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Remembering Riley

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On this date, one year ago, we said goodbye to our sweet Riley.

How can it be that a whole year has gone by since that day?

A year without his deep, beautiful brown eyes gazing at me. A year without his silky soft thick coat of hair that I loved to stroke. A year without his gentle, loving presence. A year without his joyous bark, accompanied by Scout’s, creating a doggie symphony. A year without that face. A year where the all-consuming hours spent taking care of him no longer exist but are faded, like a dream.

If you asked me if I would go through it all again if I could have him back, I would shout ‘Yes!’ No question.

Because, you know, the joy he gave us, the lessons he taught me about living with dignity and sweetness and grace in spite of a debilitating illness, the sheer blessing of his presence, are gifts that I will treasure forever. He was a challenge from the first day he arrived at our house and he pushed my buttons many, many times. I had a choice. Either grow and learn how to show him love unconditionally, no matter what he might do, or give up on him. Giving up on a living being that we had adopted was out of the question. He’d been abused and ignored in his previous life. He needed to have love and affection and unstinting commitment and care showered upon him.

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Thank you, my boy, for all the lessons you taught me. Thank you for being my teacher. Thank you for gracing us with your blessed presence for 9 years. Thank you for choosing us as your forever family.

Scoutie misses you deeply. Daddy and I miss you every day, every hour. I’d give anything to have you back again but I know that you are free from pain wherever you are and wanting you back here with me, on this plane of existence, is selfish of me.

But we’re all basically selfish at heart, aren’t we?

Oh, my dear boy, where are you? What are you doing? Do you visit us? Do you watch over us from some place in the ether? Do you mysteriously appear to rest your head near Scout’s? Do you sometimes lick my hand like you used to?

I hope so.

All my love to you, dear boy. Your absence is felt deeply. Painfully. Heartbreakingly.

Thank you for everything.

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Comments

  1. Claudia,, I type this with tears in my eyes. I have lost 4 dogs and I miss them too. You wrote a beautiful tribute to Riley. Doris

  3. Oh Riley is so sweet and beautiful color . He is in doggie heavn with my sweet dog Ginger and my sons two doggies if
    there is a doggie Heaven..

  5. Claudia – beautiful tribute to your sweet Riley…. you gave him a wonderful life…. he was so lucky to have you and Don watching over him – Doggies only sadden us on one day in their lives – the day they leave us – Thinking of you today… Francine

  9. Oh Claudia, what a beautiful, heart-wrenching post. We gave my daughter a dog, Tamsyn, when she was eight. She was a shelter dog with a questionable past, and my daughter, who took her to 4-H Dog Training and Agility, often shed tears over her stubbornness and irascibility. But over the years those two became incredibly bonded and devoted to each other, and as she aged Tamsyn mellowed into a beautiful creature whose world consisted of one person, her beloved girl. My daughter graduated from college this May. A few days later she had to release Tamsyn from the pain she was suffering. We can’t think of Tamsyn without tears, the dog who raised my daughter with challenges and unconditional love. May you be blessed with joy along with your grief.
    Becky

    • Oh, I’m so, so sorry, Becky. Our beloved dogs leave such a hole in our hearts when they move on. My best to you, your family and, especially, your daughter.

  10. Claudia, I feel your pain. That was a beautiful tribute and expression of your Love for another living being! It brought tears to my eyes. Thank-You -Judy A-

  11. Thinking of you on this difficult anniversary. I just had one of those myself, and have another one coming in Nov. Very difficult indeed. Lovely tribute to your boy.

  12. Time does go by fast. It does not seem like a year has gone by already. It was a beautiful post. I hugged my cat extra this morning.

  14. We never stop missing them, do we? They leave their paw prints on our hearts forever. Such a sweet, sweet looking boy!

  15. I didn’t discover your blog until sometime after Riley passed..What a beautiful boy he was..his fur looks so silky and soft..he will always be with you in spirit and in your hearts..Hugs

  16. What beautiful pictures of your baby boy. I am so sorry that your heart is hurting from the loss of your dear Riley and missing him. I hope you find comfort, smiles and even laughter in the thoughts of the years and moments you had with him today. I hope your heart warms with joy at the thought of him and tears of joy. You’ve lost a child that blessed your life for so many years and taught you so much as well as gave you unconditional love. I don’t believe that the sense of loss every goes away but you surely do grow to think of them again with smiles and not just sadness from the loss.

    I lost my baby boy Nash after 14 years last December. I never had children and he was my child. My heart still breaks each day at not having him with me, following me around the house, jumping into my lap sharing his kisses. The tears are falling as I write these words about him and I know the sense of loss will never completely go away. But we do often talk of him and all the crazy things that he did, all the laughs he gave us….which were many…..we laugh through our tears when we speak of Nash now….I hope you can do the same.

    Hugs and love to you.

    • We can laugh about Riley, too, though it is shadowed by the years of increasing disability that he endured. That is still foremost in our thoughts. My dogs are my children, too, Belinda. I understand.

  19. Yes the pain of losing one of our fur babies is so intense. Riley was well loved. Been through it twice never gets easier but the joy they bring us….oh the joy. I thought for sure this time we would not get another pet but there was a sweet boy out there that had been rescued from death row and he now graces our home. Such a sweetheart. Hard to believe he has only been here two weeks. I can make you smile…ready? The rescue people named him Wendell. Silly name. So in every adopted dog the spirit of Riley and our beloved Chloe dog lives on.

