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Scout

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2-9 acandleformygirl

Oh, my sweet, sweet girl.

I don’t know what to write. I don’t know how to describe the depth of my grief.

I can’t.

The hardest decision ever had to be made yesterday. I knew when I arrived back home on Saturday. But I wavered because I woke up the next morning and thought: it’s a new day and all will be well. But it wasn’t. I called my sister on Sunday and cried with her. Don and I talked about it several times over the course of those 48 hours, but yesterday morning, he knew as well.

We had to let her go. We were with her, holding her, telling her we loved her, telling her it was okay to go, to be reunited with Winston and Riley, to see my parents, to see Don’s parents. That she would be loved and cared for. That she would be free of pain and would be running and jumping and pouncing once again.

I said the same thing to Don that I said when we lost Winston, and when we lost Riley: “Who will take care of her the way I do? I’m her mom.” That’s a cry that comes from the deepest part of me, from a place at my very core.

And Don kept saying over and over how much he loved and adored his daughter. Oh, he was a wonderful daddy.

Because we are not people who say our pets are ‘like’ family. They are  family. They are our children, just the same as any human child would be. There’s no difference. We also don’t say they are our fur children/babies. They are simply our babies, our beloved children.

We lost our child yesterday.

2-9 scoutmybeloved

We lost our magic girl, the girl who taught us what true joy is.

To say we’re devastated is putting it mildly. We don’t know what to do, how to go on, or how to even imagine a life without her. This morning is the first morning in 16 years of living with our girl that she wasn’t there to greet one or both of us.

Yesterday we cried until we could cry no more. Today – more tears. And so it goes.

The house is unbearably quiet. What do you do after you’ve listened for any change in breathing, any moan, any sound that might mean she needs help getting up? What do you do when every moment of the last several months has been about helping her? Don, especially, in these past few weeks with me gone, spent all of his time tending to her, helping her maneuver around the house, helping her outside, watching her every move. Listening to every sound.

Oh, she was brave. And stoic. And still our girl, though she was a shadow of what she once was. I knew that her spirit was still there. Just as I knew my mother’s spirit was still there, though it was trapped behind the haze of dementia and old age.

I don’t know what I will do.

Don and I met in 1994. We moved in together in 1995. One week after moving in together, we adopted Winston. And we’ve had one or more dogs ever since then.

In our 21 years together, this is the first time we have not had a beloved child living in the house with us.

I think everyone grieves differently, and there are no rules about the process. We are incapable of going right out and adopting another animal. Impossible. We need time to grieve.

We also made a decision in the last year to wait a few years until we adopt another dog. Starting with Riley’s illness, the onset of which must have been 8 or 9 years ago, every decision we have made about work, what jobs to take on, where we could go, how long we could be away from home before we needed to get back – usually only a few hours – has been based on the needs of an ailing Riley and an ailing Scout. As they got older, we didn’t trust a pet sitter to take care of them in the way they needed. It was all too detailed, too intricate, and no one but Don or me could do it the way it needed to be done. We haven’t taken a vacation together in years. When one of us had to go out of town, the other had to stay home. I couldn’t go with Don when his dad died. Don couldn’t go with me when my dad was dying.

It’s okay. We were honored to be their caregivers. We wouldn’t have traded it for anything in the world.

We need a break.

But who will I mother?

2-9 scout and i

This was taken by Don just about a year and a half ago. Oh, how I love her.

I know you all loved her, too. Thank you for your words of condolence, your loving thoughts and prayers sent our way. Scoutie was undoubtedly one of the stars, if not the  star, of this blog. She was a star in our life as well. Everyone who ever met her was enchanted by her. She was LOVE in the form of a border collie. She never met a stranger. She was our teacher. She was always up for any adventure. She was a blessing and a guide.

No dog is more special than another and I’ve loved all of the dogs in my life with a fierce and everlasting devotion.

But she was magical. And today, we’re sadly lacking in magic.

I have to go back to Hartford today, though Darko wrote me to say I should take whatever time I need. But I think work will be good for me right now and I have a responsibility that I take seriously. Don tells me he will be okay here by himself, but we’ve made a vow: If he needs me, he is to drive to Hartford. If I need him – the same.

Too much loss in the past two years. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever feel whole again.

Posting may be sporadic over the next few days. I’ll just take it a day at a time.

