Just down the road from our house, we encountered this lovely scene. Out came the dueling iPhones as we both snapped pictures of the barn and the horses and the sky.
May I say a word or two about my husband? And marriage? One of the joys of marriage or a long-term committed partnership is the precious knowledge that someone loves you and accepts you despite your flaws. That person loves the total you, the whole package, good and bad.
For so much of my life before I met Don, I had secrets. I’m talking about those private fears and insecurities that we hold close to the vest; that we feel ashamed of, or embarrassed by, that we might not share with anyone else. I didn’t have a lot of them, but I had them. And I bet everyone, if they were being totally honest with themselves, would admit to the same thing.
Then along came this man who changed everything. I can tell him anything. He won’t judge me. He won’t think me ‘less than.’ He simply accepts me as I am. I’m profoundly grateful.
Yesterday morning, when I was paralyzed with fear about going to the dentist, he calmly took control. He made phone calls to our new dental insurer. They had assigned us to a primary dentist, but Don thought it was too far away. So he checked out another dentist on the list – this one happened to be six miles away from us – and asked a lot of questions, one of which was whether the dentist was compassionate toward fearful patients. He took care of changing the primary dentist to this new dentist and, though I was hopeful I could put the appointment off a day because I was scared, he made an appointment for that very afternoon. I needed him to take charge, though I never said that, and he did. I am so very lucky.
Don said he went with his gut and his gut told him this was the guy for us. His office is in a neighboring town, small, unpretentious, with wood paneling that has probably been there for years. In fact, he’s been in practice for 35 years. There’s a small town feel to it that I liked very much. When I met the dentist, I told him about my fears, in fact I used the word ‘phobia,’ and he nodded calmly, took it all in stride and then he made me laugh. The work was painless, mainly because I had had a root canal in that tooth so there was no sensation. He did some work on the tooth under the crown, but there was decay there, so we’ll see if it works. (The story about why there was decay is one for another day. Let’s just say I’m not happy with my former dentist.) He asked me if my husband was there with me and I said yes and he said ‘Let’s bring him in here.’ So Don sat in, held my hand when necessary, and my shaking legs started to settle down. There’s more work to be done on my other teeth, but he didn’t pressure me to make another appointment. He just said that when I was ready, he would take some X-rays and we’d figure out a plan of treatment. He is very wise. I like him very much.
I still have to work on this fear I have. I’m a work in progress.
So thank you dearest husband. And thank you newest dentist.
(The view from my chair. You thought I was kidding?)
Okay. One more thing. I’m trying to be patient, but I’m quickly getting tired of all the topsy-turvy-ness of this house. I can’t set anything to rights until that darn mattress arrives. I talked to the woman at QVC yesterday, who had been snowed in for two days and couldn’t make it in to work, and the latest news is that the mattress will be shipped to the delivery company next Wednesday. That is disappointing because I thought we would have it here by then. Once it gets to the delivery company, we’ll still have to wait a few days until they deliver it. At this rate, Don will get to sleep on it for only a few nights before he has to leave for Boston.
I can’t do anything with the studio, either bedroom, my crafty closet or the den – all of which need to be sorted and rearranged – until the danged mattress is delivered. It’s making me nuts. The good news: my body adjusted to the guest room mattress and I’m no longer having any problems at night. It is definitely in better shape than our old mattress. Don and I have figured out how to maneuver in that tight space. I probably won’t know what to do with myself when I can sleep on a larger mattress!
Oy. Though we’ve never had construction done while living in this house, I imagine this is much the same feeling; everything is out-of-order, everything is on hold, until it is finished.
I. don’t. like.
A reminder. Our Christmas Critter Felt Along Linky Party will be on January 27th and the links will go live the evening before – on the evening of January 26th. So get ready to show us your Felt Christmas Critters!
Happy Friday.
Don is such a sweetheart! Sounds so much like my husband who I consider a saint to put up with me! I am SO glad that you found a good, kind dentist. Makes all the difference. We all have our fears and phobias, but you faced yours yesterday, Claudia! Give yourself a little reward!
Thank you so much for the good thoughts, Melanie!
aww Claudia, those are the things I miss about my husband. Being there beside me, taking control when I need him. You are blessed, mattress and all.
