2017 was A Tale of Two Worlds.
On the one hand, every day brought more heartbreak and anger, more fear and rage, all of it sparked by the corruption and lies, the massive dose of bigotry and racism and collusion with Russia coming out of the Oval Office and the “Administration” (I use that word laughingly.)
I still refuse to call him President. I’ll reserve that title for those who don’t desecrate the office.
I’ve been through the sixties and the anger and protests about the War in Vietnam. I’ve been through Watergate. I’ve never, ever been through anything like this. You all know how I feel as I’ve made no secret of it and have lost readers because I insisted on writing about the dangers of voting for that man – all of which have come true. I’d do it again in a second.
This has been one of the worst years in my life.
It has also been one of the best years in my life.
We’ve been on a dual track here at the cottage. It’s as if we are living in two worlds simultaneously.
We work in the Arts. We have had our share of financial struggle. We have never had a lot of money (we still don’t) and we work as many of our friends work; on a freelance basis, with some years better than others and with all of it dependent on timing and the market and who likes working with us or who likes the way we look (that’s an actor’s life). There have been many nights and days where I have been constantly worried about money and how to pay the mortgage. That we have never missed a payment is more amazing than you could ever, ever imagine.
We’ve also gone through a period of time in which Don lost his father, I lost both of my parents, and we lost our beloved children – for that’s who they were to us – Riley and Scout. It’s been one heartbreak after another.
This year has been extraordinary for Don and me. I worked on Broadway on Anastasia. Don was cast in Escape to Margaritaville and began rehearsals for it last March, spending a few months in beautiful La Jolla. We were able to do both of those things because of the freedom we had for the first time in many years to be away from home at the same time. We had years of caring for an aging and fragile pet, necessitating that one of us be home at all times. Would I trade anything to have Riley and Scout back? That goes without saying. Nevertheless, that freedom hadn’t been a possibility for us for a long time. That we could work out of town on our respective shows and I could then fly out to La Jolla and take a leisurely and wondrous trip across the country with my husband is a miracle.
We found Stella on that trip and we did something that we had never done before. We took a leap into the unknown and decided to buy her and ship her across the country. Believe me when I say that was not us. But now, it is us.
And then, on the heels of that decision, we found out that Don was headed to Broadway, but first, he’d go back into rehearsal and tour to New Orleans, Houston, and Chicago. And I would be able to spend time with him in New Orleans and Chicago.
New Orleans was new to me and I fell in love with that city. Chicago was an old friend that was the home of some of my family members and my best friend. Having the luxury of exploring both cities was such a gift. Being able to spend time with family and friends was priceless.
And now, here we sit, knowing Don has a job in the new year. Knowing that we’ll be able to spend time together in the city, that he will open on Broadway in March. What a gift this show has been to him. He loves doing it. He loves the cast. He loves his job. He continually says that it’s the best job he’s ever had. I am so, so grateful for that. Seeing my husband this happy fills me with joy.
How can 2017 be the worst and the best year at the same time? It’s right out of Dickens:
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair…
I’ve never had more concrete evidence of the truth of these words than I have had this year.
So, while I am happy, I am sad. While I am feeling peaceful, I am also angry. While I’m having wonderful adventures, I’m also fighting in our version of The Resistance. While I appreciate our many blessings in 2017, I am well aware of the inequities, the greed, and the corruption that has taken over those who should be fighting for us, but are choosing instead to fill their pockets and trash our most revered institutions. While we are feeling a bit more secure, we are aware that there are those who want to take those securities from us.
So, we fight. And we keep on fighting, while expressing gratitude for what we have.
Such a strange, terrifying, yet lovely journey this year.
On to the next.
Happy Thursday.
Yes, and may the New Year bring more of the best and less of the worst for everyone.
Indeed!
Beautifully said, Claudia. I hope that 2018 will bring us freedom from the deep despair that has befallen our country and the world.
Happy New Year to you and Don
I do, too.
