I like this picture of me. It’s a bit harsh, a bit shadowy, very serious and boy, do I look like my mother – more and more so as I get older. It’s reality. And I’m not a young thing anymore.
Don and I both work in the theater. At the moment, he’s working at a well-known theater center that champions the development of new plays and musicals. It’s a very famous (in the theater world) conference that happens every summer. Consequently, there are lots of people around at any given moment – most of them quite young. He’s noticed something that’s been happening to me for more than a few years.
Everyone surrounding him is young. Young interns, young staff, young actors. He said it’s like watching an audition episode of “So You Think You Can Dance” – young energy catapulting and frolicking everywhere. Nothing like watching all that unlined, unwrinkled, unhunched-over-from-back-pain energy to jolt you into reality.
I’ve been talking to Don about this for a while now. Almost every time I work on a play nowadays, I am one of, if not the, oldest people in the room. In my head, I don’t feel any different, but the fact remains, when I look around the room and take a quick reality check; oh my lord, I’m old. Do those young actors and assistants look at me the way I looked at anyone over forty when I was young and think, “She’s old?” Do they automatically assume things about me like I must have a boring life and compartmentalize me because of my age? I hope not, but I must admit, like all young people, I used to do that very thing. It’s part of being young and feeling you’re immortal and having lots of energy and being at the beginning of your career. I was there once. So was Don.
Of course, I want to see young people going into the theater. It keeps it alive. It’s as it should be. There’s a cycle to all of this that is utterly natural. But it’s strange being on the other end of that cycle. Don’s been working as a professional actor for over forty years. I’ve been doing what I do for over thirty years. That’s seventy years of combined experience.
Yikes.
How did this happen? How did we reach this place that others were in, not us? How did all those years go by in a flash? To tell you the truth, I’m usually shocked when I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Not only because I see gray hair and a sagging jowl line, but because, in my heart, I feel much younger than that person in the mirror looks. And isn’t that what every ‘older’ person feels? I bet all those over-forty-somethings that I made assumptions about when I was younger felt the exact same thing. So do over-seventy-somethings.
I’m still a wacky, funny, silly but intelligent thirty-something. That’s where I am in my heart and soul. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all wear some sort of sign that says: “No matter what you see when you look at me, I’m still young?” It would be a great equalizer.
This is a strange, unsettling phenomenon. And one I bet everyone experiences, whether it’s in an office, a store, a restaurant or just about anywhere. It’s something I think about a lot.
I even think about it as a blogger in a world of thirty-something bloggers and mommy bloggers. My sign reads: “Don’t compartmentalize us. We may be of a certain age but we are consumers. We have experience and wisdom. We write fabulous blogs. We write posts that will knock your socks off.”
I thought about it when I applied for teaching jobs during the past ten years but was never considered because my resume is so extensive that the institution would have to pay me too much, so the job went to someone just starting out. But, back to the cycle, that’s how I got my first teaching job. They could pay me next-to-nothing (and they did) because I was at the beginning of my career. Still, my sign reads: “I have tons of experience. I’m a great teacher. Your program will be richer because of that. My work will knock your socks off.”
Not that those actors I work with treat me with anything but respect. And they quickly realize that, though I have age spots on my hands, I have a sense of humor and am fun to be around and that helps a lot.
What a strange thing it is to reach a certain age. Obviously, the alternative is not a good one, so I’m glad I am where I am. But there is still a part of me that is just starting out. Just on the cusp of discovery, on the brink of a whole new adventure. And why not?
Claudia, pick the age that you like best and stick with it! There is no “this side of 60”. If I looked at it that way, I would be on the other side and separating myself from friends that I enjoy. As long as you don’t categorize yourself, it is easier for other people to do the same.
Never think of yourself as old!! Just think of it as being experienced!
Love the last paragraph, Claudia. Let’s live it up!!!!!
S
xo
Fabulous post Claudia……yes I feel the same way and am already much older than you, ha! ha!
