I have a friend, Laural, who is my best friend in the whole wide world. I’m not counting Don here because he is my husband. Or my sister. They are family. I’ve known Laural since I was 12 and she was 13. We grew up a few blocks away from each other and shared a love of theater, which is how we first met. In those years, we spent hours and hours together, hanging out at one or the other of our houses, rehearsing plays and musicals, riding bikes, laughing, crying. She witnessed the trials and tribulations of my life at home, knew everything about the difficulties I had growing up. My parents were like a second set of parents for her, my brother like a brother to her, my little sisters were little sisters to her. The same held true for me. I loved her parents and her brother, yet knew the tensions underlying the surface in her house just as she knew the tensions in mine.
We both went to the same college and saw each other fairly frequently, while making new friends and exploring and shaping a fresh future. Laural met her husband during that time, marrying him not long after she graduated. I was in her wedding and then saw her off to her new life in the Chicago area. I, happily single, kept on exploring what I wanted to do with my life until I finally settled on graduate school and my eventual career as a teacher and coach.
Through it all, we’ve never lost that connection that is more precious than diamonds. Months may go by without a phone call, but the minute we speak, we pick up as if no time has elapsed. There is no guilt, no game playing. No judgment. Just an unconditional love for each other that is ever present, ever supportive, ever understanding.
My brother and me – around 1987 or so.
Both Laural and I lost our brothers at far too young an age – brothers who had their share of demons. I lost my brother 21 years ago, Laural lost her brother just a few years ago. We mourned together. Laural’s parents are both gone and I miss them. I was especially close to her mother and I’ve never stopped missing her presence in my life. My parents are in Laural’s thoughts every day. So am I. So is Don. Laural and her husband and children are in my thoughts every day. Though we live in different parts of the country, there is a thread that connects us stretching from Chicago to New York. One of the happiest days in my life was when I was able to introduce her to Don. Laural and her husband, Craig, were in New York on a visit and we met them there. As we walked toward the place in Central Park where we were to meet, I saw Laural catch sight of me, then Don, then saw her joyous tears as she ran forward to hug us. My joy is her joy. Her joy is my joy.
We’ve seen it all, Laural and me. There’s not one thing I cannot say to her or share with her. She has witnessed so much of what has made me who I am, for better or worse. She understands in a way that even my dear husband cannot. Because she was there. I don’t remember an angry word between us, though I’m sure there must have been some when we were young.
Yesterday, we had one of our long phone conversations. It was much needed. It was the kind of conversation we have where everything pours out and we laugh and cry and catch up and at the end of the conversation we feel grounded once more. We need to do it more often than we do, but life enters in. We’re both still working on our own particular demons, trying to grow and change and blossom, even as we enter our sixties.
I have a lot of friends – many of them I met in the theater or college or grad school or while teaching. Many are former students who are now friends. Some are former colleagues. Some are actors, directors, stage managers. Some are fellow bloggers. There’s all of you; new friends met through this blog. I’m grateful for each and every one of them. And I am lucky enough to have a few friends that I’ve known and loved since childhood.
I think it’s harder to make lasting friendships as you get older. I’ve moved around a great deal in my life, with each new city bringing new friends and acquaintances. Friends have come and gone in a natural ebb and flow. But the strongest cord is the one that connects me to those friendships forged long ago in a suburb of Detroit, Michigan. To Jackie, who I’ve known since I was 4. To Debbie, fighting cancer, who I met in kindergarten. To Becky, living in Alaska, who I’ve known since high school. To Kay, daughter of my godparents, known and loved since her birth.
And to Laural. I love her so.
Just some thoughts on friendship on this Friday morning. Do you have a best friend, one who has been with you through thick and thin?
Happy Friday.
What a sweet tribute to your friend! I’ll bet Laural could tell us some great stories about you, Claudia!
She sure could!
True, lifelong friends like this are hard to come by. I’ve known my best friend since kindergarten and our relationship is much like yours and Laurals. I feel blessed to have a friend like this in my life. Lovely post.
Thank you, Kim.
Good morning, Claudia. You are so blessed to have someone like Laural in your life! I met my ‘life long friend’ Barb the first day of junior high–alphabetically Hanthorn and Harte were seated together in homeroom. From the moment we met we’ve been best friends and you are so right about the importance of having someone in your life that knows all about you–the good and the bad and the crazy–so when you pick up the phone you don’t have to explain anything, they already know! And while in many ways it is harder to meet and make friends as we grow older, this amazing world of technology has opened up the world to us–how lucky we are to live in an age where we can literally make new friends around the world! I count myself lucky to have you as a new friend–have a great day!
Me too, Martha!