I know, Hedy. Thinking of you and sending you a big hug. xoxo
You are conquering your fear of the dentist; that is tremendous!
Don sounds wonderful. Like you, I am fortunate to have a great husband. It is comforting to know there is someone at your side and he always wants the best for you.
Boy, isn’t it? I never thought I would get so lucky!
How sweet, Claudia. You are a lucky lady & your husbands a lucky man ! I think if you have a relationship like you have, you have everything :)
Glad you found a nice dentist and hope your bed situation gets cleared up soon! Have a good weekend and stay warm in these frigid temps!
-Lynn
Thanks so much, Lynn! It is SO cold here!
What a wonderful thing Don did for you yesterday. He’s a keeper alright…course you knew that! And, yes, we do all have our phobias. Pardon my confusion…but is that your old mattress in that picture? I’m sure you are going to love your cal-king….so much roomier! ;)
Yes, that’s our old mattress. The split box springs are still upstairs. When the new mattress is finally delivered, the delivery guys will take this away!
It’s too bad they couldn’t take it away…but I’m sure that would’ve only added to their confusion! Enjoy your day! ;)
Yes, I asked them, but they said they had to do an exchange and they can’t do that until they deliver the new mattress.
Don’t they know rules are meant to be broken? Well, at least sometimes! ;)
I think they don’t. I tried!
A good spouse/ partner is a blessing which should never be taken for granted. As they say, marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. Having a history together certainly gives us the ability to trust. Glad it was a good day.
Once the mattress arrives, you will have so much feathering, straightening, putzing to do, perhaps it will make your time apart go by a bit more quickly. Hard to justify the mess you have been in, but sometimes, as they say, everything does happen for a reason ~ as angst filled as the days have been.
(Just TRYING to put a bit of a positive spin on the chaos.) :-)
Yes, it will keep me busy, that’s for sure!
Claudia, have you considered donating your former mattress and box springs, or looking at freecycle.org or a similar website? Forgive me it you’ve addressed this subject already. The mattress appears to be in good condition, and someone might be very grateful to have a nice bed. I’m sad to think that it’s going to a landfill.
It’s not in good condition, Nancy. It’s a very uncomfortable mattress after 18 years of use. Most people will not go for a used mattress that is over 18 years old. And I can’t afford to hang onto it until the day that someone thinks they might like it. We don’t have the time or the room. I don’t necessarily know that it’s going to a landfill – they might recycle the materials in some way. Not sure.
You are very lucky to have found such a lovely guy. To have someone love use warts and all is truly a blessing.
It is indeed and I never for one moment take it for granted, Gina.
Love love love the barn and horsies! hahahha now I’ve begun to wonder if those are cows with my aging eyeballs and poor eyesight and not having picked up new glasses yet.
What a fantastic guy and great hubby Don is! Yay Don! How tremendous and awesome that he did all that footwork for you. So loving and well, he’s a gem! David has to drive me and hold my hand in the dental office too. Don’t know what I’d do without my sweet and caring husband.
I’m so sorry about the continuing mattress fiasco and saga! I’d be saying me no likey too … rather loudly! So glad at least that you’ve adapted to your other bed and aren’t as miserable. We had to get those fluffy mattress pad thingies, I’d wake up a mass of aches without them.
ACK! I won’t be ready for the linky party – do you know how long it will be “open”, in case I can post late? I’m doing a valentine swap and it’s taking me longer than anticipated AND you already know that I’m going to a dollhouse show + I’m also going to a big quilt show this weekend too. And I want to eat cheesecake (although I’m on an insane diet and that’s a major no no) in celebration of my big bday, etc … so no time to begin my ornaments. WAH!
Happy weekend to you!
No, you’re right – they are horses! Beautiful ones, too. Don is a gem and David is one as well. The linky party will be up for about 5 days, but listen, if it’s too much for you, you can always combine January and February and show them for the February linky party.
I love spotted horses, even when I think they may be cows teehee! I’m waiting for my new glasses and they can’t get here fast enough.
Yes, that’s what I’ve been thinking too – I’ll just wait until the February link party and share January and February together.
Happy weekend!