Where have all those years gone, and more importantly, how many more will I have to be able to lead a busy, independent life, with exciting days of exploration, and photographing these wild places in the world? This was another amazing trip. My love for the animals just gets stronger while my sadness mounts at seeing how other people, especially the children, must live in this often cruel world. I’ll have lots of pics to share once I’m organized again!
Nice surprise was awaiting me in the large stack of mail – Grace O’s cookbook and the neat apron! Thank you again so very much for my delightful prize – I need to get cooking again!
Love your new photos – wish I had your pretty long
hair to tie back on these trips – I wore hats most of the time!
Happy weekend dear – we’re roasting here – 110 today!!!
Hugs – Mary
I’ve noticed a difference. Having two beautiful daughters showed me that people cater to youth and beauty often before they wait on the old gal. We are often looked over or treated differently. Probably the way I treated older people when I was young…as if they were a different species with which I had nothing in common and never would. Surprise, surprise. Becoming a grandmother has finally helped me reconcile the aging thing. Finally, something I’m good at and the “little” appreciates me! :D
Debbie
Claudia, I know a fellow, that at forty said, if I had known I would live to be this old, I would have taken better care of myself. LOL. I hate how my skin has aged and I was not a sun worshiper by any means. I’m really a strong person, so I feel that keeps me young. Yes, I see beauties and think “are all young people beautiful?” If their hearts are they are.:):) The true beauty has a good heart…”Damn I am gorgeous!!” LOL. Hey girl we have to laugh, as badly as it hurts at times. Smiles to you beautiful Claudia. xo, Susie
Wonderful post, Claudia! I am 38 but can really relate to a lot of what you say – especially at the school gates where some of the parents are considerably younger than me. You know what, I do look at them and think back to a time before lines and wrinkles and sagging and all that stuff, but I wouldn’t swap my experience for their youth.
I love your photo. Love your attitude.
X
Love the photo…I’m just happy to have hair at this stage…I’m losing it because of an auto-immune disease that it slowly killing my roots..not fun!!
Love the photo…I’m just happy to have hair at this stage…I’m losing it because of an auto-immune disease that it slowly killing my roots..not fun!!
great post, Claudia, I’ll take one of those signs, too!
You have not only echoed my sentiments, thoughts, feelings, but my actual words to others, sweetpea. My best friend here is Stacy and Stacy is 35 years younger than me. We talk on the phone and meet for lunch once a week and I can count on her help when needed. She sees me as a young chick and yet as an older mom who listens to her lamentations about raising teens. I adore this woman. And, while, most in our ward see me as an older woman, they never, ever believe how old I really am. I love being old, just wish the body wasn’t. But I am the youngest person you’ll ever meet who is 70 years old and counting. In my heart I am still 25 (as you’ve alluded to) but I was absolutely prime and buff at 45! I truly think “young” but with wisdom. :-) I’d love to be 45 again. But I am religious and know without a doubt I’ll live again and have a perfect body. That’s what makes it all worthwhile for me. I, also, love being a great grandmother. I can’t ever remember not wanting to be a grandmother and it is the sweetest of all positions in life for me.
xoxo,
Connie
I love this post. It touches on thoughts and feelings I’ve had myself so recently.
Beautiful photo; your hair is gorgeous.
Claudia, this is a real eye opener of a post isn’t it?
I am just starting to climb that mountain, still looking young enough to fit into the younger crowd, but old enough to know much better.
I’ve been working with 20 something’s lately, and have they ever changed. The life they lead is completely different then the one I had when I was there. And I am sure none of us could imagine being this age we are now, what ever the age is.
But we are all young inside our hearts, even if bodies don’t portray that outside. It’s hard sometimes to look in the mirror and see this woman of wisdom, how did she get there, and where is the carefree young girl that used to be reflected in the glass?
A great post, one that makes us think….now if we could get others to think also.