My heart has leaped with Joy while reading this post but it has also hurt. What a strange year it has been. Much joy but so much anger, sadness and despair. We must continue the fight against this horrible man and his machine. Onward to 2018 and Courage as my sweet daughter says.
Courage, Linda!
While our lives are so very, very different, I can relate to so much of what you say. I have been so stressed about our country that it is making me sick . I am your age, therefore have been through the socio -political upheavals that you have mentioned. My husband is a Vietnam veteran. I can not deal with our current situation, and I do not understand why that man is still in office. It haunts me.
There is much more, but I am a very private person. But I can say I enjoy your honest, heartfelt posts. It is hope and faith that get me through the rough times, and to lift me to a place to clearly see my blessings.
I guess my point is that through the chaos, we still do see the hope, the good, and the little things that make this life so very grand.
You help with each post to point that out!
Thanks and God bless us everyone.
There is hope. And there is a great deal of good. And we have to remember that his base is shrinking – and it’s already small.
Beautifully written Claudia. We cannot hold only anger, fear and sadness in our hearts. We must hold tightly all that brings us hope and joy. We don’t know what lies ahead but it will be a mix.
It will be a mix. We just have to be strong and hang in there, Carolyn Marie.
AMEN! Thanks,Claudia xo
You’re most welcome, Annette.
I, too, don’t understand why that person isn’t sitting in jail somewhere with all of his posse. HOW is it allowed to continue with barely 30% of this country “approving” of the crap he pulls? I guess it is the Republican Senate and House who continues to vote and back their party and NOT their country ~ as they swore to do with hand on Bible. They have now paid back all of their donors with their tax breaks and will have billions more dumped in their pockets to continue their reign of terror. And the idiot will pocket even more money as he enjoys Christmas at his hovel in FL. We pay for his protection (why) and we also pay his “club” for everything he eats and drinks and those he hauls with him as he happily bills us. Scam?? Ethics?? HOW does it continue.
Our lives certainly continue, and there are personal happy and triumphant moments, (especially for you and Don this year!!!!) but that dark, damp, cruel shadow always lurking, overtakes everything. It is always there. I so desperately wanted to believe that there might have been a Mueller Christmas Magical Moment, but sadly, still NOTHING. It seems like he does something that is “chargeable” every single day…. what, oh what, is holding it all up?????????????
It hangs over every day, no matter how joyous it might be. I can only think – in fact, I’m sure – that Mueller is still investigating, that the net is widening as more things are found, and that he has to be sure this is airtight. Sadly, we have a Congress that will do anything they can to stop it.
Claudia, you really nailed it on the head! Watching from the sidelines mostly as I am Canadian but it boggles my mind how intelligent people could have voted for that man.
Congrats to you and Don on all your successes this year!
Thank you, Robin!
The entire year in one post, Claudia. We can’t only hope for a better 2018, we have to put our shoulders to the grindstone and make it happen. Thank you for empowering and enabling!
You’re most welcome, Wendy!
Life is indeed profound. I’m so happy you and Don have had such great happenings this year and it’s been fun to enjoy your writing and photos of the journey along the way. 2017 was a good year for my husband and I as well, though in different ways. We had 4 nephews marry, but the loss of my father in law. Next year 2 more weddings – a niece and a nephew – and I’ll become a great aunt. And yet I too despair over the mess America is in and the frightening possibilities of more war, more hatred, more evil. I don’t think I’ve ever told you but we have some small similarities – I’m also 5’9″, married at 40, am also 60 something, and have no children of our own. That makes being an Aunt so important to me. I wish you and Don a wonderful New Year! Peace on Earth.
Peace to you, as well, Karen. Thank you.
Wishing you and Don a joyful and peaceful 2018 from across the pond. I have so enjoyed reading your journey through the yea r in your blog with it’s joys and despair. Thank you for your honest and thought provoking words. I hold onto the belief that there are more good people in the world than bad and that love will eventually prevail. I have to believe that for the sake of my children and grandchildren and I try to live that as best I can every day. I imagine sometimes that if everyone woke up with the aim of just simply being kind then the world would be transformed beyond recognition. “They may say I’m a dreamer but I’m not the only one”. Love to you both.
