Mockingbird Hill Cottage

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You are here: Home / Archives for grief

Blooming: Geranium, Gone: Bed, Made: Scarf

November 17, 2015 at 8:58 am by Claudia

11-17 geranium 1

My little geranium is blooming. I thought it was done for the season.

This makes me happy.

11-17 geranium 2

I’ve been covering up the impatiens with a sheet on the nights the temperature drops below freezing. To tell you the honest truth, I don’t know whether I’m up for overwintering all of them again. I’ve done it for two years running, but there is only so much space in this cottage and I don’t know where I would put them. And I have more to overwinter this year than last.

If I had to choose just a few it would be too hard for me, as I’m a sentimental sap about my plants. I almost wish Mother Nature would make the decision for me.

Bad Claudia.

I suppose it’s because of a combination of things but mostly because I’m in mourning and I just don’t have the energy. We’re going to do very little Christmas decorating this year. We’re not even getting a big tree. I just don’t have it in me. My birthday is Saturday, but the awareness that this is my first birthday without a living parent is overshadowing the day. Last year, Dad forgot my birthday – the first time that has ever happened – and, of course, it was my first birthday without my mother. But right before he was re-admitted to the hospital we had a phone conversation in which he mentioned my birthday, “You have a birthday coming up!” and I remember thinking that he was going to remember it and it would be great to hear from him on that day.

Bittersweet.

Let’s change the subject.

Announcement: We gave away the guest room bed. It’s gone. I took some pictures of the bed and we each ran posts on Facebook saying we were giving away a good, rarely used, mattress/box spring/frame. And one of Don’s musician friends offered to take it, which led to Don and I trying to get the danged mattress and box spring down the stairs. It’s a full size, and there’s no split box spring, as there is with our newer mattress. It took some creative moves on our part and a lot of cursing. But we got it downstairs. Our friends strapped it to their car and off they went.

Now we can make that room a functioning office/studio space for both of us. Of course, each of us would rather have a room to ourselves, but that ain’t happening in a two bedroom cottage. So, we’ll play nice and share.

I just have to save up for a desk. I’ve picked one out (from IKEA) and when I can afford it – hopefully soon, please – we’ll get it. In the meantime, we can start rearranging things in that room.

11-17 scarf in progress

Scarf in progress.

11-17 etsy scarf blog

Scarf finished. It’s in the Etsy shop. Soft, beautiful yarn in a colorway called Reef. I really love this one.

Edited to add: Sold! Thank you so much! If you see a scarf you like and are thinking about it, my advice is to act quickly!

I’ve been crocheting like a madwoman. The scarves are fun to make and they give me something repetitive and comforting to do with my hands. And they bring in a little extra money, which is more welcome than I can say.

For those of you who have purchased one in the past, if you get to the point where you want to revive the basic shape, just lay it out on a flat surface, spritz it with water and play with it a bit. That’s what I do after I finish each scarf.

Forgot to add that there’s a new post at Just Let Me Finish This Page, a mini book review of Broken Monsters  by Lauren Beukes.

Happy Tuesday.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

Filed Under: crochet, decorating, etsy, flowers, grief 20 Comments

The Way Things Are

November 12, 2015 at 9:20 am by Claudia

Reading, but only for a short while. Crocheting. Walking aimlessly around the house. Browsing online. Taking care of Scout. Cuddling with my husband.

Welcome to my days since I’ve been home. It’s hard for me to commit to anything for any length of time. But, for some reason, I’ve been able to crochet. I just finished my second scarf yesterday afternoon and I’ll be putting it in the Etsy shop later today. (The scarf I posted yesterday sold rather quickly.)

It feels good to accomplish something.

I have trouble getting to sleep and, after dozing for a short time, I wake up and am confused as to where I am. Is that Dad in the room with me? Is it Mom? It’s unsettling. I woke up feeling very sad.

I know it’s all a part of the grieving process and I’m not trying to rush anything or deny any of my feelings. I’ve grieved a lot in my life. I’ve lost a lot of friends and students and colleagues and family members. Losing my parents is hitting me in my very core, in ways I didn’t – couldn’t – anticipate.

Don came in the door yesterday with these:

11-12 flowersfromdon

I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s there for me; solid, understanding, compassionate.

And so I wait for some more yarn to make its way to my mailbox, ready to create a few more Obsession Scarves. A box of things; pictures, memories, paintings, should be arriving today. I may actually get in the car and drive to Target to buy some mailing boxes and a yarn needle at Michaels. I spent a long time yesterday searching for mine but I have no idea where I put them. They’ve dropped off the face of the earth.

Could this post be more tedious and boring? Even I  am bored by it. But I always speak truth to you and this is where I am at the moment.

How about a pretty picture?

11-12 sunset beginning

It’s been raining here for the past two days and it sure looks gloomy this morning. I hope the sun decides to make an appearance.

Happy Thursday.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

 

 

Filed Under: Dad, Don, grief, mom 35 Comments

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Welcome!

Welcome!

I live in a little cottage in the country with my husband. It's a sweet place, sheltered by old trees and surrounded by gardens. The inside is full of the things we love. I love to write, I love my camera, I love creating, I love gardening. My decorating style is eclectic; full of vintage and a bit of whimsy.

I've worked in the theater for more years than I can count. I'm currently a voice, speech, dialect and text coach freelancing on Broadway, off Broadway, and in regional theater.

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Scout & Riley. Riley left us in 2012. Scout left us in February 2016. Dearest babies. Dearest friends.

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