Jen @ Muddy Boot Dreams
Claudia – I feel just the same way. I’ve just turned 50 this year and my first thought was “well half of your life is done, you’ve done all the things expected of you so for the second half, let’s plan some fun, some creativity, something special to remember when I’m old and can’t get out of my chair”. I don’t feel any age at all – I just feel like me but a better me than the 20/30/40 year old one was. Part of it may be reconnecting with my high school girlfriends this year and it just feels the same as 35 years ago. J
Ha! What a great post and so true for all of us, no matter the profession. I work as an independent contractor at a large company for a man younger than my son. The second time we had a meeting he sweetly suggested I be on the lookout for my “replacement”, because I was going to want to retire! I can work circles around him. That was 3-1/2 yrs ago, and he’s never mentioned it again.
It was once explained to me why we feel so young on the inside. It’s because He has set Eternity in our hearts. xo
Amen, Sister. At 58, I look in the mirror and wonder when did that happen.
Claudia…Oh my I haven’t been here in a while or posted on my own blog either for some time but I feel like I never missed a beat coming here!! Claudia you are such a fabulous writer. I am amazed at how many women bloggers that I follow are also incredible writers. I feel blessed to be able to read all of your writings. This post really hit me hard. You have touched on a subject that I believe we all can relate to. I am sure that most of us humans that begin to age have experienced exactly the same thing…I know I have. I used to get noticed and now I get overlooked…just like I wasn’t even there…people look right past me. I am 57 and I feel like I am in my early forties. But…with age comes knowledge and understanding and compassion. If I see an elderly person, I always smile and say hello. I refuse to let them feel they are being passed by like they were not even there. The president of my high school class is on our local news a lot. He’s a political advisor. I find comfort in watching him gray and age before me!! And then I realize there are 80 something other human beings I graduated with that are all 57 too and going through the same thing!! That’s comforting too! Ha ha :)
You’ve written exactly what I’ve been thinking for the last few years. EXACTLY!
Claudia, you are, along with many things I admire, one of the very best writers I ever had occasion to read. You are witty, charming, intellectual, loving. And for all of those things: I love you. We bring with our age a wisdom that the young can only dream about until they get there. Please keep writing, thinking, dreaming, sharing. And of course above all else, being my best blog buddy friend!
Brenda
I think having a sense of humor and being fun to be around are the key elements to having a good life as a “senior.” Like you, I am often caught off guard by my reflection in the mirror, because it does not match who I am inside. At 64, I have accepted the changes the best I can, and I have made a real effort to take care of myself physically, emotionally and spiritually so that I feel good and am enjoyable to be around. I am certain your young students respond to your youthful spirit, Claudia!
I found myself nodding yes along with your words today! I remember when I took my first child to Kindergarten. Although I had already been married for 7 years, and had two children by then, I was clearly the youngest Mama in the room on orientation day. Then, almost 10 years later, I was in that same classroom, with my youngest child, and noticed that I was about the same age as the new Moms. Fast forward almost 30 years, and here I am again, taking my grandson to school every day…..a Grandma….amidst all of these young Mamas with toddlers by the hand, and babies on their hips! I am a youngish Grandma….but a Mom too, and I have traveled these roads already, the roads these young women are pioneering for the first time in their lives. I feel smug at the calm I feel, knowing what lies ahead. I am experienced and satisfied with roads already traveled, and eager to see what lies ahead.
Hugs…to you my wise friend,
Kris
A few years ago, I started telling myself on my birthday that I’m a year younger than I’ll be next year. But, really, I don’t think about how old I am. I’m just happy that I can do everything for myself and I do a lot. I work out and try to eat right. I do cheat more than I should, though. I thank the Lord for everyday that He gives me and I try to make the most of each day, as though it were the last. Every morning when I wake up, I’m happy to be alive! I’m 70 and will be 71 in August. I’ve been sick a lot in my life but lately, I feel so much better and I’m very happy about that.