I lost my childhood friend a couple of years ago. We had lost touch and then reconnected through our high school alumni website. She still lived in the area where we grew up and on a visit home I got to see her again. We kept in constant touch via E-mail and she supported me when my son had his first stem cell transplant. Brigid had a stem cell transplant some years previous and knew exactly what we were going through. Then all of a sudden she didn’t reply to my E-mails. That wasn’t unusual at first. Brigid and her significant other often took off on last minute trips to Las Vegas or on a cruise. After a few weeks I became very concerned. Something told me to google her name and I pulled up her obituary. She had died suddenly of a heart attack. I still miss her, but I’m glad we reconnected and had that time together.
I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, Betty.
I met my best friend in fifth grade. Our first encounter was very negative. I was the new kid in school. The first day in the new school, Diane and another girl told the teacher that I was causing a disturbance, when he left the room. I was a shy kid, and didn’t talk, but the teacher took me outside the room and scolded me. I told him it wasn’t true, but he didn’t believe me. That was my initiation! I was very upset, but tried to let it go. A month later, Diane, was walking home from school, and stopped to talk to me. She was very nice, and asked me to walk with her. That was the beginning of our lifelong friendship. We have gone through many trials and tribulations together. We had children the same ages, we got divorced the same year. We went through her cancer, and recovery together. She spent Thanksgiving together, at my home, with my family, for many years. There isn’t a month that goes by that we don’t talk on the phone. She can still be difficult, but I’m sure I can be, too. I was close to her parents and she to mine. All are gone now. We have grandchildren the same ages. She is more the sister I never had, than a friend.
nancyr
How great that you were able to move on from that first negative encounter and build a friendship, Nancy.
Such a beautiful story of you and Laural and you friendship. You are truly blessed. I have found that friendships like yours are rare and your sharing with us brought tears to my eyes. I’m envious of your lives together.
Blessings,
Betsy
I’m very lucky – that I know, Betsy.
A friend like that is worth more then anyone will ever know. My best friend forever is my sister in law Sherrie. She started dating my brother at 18 (when I met her) I was early 20’s and we have formed a bond over the years that can’t be broken. She is my sister and the one who knows more about me and my secrets then anyone else. We have been through so much together and I can’t imagine her not being in my life. I am so happy you have Laural!
hugs, Linda
And I’m happy you have Sherrie.
Thanks Claudia for such a sweet post. I have/had several best friends from different walks of life. My cousin was my first and best friend and I lost her two years ago. But this post reminds me to call my school time best friend. I will this week-end. She has become distant the last couple of years. She says nothing is wrong but I miss her so much. She lives in another state but her hometown is still my hometown and her grandkids live there. xo
I’m so sorry about the loss of your cousin, Debby. Call your friend this weekend! I have to be reminded to do that – I can get lost in the details of daily life and let too much time go by between calls.
Her name is Addie, the very closest I could have to a sister, being an only child.
I was sad to read that you had “trials and tribulations” growing up. I think part of the growing process has a few of those thrown in. xo
I thinks so, too, Barbara.
I loved reading about your friendship with Laural, as I have also had that kind of friend. I met my best friend, Char, when we were in our early 20s. She was going through a divorce, had 3 small children, and I was single, when she came to work at the company I worked for. We were best friends for 40 years, until she died suddenly a few years ago, following a stroke. I cannot describe the loss I still feel, but I choose to celebrate her life, and not stay stuck in sorrow. I am also still very close to my three high school friends. One I have known since elementary school, one junior high, and the other since our first day of high school. We have a long, shared history, and a comfortableness with each other that is lovely. I don’t even think of them as best friends, these girls are the sisters I never had. I love them to pieces, and I know they feel the same about me.
I’m so sorry about the loss of your dear friend, Char, Sandra. I’m sure you feel her absence every day. I’m so glad you have your three high school friends in your life.
Hi Claudia – what a lovely post! It touched me especially as I’ve not always been the best keeping up with friends. I’ve learned the value of friendships as I get older. One of my sisters is one of my best friends. She’s always been there through thick and thin, especially through ill health. I have known my best friend Deb for 30 years. Her family is like mine and her boys consider me their aunt. This past year, I’ve looked up old friends from school and it was wonderful. Just as you describe – picking up where we left off. Tonight we are having a birthday celebration for one of them – a pajama party! Just like the old days – we are wearing our PJs – no boys just like the old days but we do get to raise a glass to toast Linda. Can’t wait! J
I haven’t always been the best either. I don’t want to paint myself as some sort of wonderful friend. I can withdraw and be solitary and let too much time lapse without contacting a friend. I’m working on that.
Have fun at your pajama party!
Oh, how blessed you are.
I am, Hope.
It’s wonderful to have such friendships. They are important to us in our overall being! You are so blessed with such a friendship!
It IS wonderful, Reena.
