A very foggy morning.
More strange weather ahead: tomorrow the high is going to be 94° with a heat index of 97°. On Sunday, the high will be 92°. What the ?????? Then, after the storms that will come through because of this crazy weather, the temps will drop back down to the seventies next week.
As you can imagine, we are installing the kitchen a/c unit this morning. Yikes. I’m going to do some work outside today, because I sure won’t be doing any of that over the weekend!
Another day yesterday of taking it easy, mostly because it rained. I finished the Elizabeth George right before dinner – two minutes to spare! Excellent. I have already grabbed A Banquet of Consequences from my TBR pile and I’ll start that today. I’m obviously in an Elizabeth George mood.
I’ve been thinking about being an introvert, which I’ve written about once before on this blog. I’ve been trying to describe just what that is to a friend, so it’s obviously been on my mind. For much of my younger life, in a house full of four kids, one bathroom, and very little personal space, reading was my way to grab some alone time, even if I wasn’t literally alone. I was immersed in the words on the page, and my imagination transported me to another world. Because I was in school and performing in plays and musicals, I had the trappings of a very social life. As I got older, I craved alone time more and more. Especially when I entered my thirties and moved to Philadelphia to go to grad school. For many years, I categorized that need as ‘I need time to myself’ or even ‘I’m a bit of a loner.’ It wasn’t until relatively recently that I realized I was an introvert.
I often felt like I had to apologize for being ‘antisocial.’ I really wasn’t antisocial – I worked in the theater, after all! – but on a personal level, some friends who were highly social just didn’t understand me. They took it personally. And so I felt guilty, like I’d done something wrong.
If I had a nickel for every time I felt that guilt, I’d be a rich woman.
As I’ve grown older, after a lifetime of working in the theater and teaching where I had to be around lots of people all of the time, my need to retreat has grown. And you know, I love my work. I love that opportunities I’ve had to get to know so many people over the years, whether in a theater or in a classroom or as a camp counselor. It’s not that introverts don’t like people. They just need time to ‘restore’ their energies. To go to the well.
Don, who is more of an extrovert, also feels that need lately.
I’ve always avoided entertaining people in my home. It takes every bit of joy out of me. I feel enormous pressure and I am simply exhausted when it’s over. I so admire those who can pull that off with great aplomb. I admire those who can maintain a highly social existence.
However, I cannot, and owning that truth about myself has been life-changing. I’ve talked a lot about it with Don. Thankfully, he has always understood me, even when I wasn’t yet using the word introvert.
I must admit that I still feel guilty at times. I guess that a lifetime of feeling you have to apologize for who you are can still push those buttons. Like many of you, lockdown wasn’t at all hard for me. In fact, it gave me permission to be myself.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this yesterday. Both Don and I are creative artists who spend a lot of time in our heads. It is very easy for us to disappear into our work or our books. In fact, that’s what a typical day here is like. Don doing his thing, me doing mine.
We had a conversation the other night about why we would rather stay home in the evenings than go out. We love our evening routine, coming together in the quiet of our den to watch a movie or a series. The reality is that both of us have spent the bulk of our lives working in the evenings. I was routinely out at least 6 days a week acting in plays or attending rehearsals or taking notes on performances. Don, a professional actor since he was 18, was hardly ever home at night. So now that we have the opportunity to stay home, we stay home!
We like being home. We like the quiet.
I’m sort of rambling now, so I’ll stop.
I’m thinking of ordering Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking. Someone mentioned it to me a while back. Has anyone here read it?
Stay safe.
Happy Friday.
lovely photo, as usual.
glad for your recognition of needs, self-acceptance, letting go of guilt (not often easy, i know) and doing what you want … good for you … literally. :)
i would also describe myself as introverted and, after forty years in social work, i am sooooo ready for this retirement. i will spend lots more time with my family and also with myself. :)
thanks for sharing.
happy friday and stay safe!
kathy
pushed “post comment” too soon. meant to add that i have not read that “quiet” book, but have seen some good reviews about it.
kathy
Thank you Kathy!