My dollhouse hobby keeps me happy. It’s a reason to get up in the morning. And I love writing comments on blogs. That also helps a lot. Otherwise I would be very lonely because even though I feel better than I have in a long time, I’m not well enough to start going out here and there. So, the community of bloggers helps me not be too lonely. All in all, I can’t complain about getting old. There are even days when I feel that old is better as long as we have our health.
Oh yes, dear wife, This is a BEAUTIFUL post. We’ve shared this before, but reading it was so very moving. I KNOW how young, and funny, and smart, and sexy you are. I’m sure so many, many of your readers will relate to this.
I love you,
Don
I am 70 and your still a young women. Your still very attractive. I used to think the same. Oh my am I getting old and look at me.
Then as I went on through the years from your age to my now year.
Everywhere I go. As pictures do not really do justice as in person. I think. As people say I look younger in person. Wow that is a big compliment.
People would say. To me. What smooth skin my face is. Where are your wrinkles. And such a nice smile I have. I would say. Thank you and still do say Thank you.
Then I just had to say this. I am 70 and enjoying my age. They will say.
Your what age? Oh my!!
So now I am proud to say the numbers 70.
My daughter is almst 50. She says. I hope my Genes are handed to her from me still when she gets 70.
So your still a sexy Babe . Your readers will agree.
Congrat’s in all you do in your business. How rewarding. Your for sure young in heart to have the ability . Wow! That will keep you fully young. You look very slim as well. How nice is that.
I am sure many ladies would like that bonus.
My Father, with his infinite wisdom, once told me that no one ever feels much older than 26. That we don’t think of ourselves as 15 or even 35 or 22 when we look back..26 Seems to be the age where we no longer think of ourselves as kids and we feel we are now full fledged adults and we know where we’re going…. and inside we just stop aging…and always expect to see that 26 year old face and figure evermore and spend a lifetime being surprised when that is not the reflection in the mirror. He told me this the night before he died at 70.
So inside 26 outside 59 next month..so I’m off by only 33 years :D
xx
z
Love your post. Glad to know that I’m not the only one who is sometimes shocked when I catch myself in a mirror and wonder who that is. Surely it’s not me — I’m young and exciting and full of fun and ideas that are just waiting for expression. But the mirror reminds me I’m 67, not 35 any more. So I deal with it — I’m feeling better these last two years than I’ve felt in a long time and health issues that were long standing have taken a hike and I’m not accepting them back — ever. I am blessed and I live my everyday life in that mode.
It seems for years that I was always the youngest in every group. As you said…now I am sometimes the oldest..how did that happen? It so well put my feels into words.
Since I work from home, I don’t notice the “oldest one in the room” syndrome. But whenever I fill out forms, surveys, etc., I’m usually checking off the next-to-the-last box for age ranges. And it won’t be very long at all before I’m checking off the last box… Yikes! Where DID the years go? As my mom used to say, “the older you get, the quicker the years go by.” How true… Donna
Hi Claudia,
Your post really hits home with me. I turned 63 a few months ago and for the first time I am starting to realize I’m getting old. I look in the mirror and I do see more wrinkles but I know underneath it all I’m still a vibrant, healthy and happy woman. Yes, when surrounded by the young and beautiful I sometimes wonder what they think of me and do they feel sorry for me because to them, I am old. I just keep thinking to myself that if they only knew what I knew and what I have experienced throughout life then they would understand the cycle of aging.
I’m still looking forward to many more years and I hope to go down yelling and screaming that I had the best ride of my life!
BTW, you are beautiful and I love reading your blog.
hugs
Sissie
Claudia, your post and Don’s comment have been a high point in my day. You two are so well matched. Ageism exists here and yet in other cultures the older are honored. How did we get this backwards? Our cultures worship of youth? Since I let my hair go grey I notice I am often overlooked in stores and certain places. I am given senior discounts and just turned 50. Frankly it annoys me. The picture of you is striking. xoxo, Olive
Claudia,
Love this posting and this is my favorite line, “Just on the cusp of discovery, on the brink of a whole new adventure. And why not?
