On a not-a-cloud-in-the-sky Monday, Don and I took a walk on the Rail Trail.
There is such beauty in the stark landscape of winter.
A splash of red berries against the browns and grays.
It felt good to be walking in the woods with my sweetie.
We, like everyone else I suppose, tend to get in a rut. Don works until late in the evening and I’m usually asleep before he gets home. I rise early. If we just let the time go by, Don doing his thing, me doing mine, before you know it, it’s time for him to leave for work and then our little window of opportunity is gone. We’re going to make a concerted effort to change that.
Yesterday we talked of camping, the smells of the forest, childhood memories, being a camp counselor, lashing together a lean-to. You know, the kind of exchange that doesn’t happen on just any old day. It was special and we need those special times together.
Then last night, I spoke with my dad. After our usual early evening conversation, he called me back. He’s so sad nowadays as he watches my mother drift away. He wanted – needed – to share some memories. Good memories. And some of them were of our family camping trips, days at the lake, driving us back to our respective colleges after a weekend at home. He talked about having very little money when my brother and I were kids. I assured him I never felt deprived. And that he was and is a good father. I’m crying as I write this, because my heart was touched so deeply by his need to talk about happy memories. His days now are about visiting my mother, hoping she might feel like talking, hoping to catch a glimpse of the wife he once knew. He’s devoted to her. He takes her magazines, and plays her favorite music, sometimes just sits there as she sleeps, holding her hand. Such sadness nowadays.
Don and I have been together over 17 years. My parents have been together 66 years. I don’t know how I would feel if I felt Don slipping away from me. I can only imagine the heartbreak, the realization that the end of our days together was near. How my parents, together so many years, can even begin to face this is beyond me.
Sometimes life is so beautiful. Sometimes it is absolutely heartbreaking. All in the course of one February day.
That is the kind of father that many long to have, one that did his best to give his time. You are blessed.
Will send up a prayer for you parents.
It is important to take time each and every day.
How beautiful and touching, we all need to live more “in the moment” before the moment is gone. Prayers for all.
It is so hard to imagine living without someone that you have been with so long. I don’t know how you get through that.
So good that you could talk to your father. He misses talking with your mom. So sweet how he takes care of her. Makes me want to cry hearing he holds her hand while she sleeps.
I know this is a rough time and I don’t know what to tel you to make it easier. (((((HUGS)))))
Oh Claudia..My heart goes out to you. Mom passed away this last year (from a tragic accident, not illness so was sudden) but Dad said on Valentine’s day that he missed Mom so much (as he does everyday, but even more as he saw others with their
sweeties”) They were just headed to 70 years and I, like you, can’t imagine.
You are doing what he needs…listening and talking and sharing. If I might suggest, next time you talk to your dad, have ready a special little story of him and you, and a little story of him and your mom. I imagine you do this already, just wanted to say it.
Thinking of you and saying a prayer for a lighter heart today. It is a very very hard time …transitions..I’m not good at change (and I know you said it’s hard for you too) Chin up (towards the heavens) that’s all we can do..be a listening ear and a loving hand as a link to our parent’s past.
Huge hugs (and a tear or two to mix in with yours)
Mare
Rail trails are so great for walking or riding bikes! I’ll keep you in my prayers and your sweet family! I know how hard it can be! Hugs! ♥
Your are blessed to have a wonderful father who gave you the gift of time. Time truly is a gift and as I read your entry today, it made me even more aware of how quickly time can get away from us. Life is bittersweet. The more we open our hearts to love and sharing the more heartbreaking it is when we witness loved ones slipping away. I will take both the joy and the sadness and open my heart to all of it! Thank you for this beautiful reminder about taking the time to have those special moments with our loved ones. You always write from the heart and this is why I visit often.
~Sandy
There I go again with the mispelled word from my Ipad. Darn, it’s difficult to type on this keyboard!