Thank you, my friends.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

 

Comments

  1. Sweet, beautiful Scout. My “pets” are my children, too. With the passing of each one, I’ve felt that my heart might break. Since the death of my husband, my kitties have become even more special. They’ve seen me through so much … never asking for anything but love. Some how, come way, there always seems to be enough of my heart left to bring in another little furry soul. One day that will be true for you and Don, too. Meanwhile, take this time (I’ve found grief never completely goes away) to remember, grieve, love. She will always be in your heart … never far away. Wishing you and Don well. Run beautiful Scout .. run and play. <3

  2. I couldn’t leave a comment yesterday, Claudia. I found it too hard since we have just recently lost our Kanie. I prayed a lot for Scout. I asked that God wrap his arms around her and free her of pain and fear. I prayed for you and Don. Know you are in my thoughts today. I understand fully how you feel. There are no words to describe it. Scout, as our Kane, were very loved. That’s what matters. Take care of yourself now. Sending a hug, Deb

  5. So very sorry for your loss, and thankful for the precious years you had with your much loved Scout. Praying for your comfort and peace. God is good.

  6. My heart broke when our Molly died. I understand your loss. I wore Molly’s collar as a bracelet for a few weeks after. It helped me to feel close to her.
    Hugs to you and Don.

  9. You were in my thoughts many times yesterday, Claudia. May you and Don take time to grieve and heal as you need to. Scout was indeed a lucky dog to have the life she did.

  10. Claudia & Don,
    Scout was one loved lucky dog. This is just a beautiful but extremely painful post to read.
    We know your hearts are crushed,
    We know there are no words to help you right now.
    We know there is no exact way to process all of your emotions & feelings.
    We know together you will see the sun shine again because after the rain goes…rainbows.

  11. I have long been a follower of your blog, but have never commented before. I was crying so reading this I could not even see. I completely understand your heartfelt ache as to who would take care of her like you do as I feel the same way about my little dog. I hope you and Don find comfort in all that you did and all that you were to her.

    • She was the most beautiful dog I’ve ever seen. And her spirit was beautiful, too. Thank you, Julie.

  13. Oh Claudia, your words say it all.
    I am feeling for you and with you.
    Beautiful souls all of you and shining brightly as one.
    Condolences,Claudia and Don

  14. I’m so sorry about Scouts passing. I’m in tears as I type. You gave her such love and for that she was eternally grateful. Some times you don’t realize how much love you’re capable of sharing until you find your heart empty with grief. She was a beautiful soul that gave so much. May she rest in peace and have an eternal supply of treats to eat and balls and squirrels to chase.

  15. Praying that you both find peace and comfort in the difficult days to come. As well as comfort from one another and the sweet memories you have of your beautiful Scout. Blessed be.

  16. So sorry, Claudia. Aching for you and Don. Take the time now to breathe. Remember. Just be. Just as you knew when it was time to let her go, you will know when it is time to welcome another lucky dog into your heart.

  17. Dear Claudia & Don reading about your girl this morning really touched me. Your love for her shone brightly through the years in your blog and the pictures of her showed her happiness. You have blessed our hearts countless times with pictures that showed how devoted you all were to each other. I am praying for you at this difficult time. God bless you both.XOXO

  18. Your words brought tears to my eyes, thinking of your loss and thinking of mine as well. I hope that Don can take a break and come stay with you for a while; you both could use the change. Being together can ease the heartbreak. Be careful driving back. Scout was a good girl and her little heart-shaped self lives in your heart now, where she is safe.

    • Thank you, Dana. He wants to stay home for a bit – but he’ll probably come here next week. We’re taking it day by day.

  19. Words fail me. I still cry deeply over the loss of my Sooner over a year ago. Just know that I feel your pain. Sweet Scout is free of pain now, which is joyous. Praying for you and Don.

  20. Oh Claudia, what a lovely, heart-breaking post. You and Don are so lucky to have had Scout in your lives and Dame Scout is so very lucky to have had you two as her parents. Holding you all in my heart and wishing you peace.

  21. I am so sorry. Scout was such a beautiful spirit and I know that your grieving will take time. I am with you– work always helps. If I was near I would bring a meal.
    Love to you both, Tana

  22. Claudia and Don, My heart is broken for you both. I’m so sorry. Scout was a beautiful girl and so lucky to have you as parents. Wish I could give you a hug. Know that we are all thinking of you both!
    Leslie

  23. Was sorry to hear this sad news. You and Don are in my prayers. Scout is with my Waldo and all the other furry babies of your blogger friends. Just think how happy they all are running and playing together. I love you and hope you can feel better soon. DEB

  24. You wrote such a sweet and lovely tribute about Scout. Prayers for both you and Don. It is heartbreaking do what you did yesterday and will take time for you to heal. Have been in your situation several times and it’s so hard.