The only thing about aging that bothers me is that I don’t move as quickly as I used to, my bones ache sometimes and I can never find my reading glasses. Other than that, I’m okay with aging. Thank god my mind is still sharp!
I love people of all ages and hope they feel the same about me. Yes, I’m sure there are some that judge me because I look old, but after they get to know me, they realize I’m young at heart. All my life, I’ve loved people of ALL ages because I can learn something from everyone! As a child, I used to hang out a lot with the older neighbors because they used to nurture me because my mom was busy working all the time.
Let’s live it up and enjoy each moment! I remember when Brenda from Cozy Little House wrote that great article for Blogher about the over 50 set of bloggers! We rock don’t we gals!
Love what you write about Claudia and yes, sometimes you really do knock my socks off!
Hugs,
Sandy
Oh crap! I just wrote a book!
My sister told me not too long ago that as she ages, she looks more and more like me. We’re only 18 months apart. She never thought she even resembled me.
I won’t even comment on age and jobs…
I have just discopvered your blog and will be back! I love the rythm- that looks funny hope it gets across my meaning- of your writing and your subjects are of course close to many hearts. I know its going to happen to everyone, but its hard to deal with. I do not look anything like the girl I was, but I still smile and am happy most of the time… Hugs from across the pond J
OMG, did you ever hit the nail on the head!!! You couldn’t have written a better post!…I just bounced in from somewhere, who knows where. The name of your blog in someone’s bloglist caught my eye. (To Kill a Mockingbird is my favorite movie ever!) I’m so very happy to meet you, dear Claudia!!! :) Paulette
I could have been the one who
wrote this post Claudia as it is
exactly I am feeling at the
moment. In my head I am still 35
(I will be 55 this year) and when
I catch a glimpse of that stranger
in the mirror I wonder where she
came from. One of the things that
annoys me is trying to find
clothes suitable for my age. I
don’t want to dress like my
grandma or like my teenage
daughters but there really isn’t
anything for women of a certain
age out there. I love Don’s comment, what a sweet man.
Great post Claudia. I know how you feel and wonder how I got where I am as well. In my head, I’m still 25 tho!!
Oh, Claudia, How I have days like this. Thoughts like these. Then I remember how I love to be around older people. I LOVE IT! So much knowledge and wisdom to gain. I think of my Mother who died young. 52! I was 34…I thought that was a long way off. In 5 short years I’ll be her age. I think of my Granny– so young at heart …gone at 69! At the time, I thought she was old. Now, not so much. Sounds sad really; but I don’t go there.
Because then I think of the LITTLES… I just taught my grand-daughter to swim this week. (She is 3!) Today, I taught my grandson to relax and get over his fear of the water. He finally jumped into the pool! YAY!
If I were no 47 right now… I would not be the “Oma” that I am today. So I’ve got some gray hair, can’t see all that great when it comes to little things, and I make funny noises when I walk (DANG ARTHRITIS!!!)
All I can do is praise God for each breath.
Praise God from Whom ALL BLESSINGS FLOW…
I thank Him for knowing you. I love your writing. Honest and Pure.
There is much knowledge and wisdom to be found here. :)
Pat
Well, I’m 60 something, and you are right – I am the oldest person on my nursing unit. But . . . I don’t feel my age either – I still go to concerts, occasionally date, massage dogs and am painting my house this summer – just because its something I want to do – and don’t feel like paying someone thousands to do it. Carry on carrying on!
