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A Tough Time

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I hit the wall today.

With a gall bladder attack, a blocked bile duct, hospitalization, lack of food, dealing with a strange and not very filling diet, frustration that I don’t have more strength by now, worry about my Mom who is failing rapidly, worry about Riley who has been having problems for 2 weeks now, worry about our finances –  Don is looking for any kind of work and I would like to as well but can’t until I get my gall bladder removed… I walked outside to see that the deer had eaten the tops off of my David Phlox. It was just about ready to bloom.

I wanted to cry. Then I saw this:

The deer apparently decided to deadhead my Black-Eyed Susan before it could bloom. I’ve been lucky for the past 5 years. The main garden bed always remained undisturbed by deer. That luck just ran out.

There are those times in life where everything seems overwhelming and it just takes one little, or not so little thing, to set you off. This was it for me. Tears of frustration.

I did some weed-whacking today and was tuckered out pretty quickly. One trip with the filled wheel barrow to our ‘dumping grounds’ and I was trembling. I do not like this. I’m used to doing a lot in the garden and believe me, it needs lots of work. I’ve been resting and reading (I’ve read 3 books) but I get frustrated sitting around.

I don’t mean for this to be a pity me post. I’m just being honest. It’s a tough time for me right now.

Comments

  1. my dear friend, i get it. i really understand as i have had a month of similar things happening in our life…just no deer. i just said a little prayer for you….and praying you get better soon.

    xxoo

  2. Claudia,

    I am so sorry you aren’t feeling well today. I know not being able to work in your garden plus the worries about your mom and other things and the deer eating your plants is so frustrating. Hang in there things will get better.

    Hugs.

  3. Isn’t that always the case… a million things could be going wrong and it takes that one little thing and its like the dam burst forth with all the pent up frustration. I have been there. One thing after another and people thinking “she is so strong”…then I break a dish and I fall apart. I give myself permission to cry about that dish because if I cried over everything else it would be too much to bear. what has helped me a bit is to escape to a happy place thought, prayer, meditating, book, magazine, friend…even an old movie that brought a smile to my face. I looked for hope I guess. its hard to find when so many things are so wrong, but its there. as corny as it sounds sometimes “hope” found me. problems are like those freakin weeds. you get rid of one and there are more that pop up.there will always be more. I step back and say ok I give all this stress and dispair and worries to God or to the Universe ( whatever you believe) and say “here I can’t carry this anymore. I need you to help me with this burden”. allow yourself to lean on friends that have probably looked to you when they needed help. Its amazing what a long talk with a friend can do for your heart and soul. and lastly sometimes we just have to feel the way we feel and let it wash over us understanding that no one can be in a state of alarm forever. we will feel better. You will feel better.
    I hope you feel better soon and i will keep you and your Mom and Riley in my prayers.
    Blessings, Joanne

  4. Your post isn’t a pity party at all, you just need to vent. We all do at times. I hope things turn around for you soon, Claudia. Your post reminds me of times I’ve been in the same position, not feeling well, and thinking if I just had my health back I would do so many things. And then, I do, and I find excuses. Thanks for the kick in the pants! Prayers for your mom and Riley, and one for you, too!

  5. You just go ahead and have all the pity party you want. I know how bad you feel physically cause I have been there. The gall bladder poisons your whole body. You will feel like a new woman once it is gone, I promise. I’m sending up prayers for you,your Mom and Riley.

  7. Hang in there Claudia- I wish I could make it all better for you. I hope you are able to get your gall bladder out soon- everything is so much harder when you don’t have any energy and you don’t feel good. Sending lots of love your way and sending all the positive vibes I can. xxxxoooo ♥

  8. Claudia,

    I hope you don’t feel my comment is preachy. My friends have often said that I try to “Mother” everyone….I can’t help it.I hate to see anyone in pain or sad.
    Blessings, Joanne

  9. Claudia, your post made my heart ache. With tons of love your way and a special prayer. Be strong, my friend. This too shall pass.

    Dawn

  10. Dear Claudia,

    I understand your frustration. Two summers ago I lost all of my energy ( I have a large garden I take care of) and after many trips to the doctor I was still undiagnosed. I lost the whole summer, most days sleeping and in pain. In October I had emergency surgery for a very bad hernia. It has taken until this year to feel myself and now I am back to doing everything again. You will be back. Just enjoy the relaxing time now and perhaps in the fall you can get your garden ready for next summer.