  25. I am very sorry for your loss of dear Scout and hope you are able to find some comfort in knowing that, over her life, you did all you could for your girl. I cried while reading your heartfelt words. Take care of yourselves.

  28. I hope that you’ll be comforted by your memories of Scout and knowing that she is pain free and her spirit is soaring. Peace to you and Don.

  30. So sorry of your loss. Our family the last year have loss their pets. I have cried at all of there’s.

    When my son also told me how he talked to his buddy while dying in-front of him outside. I cried for a week.

    He was calling his vet as Buddy was dying in-front of his eyes.

    I feel for you my dear and your hubby.

  31. Oh, Claudia. I am so sorry for your loss. That pain is indescribable.
    Give it time. Give it time. Give it time.
    Scout is safe. Nothing can hurt her.

  36. Oh Claudia and Don. So very sad and so very sorry for your loss of your wonderful Scout. You gave her everything that was possible and gave her the best best life with you both.

    Joy

  37. Claudia and Don, I am new to your blog by several months, but I grew to love your beautiful girl as I have enjoyed your blog. My heart is breaking for you two. I have lost treasured dogs and cats over the years and the loss goes deep and journeys with me through my life.

    You two are exceptional people. I have been praying comfort for you both. You and your Scout have touched me deeply. Thank you for sharing this journey on your blog.

  38. Dear Claudia and Don, My deepest condolences on your loss of your beautiful girl. I am praying you find comfort for your grief.

  39. It’s always so very difficult. Praying that you and Don will receive peace and comfort. Enjoy the memories; they are precious.

  40. To Claudia and Don,
    I am new to your blog….but old in experiencing the same heart breaking pain you are feeling. My husband and I have lost 4 girls who were the love and joy of our home. Most recently our little Shawnna in November, and I am still crying every day. I miss every single moment of the day without her. It has helped me to put her photos all around every place so I can see her in a healthy pose, and think that is how she is restored now. But like you…I have cried out who is taking care of you???? Each day…when it gets hard….just breath…write a journal of your thoughts….smile for your baby….and take time…alll the time it takes to begin feeling like yourself in small steps. Most Sincerely, Nancy Thompson

  44. My heart is breaking for you and Don. May you feel the love and support that is surrounding you. ;)

  46. Rest in peace sweet Dame Scout! May all the happy minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years of memories bring you and your husband comfort. Dame Scout will be dearly missed by many. Thank you so much for sharing her with us :-) Keeping you all in our thoughts and prayers~~

  48. I love these photos of Scout — it’s as if she’s saying, I’ll be seeing you!
    I love the picture in words you’ve written regarding your family, your pack… Beautiful. Of course you don’t ever love one of your kids more than the other, I know you’re heart broken.
    Just know I’m praying for you.
    I was going to leave a note for Don on his IG acct. — but decided against it. Let him know I and out prayers for him as well.

  51. I just cringed when I saw the word “Scout” show up in the header…I have been so fearful the last couple of weeks of what was coming and what you and Don would have to go through. I am so sorry for the pain you and Don are experiencing at the loss of your daughter. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

  52. Kind thoughts are with you. I can’t say I know how you feel, but I know what that kind of loss feels like. I lost my horse–the one I watched grow in her mama’s belly–unexpectedly in a freak accident after 18-1/2 years together. Barely 17 months later I lost her mother, who had been with me for 29 years. I am so thankful I was there with them both at the end to say thank you for all the special moments and thank you for being my friend and companion through thick and thin and just loving me back. Other beloved animals have come and gone. Just a part of life we have to deal with unless we don’t want to share our love. Grief never goes away, and no, you’ll never be quite the same, but time allows us to package that grief away in a safe place so we can celebrate all the wonderful memories we have. Take care of yourself.

  53. I know how it feels to have the empty house dog syndrome. I had dogs in the house since 1994. Two or more at a time and when the time came there was always another there to help with the grieving. When Lucy passed a year ago in November she was the last and it was so hard. We would come home and no baby there to greet you. There was no baby under your feet in the kitchen hoping and begging for something to eat and she was real good at that! We would go to the shelter to visit at least once every two weeks. I just needed a doggie fix. I wasn’t sure if I could go through the pain of loosing another when the time came. Just this past December we adopted Maggie and she was a God send. I realized I was more unhappy not having another dog. They will all hold a special place in my heart with each one having their own personalities and yes there is always room in my heart for another. So when you and Don decide its time for another you will know.