I feel the same way, Val. There are far more good people out there. Thank goodness. You’re not the only one.
I read Val’s comment three times. The last line with the John Lennon song really hit home as did her words about kindness. If the world could live as one … in kindness. I’ve of course seen and heard of so many deliberate acts of kindness in the SoCalif wildfires of this past month. They far outnumber the disturbing stories of those who take advantage (looting).
We are all human out here in the world, often suffering our own deep hurts and sometimes unable to feel for anyone else. Actions – and words (verbal or written) – can definitely wound. Some people are missing kindness in their life; they are brittle. They’ve become so steely (yet raw, inside) that if you just touch their hand, they fall apart, and maybe they fear they can’t allow themselves to become that vulnerable, so they wear a shield of toughness that can, over time, turn them bitter and mean. It’s not who they are; they’ve just lost a part of themselves due to whatever desperate thing has happened in their life. Day after day of hardship, wondering if it’ll ever end, they can barely recognize who they are anymore. They say and do things they otherwise would never have imagined. I think these are the people who need our kindness and compassion most of all.
Very astute on your part, Vicki, and lovingly compassionate. We have to remember your words and remind ourselves that we must always reach out with kindness and understanding. Thank you.
Claudia, wishing you a Don continued success in 2018. Have a Blessed and joyous New Year.
Marilyn
Oh Sweet Soul, you have articulated my year so perfectly. But I would feel so much worse if not for Bloggers like you (I am from the Deep South where my views are not welcome — you’ve lost readers, but I have lost friends & family). Thank you for …well everything: your astuteness, intelligence and point of view and for not giving up the fight! We ‘Old Broads’ have vanquished better foes than Trump.
I know it’s painful to lost friends and family over this politically charged year. I’m so sorry.
Yes, we Old Broads are tough and we’ll win this battle. Thank you, Eileen.
You and Don have really had a fantastic year! I have mixed feelings about my personal year. While it’s been filled with family and trips, it started out by losing my mom.
My email has been flooded with monetary requests from every political group on the left. There was one who’s plea got to me today…it was the one that said “Stay Angry”!! I intend to!! While I will remain happy and content in my personal life…I fully intend to stay angry at that man and his party.
We can’t change anything if we become complacent! ;)
Yes any year in which we lose someone we love is forever tainted. I understand.
I’m getting those same emails!
I have thoroughly enjoyed your blog since I found it last year. I’m so excited for the good bounty you have experienced this year and I share the despair you so eloquently write about. I’m beyond baffled how this continues and saddened to see people’s prejudices accepted and used to scare the country and the world for that matter. God help us.
I agree. I’m disheartened by the realization that there are people in this country who don’t care about the Constitution, don’t care about our rights, and who are willing to blindly follow an Autocrat.
Thank you, Alice!
How beautifully stated, Claudia, in your usual eloquent, hitting-the-nail-on-the-head way. My mother would be reciting, “Even a rose has thorns. It’s the bitter and the sweet.”
I hear you about making the mortgage. I will say that living with a freelancer-husband for nearly 30 years and then growing up with a dad who was self-employed from the time I turned age 10 til I was age 50 – and being on my own as an adult for 13 years in between when it was up to me to keep myself employed, financially dependent upon no one – I always, always paid the rent FIRST; I have NEVER been late on the mortgage payment either. You pay the rent, you make the house payment; THEN you eat. Even if it meant you stretched the bottle of liquid white milk with some powdered milk and water, or the meatloaf with oatmeal as filler to the beef (sorry, Claudia, you being vegetarian/vegan); diluted the can of tomato soup to make sure everybody at the table had a cupful; etc. (I’ll never forget the year I had to make the house payment with a credit card a few times; took a few years to pay off THAT debt, but at least we kept our house.)