YES…..IT IS VERY HARD LOSING A LOVED ONE……..WHEN MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY I FELT LOST…..SO MANY TIMES I WANTED TO ASK HIM A QUESTION,BUT HE WASN’T THERE….I DO FEEL HE IS WITH ME ALL THE TIME….AND THAT BRINGS ME COMFORT…
66 YEARS IS A VERY LONG TIME….I FEEL SO SAD FOR YOUR DAD….PRAYERS WILL BE SAID FOR YOUR MOM….TAKE CARE CLAUDIA…..RIZZI
Oh Claudia what a moving post. My parents, married 54 years, died three months apart. It is a time I never want to live again for witnessing the separation and the goodbyes rocked me to my core. I can only imagine. I am utterly devoted to my hubby of almost 23 years and don’t even want to think of the time we say goodbye. This is a hard stage in life but one we must all go through. If only we didn’t.
How fortunate that you and your Dad are there for each other.
I know what you are saying. How very difficult for your Dad. Glad he got to call you and share those happy times of your childhood.
Hugs,
Kris
Hi Claudia…First off I want to say Happy Blogger Anniversary to you! I am sorry I missed that. What a milestone and I love how you showed the progression of the headers! About your mom and dad and you and Don. I love yours and Dons relationship with each other. It seems to be one of deep love, integrity, and respect. Not only do you share a love for each other but you share a love for those wonderful dogs and that cottage. You are each others rocks. For me, that is what marriage is all about. As far as your dear parents go, I know what you are going through. We lost my dad in 1993 very quickly. My mom lived for 5 more years and evey day, she only wanted one thing….to have that man back. It was tough. She was miserable. We did the best we could. It takes a lot out of you. Your dad sounds wonderful and the good news is he has you to talk to. Its hardest for men I think…they are not always the “natural caretakers” that us women are. But I am sure he would not want to be anywhere else but with her. Sixty-six years is a long time!! Wow! God bless them and you too for being such a great daughter. Prayers going out to you all.
You were meant to be there to listen to your dad so he could articulate his feelings and thoughts. These are moments that will stay with you for the rest of your life and take comfort in. My parents made it to 65 years and my mom lived for 4 years past that. When you are married that long you become so much a part of each other. How wonderful that your dad remembers so many things! That is precious!~Hugs, Patti
We have to learn to appreciate each and every day and to make an effort to really ‘be there’ for our loved ones even if we can’t be there physically. It’s so easy to get caught up in life and then feel bad because we missed things. I’m trying to get out of my rut …winter makes it hard but I’m doing my best. Thanks for taking us along on your walk. My heart goes out to your dad and to you.
Maura
Claudia, It is special that your father wants you to know his memories. I wish I knew more of my parents.My mom would tell us things from her own childhood, I try to tell my kids and g.kids those memories. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Smiles, Susie
My Dad is 91 and we talk every day, about how our day wend and tell each other “I love you”. Mom is in care (Alzheimer’s) and Dad visits her every day. They walk and he talks and she says “I love you” and they kiss and cuddle on the couch in the common room. He has made this part of his ‘new life’, not the life they had planned. His sister died last April and they had talked every day and also written long letters every day and that left a big empty space in Dad’s life that took awhile to fill with other things. He writes more, reads more, goes to more church services and fellowship groups more. I watch what he does and how he handles loss and be as supportive as I can. I empathize with you and with your Dad as he comforts your Mom and an his different reality. With Love.
Joy
So sorry to read your Father is going through this right now, Claudia. Yes, the memories can really help get through the rough spots. I’ll keep you all in my prayers and keep going on those walks. Such perspective we gain from them!
Appreciate every single moment. Thank you for this post Claudia. Ciao Rita
What a loving post. I certainly identify with what you have written, now that my husband and I are in our mid-to-late 50s, and we’ve lost three of our four parents. How blessed you are to have two such loving, caring men in your life.
While my Daddy had Alzheimer’s my Mom did everything she could to keep the memories alive for him. The kind of love our parents have for one another after so many years is a most special kind of love and should be an inspiration for us all. Now that Daddy is gone ~ Mom and I still share the memories. Treasure the memories along with your Dad and keep the ones alive with Don.
Big Hugs,
Susan and Bentley
Good girl and Donny, too. I think walking is going to soothe our spirits, reduce our stress, lower our BP and calm the soul. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. I know totally where you and Mere are, I’m in the same place with the Ps on several fronts.
Walk on and just breathe the Air,
Kate
P.S. Already have done my 35 today even with a little snow/ice rain in the air….