    ((HUGS))

  55. *hugs* I’m so sorry! We lost our last dog last July and I still find myself checking the kitchen floor (Eddie had kidney failure at the end and the kitchen was the place he went) eight months later. We’ve agreed to see if we’re ready for a new dog after El Nino is done. This will be our first tax season where a vet bill hasn’t been paid for by our tax return! So many little ways we continue to miss our dogs. *hugs* I was a complete mess because they *are* family…

  56. Dear Claudia and. Don, I’m so sorry for your grief, piled upon grief, and sadness. I know you have tons of memories, and I also know that sometimes memories are not enough when you want to hug Scout or feel her tongue as she licks your face or hand. I also know you will take care of each other and share the loving support only a Mom and a Dad can give each other. I’m making a donation to my local animal shelter to honor Scout….much love, Wendy

  58. Praying this morning for comfort and peace for you and Don. You gave Scout a wonderful, full life as she gave the same to you. As painful as it is, you did the right thing. Take time to grieve and heal. God bless you both.

  59. Crying and grieving with you, Claudia and Don. I am so sorry for your loss. Know that you are loved. I can’t write more.

  60. Just because it is the right thing to do doesn’t mean that it is an easy thing to do in so many situations in life, let alone when it concerns a pet or a member of your family. I never have the right words, but my thoughts and hugs are with you. xx

  61. I could not even get through your post without crying. I will miss Scout too. I have gone through it more times than I care to remember and I know I have 2 more coming in the not too distant future. But, as you know, they are worth every second we have with them and enrich our lives beyond imagination. Take care of each other as you grieve your sweet girl. I am aching along with you.

  62. My condolences on the lost of your beautiful girl. You were blessed to have her in your life, but she was blessed to have you and Don love her.

  64. I have to take a minute here to wipe my eyes. “Emotional replacements for children” – that’s how I heard it described (heartlessly, really) as to how it is for childless people with pets. My husband and I have been human-childless (not by choice; it’s just one of those things that happened) since we married nearly 30 years ago but it doesn’t mean we weren’t parents. Like you, we haven’t known what it is to be a couple without a dog or cat to brighten our days, be by our side, enriching our lives. Not in all these many years.

    It’s a mind-blowing thing to other people, and I know this, but the last time my husband and I were on vacation together was 1994, and it was only a 4-day weekend. The cat and four dogs were boarded…at the veterinarian’s office, where the pens were large and not cages per se, and the dogs were grouped together for familiarity…but one dog came back severely traumatized. Never again. And most of our animals have been special-needs pets, in multiples, which make it difficult for a sitter (and any tip I ever got on such a person, led me to someone I didn’t feel comfortable with). I only trusted my brother, but then he died.

    So, my husband and I, too, have committed to a break after our last pet passes. We’re going to try to be strong about it. In fact, just last week, he was tempted to take on a puppy that belongs to a guy he knows who’s being deployed. It was me who had to say, ‘no’ (and I felt badly about it, but a pup is very adoptable; people out there want the young ones). I feed two feral cats from our hillside (wild cats; can only get five or six feet from them; they’ve been spayed/neutered through a trap/release program) but we really only just have the one dog remaining…my loyal companion when Dad is gone so much on his jobs. She’ll have died around the time my husband fully retires. We hope/want to be able to do a minor amount of frugal traveling if we feel up to it. A break in pet care/’ownership’ opens you up to new opportunities (an ’empty nester’). And a break is allowed, especially when you’ve been committed to pets for such a long time, as we have, as many people have; as you and Don have, Claudia. But you got me with, “Who will I mother?” Indeed. It’s not like there’s a grandchild who’ll come to visit next weekend.

    My 19-year-old cat died about three months ago and I still automatically look for him underfoot in the garage, where he liked to live, when I’m carrying a laundry basket; I was always mindful to not step on him or stumble over him (he was always right THERE, at my feet), and to keep him separated from the dog. It’s the first time in decades where I don’t have a litter box to clean a few times a day. Every time I go into the garage, I feel like there’s something I’m supposed to be doing because especially, toward the end, I was doing something for the elderly cat constantly; checking on him so many times throughout the day, not to mention the wee hours. Although my current dog never rushes the front door when I open it, I always still glance at my feet, in some ancient reflex I can’t cure myself of, to make sure a dog isn’t getting past me to run out into the street…and that was something that’s never even happened at this house; it was the other house. If I carry a hot pan off the stovetop, I still look down to make sure I’m not going to spill something on an animal, even though my current dog never even goes in the kitchen, for reasons we’ve never been able to figure out. I don’t know what it’ll feel like to not have a dog curled around me as I sleep. We get accustomed to these things.