When my mom was growing up in The Great Depression of the 1930s here in the U.S., my grandfather, also self-employed (for the entirety of his working life), thankfully owned his own land outright, and had built his own house with his own hands, but there were still property taxes to be paid and Mother would tell me how, as a young girl, she’d wring her hands in the night when listening to her parents talk after they thought she was asleep as to how they could possibly come up with enough money to pay the light bill. I guess she had visions of them living with candlelight and having to wash clothes in a washtub if the old electric wringer machine didn’t have power to run it. They didn’t live on a farm; they lived in the city.
My dear mom, she thought the most secure thing over the years was if a husband had the same employer for 40 years, working the 40-hr week, always home at the same time every night for dinner; gold watch at retirement. Instead, both her dad and her husband worked for themselves, no safety net of a company paycheck and pension, and I can recall when Mom was sorta a nervous wreck because it can mean such lean times for a family in those gaps when the money just isn’t regularly coming in (which of course is the precise time the water heater decides to no longer work, the frig breaks down; the furnace goes out). She never knew how to live without frugality because it’s all she’d ever known from the time she was a tot just before the nation’s crash in ’29. And the Depression was then followed by the sacrifices on the homefront for the second world war.
I’d scoff at penny-pinching (I was a little snob) but, man, I’m telling you, I’m so glad that Mom taught me some of her thrifty ways because I’ve gone back to them, which is going to be important for retirement and living on a fixed income with a mega-tight budget. I’d get so mad when she’d pack my lunch for school and wrap a sandwich in an empty bread bag from the store but, of course, now, a lot about frugality and thriftiness is also about recycling and conservation, which is a good way to be for Mother Earth.
“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without!” (Attributed to Calvin Coolidge and adapted later for life in WWII.) One of my aims for 2018 is to see how much money I don’t spend. Instead, I want to see how much I can save. A new concept for me. I like to shop and collect. But I have enough. Purge/edit vs. gather/accumulate. It’s nothing unique or new; I’m just another boomer, downsizing. But this year, I’m making it a job, not a random task. It’s time, once and for all, and the last year I’m going at it as a huge project (I hope): The Wrangling of The Clutter.
It’s okay to bask in better times with your personal finances/jobs. Just go with it and enjoy every minute, Claudia. You are LIVING your life! You and Don have a lot to look forward to in 2018!!
But we’ve also said that next year has to be about putting money aside – the tax bill will change things for many of us – especially those of us in the performing arts.
I do have hope that the coming year will be better. …and that the Orange Creature will go away…I find it hard to believe though when they keep letting him get away with everything he does…Time will tell…Anyway thanks again for all of the wonderful things you have shared with us this year…I look forward to seeing more in the coming year!
Thank you, Nancy! So glad you’re here.
there has been such a strange feeling of disconnection.
an actual unreality to this year of despair. especially politically.
as if we will soon awaken from all this. I think that’s why each day comes as another shock at the antics. we never believed it could happen even from the very beginning. who in their right mind would believe it? !!!
thinking people and caring people and people of integrity . . .
we must be of good courage. like the lady says.
I’m so happy for your personal year of success with both your careers and Don now especially in Broadway’s ‘Escape to Margaritaville!’
and to you dearest bean for sharing your very soul with all of us here! it’s beautiful.
I foolishly thought we were beyond this. But I was wrong.
Thanks for being here, Tammy.
Regarding your refusal to call him the President, I am reminded of Pete Seeger (one of my heroes) who referred to Bush as the Resident after the 2000 Bush/Gore debacle, a practice I have adopted for the current resident.
Oh, perfect! Thanks for sharing this with me. I may steal this from you and Pete (a hero of mine, as well.)
So beautifully written…sad…but so true…thank you!
My husband has been a “parrot head” since the beginning…I love sharing your blog with him as your husband travels to the land of Margaritaville…
Happy 2018…hoping we can make it to see the show on Broadway!
Oh, I hope you can, too! It is SO much fun! And if your husband is a parrot head, he’ll absolutely love it. xo