21 years today.

I searched for recent photos of us together and there aren’t that many. Or there aren’t that many that I consider worthy of posting. But these two photos together, I believe, capture our happiness. The wedding photo captures our joy that day. The recent photo captures a quieter joy, the joy we find in each other, the joy in traveling this life of ours together.

Both of them capture who we are and who we were.

I never expected, or necessarily wanted, to be married. And I don’t think I could ever have made that commitment to anyone but Don. The fact that two people from completely different parts of the county came together 25 years ago is nothing less than a miracle.

That we loved each other enough to make this commitment is another miracle.

And that our marriage has always been solid and strong and loving – that love growing with each passing year – is yet another miracle.

We married 21 years ago today. It was Columbus Day. We were in Nevada City, CA where Don was doing his one-man show, Jeeves Take Charge (he was brilliant). Don and our friend Lynn planned the whole thing, really, because I was working in San Diego. Don’s brother and his wife were there. Our friends Claire and Phil were there as well. Phil was Artistic Director of the theater where Don was performing. We chose the 12th because it was a Monday and Don’s day off.

We wanted a small, meaningful wedding. We didn’t want to make our families, mine especially, fly across the country and incur that expense. We didn’t want the pressure of all of that. We just wanted to commit to each other in a small, intimate ceremony. We wanted to be present for every moment of it.

And that’s what we did. We remember every bit of that ceremony, a ceremony where I came down a flight of steps in a cast (I had broken my ankle in a fall,) leaning on my sister-in-law. Where, the minute I looked down the stairs and saw Don, I started crying and couldn’t stop, where Don saw me and started crying, and soon, everyone was crying. It was utterly beautiful in every way.

Afterward, we went for a horse-drawn carriage ride through the streets of Nevada City and then dined in a private dining room with our friends.

Perfect.

I love this man more than words can describe and I’m so grateful that he loves me.

Happy Saturday.

7-4-94

The day we met – 25 years ago.

Don, me, and Rick.

This photo was taken by Jonathan McMurtry, our dear friend who passed away two days ago. Years later, Jonathan put it in an envelope and slipped it into my mail slot at the theater. I am forever grateful to him for this record of that moment.

Maybe it’s time to share the story again?

The summer before this one was the summer when I interviewed for the job at USD/Old Globe. I flew out to California, the first time I’d ever been there, went through an insane two days of interviews, taught a class, and barely slept. My friend Kathy McGrath was an actress and she was an unofficial company member there. She was performing in a play called Morning’s at Seven and got me a ticket for the matinee. It was a lovely production. There was one guy who stood out to me. He was very funny and very tall. I remember looking at his headshot in the program and thinking he looked “interesting.”

Fast forward a year. I got the job. I had finished my first year of teaching and was preparing to coach a production of Wonderful Tennessee  by Brian Friel – part of the summer season at the Globe. In those days, the Globe had an event called Company Call. It was always inspiring. In the summer, all three theaters were being used and Company Call was a chance for everyone involved – actors, crew, staff –  to be introduced to each other. I was sitting on the aisle and I noticed this guy sit down two rows behind me and across the aisle. I glanced at him. It was that guy who was in Morning’s at Seven.

Jack O’Brien took the stage to announce that year’s Associate Artists – a true honor for those named. The honorees were kept secret until that moment.

Darned if that guy behind me didn’t become an Associate Artist! He went up on the stage, gave a speech that was sweet and funny (I love funny).

A week or so later: Kathy McGrath had her annual Fourth of July party at her place in Ocean Beach. Everyone was invited. Rick and I went there together. There were so many people there! As I went in and out of Kathy’s little cottage, I noticed this guy, who I now knew was Don Sparks, sitting across the room – right where you see him in the picture – and every time he saw me he caught my eye and smiled. Every time.

I was basically a shy, but friendly, girl. I was not a flirtatious type. And I never made the first move. But after six or seven of these smiles, something made me walk over to him and introduce myself. I sat next to him – right where you see me – and we started to talk. Our first conversation was centered on our mutual disbelief that we were in our forties. He had just turned 43. I was 41. Eventually, Rick came over and joined us.

Later, as we sat on the beach to watch the fireworks, Don – who was several feet away – caught my eye again and smiled that fabulous smile.

On the way home that night with Rick, I didn’t talk a lot. I was remembering Don and our conversation and I wanted to go over and over that encounter with him.

I had a major crush. He did, too, though I didn’t quite know that yet.

During the next couple of weeks, we were both busy with our respective productions. He was playing Malvolio in Twelfth Night. Like a girl in high school, I spent a great deal of time engineering “surprise” encounters. That he was happy to see me was clear. That I was happy to see him was clear. One time, we sat on a bench and talked and talked and in that conversation he asked if I’d like to go to a movie once our shows were up and open.

Yes.

Twelfth Night was in previews when one of our students had to go on for the actress playing Viola. Rick and I headed over there to see the show and support her.

Don was so good, so funny, that Rick and I could not stop laughing. At one point, Rick leaned over and said, “He’s brilliant!” And I said, “Yes, and he asked me out on a date!!” After the show, we waited for him in the courtyard and I hugged him and told him how wonderful his Malvolio was. First hug.

After his show opened, there was a party at a local restaurant. We spent most of our time there together, flirting and talking. Don remembers one of my students hanging around – because everyone wanted to talk to Don – and all Don could think of was how to get rid of him. During the course of that party, I discovered my wallet had been stolen. Don volunteered to drive me home. Really, all I could think of was how many phone calls I was going to have to make and would the thief discover my extra key to the apartment in the wallet? He did his best to comfort me and when he escorted me to the door, he leaned forward and kissed me. I was completely surprised. And thrilled.

After that, we did go on that date, where we spoke of wanting to break our previous patterns of behavior. Mine was running away the minute I felt someone was getting too close. That was my MO. But somehow, this time I was ready to take a chance. So was he.

And here we are 25 years later. No one is more surprised and delighted than we are. No one is prouder of this relationship than we are. I never wanted to marry. I wanted my independence. Eventually, all that went out the window. Four years later, we were married. I realized that I still had my independence, whatever that was, and best of all, I had him. By my side. For life.

As Don said this morning, “We started a conversation that has never ended.”

Indeed.

Happy Thursday.