You’re so blessed to have such a beautiful place to wander through. It must be lovely in each of the seasons, with flowering spring buds, lush summer greenery, and all the colors of Autumn. Good for the soul!
Such a very sweet post. I was deeply touched by it. Annette T
What a special gift of a day. Even in heartache, cherished memories are made. My mom and dad have been married nearly 60 years, too and my dad is the one in failing health. I worry how my mom will function without him. My heart breaks for what you dad is going through and for you, also. Patty
What a beautiful post! I was really touched by it. :-) Jennifer
Camping is wonderful and does produce such special memories of times around the campfire and swimming in the creek. Hubbs and I live in a 5th wheel and for now we wouldn’t want it any other way. We love the smell of the campfires and gathering around with friends while the flames mesmerize us and relax us.
I know a bit of what your dad is going through. Right now, we are parked near my mom and dad because their health is deteriorating and they need extra help in order to stay in their home. I have become their primary care giver and it is hard to watch the dad that used to carry me on his shoulders become frail and bent and my mom to become forgetful. They have been married 62 years this May. I am so happy to be able to spend this last time in their lives with them. It’s an opportunity that doesn’t happen for everyone and is truly special (and sometimes very hard! LOL)
Well, ya made me cry too, sugar. I often think of this season in our lives when one of us will be left alone and I so hope it’s not me first. I cannot imagine life without my best friend and sweetheart of almost 51 years. But he and I have the eternal perspective and know we will definitely be together in the next life. It’s the loneliness of being separated that tugs constantly at my heart. After all, he’s been my whole life for 50+ years. We’ll certainly miss each other for a season but it’s worth it in the end. Mainly because I won’t have to camp anymore!
xoxoxoxo,
Connie
Claudia,
What a touching and moving post. I love to hear of the relationshp that you and Don have together. It is one of love, tenderness and closeness – not to be taken lightly.
I have been with my husband for twenty years this coming July. I am so blessed in that he is my soul mate and my very best friend. We’ve shared some dark times together but I believe that only made us closer. Life is so fast and furious most days that we tend to get caught up and forget to take that time together. We are making more of an effort and it does make such a difference. I lost my first husband at a very young age after only five months of marriage. I would have never imagined that I would survive that must less find my soul mate and have so many wonderful years with him.
I am so sorry for what you and your parents are facing right now. My hear breaks for your Dad and you as well. What a wonderful relationship you have with him – cherish that. I lost my Daddy almost sixteen years ago and it was devastating for not only us kids but my Mom. They were together almost 36 years. It was so hard to watch her loose him.
Will say a prayer for you and your family. It is so hard to face all of this as we get older but unfortunately it is a part of life that we cannot turn away from. Enjoy the time that you do have with both of them for none of us are promised tomorrow.
Blessings to you and yours,
Belinda
Claudia,
I feel for your father and what he is going through. Over 60 years is a long time to love a partner and it is sad when the hard times are more prevalent than the easier ones. Thank goodness he has you to talk with regularly.
-Karen
Claudia, I can’t even leave a lengthy comment because it’s too sad for me to go there, to the place where you are now. It’s still too raw and painful to revisit so let me just say that I am so sorry that you are going through this, and please know that I understand and care and am sending heartfelt good thoughts and prayers your way. Huge hugs to you, Donna
Walking is definitely the best medicine for anything that ails body, mind or spirit. You are so fortunate to have such a good relationship with your father. It is so difficult when our bodies can no longer do what they once were able. When one has to sit by and watch the other drift away. 66 years is certainly a wonderful accomplishment. Change is never, ever easy. And it’s not always easy to learn to go with the ebb and flow of life. Sending hugs and blessings your way, Tammy
I feel what you are sharing, Claudia. My mother passed away last summer, and she and Dad had been married for 67 years. Dad is doing better now that he is keeping a little more busy. He is making and teaching others to make toy cars for an organization called ‘Toys for God’s Kids’.