I understand!
Stay safe, Kathy.
We raised our kids
I did part time work for doctors after they started school and a bank
We owned a small tiny Hallmark Store for years
I did not like that as I worked 365 days a year
I taught 18 1/2 years and loved it
Taught high school middle and college
I still tutor online and teach grands
I love my alone time now
My friends are in the past and we text call and lots of snail mail
I have lived in Florida over a year now and have not even gone to public church
Watch online
I have been in church since birth and grief start two
I like alone
Love it
I understand how you feel totally
You are amazing
Thank you for sharing
I actually have an old dear friend who called me anti social now
I let it go out the window
I just don’t care
Take care
Love hearing about your books dear sweet girl
Ah, thanks so much for your thoughts, Brenda!
It helps to know there are kindred spirits out there.
Stay safe.
I love being around people…it recharges my battery. The problem is….I am a reluctant hostess. I could never master the art of comfortably and seamlessly hosting a dinner party …other than my family. I had a mother who could throw a party together with no notice and everything, from food, decor, music, guest…was perfection. I would much rather go out to dinner with friends or sit on our boat and watch the sunset and have a glass of wine or two. It isn’t that I am ashamed of my home it is that it so personal for me. Not sure how to convey this …but I somehow feel I have to ready my surroundings as if we were staging the house to sell in order to “entertain”. That is not how I live. I think I also felt comfortable being reclusive during the past two years with the pandemic. So Claudia I admire you for opening up so much of your home and daily life to so many on your blog and at the same time being a very private person.
I am also an introvert. I think that’s different than a loner. I need lots of alone time, but I also need some social time.
When I was a kid my best friend lived 2 houses away. I can recall my relief when she would have to go home and I could do something solitary…read a book or play with my dolls by myself. I have always needed alot of alone time to recharge. On the flip side though, it’s important to me to feel I “belong” somewhere, that I am part of some type of community. I have gotten that from church and the small town I live in. I love to walk into a store or restaurant and have the cashier or waitress know my name.
I have also often struggled with guilt for not being social enough or making excuses for not going out with friends. I think I have lost some friends because they didn’t understand my need for space. That makes me sad.
It has always been a balancing act for me.
Take care
Yes, I live in a small town, too. I know the guys at the Post Office by their first names. Same with some of the people who work in the grocery store.
Thanks, Marilyn.
Stay safe.
I feel the same way. Getting the house ready for visitors is a major chore and I feel the pressure. I completely agree with you on that.
Thanks, Maria.
Stay safe.
It took me a long time to own the fact that I was an introvert, and that it was just who I was, and not a character flaw. If I had a nickel for every time someone told me to “come out of my shell” I too would be a rich woman. I’ve lost friendships because I could not invest the amount of energy in the frequent group outings that the others seemed to thrive on. As well as I got along with these various groups, because I had fewer shared experiences, I became the odd woman out. Eventually I’ve been able to be accepted as a somewhat extroverted introvert. I have friends and coworkers that accept my ways, and know I’m not cold or aloof, or not capable just because I’m not the most vocal in the group. I read Quiet quite awhile ago. I enjoyed it and found some useful information but I think I found some negatives though I can’t remember what they were anymore. I also found a lot of useful information in The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. Again, a long time ago, and some negatives. Maybe that both books may elevate introverts a bit too much and criticize extroverts. Probably because when someone is called outgoing it’s such a huge positive, and being “reserved”, as they say, always sounds like a negative. So possibly these authors are a bit defensive. I get that too. But we all are who we are.
It helps to have some people in your life who understand and don’t judge. And don’t take it personally. So I’m glad some of your friends and coworkers do get it, Louise.
Thank you.
Stay safe.
Maybe that’s why I like libraries so much: they are quiet, there are books, and my time there is solitary. What you said about entertaining people at home really struck a chord. So true here for both of us. Take care!