    I lived alone for 13 years as a single adult woman, in small urban apartments and condos, on the ‘go’ with never a pet. I developed a sort of caution when I’d come home to my place, no matter what time of day, glancing around and taking a quick survey before I could relax; early on, I’d known someone who’d had an intruder hiding in a closet, so it spooked me. In those days, we didn’t have ‘house’ alarms, at least not where I lived (in budget country). Once I married and always had a dog(s) in the house (he came with a dog and a cat), I never had that worry again; I’d arrive home to nothing but safety, comfort and joy. My angels; my protectors…even the smallest of them was the best ‘guard dog’…and I’d been raised with dogs in my childhood/youth; hadn’t realized how much I missed having a dog.

    It’s going to take you awhile to shift routine, learn to sleep well again in your house without one ear open, but you will. I know you’d trade it in a heartbeat to have Scout back, but the first time you and Don can go somewhere together and not have to hurry back, will feel sad yet also a relief…and that’s no dishonor to Scout; it’s just a different life. In that life where we can’t stop time, where things change, where we move on…because we have to; nothing stays the same.

    I like the idea of Don coming up to Hartford. It might help him to get out of the house right now. You need each other. Why not? Do it. Take some walks together if the weather improves there. Explore a restaurant you’d thought of sampling. Have the soothing presence of each other in the evenings after your long day. I’m thinking the apartment is also a place where you both could be together where it’s not associated with Scout in the physical sense…like a brief transition period as you prepare yourselves for Mockingbird Hill Cottage, together, but without her. (I don’t mean for that to sound cold; I’m just thinking of it as part of the healing.) While you’re tied up with work, maybe Don can distract himself with that wonderful museum, and the library. And then you’ll both be eventually back home, and it will be the ‘new normal’…but I’m not trivializing anything here; it’s all hard. You need activity, air, tasks and conversation as you navigate grief in all its stages, in your own time. It’s different with everybody, and I can’t know exactly what you’re feeling and going through, but it’s definitely fragile; you need to fortify yourselves. I’m so glad you have each other when things are very difficult.

    If He closes a door but then opens a window, I wish for your window to be filled with light from warm sun, blue sky above and fresh scents of Spring. That’s where Scout is now, somewhere beautiful, looked after in a new way…and she’s feeling happy and free, rolling in the flowers, scampering in a green meadow, in a new life; renewed, strong…and safe. She’s okay, Claudia. And she wants you and Don to be okay, too. Because she loves you. And it’s been the happiest, luckiest thing for her, to have been blessed with you both as her parents. She wants you to know how grateful she is for all you ever did for her; for loving her…and for you to know that she’ll never, ever forget you.

    • I, like you, hate that phrase ’emotional replacements for children’- it’s bullshit and I tell people that when I hear it. They are our children. Period.

      I’d like Don to come here and he probably will – but right now, I think he feels more comfortable at home. And we have very frigid weather coming up this weekend, so he has to man the drips from the faucets. But he’ll come. Maybe next week. Truly, we’re taking it day by day. Today is a tough one – for him, because he’s there at the cottage without her. Me, because I’m far away from home and the place where we all lived together.

      Thank you, Vicki.

      • I had a fleeting thought about that…if it was safe to leave the house empty in bad weather, i.e. freezing pipes et al; I just don’t know much about that kind of thing (it was 92 degrees [f] here today; high winds and heat as the California drought, at least in the southern regions, continues…).

        You are made of tough stuff, you and Don. It’s an awful few days you have to be apart; oh, how I wish it were otherwise for you! I’m thinking it’s close to 9pm where you are, and I hope you can fall into a dreamless sleep so that your brain can just be devoid of thought for a brief time because I know you have so, so much in your head and on your mind; total physical and mental and emotional exhaustion. You’re going to look back on this and wonder how you and Don got through it.

        I just had this ‘vision’ of Scout putting your hand into Don’s across the miles. It was beautiful.

  65. Claudia, you and Don are just what parents are supposed to be. You loved your sweet girl her whole life, and sheltered her in her time of need unconditionally. Loving spirits all. Congratulations to you, even in your sorrow. Very well done.

  66. And if I go while you’re still here,
    Know that I live on,
    Vibrating to a different measure
    Behind a thin veil you can not see through.

    You will not see me, so you must have faith.
    I wait for a time when we can soar together again.
    Both aware of each other.
    Until then live your life to the fullest
    And when you need me
    Just whisper my name in your heart,
    I will be there.