Wonderful post, Claudia that echos all of my sentiments. When I lost my counseling job 5 years ago I sent out hundreds of resumes. They were ignored. I thought is this how life is going to be from now on…I am going to be ignored. When I had my knee replaced 6 weeks ago and I had to walk with a walker and now a cane and people began to call me sweetie I thought is this how it is now…..I am going to be looked at as an old person. What it is, is our country is a youth oriented culture, but I don’t intend to be ignored or looked at as an old person. I am 61 years old. My mother is 87 and still going strong. My adult daughters keep telling me I am young, so that is how I am trying to feel. Like my grandparents, I will probably be working at my business until I am 90. So even with the wrinkles I am here. You look beautiful, Claudia so keep it going.
Hugs,
Laura
Wonderful post, Claudia that echos all of my sentiments. When I lost my counseling job 5 years ago I sent out hundreds of resumes. They were ignored. I thought is this how life is going to be from now on…I am going to be ignored. When I had my knee replaced 6 weeks ago and I had to walk with a walker and now a cane and people began to call me sweetie I thought is this how it is now…..I am going to be looked at as an old person. What it is, is our country is a youth oriented culture, but I don’t intend to be ignored or looked at as an old person. I am 61 years old. My mother is 87 and still going strong. My adult daughters keep telling me I am young, so that is how I am trying to feel. Like my grandparents, I will probably be working at my business until I am 90. So even with the wrinkles I am here. You look beautiful, Claudia so keep it going.
Hugs,
Laura
Thank you for writing this post. You write so eloquently about a season of our lives that is a bit overwhelming at times. Keep on writing…You are expressing what so many of us feel. ;)
You know you are too old if you no longer want to learn or discover new things.
I told my husband just the other day that sometimes I sit and think ” Wow, I am an adult, paying the bills, owning a home, taking care of things everyday”. It still amazes me that I do that. I still feel like the 18 year old girl who was following Rock bands around the country every summer.
Youth is in your heart not on your face. Having been blogging buddies for over a year with you now Claudia I can honestly say you are one of the “youngest” people I know. I also love your face, I think you are quite beautiful and you have amazing hair.
hugs,
Sue
right there with ya sister. I feel like I am 30 until I look in the mirror and my mother is looking at me…. ah another life passage for us to figure how to graciously pass thru…. this one is a little tough for me.
Claudia- We have been traveling so I am playing “catch up”. You have written a post through my eyes. You have nailed the thoughts that come with age right on the head! Blessings to you-my beautiful young-at-heart friend. xo Diana
I so identify with this post Claudia. I’m 52, I still feel like I’m just starting out, but I often have the sense that others see me as approaching the finishing line. When did we forget that age is a state of mind?!
Hi Claudia,
Jeez, I can relate to every word of your post! I’m always surprised to see photo’s of myself, especially from an occasion where I’m laughing and feeling like a 30 year old-and thinking I look as young as I feel! I do a double take and ask-who’s that!
And, now that my kids are prepping for college, I decided to get back into the work force-ooops, it’s not as easy as it was in my 20’s! Don’t they know I have experience on the job and in life? I often think the company who receives my resume must think it’s a prank! Oh, well, I could go on and on. Guess we just need to enjoy life and forget about age! We’re as young as we feel! :)
-Lynn
GREAT POST CLAUDIA…..I FEEL THE SAME WAY…..I THINK YOUNG….BUT MY KNEES TELL ME I’LL BE 73…..MY LIFE IS FULL OF MY FAMILY….THEY KEEP ME YOUNG AT HEART……YOU ARE AMAZING..
LOVE ALL YOUR POSTS…..SO INTERESTING……HOPE OUR RILEY IS FEELING OK…..TAKE CARE…RIZZI
Claudia, how well spoken. This post really hits home as I have been feeling that pang of being “past it” as well. I feel like there is so much still to accomplish and learn yet it seems that my age is holding me back. I am sure this is a part of life and we just have to push through and carry on at the age we feel, not the age we are in years. My dear Mother in law had a refrigerator magnet that now stays on my own fridge. It says
“Inside every older person is a young person wondering What the hell happened?”
True words, but we won’t let that stop us!