A library is heaven!
Stay safe, Polly.
My husband and I are both introverts.
I would be interested to know the introverts who replied here would use Facebook or Instagram. To me it is an invasion of obey privacy.
I do not use Facebook or Instagram because I am really not good with computers and posting. For that reason, I am not really up to date with my family who post daily and take pretty pictures of EVERYTHING. I feel that the least we can do is make a phone call now and then. Would you believe I haven’t had a phone call from some of my cousins in years, but they post daily on Facebook? I view it when I can… and delete most of it. It is a disgrace that people post the most intimate things on Facebook but lack the sensitivity or courage to pick up the phone or even write a little note. I hate texting but that is the only way I get an immediate answer. How busy can people be? They take a million pictures of themselves, food, surroundings other people and we are all in need of HUMAN CONTACT.
Maria I agree with you- I couldn’t put in words what you said
Thank you
I use both Facebook and Instagram. It’s only an invasion of your privacy if you choose to divulge personal information that you’d rather not share. I’m very careful what I share. And of course I blog. But if it is an invasion of your privacy to you, then you don’t have to do any of that kind of social media. There’s something to be said for that, Linda!
Stay safe.
As an only child, I was very much withdrawn. I became a voracious reader as a result. Reading enabled me to step out of my life, and imagine a different life, or solve a mystery, or learn something new. But, mostly, it cultivated my imagination. High school, on the other hand, brought out the social butterfly in me…and it has continued through much of my adult life. I’ve always been social, I’m the lady in the grocery line that’ll strike up a conversation with you. My mom taught me that…and I am forever grateful.
Now, I really do prefer staying at home to going out. But, yet I love to travel….love to get together with family and friends. And, I love to host those get togethers. However…I don’t care for large crowds. I cherish my alone time…my reading time…my gardening time. Just enjoying the sounds of nature of which we are so fortunate to live amongst. So, am I withdrawing again? Has the pandemic changed me? Is this age related….as Don mentioned? Or am I both introvert and extrovert? An interesting question for myself.
Sorry the heat is going to be so oppressive in the coming days for you. Here, our temps are going back down to the 50’s. We’ll have to turn the furnace back on. Spring is most unusual this year.
Enjoy your day! ;)
Oh, I’m very friendly in public and have plenty of chats in the grocery line. To me, that’s a one-time kind of thing and it doesn’t require any future commitment on my part. I say hello to people, I coo over babies, help people that need a hand with their carts, etc. I’m very approachable. An introvert can do all of that, can be social when at the workplace, etc. But at the end of the day, they must recharge, replenish, be alone or quiet or read or whatever. For instance, I love being at a rehearsal, talking to the actors, working one-on-one with them, laughing together. But when the rehearsal is over, I make a beeline for home or for my temporary apartment and shut out the world. HAVE TO.
Stay safe, Donnamae.
Boy, aren’t we a community of introverts? Me, too! It’s not a bad thing.
I remember my mom relating how as a kid I’d cry when invited to a birthday party, knowing I’d have to go. From a young age my mom had me singing in public—alone, or with my cousin. And really, until I got married (very young) my life was filled with singing engagements, rehearsals and singing lessons, dancing lessons. But I longed to get offstage and just be alone. The pandemic has been fine for me, except when we’ve had to be in public—doctors, etc., and yes, I’ve also felt a bit guilty about it.
Well, you know I was an actress for many years, as well as a professional singer. I performed frequently. A lot of performers are introverts. There’s something in us that is perfectly fine with going onstage and doing whatever it is we do. It makes sense to me. Also, performing is finite. Two hours, an hour and it’s over. And you can go home to your private world.
Stay safe, Shanna.
Sounds like you were describing me. If left to my own devices I would stay home and be as happy as could be. I know I have to be with people so I belong to a book club and knitting group. Last week I told Woody I was taking the week off and stayed home. He loves to be with people and sometimes that causes problems. He doesn’t like it when I refer to myself as antisocial and I’m not but I love and need time to myself.