Dear Claudia, you and Don and Noble and I must be separated at birth! I had a similar situation in which I was paralyzed with fear about going to the dentist and Noble made the appointment for me as I couldn’t even pick up the phone out of abject terror. How lucky we are to have such supportive mates. Worth more than any material riches. So blessed to have found such a splendid life companion. As are you! We had a similar situation to mattress-gate in which our contractor left in the middle of a kitchen renovation and we had no kitchen or running water for 3 months. Never thought I would tire of pizza but it happened. Can’t wait to see you here on Sunday. Any suggestions as to what you like to drink?
I think the four of us are most definitely separated at birth, Tina! More valuable than rubies are these two men.
We tend to drink water, Tina, and that’s fine with us. Neither of us drink liquor. And, unless you want it for yourself, don’t bake anything special for us – we are off sugar and have been for about 2 months. It’s working. We’re losing weight!
Sounds like you found a winner with the new Dentist..I already figured out that you had a winner with Don..if only all of us could be so lucky to find our forever love..you two make my heart smile..
It took me a long time to find him, Nancy. It wasn’t until I was in my forties. I pray that everyone can find their true love, their perfect companion. xo
It made me smile that he found a dentist to help you, and that you liked the dentist. I hope you can work out a plan that will help you in the best possible manner.
Wednesday. I will wave my magic wand for you, and poof! It will be here in the blink of an eye.♥
Oh, wave that want, Beverly! Thank you!
Good news about a close compassionate dentist and for Don taking charge. I would be tired of the bed mess too, but in the end Im sure you will be happy with your choice, if you can just hold out a while longer.
I have no choice, Dawn! I just have to take a deep breath and be patient.
HI Claudia, just taking a little break here at work, been crazy all day. Just love the picture of the barn and horse, someday hope to have a place so we can have some chickens and maybe a pygmy goat or 2. Yes it is a blessing to have a wonderful husband you are are both very lucky. I too have a wonderful husband, he would do anything for me and visa versa. I tell him all the time I love him forever and always. I am glad you found a nice dentist that is understanding. I have been to one that his chair side manner could have been better and guess what I don’t see him anymore. Sometimes when I am having a really stressful day I just think about when my husband and I are at his sister’s farm in West Virginia for the weekend and it just makes all the stress go away. I just love it there. So peaceful and tranquill, all the animals, It’s like a whole different world there. I hope your new matteress makes it there soon. I hate it when my house is turned upside down too. The delivery guys should have left the mattress upstairs, at least you wouldn’t have it right in front of you all day long. Just remember it won’t be there forever, it will go away. Stay warm!! I quess I better get back to work, only 2 more hours to go. Yeah!!
This guy was very low key with a dry sense of humor. We really like him so much. Have a wonderful weekend, Nancy!
Don is such a special man and so compassionate! How wonderful of him to take charge and help you through a rough dental appt. So glad it went well and hopefully you can continue to work on your teeth with this new dentist. I have to find a new one when I return home, always a scary prospect. I know the topsy turvy feeling and it isn’t fun. My home is FINALLY starting to feel put together but the craft/guest room is a horrid mess!! I hope the mattress get delivered sooner then later! Hugs!
Me too, my friend. I realize this is a First World problem and in the scope of things, a minor inconvenience. Have to remind myself of that, when I start feeling sorry for myself.
Don you are a caring considerate husband. Many could take a lesson or two from you.
Claudia- step one to overcoming your fears is to find a dentist you like… Step one accomplished!
I recently switched dentists and couldn’t be happier. My old dentist had me fearing a lump in my gum could be cancer. What it turned out to be was a root he “missed” when giving me a root canal and then a crown.
It was an infection caused by his neglect. My new dentist had it cleared up in days.
This sounds like a good guy… take your time and soon you won’t dread it.
Don handled this perfectly!!!
He is a good guy. Don said he thought about it and then trusted his instinct that this was the right guy for me. Bless him.
