This is the time of year I have to watch myself closely. Christmas is over, the new year has begun and what seems like endless gray skies and cold weather stretch before me. We had a lot of snow yesterday. It’s light, fluffy and quite beautiful. But the snow and the steel gray of the sky can quickly take me to a place where I feel claustrophobic and blue. When I first moved to San Diego after a lifetime spent in the upper Midwest and in the Northeast, I realized just how much those gray, wintry skies had affected me. I came back to San Diego after spending Christmas in Northern Michigan with my family and it was 70 degrees. The sun was out. Heaven.
Of course, after 8 years out there, I was craving the seasons again. So there you have it. I have them now. And that means I have Winter.
Don, being a Southern California boy, wrestles with this even more than me. He yearns for the sun. Every year at this time, he wants to be back in San Diego. It’s a given. And I don’t blame him. (Don’t tell him, but I often feel the same way.)
I’m heading into this year with hope. Hope for a better year for us financially. For work that is creative and satisfying. For all good things. But, my heart is heavy as I see my mother decline and my father exhausted from caring for her. I know that this year might bring the most awful of changes in my life. This awareness permeates my being. It is always there. And it is intensified in this wintry darkness.
We lost Don’s father last year as well as some dear friends. A neighbor of ours was in a terrible, terrible car crash right before Christmas and is fighting for his life in a hospital just north of us. All of it is heartbreaking.
I have coaching work starting at the end of this month – a production of The Merchant of Venice that will rehearse in NYC and eventually tour to Chicago, Boston and Los Angeles. Being immersed in a project will surely help fight the blues. I have to begin my prep work this weekend.
Do you feel blue at this time of year?
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On a side note: some of you have asked about the yarn I used in the scarves. It is Mochi Plus by Crystal Palace Yarns. The pattern is here. (There are at least two links for this pattern, but this is the one that worked for me.)
Also, for those of you who have commented on my chalkboard: I’m proud to say I made it and the tutorial is here.
I am wrestling with the blues myself. I work full-time and find myself greeted by dark mornings before leaving and dark evenings by the time I get home. Without daylight streaming through my windows I just can’t get inspired. In fact, I haven’t ventured into my studio since before Christma:( Your plight is much more difficult though so I’lk keep you and your family in my prayers. I’m off to work now, again.
Take care,
Abby
Claudia, you are so right to worry about this time of year, so many people who love the warmth and brightness of sun feel this way during the January blues. Hopefully with the help of your blogging friends and immersing yourself in work, not to mention all the terrific projects you have on the go, you will make it through!!! Love your chalkboard……I want to make something like that to replace my hubby’s plain one that he insists on hanging in the kitchen, what a gorgeous replacement this one would be!
Stay warm and have a happy weekend!!!
Hugs,
Margaret B
When I lived in New Jersey I often felt the same way during winter. Plus navigating all that snow was always stressful. One of the main reasons we moved to Georgia was the warmer sunner weather!
Hang in there. I think it’ll be a early spring. I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers – having been through a similar situation with my MIL, I know what an emotional ride it is.
Take care,
Manuela
Boy Claudia could I relate to the blues for some reason this year. I normally welcome winter because I was born and raised in Maine. But!…I too lived in San Diego for a short time years ago and had similar feelings about the weather. It was confusing…loved the sun out there but missed the weather here too. I guess the answer for us northerners has always been a trip to the warmth if we can afford it…and i can’t! Hang in there….winter is a great time for indoor projects and homemade soups and chowders and reading a good book and so many other things. I don’t have to think about weeding or watering my garden and there are no bugs! It also gives me a chance to start losing weight…and meanwhile I can hide behind heavier clothing! Thank God! You are such a creative lady…the chalkboard…the scarves…so many other things!! I wish I had your energy! I can barely get anything done. Right now I am getting ready to take pictures of and list on Ebay a collection of antique dishes I’ve had for a while. That will take some time and give us some extra money hopefully because times are hard for us too. I am glad you have a coaching job at the end of the month….that must be wonderful to look forward to. Now…I am going to go and print your scarf pattern!! See ya! Stay positive….it’ll be over soon.:) And prayers are going out to your mom and dad.
I’ve been catching up on your recent posts, all great as always Claudia. This one saddens me as I know how difficult it can become caring for elderly parents when health issues rear their ugly heads, and distance causes problems. For me the flights across the pond became nightmares at the end of my parents’ lives…………one crossing I cried all the way over, looked so awful on arrival, but spent an afternoon with mother before she died the next morning. Another was coming westward knowing I’d never see my father again after kissing him goodbye in a dreary hospital room. But at least we make the effort, and later those memories become good ones, we diid what what could when we could.
