more batty than car issues. Too bad they can’t lend you a cute vespa- in turqoise or aqua, of course!
Hope you enjoy your visit to the “Big City” and find some great flowers~
Hugs,
Jill
Oh Claudia, I’m smiling, but at the same time, I feel your pain! I’ve had a few minivans in my past, and along with all the cars I’ve owned and dared to drive, I could tell YOU a few stories for sure! But it would seem you can’t live WITH’em, and you can’t live withOUT’em.. I’ve been living withOUT a vehicle for quite a while now. I simply could not afford the repairs, AND my ever rising heat-and-electric bill at the same time, so I had to CHOOSE. Obviously, I had to go with the heat and lights!.. Anyways, hope you had a great weekend! ~tina
Enjoy your venture into the city! Whole Foods can do wonders for body and soul!
have fun on your day out. and we are shocked at how much money gas is costing these days. it should be illegal to charge this much.
xo
I suppose we should be grateful for what we are given HOWEVER…this sounds absolutely HORRIBLE!!! I shall pray for your daily safety in this contraption. Happy shopping today. Rest and relaxation and flowers will be a perfect prescription for you. Marvelous May to you…
Enjoy your big city shopping. and no one wanted to exchange cars with you? Now that is a DUH moment if ever I heard of one. :-P I’m sure that vehicle’s reputation preceded it.
Good luck!
I’ve gotten so used to driving cars that don’t break down, that I forget about the days when my cars were held together with gaffer’s tape and prayers.
Cass
Claudia, leave the car unlocked and leave the keys in the ignition…some sap is bound to want to steal it …but yet again they’d have to wait 3 minutes to start driving and by then they will be so frustrated they’ll leave the jalopy. Drats! Blessings, Joanne
I HAVE TO CONTROL MY LAUGHING AS I WRITE TO YOU….YOU ARE SO FUNNY…THIS IS A GREAT POST, IT PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE.
OK I STOPPED LAUGHING,
GOD HELP YOU…YOU ARE GOING TO DRIVE THIS FOR HOW LONG?
NO NO NO!! WELL, GIVE YOUR MINIVAN FROM HELL A KICK FROM ME.
RIZZI
At least it is a nice blue….okay, I am trying to find something positive.
XO,
Mere
I think the Flintstones may have a better vehicle for you. LOL
Di
Oh no! They should have donated a mechanic along with it! lol:)
Hope you’re having lot’s of fun on your day off!
No one in there right mind would steal it, YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY THEM. (That might be cheaper than all that money for gas).
Enjoy your day.
None of us will tell if you do what Caseymini suggested! LOL I guess there is no public transportation out in the country. If it were me I’d ignore the signs and just drive it. Then if you broke the catalytic converter they’d have to replace it or the van. I’ll bet some guy who knew nothing about cars wrote the signs anyway…
Claudia, forget the check list.
By the time the converter needs replacement
[probably after MONTHS AND MONTHS of non-compliance of THEIR rules]
you’ll be away and gone from the scene.
Think of all the gasoline being used during these three-minute warm ups.
Save the planet!
Forget the instructions!
by-the-by, just how ‘permanently attached to the dashboard’ are these signs? If not removable, just temporarily cover it with Post-It notes.
hugs
Gerry
Claudia,
Sorry to hear about your devilish minivan. Hopefully, you are being reimbursed for the gas.
Hang in there.
Mandy
Hi Claudia,
What a bummer for you to get the lemon! It’s a good thing I am not the one stuck with it because I never have been good at following rules.LOL That converter would have been toast long ago!
So much has happened to you since I visited last. Just finding out that you are in Wisconsin was a surprise to me. I am so glad you are in good company though. I think Mrs. Robin would be a very fine house guest.
sending hugs…
giggle..sorry! reading your post and looking at that car brought out the giggles. My husband is wondering what I’m laughing at….
Claudia, the conspiratorial comments are as entertaining as your blog! Hope TJs does the trick. Buy something indulgent ~ chocolate covered almonds would work for me (:
Hi Claudia,
That van sounds like a car I owned in my early twenties…and yes three minutes is an eternity when you have to time it! So sorry you got stuck with the junk van..you have your sense of humor so hang on…I think you’ll need it a bunch. tee hee :0)
Oh…..I love the Whole Foods market. There was one in Memphis that I went to every week. I would walk the aisles of all the bulk bins of grains and pasta til I couldn’t make a decision…all of the sizes and colors was pure enjoyment. And the Deli is fabulous. There’s not one near me now though. {boo hoo}
Have fun!
Hugs,
Stephanie ♥
Good morning Claudia! I know you’re frustrated but this is a very funny story! Buy the minivan some flowers – maybe that will help things out LOL. Take care my friend, and tell those people who won’t trade cars with you that they are being meanies! Ciao, bella!
Oh, goodness. You made me laugh. We will all plan a carjacking to relieve you of the vehicle from hell.♥
hmmm.
how ’bout popping in don’s cd and in 1 song, you’re good to go.
hang in there. hope you find some pretty flowers at TJ’s today.
xo
elyse
You could always do what I did for two years when my hubby bought me a green car….I pretended it was a silver race car…..I would think to myself,” what are your looking at? I am in my silver car and it’s so pretty…really, it’s not green!” I am so excited for you to go shopping……I have never been to either store so I am waiting for the whole story and pictures!!!!!
Have fun Chickie!!! I just saw the Movie that Don sang in with Renee Z., it’s available on our Telus TV, so hopefully this weekend I can watch it!!!
Hugs,
Margaret B
xx