You said it, Claudia. You are SO VERY lucky. Lucky to have found someone who treasures you. And so much that he feels he must at least try to alleviate something he knows you just can’t stand. AND lucky too… to have found such a wise and compassionate dentist. His treatment of your situation makes him quite a credit to his profession. I once had a new dentist tell me, when I was about 40, that I had a “weird bite” and proceeded to try to talk me into getting braces! Something, oddly enough, that no other dentist in 40 years had ever mentioned. In fact, having naturally-straight teeth has always been just about my only claim to “beauty.” Needless to say, it was my first and last visit to THAT office. Interestingly, my NEXT dentist surmised that she must have taken one look in my mouth and X-rays and saw nothing else there that she could milk for some expensive, long-term work… hence, the braces proposition. PS – keep a good thought about your mattress. The recent weather could very well slow things up, but I still have a feeling that you may be getting a “let’s-say-it’s-going-to-be-longer-then-when-it-shows-up-sooner-than-expected-she’ll-be-so-pleasantly-surprised…” line.
This dentist talked about that too. That he didn’t want to us to have to pay for anything unnecessary. How refreshing. The weather is probably slowing things up, but darn it, I hope it comes early!
My motto, Claudia, is “I can take care of myself, but I prefer not to.” It’s lovely to have someone just take the reins now and then and clear a path. I’m not afraid of the dentist, but there are about 47 other things I can think of that I’d rather do than go there, especially when it’s more than a routine cleaning. As for that mattress, I hope you get it soon!
It’s such a luxury and a relief to have someone else take over at times. Everyone needs that.
I too got my bed from QVC and it has the memory ifoam in it. I no longer have the back pain I use to have, I sleep sounder, longer. Just wait and see Claudia, you will be surprised when you see the kind of effect that getting a good nights sleep has on your life. When ever I have been away from home and slept on another bed I couldn’t believe the difference. So, hold on. The wait is definitely worth it. I promise.
I can’t wait, Janice. We’re trying to hang in there.
You have a wonderful husband! (But, of course you already knew that.) We all have different love languages, and it sounds like your main language is Acts of Service. It’s definitely mine….so I feel especially loved when Brian does things like that for me, too. It also sounds like you found a wonderful, kind, caring dentist. Mine is just “OK” but our dental insurance plan is pretty crappy and we don’t have much of a choice with dentists. When my house is topsy-turvy for whatever reason, it drives me nuts, too. I feel for you!
We didn’t have many options, either, Melanie – really only two – we were just so lucky that one of them was this guy!
I do not have a fear of dentist, but I have a really good, calm dentist so that does make all the difference. I went the other day and for the first time in years had to have a filling. Very strange how you forget that numb feeling.
Having the house upset down is one of my pet peeves. Right now due to our horrid cold weather the pipes have frozen in the kitchen and the laundry room so I cannot do laundry or dishes, it is driving me mad and to make the day even more perfect, our telephone is on the fritz. I need Spring so bad!
Your post made me miss my dear husband more than I already do..You are blessed..Be good to each other..I’m sure that you are..The dentist will be better now that you have insurance..:) Hope you get to sleep on that mattress soon..
Years ago, I, too, had dental phobia. I made a brief, non-treatment appointment with the dentist to let him know about my fear and to hear him outline what would happen at an actual appointment. He then prescribed Valium for me to take prior to the actual appointment. I had never taken Valium before and was reluctant to fill the prescription, but I’m glad I did. Just a thought.
Unrelated to today’s topics, would you think about a post having to do with the rugs in your house. I always notice your rugs and love them.
So glad you got your tooth fixed and it wasn’t a horrible experience!! Bless Don’s heart.
Judy
I am also terrified of going to the dentist. And now our dentist has retired and I have to get used to a new one. BTW, I saw Don in The Poisoner’s Handbook and he was WONDERFUL!!! I was so excited. I felt like I was watching a good friend!
I am so happy that you found a good and kind dentist ~ one that will ease your fears from now on. While reading this post I felt that I was reading about my own David. I know the deep kind of love you feel for Don because I have that same relationship with my own husband. The idea of marriage was not an easy one for me. I had fears and a reluctance to be tied down. I suppose I was waiting for just the right guy and lucky for me I found him. We are two very lucky women. Take good care of Don. He is one special guy!!!
Big Texas Hugs,
Susan and Bentley
PS: I have never liked men who don’t love dogs. Says so much about them.
Oh Dear! I have a thing about dentists as well and actually in desperate need of a new dentist immediately if not sooner! Aren’t husbands great when they recognize something is not quite right and they take charge?! I’m sorry to hear about your mattress… I hope it arrives and all calmness is once again restored to your home! I do so dislike chaos! LOL!
Hugs my dear blogging sister!