    My thoughts are with you for your Mother and Riley
    It is difficult when everyone always depends on you and you are now the one in need. Things will turn around and your husband will get work, just think positive.

    Get Better,
    Sue

  11. I think that
    negative things
    tend to snow ball,
    so focus on what
    is GOOD and you
    are sure to attract
    that back to you,
    Claudia. Not to
    put a rosy spin on
    it or oversimplify
    what is obviously
    a stressful time, but
    try and be gentle
    with yourself. Sending
    you big hugs and many
    nods of sympathy; I’ve
    been there, too….
    xx Suzanne

  12. I so understand!And I am so sorry you are not feeling well. I have been very overwhelmed by life lately too and sometimes you just have to get away from it all! Hope you are doing better soon!

  14. Claudia,all of you are in my thouoghts and prayers. I hope that Don finds work soon and everything turns around for you and yours.

  16. And we don’t see it as a “pity me” post. We see real life. Claudia, you are going to sap what energy you have left out there. If you want to be in good shape for the surgery, or just get over what you’ve just had happen, you MUST stay out of that damned heat! Now I know you’re going stir-crazy. But you are not accustomed to sickness and surgeries, so you do not know the way it works. I’m telling you I do. Now stay out of that damned sun and take it easy DO YOU HEAR ME? I know you feel like you have to fidget because you’re worried and nervous, but fidget indoors. DO YOU HEAR ME? I’m going to call Don now if you don’t listen.
    Brenda

  17. Hey Girlfriend,

    I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well. I’ve been dealing with pain for over 35 years, and I remember vividly the inability to do as much as I’d done in the past. That feeling, unfortunately, has never gone away, and to this day I frustrate myself greatly by expecting more of myself than I’m able to give. I pity myself with “geez I remember when I was 20 and could clean a house this size in a matter of hours” instead of months or not at all. I’m pretty busy lately caring for my mother, too, and was awakened by the nursing home at 5:00 this morning with them telling me she had taken a fall during the night. I hate to see her suffer so, which I imagine is what you are thinking with your mother, and yourself. I’ll keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers sweet lady. Never feel bad about being able to vent once in a while. Take care and I’m sending healing thoughts your way.

    Hugs,
    Meri

  18. oh …it is not a pity party at all…that’s what is so wonderful about this blogging community..we are always here for each other…in good times and bad…giving love and support …. i could NOT believe the outpouring of love and support i got when my Buddy died…

    i understand how you feel..been there myself…
    please know i am thinking about you, your mom and riley…i am putting you on my prayer list and i send you love and a hug….

    kary and teddy
    xx

  19. oh …it is not a pity party at all…that’s what is so wonderful about this blogging community..we are always here for each other…in good times and bad…giving love and support …. i could NOT believe the outpouring of love and support i got when my Buddy died…

    i understand how you feel..been there myself…
    please know i am thinking about you, your mom and riley…i am putting you on my prayer list and i send you love and a hug….

    kary and teddy
    xx

  20. When it rains it pours doesn’t always seem that way. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts. Sure wish I lived closer to come over help with your garden. Take it slow.

  21. Stupid deer. As lovely a creature as they are, they are still pests and that’s all there is to it. I NEVER get to see my hosta bloom… NEVER… darn deer eat them down to nubbins every summer. BAH!!

    Get well soon and much luck to your husband in locating some work.. Times are tough for so many and I feel for each and every one going through it in this economy.

    Hugs,
    Di

  23. Claudia, I certainly identify with the ‘overwhelmed’ feeling. Happens to me more than I like and it’s not pretty when I get overwhelmed. Take it one thing at a time, concentrate on what’s most important and I’ll be praying for you. Love, Twyla

  24. Sweet Claudia, just know we are all sending Positive Thoughts and keeping you and yours in Prayers .
    Cuddle yourself for this stressful period and you’ll be on the other side of this in no time is we all have anything to do with it.
    Love & Hugs

  25. dear claudia,

    i sure hope you get to feeling better soon. health problems really are the worst.

    i haven’t been in the best place either. sometimes we are forced to walk through the fire whether we want to or not. you will come out of this stronger, i just know it.

    xo
    janet

  26. Claudia,
    I hope things start to turn around for you soon. Stay positive and take it easy, things will get better. Looks like you have a lot of nice friends sending positive thoughts your way. Take care.
    -Lynn

  27. Claudia I wish I could make things better for you. You are having a tough day for sure. Try to rest and not worry about the little things and everything will resolve themselves one by one. Take care, friend.~Hugs, Patti

  28. Ditto to Brenda, for goodness sake Claudia your body is telling you it needs rest!! You’ve got soooo much stress going on, physical as well as emotional. The tears are the outlet valve, please take better care of yourself!!