Eileen
We are definitely related, Eileen! I used to have a big chunk of time off in the summer when I taught at Boston University. I’d visit Mom and Dad of course, but the rest of the summer, I’d hang out in my apartment in Cambridge and take long solitary walks around the area and I loved it. It was almost like I was ‘off the grid’ though, of course, I wasn’t.
Stay safe, my cousin.
Ugh… this crazy and unseasonably hot weather is awful. We’re currently at 91° with a heat index of 99°. Fingers crossed that we actually get the rain & cooler temperatures that are forecast for early next week.
I’m an introvert. No doubt about that whatsoever. 😊
Throughout the vast majority of my working life, I was a functional extrovert as my career/work required that I function as an extrovert (interacting with people). Every evening was my time to recharge my batteries. Alone time and quiet rest have always been necessary for me to settle my soul, process life, renew my energy levels, and be able to return to the realm of other people with joy & enthusiasm.
Extrovert family, friends & colleagues, who prefer to get their energy from the outside world of people and things, had many more issues adapting to the early aspects of the pandemic (lockdowns, restrictions, etc.) than introvert family friends & colleagues. And the reverse seems to be true as we all navigate the current stage/phase of the pandemic.
Accepting ourselves and those around us for who we each are and respecting our differences is much more important than whether we’re an introvert or extrovert, something I have to remind myself about every now & then.
Stay safe & well.
I have to be a functional extrovert in my work life as well. When I’m working, I interact with many, many people during the course of a day. I can do it, but at the end of the day, I rush home and shut the door!
Thanks so much, Amy.
Stay safe.
Yes, my husband and I are right there with you. I saw that someone already mentioned the book
The Highly Sensitive Person. When I read that I finally felt there was a category I belonged in.
Always felt guilty about being that way, but felt so much better after reading the book. Right now we are getting ready to go up to our favorite place on earth, BriarPatch Inn in Sedona. There is no place I would rather be! When I start feeling stressed or depressed, I know we need a trip up there to recharge. There are no TV’s, computer access only in the lodge, breakfast eaten along Oak Creek and ALONE time. I just have such a connection to nature when we are up there. Sitting and watching the creek is mesmerizing. I have always had a connection with water. It is a little pricey, but we are not ones to travel a lot so it is worth every penny. It is also the only time I bring books with and actually sit and read! It is also only a 2 hour drive from us. So, I am off to pack and can’t wait until we get up there. Take care fellow introvert! Deb
I’ll definitely write down that title, Deb.
Oh that place in Sedona sounds like heaven! Enjoy my friend. I
Stay safe.
Quiet is a wonderful book. I actually use it in my educational leadership classes. There are students who need to know that it is okay to be the quiet one and be an effective leader at the same time. It sums up my style, although in front of a classroom you would never guess that I am like you and your other replies: I like alone time a lot. It may have been here that I ran across the term: gregarious recluse which sums me up. I enjoy people’s company, but not for a long time – soon it’s time to go. Quiet gives us permission to enjoy our aloneness.
Yes. I’m very gregarious, but I am an introvert. When I teach, I am charming and ‘on’ and it’s a bit like performing. Same when I coach.
Thanks so much for your take on the book, Carol.
Stay safe!
I’ve set myself apart all my life. I know it started with helicopter parents who wanted me under their watchful wings; they’d waited a long time for me (long story). If I was home, I was safe.
And then I got sick (asthma), had to learn to live my childhood quietly at home a lot of the time. It was the 50s and then onto the early 60s when there weren’t a lot of remedies for asthmatic children, so they kept us home; nothing to rough up the lungs like heavy play with other kids, or getting sick from other kids. Mother made sure I had my time occupied at home with creative crafts, reading, watching favorite movies together, learning how to play the piano, etc.