    – Emily Dickinson –

    So very very sorry, Claudia & Don. Wishing you comfort & peace. ? ? ?

  67. Oh, Claudia, there aren’t words in this world which will make you & Don feel better. I know that once you have loved a special animal, it becomes more difficult to not have one in your life and in your home.
    Only you and Don will know when and/or if that time arrives. And remember, sometimes when you are not looking or even thinking about it at all, you simply turn around one day and there are a pair of beautiful eyes looking into yours. And you will know.

  68. There will be another darling dog for you to mother. I know you will not be alone for long. There is one waiting in the wings for you. One who needs you as much as you need him or her. When you are ready, it will happen. Keeping both you and Don in my prayers.

    Love,
    Susan and Bentley

  69. I also send my sincere condolences on your difficult loss of your beloved Scout. There are so many wonderful words in comments above that will help heal your heart.
    This morning we took our newly rescued kitten to the veterinarian. While we were there, a man brought his elderly dog in with an acutely severe problem. I was so sad as I listened to the man crying over his beloved Shane. The doctor and staff were preparing to help this dog transition to his after-life. I was crying in the hallway for this loss, and your loss, and memories of our past losses. Darcie Sims, a psychotherapist/grief counselor, wrote one of the profound statements that has helped us in our losses: “We are a family, broken by death, mended by love. Let love be what you remember most.” Keeping you and Don in our thoughts as you continue your personal grief journey.

  70. Dear Scoutie, you will be missed by so many, you have had the most amazing life. You have been loved beyond measure. You have been cared for by parents who have always kept you close to their hearts. They will miss you so much, but so will we. Rest now sweet girl and let us remember your feisty, and crazy personality. Let us remember your heart shaped spot and your boundless energy. And let us send love to your Mom and Dad.
    Love and miss you,
    Aunt Mere

    • She loved you, Mere. She was always so crazy when she got to see you.
      We all miss her terribly, don’t we? Love you.

  72. This is such a heartbreakingly beautiful tribute to your sweet Scout. I know you will miss her terribly. You and Don have been the best parents. It is a testament to how much we loved them, that we even consider doing it again, knowing how painful it is to say goodbye. I hope that someday your Scout, Riley, and Winston meet up with our Kelly, Molly, Maggie, and Nellie…xoxo

  73. My heart aches for you and Don. Your post brought me to tears because I know what this loss feels like. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  74. Beautiful tribute to a beautiful daughter. It took our family several years before we were ready to adopt another little rescue. But when it was time, there she was needing us as much as we needed her. No words can express how sorry I am or make you feel better. Just know we are thinking of you and praying for God to comfort you as only He can. Hugs to both you and Don.

  75. It has been one year and 10 weeks since our Foster had to leave us. There are never any right words to make it all better…sending you consolation, loving thoughts, and a wish for peace.

  77. Claudia and Don, I am so sorry for your loss. It is an all engulfing sorrow that seems that it will never end, but eventually you will remember Scout pouncing and being silly and it will make you smile instead of cry. I lost one of my cats this morning. I keep “seeing” her out of the corner of my eye. It hurts.

    • I’m so, so sorry for your loss, Teresa. I’m sending you a big hug and an understanding of what you’re going through. Thank you.

  78. I’m so truly sorry for your loss. I have been through it and it is heartbreaking beyond words. I do hope you will eventually get another child. The dog world needs families as devoted and loving as you and Don. God bless you.

  79. Claudia and Don, words cannot express my sorrow for what you’ve gone through. I’ve so enjoyed reading about Scout and Riley. When the time is right you will know and become parents yet again. Scout is now running and playing and telling everyone how lucky she was to have parents like you and Don. Hugs.

  80. big big hugs to you. Such a hard time. Im so sorry. You’ve had lots of loss. Spring may bring newness to your heart I hope. Today it is okay to weep and weep

  81. This Thursday will be the second anniversary of having to say goodbye to my sweet Angel and the grief is still so strong. I have a painted Winnie the Pooh saying hanging on my wall across from the sofa that I look at everyday and think of her. “If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart. I’ll stay there forever.”

    Wishing you and Don peace as you navigate your way thru the pain.

    Hugs to both of you.

