My mom is confined to a nursing home.
Her decline has been long and painful.
I will speak to her today. But she no longer wants to talk on the phone, so I usually get only a few words in before she says, “Thanks for calling.” End of conversation.
I can’t tell you how many times I want to call her and share something with her; news about a childhood friend, an old movie I’ve seen that reminds me of watching old movies with her all through my growing-up years, a song I’ve heard, something funny about the dogs. I can’t do that anymore. She lives in a half-in-this-world/half-out-of-this-world state of being.
My dad gets frustrated when she won’t talk during his daily visits. But I can’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to talk either.
This isn’t what we imagined for her. And my dad’s lonely existence without her isn’t what we imagined for him.
Many of you have lost your mothers and this day is especially poignant for you. Some of you have never known your mother, so this day strikes a painful chord in your heart. Some of you have suffered the loss of a child, so this day is filled with sadness. Many of you are mothers and grandmothers and aunts. We are all daughters.
I wish for you a day filled with love, whether it comes from others or from yourself. Indulge. Treat yourself to something special. Make a cup of tea. Read a book. And if you can tell a mom that you love her, do.
Claudia,
Well said. I had a blog all prepared for Mother’s Day but just cannot put it together. I know how you are feeling. So many wonderful memories overshadowed by my mother’s last days.
Carol
Not being able to talk to my mom when she was deep into Alzheimer’s was worse than losing her. I kept expecting something that was not there. It’s so important to hold on to the good memories! ~ Maureen
This day can really pull at your heartstrings. In some ways you have lost your mom already. I knew that about a year before my mom passed when our communication changed because of a brain tumor. Enjoy your Sunday though and hopefully in the garden.
Claudia, I know how you’re feeling. Get my hug on this day.
The picture of your mother is just lovely. I think you look a lot like her! I lost my mother many years ago, and I miss her. I do not have children, but I have my two dogs, and a wonderful niece and nephew. I will be spending the day with my niece, who just became a mother for the first time a few weeks ago.
I wish you a good Mother’s Day, Claudia. You are a very nurturing person, and I know you miss having that connection with your mom.
Having them slip away from us is so painful. No words can express how much it hurts. Your picture of her is so beautiful!
Thank you Claudia. I do miss my mom. But I do not think it’s easy what you are going through with your mother. May God bless us all when we are in need. Smiles, Susie
Thank you Claudia for such a beautiful post. I know you have comforted many today with your words. Bless you for that.
Blessings, Joanne
Good wishes to all those celebrating Mother’s Day today. Here in the UK we celebrate on Mothering Sunday, the 4th Sunday in Lent.
Beautiful post Claudia.
I lost mine when I was a child. I know what you mean about not being able to share.
Hope you had a lovely day still
xo
I knew who you were talking about when you said: Some of you have never known your mother. I don’t think of her much. I can’t bring up a memory to do so. You look so much like your own mother, Claudia! I know it must be very hard. I imagine she’s doing the best she can.
Love ya, Brenda
Dear Claudia, it must be so painful for you and really for all of you, –
your post is beautiful, –
-my mother( 90 )-is almost blind, and with many pains in her back (osteoropose) she have told me many times this last months ,that she wants to say goodby! I can understand her-even I try telling her to be happy still living in her own little house , and being able to take care of herself!
I understand your pain, dear.
Hugs,Dorthe
All special days are a mixed blessing aren’t they, filled with memories of one kind and another, and shaped in our minds by expectations. I am sure that in your mother’s twilight world there are memories and feelings of the love of a daughter, even if sometimes she can’t quite put it all into perspective and they may be like shadows dancing in her mind, but be there they will.
(((Claudia))) I just couldn’t puit a posting together today for Mother’s day. It’s a day filled with mixed emotions. It’s been 2 years since I lost my mom but I began losing her a few years before due to Alzheimer’s. It was a long sad goodbye. Hang on to all the beautiful memories you had with her. Yes, this day is filled with mixed feelings. Some who don’t have mother’s, women who have lost children and those that are losing their mothers. It’s also difficult for those who wanted children but never had any. I like what you said. We need to nurture ourselves this day. We are all daughters and we are nurturers and caregivers. I hope you enjoy some quiet joyful moments today.
We are all our Mamas children… No mater if they are here and now, with us to celebrate- or if they are now lost to us and just in our memories.
Today, my feelings are bittersweet like yours. My Mama died in 1977 at age 58. Her Mama- my grandmother ‘Mama Daisy’- died in 1982.
I miss them all the time.
Take care of yourself and hold dear the memories you have…
xoxo
So sorry, Claudia. I do still have my mama. She is 86 and still hoppin’ along. I did tell her that I love her. Bless you.
My Mom’s been gone for 29 years this December. Beautiful post Claudia.
Claudia, I feel certain your mama’s heart knows you love her. It doesn’t make it easier, but I always tell myself I am truly thankful for the hurt because I can only feel that BIG of a hurt because of that BIG of a love.
Hugs to you today…
I’m sending sweet, healing thoughts your way sweetie…..I hope they help.
God Bless,
Meri
BTW, you are a spittin image of your mama……both of you are stunning women.
Still more hugs,
Meri
I’m late leaving my comment but did read your post yesterday dear – thank you for your sweet comment.
I know it’s hard for you all. We are going through hard times with my MIL who is almost 94 – Bob loves her so and has difficulty coming to grips with her not knowing who we are any longer. We left our msg. on her phone yesterday as we do every week, and sent a card, but we know she won’t understand any of it. She is out of state and thankfully his sis is there to check on her – but mom doesn’t even know her most days! Life is sad for us but she goes along pain free thankfully, just in another world now.
I miss mine a lot – she was my reason for crossing the pond all those years – now when I go home it’s just never the same. I think of your mom often and pray for her.
Love – Mary
You’re spot on about MD. I always find it complex. I didn’t have a Hallmark card Mom. I’m sorry about how hard it is for you now with yours.
Claudia, your mom was a beautiful young woman. I’m sure you have many good memories of her and she must be very proud of you. My mom was diagnosed with alzheimers when I was expecting my first child. She continued to leave us a few pieces at a time over the years. That’s the way it happens. I really felt sorry for my dad. They had been divorced for years and went back together shortly before she was diagnosed. He took care of her for years till she had a stroke and was confined for her remaining days to a feeding tube in a nursing home. You’re right, not what we would have wished for them. Both are gone now, and I value the good memories. I can relate to the difficulty that you are going through and pray God will give you the strength and courage to indure it.
Debbie
I hope you found beauty in your day, Claudia. *hugging*