“Learning” was a big deal in our family. We had a small bookcase with secondhand reference books, but I also went weekly to the library for my fiction faves.
Mother, too, backed away from people although she had a few lifelong friends (like me!). She did make a very good friend of one neighbor in later years when both were in their 50s; but, I think with being so reserved, it was hard for Mom to make new friends in middle age once we kids had moved on and she lost the ‘mom’ role; has been the same for me (minus being a mom, which I wasn’t), although I’ve had people reach out and want to be my bigger friend than I’ve allowed. I find I resist. It’s awful to say this, but a friendship can make me feel trapped with commitment and obligation; reciprocity. I guess I can only voice this on a blog with anonymity.
Hard for my mom was that she was removed from her full life of community, church, neighbors and family when, as a new mom, my dad’s transfer of his job took them out of the area. Since she was shy, and busy with a new baby (me), and in a strange-new place, I think it was easier to just turn to all-things home. She became a bit reclusive. Today I’m much the same. I soaked up ‘Mom’ like a sponge; thought she hung the moon; not blaming her; it’s just she was my influence in all ways. I spent more time with her as Dad was always working and trying to feed his family. Dad was the opposite of Mom and me; he was a social butterfly, in the workplace and out of it; he loved people; he belonged to a golf club and a bowling league; never happier than participating in the world AWAY from home although of course he adored his family. He just had this huge capacity for LIFE.
What makes that life particularly challenging for me is that I’m an introvert and I married an extrovert. It causes conflict because our personalities and core beings are so different from one another despite the love. Things have gotten worse since he retired and, a lot of the time, doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself (pandemic has altered his plans for volunteerism and other ‘stuff’; I knew ‘idle’ retirement would be his downfall) whereas I never seem to feel I have enough time to do any of the multiple things I enjoy doing at home by myself. I’m not really a person who ever gets too lonely.
Anyway, I am not surprised. I knew retirement would be a problem (had been reading about this and what happens to couples like us, for years before he made the decision to retire) because I’d had a lot of solo time at home with his long and varied work hours (which weren’t hard for him; he’d always worked long hours; last one to leave; definitely and happily marched to the beat of that drum; it was his IDENTITY). One of our ‘salvations’ (successes) as a married couple was that he enjoyed his career, leaving me the ‘alone’ time I needed in the quiet and calm of my house, which is always my sanctuary, just like when I was a kid growing up in my parents’ house and was lucky enough to have my own bedroom to where I could retreat.
I’ve always felt guilty that I cramp my husband’s style, since I’m a loner and he is not. Were it not for me, and increasing numbers of Covid in my area, he’d have our house open to all, every weekend for munchies and ball games. Entertaining, for him, is effortless; is absolutely NOT for me and, frankly, I can’t wait for people to leave so I can have my house back. I love the idea of the kettle always on the stove, cake on the platter, at the ready for anybody who wants to drop in; but it’s just not ‘me’.
I can be a friendly and chatty person but I definitely keep people at arm’s length and I can’t handle it when they get clingy, which is often the case, and I have no idea WHY except that I think I’m probably a good listener and a lot of people really need that kind of attention.
But for us introverts, we are allowed to be the way we need and want to be! To try to change who we are is like trying to wear a pair of shoes that don’t fit. It’s truly about needing that restoration of mind and soul thru ‘quiet’ time … if we’re to, in fact, be whole people FOR the people in our lives. Recharging the batteries and getting to a zen place; essential! The way I phrase it is that I have to have calm and quiet and ‘me’ time/personal time to ‘center’ myself; it’s a lot about focus. And these days, I rarely get that calm, quiet and alone time, which I crave. As a result, I’m anxietous; nervous; jittery; complaining; distracted, unsatisfied, unhappy (and I’m not nice).
It isn’t that I don’t love my husband; it’s just that I get panic-y about my need for ‘no noise’ and essentially unlimited time, or the time I need, to get to where I need to be in my head. And I do that with alone time; quiet, uninterrupted puttering or even, curiously, paying bills or cleaning the house; it clears my mind; no talking; no phone ringing; nobody knocking on the door; no dog needing attention (he needs a LOT of my attention).