Sending you hugs,
Zuzu
Oh Claudia! It sounds like you had a wonderful day with your hubby. I am so sorry that your Dad has to deal with feeling lonley and a bit lost. Oh, to be able to reach out and comfort them as they did for us when we were kids. It makes me feel like crying, too, when I hear this. Blessings to you…and prayers for your Dad and Mom- xo Diana
Oh, Claudia, I had to stop and have a cup of tea and pull myself together after I read your post. I’ve already traveled the road you are on now and I remember the pain and fright I felt watching my mom drift away. My Dad’s heart was breaking a little more each day as my mother seemed to be leaving us ever so slowly. The pain I felt watching my Dad, knowing how lost and alone he felt was almost more than I could bear. Time will heal your heart, but the emptiness never leaves. After my Dad died 2 years later, even though I was again heartbroken, I felt better knowing he was no longer alone.
Now that my Mom’s been gone 5 years and my Dad followed her 3 years ago, I can finally smile and laugh when I remember the beautiful memories I have of our time spent together. There are still times though when it all seems like just yesterday. You are in my prayers, along with your mom and dad, too! Hugs from Texas
Your post today was heartbreaking. I love that your dad sits with her and holds her hand. He is so devoted to her. Do you think it would help him if he wrote some of those memories down into a journal for you?
Thats real love, the kind that endures all and lives on forever.It sounds like you and your husband have that kind of love too, you are really lucky. Have you seen The Notebook? Your post reminded me of that movie.God Bless xx
A lovely post, Claudia! That Monday that you and Don went for a walk on the Rail Trail and then shared memories will become for you what I like to call “A Portrait in Time”. Because I’m sure that it will stay in your mind forever because it was so special. I like to think that we all have an album in our hearts and on each page is “A Portrait in Time”. Something special that happened or perhaps just a simple moment that remains imbedded in our soul. And, from time to time it crops us and we think of it and we examine it and it brings us peace and joy.
I wrote a short biography of my maternal grandmother. I wrote it just for myself because I loved her so much. She was present when I was born and she was the first person to hold me in her arms.I lived with her for the first eight years of my life. She was almost 102 when she passed away. This biography is filled with “portraits in time”. These are moments when I have flashbacks of her and of our time together. I treasure those moments so much that I had to write them down. I called the biography “Portraits of Grandmother”.
I think that when your father talks to you of the olden days, that those are his “portraits in time”. It’s all so bittersweet but precious! You’re a good daughter to your father, Claudia. He’s very blessed to have you. I think I can say the same thing for your sister. You’re also a wonderful wife. You and Don are very blessed to have one another!
My own marriage ended when I was only twenty-four. I’m seventy now and I have never met my soul mate. My ex-husband, the father of my children was not my soul mate. We were so young when we got married. Too young, really! I can only suppose that there was no soul mate meant for me and that I was meant to be alone forever because that’s what happened. But, you know what, as the years go by, one gets used to being alone! I have my children and my grandchildren and that’s enough for me. Plus, I have the Lord in my life and He keeps me pretty busy!
a beautiful post, Claudia. I am so sorry for your dad. My father passed away 15 years ago after a long battle with MS. It was very difficult watching him waste away for so many years. It took a toll on my mother. Hold on tight to your wonderful love.
Laura
Claudia, I admire you so much. This is beautifully written. I could feel the love you have for your parents and for Don. We should treasure each day we have together with those we love and hold near and dear to our heart. Loss is inevitable and, like you, it is painful to know our parents are getting older and life changes. Losing my mother 6 months ago is still so fresh. Her partner, Howard, is at a loss with her gone. We talk, too. He was so good to her during the past few years when she was ill. Your father sounds like such a sweet man, too. I like the bit about playing her favorite music. Bless his heart. And bless your momma, too. Don’t you wish we could turn back time? I sure do.
Thinking of you….if you ever just need to talk, I am here.
xxoo
Becky
Just discovered your blog, Claudia and I loved this poignant post. It sounds like you have had a wonderful example of steady, consistent love in your life. Such a blessing. I look forward to reading more from you.
The walking together is an awesome habit to form!… we have a rail trail that I have been lucky enough to ride my horse on, such a neat resource, so glad someone thought of it.
Sorry to hear of your Dad’s sorrow, it’s such a hard part of a life as a couple. Wish I had better words…
What a beautiful and thought-provoking post, my friend! The last sentence: so very true. I’m so sad for your parents, and for you and Mere. You and Don have something very, very special. I’m happy for you and envious at the same time. Cherish that love. I know you do!
Brenda