Your parents are in my thoughts and prayers………and your own health and stamina will soon improve as Spring draws closer. Having lived through 12 long, cold, snowy, icy New
England winters, I remember the feeling well. Here in the south we do get wintry weather, but in short spurts, and knowing the sun will usually shine at least part of each day helps a lot!
Be careful when outside, be warm and cozy in the cottage. My wishes for you, Don, and the doggies, are for a good New Year in every way.
Hugs – Mary
hi claudia,
as a native southern californian i hear your blues. only b/c even when it’s cloudy here for more than 3 days straight, everyone is asking when is the sun gonna shine again? it is supposed to be sunny here today but right now it is overcast. re all the other issues you are facing – a blog friend recently suggested to me that i read the power of now by eckhart tolle. i’m right in the middle of it and it is having a powerful effect on me. if you have not read it, i would highly suggest it.
xo
janet
I’m sorry you are feeling blue these days, Claudia. You sound like you have many reasons to be down, but MANY people get Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) in the winter due to the lack of sunlight. There are portable light boxes for this, to sit by when you work or read, and are often covered by insurance. I don’t have this problem, but know others who are affected. Getting outside on a sunny day for awhile would probably help, too. Hopefully it will be an early spring in your neck of the woods…
and I’ll be sending good thoughts and prayers your way! XO
It is inevitable in January isn’t it? I always feel it- but try hard not to show it:)
I hope this new year holds lot’s of promise for you Claudia and for your family!
hugs,
paula:)
Sending you sunny sky wishes. I know what you mean about the blues, cant stand more than a few days of gray skies. We are totally spoiled here in Southern California with such great weather. Get on a plane anytime and stay at my house!
xo
I wish I could reach through the computer and hug you, Claudia. Instead I am sending my heartfelt good wishes to you. I hate to hear that your mother isn’t improving and that your father is feeling weary. I am also sorry about your neighbor. Sometimes, life just seems to become heavy and hard. I have missed two funerals of friends not to mention every fun thing over the last month because I can’t get out due to this respiratory thing, so I understand the blue bit.
In terms of the weather, living in Florida is a huge help. We generally have nice winter weather, but it’s been greyer than I recall in many, many years this winter. I crave the sun, though, and I used to have a bit of a down time in January. I realized that I had a mild case of S.A.D., and just knowing that has helped. I make sure and keep lots of lights on, etc. All of the things they tell you to do to beat the grey blues. St. Augustine has a tendency to be grey, but I like it that way because it fits with the architecture. So that helps, too.
Here’s hoping you are feeling better soon. Grab Don, the dogs, and yourself and head down here to Florida. You can stay in our St. Augustine house if you wish. I have a fenced yard if a short picket fence can contain the pups.
XO,
Sheila :-)
Even a born and raised Ohio girl gets the blues at this time of year. After all of the excitement of Christmas and the holidays the prospect of the rest of winter just drags on me too. Each year at this time I struggle to not melt into a puddle of sadness. You have some additional real worries to deal with. Here is wishing all the best for you and your family and friends this year. Spring is less than 80 days away. Surely that is something to lift our spirits. Stay focused on the blessings.
your not alone, i feel down a lot these days with the winter weather, even though i love the snow. i lost my husband bill in 12/10/07, close to christmas. it was sudden, so that didn’t help. i miss him so much, and that makes me very sad. this past 12/2/10 we would have been married 50 years.
living with my oldest daughter is wonderful, i get so much love, and enjoy my grandchildren. let’s hope we get an early spring. take care, rizzi
I lived in sunny California for almost 20 years and then relocated to Oregon. The summers here are amazing but the rest of the year … not so much. The first year I lived here, everyone said “Get out for a week” (go away someplace sunny). Now I understand why. I do try to walk outside any day it’s sunny and I can feel a physical/psychological lift when Spring comes and the sun starts to return. I don’t think I’ll be able to live here forever for this very reason. Trying to enjoy it while I’m here but it’s a real challenge in the winter.
Hard for me to image how difficult winter must be, loving all my life in SoCal. And my heart is sad for you, thinking about the time in life when you anticipate losing your parents. Glad you have Don and the dogs, and all your blog buddies (:
Hugs and blessings galore. xo
I know just how you feel and I live in “California”! We are in the fog season here and I am so sick of the gray sky. I am so sorry about your parents. My mother lives with us and she thinks she is old and “ready to go” any time. Some days it is just too depressing for words. I know she has seasonal mood disorder too so I am praying for sun soon!
Claudia, I am so
sorry that you are blue.
The light boxes that
Linda mentioned are
available here at Costco
and may be available
on line, either there
or somewhere else. Check
into them, please. Yes,
you have heavy things
on your heart this year.