Unfortunately, it is still VERY hard for my husband to understand me (and not get offended). My household is chaotic and noisy and distracting most all the time; it’s really getting to me in a bad way; I’m too edgy of late. It makes me a prickly porcupine. I’m constantly interrupted. I can’t even wedge in an hour of TV news at 7pm without pausing the remote a dozen times. It’s ridiculous because we’re a small household!
I would like to send my husband on a three-week vacation he’d really enjoy, like with his friends and family, and put the wild-gigantic foster dog into the boarding section of his rescue facility while my husband is gone. Just give me the house; the quiet house; for three weeks. Of course it’ll never happen. And, yes, the guilt; that I’m selfish.
I want to be Anne Morrow Lindbergh, “Gift from the Sea”, alone on her quiet island vacation (away from ‘life’ for awhile) to collect her thoughts. Or Colleen McCullough’s lead female character in The Thorn Birds book she wrote, who does the same on an isolated island getaway, trying to figure out her next steps.
I do the same with ‘new’ friends. I’m friendly, I hug freely, but I know that on some level, I only go so far and no further. I simply don’t have the energy to put tons of time into developing a new close friendship. I do think it gets harder to do that as you get older. Both Don and I have said that we have no interest in remarrying when one of us is gone. Besides the fact that no one could compare to Don and I have no wish to fill a space in his absence, I couldn’t invest that much time in getting to know someone that deeply.
It’s unfortunate that your husband doesn’t understand your need for quiet time. That makes things tough. And yes, I feel the same way – when people are over, and that’s rare these days, I cannot wait for them to leave. It’s not that I don’t like seeing them and talking with them, but the house is my private space and I like to keep it that way. Rick, my friend, is completely the opposite. He needs to socialize. As long as I’ve known him, he’s loved to go to lunch with friends, loved having houseguests, and he never could understand why I didn’t feel the same way.
To me, teaching and coaching are both performative. I perform when I teach. I perform when I coach. I summon up my energies and focus on the task at hand, but I have to do it in a charming, yet tough way that is a performance. And performances are draining in the end.
Thanks so much for sharing, Vicki. I hope you can get a pocket of time to yourself, my friend.
Stay safe.
This has nothing to do with me being an introvert too. My Country Living magazine came in today’s mail. Now which egg cups are yours?
I had a green jadeite egg cup and small blue delft egg cup from Holland. I don’t think they were going to use any of the other egg cups I sent.
I think it will be on the stands next week.
Stay safe, Linda.
Thank you for letting me know which are yours. I’ve always liked chickens and things related to them. I have a small collection of egg cups. Most are thrift store finds.
I can relate to your thoughts about being an introvert. I tell people that I’m an introvert who operates in the role of an extrovert; people express surprise that I consider myself an introvert — but I am. I’m married to a bi-vocational minister so for many years I’ve been one to organize, host, call, lead, etc. And, I work as a receptionist in a busy doctor’s office — all I do all day is talk & talk. ha! As I get older, I need more alone, down time in between activities and people who talk a lot wear me out! I get recharged by being alone or with my small family; NOT by being with scads of people (although I do enjoy parties and getting together with friends). My favorite activities are: reading, listening to music, walking my dog, and going to a movie with my husband. In the past, I’ve had friends get angry with me and ditch me because I don’t like to talk on the phone (one-on-one for coffee is more me) or go to women’s conferences. Anyway, I think introverts are great! Most of us are relaxing and easy to be with and are good listeners. We can be great leaders because we like to see others develop their gifts and shine. There are more of us than we think, I believe. Thanks for posting. It’s refreshing to hear what others think.
That’s exactly what I am. My work requires me to be outgoing and an extrovert. But it’s not a place I want to be in for too long.