  82. Dear Claudia
    I must confess it was impossible to me to write to you yesterday.I was too sad to do it and besides the tears constantly flowing from my eyes didn’t even let me see the keyboard in front of me.this is happening now too but I want to send you a huge hug and kiss.I wish I could have given them to you personally.Every word you write makes me cry again ,I loved your girl .I thought about her every day despite living so far away and not having had the luck to see her personally.I was always happy to see a new photo of her and knowing about her little adventures. I just looked into her beautiful eyes and a smile came to my face.I will miss her a lot and having lost my only senior girl three years ago make me understand how you are feeling.Like you I have always considered my pets as my children despite some people don’t understand this.I know how difficult is the day after.the house is empty and we desperately need to see them again but I’m sure they stay around us at least in spirit.May God give both of you peace and comfort soon.S cout will always be in my thoughts!
    Alicia Buenos Aires

  83. ((Claudia)) ~ I just saw this news. I am sending you so much love via my thoughts and prayers. You were a wonderful mother to Scout. She was such a beautiful girl. I am so sorry for you loss.

  85. I will miss reading about the most wonderful Scout. Maybe she will meet Maggie, Ginger, Muffin and Cricket and have new playmates. They are our children even if we have human children, too. My son’s kindergarten teacher thought he had a human sister named Muffin. After all, he talked about his sister Muffin.
    Thoughts and prayers for you and Don.

  86. So sorry for your loss, its never easy to say goodbye to our loved ones. Celebrate the time you had her with you and the joy she brought to you. Thinking of you and Don at this sad time in your life.

  87. Claudia and Don…I wish I had the words to comfort you and make you smile again…I don’t….I just want you to know that I care and I am thinking of you both…It is hard for me to imagine her not being there with you…I dreamed she was running and playing and pouncing…I believe that she is…Love and Hugs, Nancy

  88. I’m sending a warm hug from Oregon. I am very sorry to hear that you lost your beloved Scout. You’ve had so much loss over the last year, you are in my thoughts.

  90. I can imagine how you and Don are feeling and I have nothing to really say that can help. All I know is that you were the best parents any dog could have.
    Take time to rest and remember all the lovely things and beautiful moments with sweet Scout.
    Mary x

  91. I’m so sorry Claudia. This is the first chance I’ve had to check blogs today…my husband had emergency surgery Sunday night and I’ve been staying at the hospital with him. I went home this afternoon to shower and change clothes and grabbed my iPad while there so I can catch up a bit with my friends.
    I know, as many others here do, how awful this decision was to make. I will be praying for you my friend. What a sweet blessing Scout was to you and Don all these years.
    Betsy

  92. Claudia and Don, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. I am typing through my tears as I came to care for Scout through your stories and pictures of her. Thank you for sharing her with us. Take care.

  93. I’m so very deeply sorry for your loss, I know my hound is as deeply loved by myself & husband as our children are so I do feel for you xx

  94. Dear Claudia and Don.
    I am so so sorry for your loss. Loosing a beloved pet is unbearable and I can feel your grief. I am thinking of you.
    Christina x

  95. Dear Claudia and Don although we’ve never met and I live on the other side of the ocean I feel your pain and pray that the beautiful memories you have of Scout will lead to healing and peace in your heart.

  97. Dearest Claudia and Don,

    I am so sorry for both of you. I always loved the posts when Scout would take over the blog. A terrible loss indeed. My prayers are with you both.

    Kim

  98. Claudia,

    My heart is breaking for you and Don. We have been right there where yiou are as our girls were our children, too., and reading this takes me back there.

    I am crying so hard I can’t see, but I want you to know I will be holding you up in prayer. If I were there, I would be crying along with you., but I am crying from my chair in Florida. I think one reason I curtailed blogging is because I sustained so much loss over the last several years I lost my voice and had to find it again. While I have yet to do so, you found it for me in this post.

    Thinking of you and sending love to both you and Don.

    xo

    Sheila

  99. I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, I know how you feel las heaven now holds many of my loved ones, I know that the love you gave Scout was returned many times over to you and Don.
    Hugs to you today, Sue

  100. You made a very hard decision for your Scout out of pure love. Scout was very lucky to have you as devoted parents. In return you got your heart filled with love. I can totally understand that you need to take a breather to grieve.
    But when you are ready for some Joy again, remember you are honoring Scout by donating again. She would not want you to be lonely. Give another doggy a chance at a great home.