  29. Hi Claudia,
    I’m so sorry that you are hurting and worrying. Please know that we all wish you well and will be thinking of you.

    Take care of yourself and get better.

    hugs
    Sissie

  30. Claudia, I feel for you – we all at some point have days/weeks/MONTHS! like this and the only words of wisdom I have for you are those my grandmother used to say all the time…

    This, too.. shall pass.

    And it will. Hang in there.

  31. We all have pity me days, as well we should! We deserve them. It sounds as if you deserve to have more than one more than most of us. I sure hope the job situation works out soon. I’m thinking good thoughts and sending them through this comment and by airmail, or however they will get there the quickest. I hate to hear when one of the most upbeat people I know is so down and out.
    I hate to hear that your mom is failing. I will keep her in my prayers.
    Riley, too.
    But, mostly you! Hugs!

  33. thinking of you and hoping these frustrating times pass quickly. When things begin to mount..a small thing like the deer eating your phlox send us into orbit.

    we have all been there, and I hate that you are feeling this way. We are all here for you…

  34. Hope this trial passes quickly. Do what you need to do to be healthy and give it some time..hard to do I know, but often necessary.
    :D
    z

  35. I’m so sorry Claudia. I wish you didn’t have to go through this. It really is awful having the attacks. I had four before the gall bladder was removed and when I felt it coming on I would almost go into panick mode. I knew I was in for five or six hours of awful pain. I was so relieved when it came out. I too, had had problems for months before they pinpointed the gall bladder. You really will feel better when it’s all over.

    I loved your previous post Claudia. The horses are beautiful! I am so sorry about the deer using your garden as their salad bar. That is so disheartening.
    sending big healing hus your way!

  36. I understand. Sometmes it helps just to say how tough it really is. Sending you good thoughts, cyber hugs, and wishes for happier days.

  38. Prayers for you! You will feel better after the surgery. I sure don’t miss my ole’ gb! Those naughty deer! May the Lord surprise you with a God smooch! Sometimes we just need one.

  39. Prayers for you! You will feel better after the surgery. I sure don’t miss my ole’ gb! Those naughty deer! May the Lord surprise you with a God smooch! Sometimes we just need one.

  41. Dearest Claudia, I’m so sorry you are going through a rough patch. A good movie and ice cream usually helps a bit! LOL! Actually, we all have days like that and you really need to take care of yourself and your sweeties. Your gardens always look lovely and the greenery itself is a pleasure. Take care dear friend. Blessings, Linda

  42. Sorry that things seem to be overwhelming right now. Life has a way of throwing a lot of things at a person at the same time.
    In light of the circumstances, I say let the garden go. Right now you just need to get yourself well.
    I have read that mixing plants the deer don’t like in with the ones they do like, helps to deter bloom munching. Not 100 percent successful, because a starving deer will eat anything. But it’s worth a try for next summer, when you are feeling better.
    Sending you hugs.

  43. Sorry that things seem to be overwhelming right now. Life has a way of throwing a lot of things at a person at the same time.
    In light of the circumstances, I say let the garden go. Right now you just need to get yourself well.
    I have read that mixing plants the deer don’t like in with the ones they do like, helps to deter bloom munching. Not 100 percent successful, because a starving deer will eat anything. But it’s worth a try for next summer, when you are feeling better.
    Sending you hugs.

  44. Sorry that things seem to be overwhelming right now. Life has a way of throwing a lot of things at a person at the same time.
    In light of the circumstances, I say let the garden go. Right now you just need to get yourself well.
    I have read that mixing plants the deer don’t like in with the ones they do like, helps to deter bloom munching. Not 100 percent successful, because a starving deer will eat anything. But it’s worth a try for next summer, when you are feeling better.
    Sending you hugs.

  45. Sorry that things seem to be overwhelming right now. Life has a way of throwing a lot of things at a person at the same time.
    In light of the circumstances, I say let the garden go. Right now you just need to get yourself well.
    I have read that mixing plants the deer don’t like in with the ones they do like, helps to deter bloom munching. Not 100 percent successful, because a starving deer will eat anything. But it’s worth a try for next summer, when you are feeling better.
    Sending you hugs.