Hurrah for introverts, Carrie!
Stay safe.
I thought the Quiet: Power of Introverts was very interesting,
I always thought I was an extrovert but I do love reading and being by myself. I’m pretty sure I learned the term omnivert /ambivert from that book but who knows I read it a long time ago!
Basically, those terms mean that I am equally happy being extroverted or introverted depending on the situation.
I will admit I had/have trouble during Covid because I enjoy chatting with strangers and my peeps at the stores I frequent. Talking with friends on the phone didn’t feel the same as face to face conversations. Of course, my parents passing away within 3 months of each other during Covid did not help my mental state so that could have been part of the reason for feeling isolated.
I’m very happy being social and entertaining and also happy to be still reading or sewing. The best of both worlds! Obviously, I do love a good conversation even if I have to type it!
Viva la difference! That’s what makes the world interesting! :)
Exactly. If we were all the same it would be very tedious!
Thanks, Betsy.
Stay safe.
I read Quiet when it first appeared, after my daughter recommended it to me. We are a family of introverts, with some of us, such as my daughter and my husband, also having sensory processing disorders. I found it attitude-changing. I no longer felt apologetic for being who I am.
Oh, what a good review! I am definitely going to get that book, Linda.
Thank you.
Stay safe.
We have “chatted” about this before, but I am definitely an introvert and my husband is definitely an extrovert. We will celebrate 50 years next month, and there have certainly been ups and downs with us coming to terms of our differences. He is a (retired) music teacher and is still a church organist and choir director. He is also on many committees and is often asked to emcee many events. He can go from one thing to the next and be happy all day long. I am a retired trainer for a medical insurance group. I taught hundreds of classes and made many many presentations for fellow employees, docs and nurses, and for potential and existing employee groups, etc. I was successful in all of those endeavors, but needed desperately to seek out moments to catch my breath and recharge in order to carry on.
Once retirement happened (13 years ago), I realized how much my quiet time means to me. If I had to do those things on a daily basis now, I think you would find me under a table in the fetal position. But I truly did love my job when I did it, and I know I was good at my job. But I realize I am much more comfortable in my skin now than I ever was. Or perhaps it is just I am (of course) in a different season of life. The Pandemic was not difficult for me in the aspect of sheltering at home. It was like a prayer being answered. Sadly our granddaughter was born a week after all of the lockdowns occurred, so we saw little of her that March until summer when we could gather outdoors. Then that fall and winter were also hard as we, of course, were not yet vaccinated, and wanted to be as careful as we could with a baby. Otherwise, I was very happy to “have to” stay home. I did start “Quiet”, but couldn’t finish it. Maybe I should try again. I know many people who identify as introverts are voracious readers. As I read your comments today, I see that over and over again. I, too, go to great lengths to not spend time talking on the phone as I saw many others say. My husband can talk on the phone over and over and over in the course of a day. I will be happy if I don’t even have to answer a phone for days. It is so interesting to see how different we all are. And I thought it so very interesting how many of your followers/ commenters identify as introverts. Take care.
I will avoid the phone as much as possible. Don, on the other hand, loves phone conversations. I used to think my need to avoid long phone conversations was due to my years working telephone customer service (before I went to grad school.) And some of it IS due to that. But I realize now, from reading everyone’s comments, that it’s basically because I’m an introvert.
Thanks so much for your thoughts, Chris.
Stay safe.