    Hugs from Nevada City. Janet

  101. Dear Claudia and Don,

    If you can,Please remember as I have, from the service for my beloved, 28 yr. old daughter.
    “Time will once again Sweeten the memories,and you will smile when you speak(or think of her).”
    Please think of all of us your friends gathered around you,in a strong, sweet, protective fortress.
    Stay with us, lean on us, until you are ready to step forward. My Love and Prayers to both of you. -Judy A-

  102. I have just popped over from your sisters blog. I so want to say more here today for you but the tears are rolling my face as I know and understand your grief and pain having lost 2 of my fur babies in the space of 2 years its so very hard. But the days will get easier believe me and you have your wonderful memories to hold close not comfort right no I know. Fly high over that special rainbow bridge sweet Scout your not be alone there will be a party waiting for you with all the other special hounds my 2 boys included. Best wishes to you both. dee x

  104. Everyone who reads your blog has their arms around you and Don, right now. I hope that you can feel the strength and love of our figurative hug. Take care~

  105. I’m so sorry that you lost your beloved Scout. I’ve been following you for a few years now, so I felt as if I knew her too. I’m sure she lived as long as she did partly because of the wonderful care she received from you and Don. Blessings to you both, Diane

  106. No words I can say will ease your grief. Just know that we understand that it is grief, real grief and that Scout was not “just a dog.”

  107. Hugs to you Dear Claudia.

    I understand the pain that comes from the indifference that people feel towards the loss of a pet. I have often had to suffer my grief in silence, because I know very few people here who love their animals the way I have. They have said, “It was just a cat”, or “You can just get another dog”. That is the worst possible thing they could have said. They think I’m an absolute fool when I try to explain how it is I am feeling.

    It is wonderful to know that there are others who feel so strongly about the love we share with our animals. Grieve the loss of your Darling Scout wholeheartedly and without apologies. The only ones that can understand the love you had are the ones closest to you and your Scout.

  109. I´m sorry. We recently lost our dog, Gracie, and it hurts. She is now with Anita,
    my daughter.

  110. Oh Claudia, I’m so very, very sorry. How beautifully you have written about her. You were very blessed to have her, and she was very blessed to have her too, I don’t think a dog could have had a more loving home. CJ xx

  111. Claudia and Don, I am so sorry to hear about Your Girl. There really isn’t much more than that to say when someone loses a child. I am thinking of you, and sending hugs.

  112. Oh Claudia – I am so so sorry. I am catching up with your blog after a week or so – and now my eyes are stinging with tears. Please know that I will be thinking of you and Don. Hugs.

  115. Dear Claudia and Don,
    Scout is in a place free of pain and happy. There is not much to say other than I know the pain will ease, but you will always have her in your heart. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs!
    Usha

  116. Dear Claudia and Don,

    You gave been on my mind sice you lost your beautiful girl. I like so many in the comments above feel your pain. I do not have children, my dogs are my kids. In August I had to make the same heartbreaking decision as you and leg my almost 15 year old go. For four days after I did not get off my couch except to let my other dogs out and to feed them the pain was so debilitating . We are blessed to be the parents of these special, magical kids.

    I am weeping along with you. My prayers are for you to find a little respite from the pain.

    Take care and know that your beautiful girl was loved by many and was so blessed to have you and Don.

  118. Claudia,
    My heart goes out to you and Don. I feel the pain.
    I have been reading your blog regularly for over 2 years. I was unable to read this post in one go without wiping back tears. She is in a better place and gone knowing she was loved.

    Scout has been in my prayers and so will you and Don as you grieve. It will be tough but remember the happy times.

  119. Claudia I am crying so hard I can barely speak. My heart breaks for you both. I am going downstairs now to hug my 4 babies. They are our 12,13,14 and 15th. dogs and I miss every single one of the other 11 every day.

    Sue
    xoxo

  121. Claudia and Don, I am deeply sorry to hear that it was time to let Scout go. It’s such a painful decision. I understand the deep grief that you must be feeling. My dogs are my children too, and I’ve formed attachments to their spirits just as I would a human. You’ve had to experience so much grief the past couple of years. I wish you peace and comfort in your time of grieving. My heart is aching just typing this because I got to experience the essence of Scout through your writing about her.

  122. I had no idea that it had been so long since I have read my favorite blogs and I was so shocked and sad to learn about your loss of Scout. It is heart-shattering, I know. I understand all of what you and Don are feeling, how lost you feel in the first aftermath. A Scout-shaped hole in your hearts and your home will take time to heal.

    I am very sorry for your loss. You were such good and loving parents to your girl and I believe she stayed as long as she could to love you back.

  123. I
    am
    so
    very,
    very,
    sorry, Don and Claudia.

    God Bless you during your days of grieving. It never goes away…I know. I know.

    Sending you a big hug here and remembering your sweet Scout – and Riley, too.

    love you….

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