I have had seasons like
this. For me, it helped
to keep busy and to
surround myself with positive
people, inspirational
reading and viewing, and
taking time to breathe and
see this splendorous thing
around us called life.
The picture that you have
at the top of this post
is so, so beautiful, even
if the sky is gray. I hope
that you can see that.
Big,SUNNY hugs, thoughts
and prayers soaring your
way from equally dreary MN!
xx Suzanne
Hope those January blues fade away and you are renewed with a sense of hope and happiness for the year that lies ahead. Let tomorrow worry about itself and enjoy today as best you can! XO
I am hugging you with my heart.♥
I started reading your blog because I always identify with another Claudia (does a Debbie or a Linda feel the same way, do you think??). You take lovely photos, and as a former Vermonter, I must say I love the idea and beauty of snow and winter, but not the dark days nor the cold. I live in Florida now. Best wishes.–Claudia Ann
I’m missing my garden blooms. It’s going to get cold here for this region and probably have sleet tomorrow. I’m snuggled in here with my new laptop (arrived today), and worried that poor man into getting my sewing machine ready yesterday. I’m ready. Tell Don this (weather) too shall pass.
Brenda
I told Joe last night I was a bit depressed in fact Claudia. It has been gray, rainy, and cold here. It is going to snow here in Ga. on Monday which is odd of course. I have gained 5lbs and have worked terribly hard to lose 50lbs ao am upset with myself. Then today I against my better nature bought a camera…it did lift my spirits. I have lost both my parents and my only brother so I can understand in some way how you feel about your Mom. I miss my dad daily no matter the time of year. I hold onto my faith and that is what sustains me. I am always inspired and enjoy visiting you here. Spring is coming♥
Hi Claudia,
New reader of your blog here. I wanted to let you know that I can relate to your blues…Living in MN it gets pretty overwhelming sometimes…
I also have parents that are aging, and it is difficult knowing what lies ahead. *sigh*
Take care
Yes, I feel those blues too…
YOU.. have an exciting project ahead of you! I look forward to reading about it –
i went into a slump right after christmas too…just got out of it today with a new cookbook…i guess i am lucky that’s all it took to get me out of it…goodies to bake…
i never like this new year business either..after all the fun from summer to christmas…now..nothing…but i am lighting white candles, bought a bunch of daffodils at the grocery store..have valentines in the window of my kitchen….
we are all here for each other..we will make it through
:-)
sending love and a warm hug
kary and teddy
xxx
Hi Claudia: I wish I could just give you a big hug. I am so sorry about you parents. I will pray for them. I will also pray for you dear friend. You were one of my very first real friends I made in blogland. I appreciate you so. Blessings dear one. Love, Martha
So sorry to hear that you have the blues. I get them too, especially when the skies are grey for days and days.
I know that the comments above weren’t written for me, but I love that I can benefit from them. Blog people are such darn good people. Take care, and try to look forward to your creative endeavors ahead. Creativity is so good for the soul.
Hugs,
Jill
heavy sigh …
your work will make you very busy, very soon. attempt to bask in this lull a little: pamper yourself as much as possible and enjoy small projects. try to be outside and get some vitamin D from sunshine whenever you can.
(now i need to read this advice to myself!)
sending hugs, love and sun!
xo
elyse
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Chère Claudia, je suis navrée de ne pas pouvoir vous répondre en anglais, je perds mes mots tant je sens la grande tristesse et toutes les craintes qui vous étreignent pour cette nouvelle année. Je sais ce que vous ressentez et vous souhaite d’avoir du courage, du sourire et de garder l’ enthousiasme qui se ressent tant dans ce blog. Que tous vos beaux projets se réalisent et que toutes les idées noires s’éloignent…
Mes bien chaleureuses pensées pour vous.
✿
Claudia!
Oh those doggone blues are the worst. I have experienced them once long ago when we had just moved from a place with many friends and involvement in community theater I loved in Michigan to a new home in Wisconsin where I didn’t know anyone or have any attachments. Every day was just the same and awful until I enrolled in theater classes at UW. Then one production after another and new friends with similar interestes filled me up with the best of enjoyment and fulfillment. I wonder if a class of some creative kind would help? I hope you enjoy your next work and can immerse yourself in it soon. At least, for me that helped.
Sending you some BIG HUGS for 2011!
Coralie
Dear Claudia,
I`m feeling very sorry for you and the loos of your father in law-and friends- your parents not being well, –all those heartbreaking things, does not make the winter more bearable.
I hope,dear that your coming work- and family/friends, will help you get throug this part of year without feeling too deprest.
Hugs,Dorthe