Chris, what I do all the time? Landline; I take it off the hook. Drives my husband nuts. I figure he has his internet phone, so … so what? And my old flip phone in the handbag? I always have it on mute. I grew up in a household where my self-employed father had his home-based business; and he never got a diff phone; so, we kids had to answer the phone, me from age 10, as if it was a business, and his clients were always calling which I felt was an intrusion into our private life although they paid the bills. Then, I worked in offices where I answered the phone for other people and it was always as if I was being beckoned, and I don’t like being at somebody else’s beck & call. I’m sure this is why I avoid the phone as part of my introvert life. It just affected us. My dad wouldn’t talk on the phone either; Mom would pick up in the evenings once I’d moved away from home but he just wouldn’t participate because he’d been on the phone all day. I do just about everything NOT to talk on the phone and I don’t mean to be mean about it; but I can’t keep other people from constantly phoning ME although they’d prefer I was phone-savvy and text, which I don’t do either!!! None of these people handwrite notes or letters; they’ve apparently forgotten how to send a greeting card; that sort of thing. I had a doctor call me on Friday and she said, “Vicki, I’ve been having a really rough time getting hold of you; you don’t pick up; your phone just rings and rings.” Gulp.
Vicki, my phone reluctance I think stems partly from my working days when my phone on my desk seemed to ring constantly. After a day full of meetings, there would be tons of calls to be returned. In fact, when I watch Law & Order reruns, the ring of those office phones sound EXACTLY like my office phone sounded. It literally gives me shivers down my spine when I hear it. My husband and I are complete opposites when it comes to phones!! Thankfully, about 95% of calls that come in to our land line (that aren’t nuisance calls) are for him.
I have always avoided the phone – at least if we define ‘always’ as since I hit my 30s. I worked in phone customer service for years. My father worked for Michigan Bell Telephone. Too many phones ringing in my past! We just got rid of our landline, but when we had it, neither of us answered it. We’d just wait for it to go to voice mail.
Quiet is a book I have only just begun reading and am looking forward to getting to it. Your description of introversion resonates.It seems there is a little more awareness and acceptance for this amongst younger people which would be wonderful.♡
There sure wasn’t much acceptance for those of us of a certain age, was there? We just didn’t understand enough about it.
Thanks so much, Grace.
Stay safe.
Yes,that is so….and being socially at ease it sometimes felt like being undercover. One’s social skills not determining intro or extro version is often misunderstood. Anyway…it is so nice to see progress. All the best !
This post is just what I needed! Thanks Claudia. So happy that I found your blog a few years ago.xo
Glad you did!
Stay safe, Annette.
PS to my comment: I was drawn to your blog because of” I’m a solitary person who is chatty”
Truer words were never spoken!
xo
Amazing comments here, and exactly how I feel. I only realised I was introvert about a year ago and it was a relief to understand myself better.
Same here, Margaret! I came to that realization very recently.
Stay safe.
Hi Claudia,
Yes, I have read Quiet: Power of Introverts and recommend it. I’ve always known I was an introvert and, fortunately, never felt I was odd because of it. My mother and her parents were introverts, so that is probably why it seemed perfectly natural for me to prefer quiet time.
As a young child I enjoyed solitary activities such as reading and playing alone in my room. As I became older I enjoyed sewing and creating – alone! However, others questioned my preference for solitude , like I was a chronically sad person or something – which I certainly wasn’t! One of my nicknames in high school was “Sosh” which meant anti-social (this was good natured teasing – I was not bullied.) No one seemed to understand that quiet was my choice, (and that I thought they were obnoxious and loud! Ha, ha!)
In my work I must be outgoing and social which is more like a performance that I can turn on and off as needed. My husband is an extrovert and I appreciate his ease in social situations.
Anyway, I am sure you will enjoy the book, Claudia!
Christy
Your comment: Oh, I’m very friendly in public and have plenty of chats in the grocery line. To me, that’s a one-time kind of thing and it doesn’t require any future commitment on my part.
That is me! It’s commitment that keeps me from forming lots more friendships than I have. You summed it up perfectly. When I receive an invitation for a social event, panic comes over me, and I think how can I get out of this?? I even ghosted an acquaintance who had parties frequently. I ran out of excuses for not attending all of them. I do like talking on the phone from home. I have enjoyed reading so many comments from others in addition to yours. Introverts rule!
They do rule, Mary! Don says his favorite words (when faced with a social engagement) are “It’s cancelled.”
Stay safe.