What a beautiful post. You’re such a great writer! I have 5 girlfriends that I consider my best friends. The first one is my friend, Cin. Like you and Laural, we met when we were very young. We were just 3-1/2 years old. We grew up across the street from each other. Moving, different colleges, marriage, divorce (Cin) separated us physically. The past 10 years or so, we’ve been closer again. We don’t see each other often – she lives in Chicago and I’m way out in the ‘burbs – but like you and Laural, when we talk, it’s like we just pick up where we left off. We live totally different lifestyles, but neither of us judge the other for it. We truly accept each other for who we are. Two of my best friends, I met through church groups. One lives in Canada; the other, Ohio. I see each of them once every year. Then…I have two girlfriends that live close-by and that I see and talk to on a regular basis. They are my lifeline and I couldn’t do without either of them. They have stood by my side and offered nothing but unfailing love and support during the death of my son ~ and still do. Aw geez, I could go on and on… :-)
You are blessed in your friendships, Melanie.
This bit says it all – Through it all, we’ve never lost that connection that is more precious than diamonds. Months may go by without a phone call, but the minute we speak, we pick up as if no time has elapsed. There is no guilt, no game playing. No judgment. Just an unconditional love for each other that is ever present, ever supportive, ever understanding.
Those are the best friendships ever – you are so fortunate this is the case in your life – thanks for sharing.
You are welcome, Peggy.
How wonderful. My two best friends from college have both passed on at too early of an age. I sure miss that connection.
Hugs,
Laura
I’m so sorry about the loss of your friends, Laura. How heartbreaking that must have been. Hugs to you.
Some of us are blessed to have such a friend. I was so blessed. Thirtyfour years I met my finest friend, Kathy. We too woulld not see each other for months, talk for weeks; it was always picking up where we left off. Kathy left this world last year. We had been out of touch and I did not know how terribly ill she had become. I thank God every day for the priviledge to have had her in my life.
Oh Regena, I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.
My best friend from 7th grade just moved back to Oregon – just a 45 minute drive away – we’ve kept in touch our whole lives. She came to visit me when I lived in Hawaii when I was 19, she came to Louisiana to stay with me and my new husband, I’ve gone to visit her while she lived in Seattle and now she’s part of my sister’s lunches. I am blessed to have her. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)
You must be so excited that she’s back in Oregon, Teresa.
it’s great to have friends that don’t get mad if you don’t call every day
It is, Barbara. I have no patience with people who get mad or resentful in that way. I never do that to my friends.
I have always been grateful that my beloved Laural has had a friend like you. Each of you has a best friend, because you are a best friend. Love like yours is returned because you have given so much to each other. Jerry and I are thankful to have Laural as a daughter who gives us so much love, and we thank you for loving her, too. Barbara
Barbara, it is so lovely to hear from you! I am profoundly happy that Laural has you and Jerry in her life and that you love her so deeply.
Beautiful post, Claudia. I have always told my children that there is something so precious about a shared history. I think that’s what makes it tough when the last of our parents dies – for they had a shared history that went back even farther than those we have with our friends. My best friend lives two miles away. We have known each other for many years. She is the one person I can trust with a confidence. We share a history and a wonderful friendship.
You are so fortunate to have your best friend living nearby – that’s wonderful.
Go give her a call, Sandy!
Today’s post reminded me of my best friend Debbie. We met in Jr. High. Opposites in every way except that we just saw something in each other right away. Being shy and quiet I’m not sure what compelled me to become friends with Debbie. She was loud and boisterous and fun loving and not afraid of anything. Our lives turned out so differently. She’s been married three times but has been single for many years and she has 4 children & grandkids now. I’ve been married only once for almost 40 years and have no children. We may not talk for 2 or 3 years but when we do we just have this amazing ability to reconnect. I also have a cousin who’s about 14 years younger than me who is my other best friend. We are more like sisters than cousins. We have shared so much thru the years. Thank’s for reminding me of how wonderful it is have a best friend.
Friends like that are so precious, Janie.
Claudia, Loved this post. I hung on every word. Though, I’ve lost track of friends from grade school, I still see a few friends from junior high and high school. Like you, we pick up right where we left off as if no time has ever passed. I have a great friend, Roxanne who I don’t see often becuase he life is so busy, but when we’re together it’s fantastic. We laugh, we cry, and share everything. We always have some great laughs. I met her when I was 18 (we’re 57 now) and we’ve been there for each other through everything. After reading thiis post, I’ve realized I must give her a call.
What a beautiful post! Prompted by your conversation with Laural I spent nearly 3 hours on the phone last night catching up with two very dear friends. One is a forever friend of over 40 years, and the other a forever friend of nearly 20 years. You’re so right … even after months and months of not talking to each other, we always pick right up where we left off, like it was only yesterday when last we talked!
Such a beautiful post, Claudia. Friends like that, with whom you can pick up without missing a beat despite time and distance, are so rare but such a comfort. I have three friends like that: one I’ve known since I was 16, one since I was 24, and one since I was 26. We are all the same age, and despite the distance or busyness that keep us from seeing one another as often as we’d like, we always feel very close and keep in touch all the time. It really is a treasure when you have people like that in your life.