  20. Oh, Claudia: I can’t believe it’s been a year since Riley has been gone. My thoughts are with you. My beloved dog Clancy passed away July 25, and you’re right: there is honestly not an hour, a day that goes by that I don’t think of him. It is beyond heart-breaking; he meant the world to me, and I look for him every time I come in a room or sit down to work. I always told Clancy he had come straight from heaven; he was a blessing, in every way.

    This is a short poem by the author Jon Katz (from a series called The Dog Love Poems) that I read this morning; it made me think of Clancy, and now Riley. (I’m sure Mr. Katz wouldn’t mind me passing it along). “Keeping Watch: In the night, when I sometimes wake, it happens again and again. That feeling, that you, beloved friend, have stood over me all night, Keeping watch, That feeling, when I walk outside, that you, good friend, are standing by, Keeping watch, That feeling, when the sun begins to set, and the world quiets, that you are listening, Keeping watch, a holy lamp, that warms my heart, and lights my path, and paints my soul with love and joy.”

    • I’m so sorry about your dear Clancy. I know how heartbreaking that loss is. Hugs to you. And thank you for the poem. It made me cry and smile at the same time.

  21. Such sweet thoughts of Riley. You know he’s with you still and reassuring Scout in many ways.

  22. As I’m writing this…oh the tears, they are flowing. You have so eloquently said what I’m sure most people feel when they long for their old friends. I’ve had two dogs, and one cat, and what I wouldn’t give to have them all back in my life once again. I’m sure they are all in a much better place. Beautiful tribute to Riley. ;)

  24. This put a big lump in my throat, I will be thinking of you today. We lost our family dog, Shadow, when he was only 11 years old. I cried over the indignity that dogs have such a short life span. And now that I have been through watching a sweet, devoted, furry baby whither away from disease, I want to treasure every day with Milo and Layla. Still, going through it once makes me dread going through it again.

    Sending a big hug.

    XO,
    Jane

    • I’m so sorry about Shadow, Jane. Treasure the time you have with Milo and Layla. We sure are treasuring our days with Scout.

  26. It is so painful. It still hurts, always will and I always believe that they are worth the hurting, our gift to them, along with the beautiful memories. I am just so glad he found you and that he had you and Don to love him and care for him. I get unspeakably angry when I think of previous abuse for noble creatures like Riley. How can they? I’ll never understand that.

    My children would be so concerned about me if they saw me kiss and tuck into bed beside me at night the little lamb and chipmunk that were my Penelope’s bed toys. I feel like my baby left her babies to comfort me and they do. They snuggle up to their mommie’s photograph each morning when I make up the bed. They’ll probably go into the nursing home with me someday.

    I won’t say it will get easier,

    • They are definitely worth the hurting for the blessings far outweigh the sorrows. I’m glad you are comforted by Penelope’s toys, Dewena. She left them for you – to comfort and soothe you.

  27. He is with you and Don and Scoutie all the time, he loved you even more than you loved him. He is free of pain, but I know you miss him terribly.
    Hugs,
    Meredith

  28. Claudia, I’m feeling this post from the bottom of my heart. We will be saying good-bye to our sweet Sugar, this Friday, and my heart is breaking.
    I can’t believe it’s been a year since you had to say good-bye to Riley. Time is passing much too fast these days. I know the pain you are feeling, and how much you miss your sweet boy. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Debi

    • Oh, Debi, I am so, so sorry! I know your heart is breaking and I’m sending you all the strength and support and hugs that I can. Know that I’m thinking of you and Sugar, who has surely blessed your life.

  30. How sad, I am looking for a tissue right now. I hate it every time we loose a pet. I am always the caregiver to our pets so they are more devoted to me and that makes it all the harder:) Hope you were able to get through your day with happy thoughts of your baby:)

  31. Beautiful tribute.
    Hoping your good memories of all that Riley was for you in your family…comforts you today.
    I know what you mean about Scout missing him. Our Trouble missed Gracie so bad and almost grieved herself to death…then along came Buster. She has renewed spirit. I love watching them play.
    sweet memories are good like medicine. Pat

  32. How lovely, Claudia. You, Don and Scout are not the only ones that miss this boy. I think of him every day when I read your blog. That face has always gotten to me. My dogs are my children, too, so I understand. Hugs to the three of you from me and my crew.

  34. Thinking of you and Don and Scout today as you remember Riley. I can’t imagine the pain you must feel but hope you find some comfort in his memories and in knowing that others are thinking of you all.

  35. It is so hard to believe it has been a year, dear friend. I know how much you still miss him. We never really get over losing our babies our best friends. I think they are always with us. xo Laura

  36. Oh Claudia, time passes so quickly when you miss your furry babies. It has bee 2 years for us and I still miss them everyday. Riley is with you and always will be, he is the bark you think you hear, the brushing against your leg and the shadow you glimpse every so often. He is who Scout barks at out of the blue. There are no words of comfort, no words of wisdom, we just carry on and enjoy everyday with the babies we have with us now.

    hugs,
    Sue

  37. I remember him well. Doesn’t seem possible a year has gone by already – he was a good boy and you gave him a wonderful life.

    Mary X

  38. I can’t believe it’s been a whole year. I wish time would slow down. Please excuse my absence and lack of comments . Life…you know how that goes. Hope you are doing well, my friend.
    Hugs, Patti

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