  46. Sorry that things seem to be overwhelming right now. Life has a way of throwing a lot of things at a person at the same time.
    In light of the circumstances, I say let the garden go. Right now you just need to get yourself well.
    I have read that mixing plants the deer don’t like in with the ones they do like, helps to deter bloom munching. Not 100 percent successful, because a starving deer will eat anything. But it’s worth a try for next summer, when you are feeling better.
    Sending you hugs.

  47. Sorry that things seem to be overwhelming right now. Life has a way of throwing a lot of things at a person at the same time.
    In light of the circumstances, I say let the garden go. Right now you just need to get yourself well.
    I have read that mixing plants the deer don’t like in with the ones they do like, helps to deter bloom munching. Not 100 percent successful, because a starving deer will eat anything. But it’s worth a try for next summer, when you are feeling better.
    Sending you hugs.

  48. HI CLAUDIA,
    OH, THOSE DEER’S…THEY DESTROYED MY DAUGHTERS FLOWER GARDEN. SHE PLANTED ONE DAY, AND THEY WERE GONE THE NEXT.
    I AM HAVING PROBLEMS (AGAIN) WITH MY COMPUTER, I KNOW I LEFT A MESSAGE, BUT IT DIDN’T GO THROUGH. I THINK I MIGHT HAVE TO GET A NEW ONE. $$$$$$$ BUT ANYWAY, THAT’S LIFE, AND SOMETIMES IT STINKS.
    I HOPE THINGS GETS BETTER FOR YOU, DON, AND RILEY, AND PRAYERS FOR YOUR MOM TOO. HAVE A GOOD DAY MY FRIEND, HOPE THIS COMMENT GOES THROUGH…RIZZI

  49. Claudia, I can relate to the wall-hitting and I am sorry it was your turn. Our lives sometimes seem to flow so nicely and then there are the times that everything seems to go wrong at once. I am sorry to hear about your mother and will think good thoughts about her and you. Just as distressing is Riley, I know, because our dogs are our family. I hope your gall bladder issues are soon resolved and that you get your physical and mental strength back quickly. It’s always the small things like the beheaded plants that are the last straw. Sometimes we need that last straw to break us so we can do our crying, then pick ourselves back up and be present for what is sure to be good times again. Stay strong. Ann

  50. Come leave a comment on my blog for the Fairy Hobmother! I did and won a $50 Amazon Gift Cert. Seriously.. come comment and leave your wish.

    Di

  51. Oh gosh Sweetie, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re ill, and experiencing so many unfortunate things all at once. Someday, this time will be just a memory, but I know how hard it is, when life comes at you so fast. I’ve known many folks to have the surgery, and they’ve all recovered just fine, and the good thing about gardens, just like life, is that it keeps on growing, and there will be other days, full of glorious beauty. In the meantime, try to look for the joy in today. It’s always there, just a little harder see, sometimes.

  52. Claudia, I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I’m sorry that you’re going through such a tough time.
    I’m sending prayers and hugs that things will get better for you.

  53. Dear Claudia, so sorry to read about that bad day of yours, I so hope you are soon feeling great again when it is remouved.
    We are too attacked by the dears in the garden-just took my blueburrybusches- and every day something else -I could cry,too
    Wishes you all the best,-hugs,Dorthe

  54. Claudia, sending you a great big hug! Life can get overwhelming at times and it’s good to just get it out of your system and have a good cry. I already know you are doing better because I commented on your most recent post. It’s especially difficult when we don’t feel well.

    I hope you find the perfect remedy for your deer issue and that your mom and Riley get better.

  55. I sympathize with you for being distraught. The deer alone is enough to make me sit in my garden and cry. I don’t have the other worries you have, but I do have many deer that eat anything, yes, even peonies, foxglove, iris and all the other things deer aren’t ‘supposed’ to like. They never fail to take all the buds of my ‘just about to bloom’ plants. They stand there and look me in the eye no matter how close I get waving my arms, stomping my feet and telling them how unwelcome they are. There isn’t anything that they can’t figure out. I’m trying fishing line tied from tree to tree next. I have Scare Crow Sprinklers that they seem to enjoy. I offer no solutions, just wishes that your health improves, and the deer will find other places to dine.

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