introvert — Page 2

The hanging plants that I get every year – scaevola. I love the flowers, but even more importantly, they last from spring to the first frost. So I don’t have to invest in more flowers if spring blossoms die out.

Today is sunny. Thank goodness. Yesterday was very cloudy and gray and rather depressing. Both Don and I ran errands – he in the morning, me in the afternoon. I found it all exhausting. I went to another nursery south of us where I get my mulch. I also dropped into Barnes & Noble to buy a couple of magazines (it was deserted) and then quickly into Michael’s to grab a couple of items. All three stores are within a hundred feet of each other. Just down the street is Target and a new BJs (our Costco equivalent) which just opened this year. I plan on joining BJs but I didn’t have it in me to do it yesterday. Anyway, that was the first time I visited that area in over a year!

Don’s errand involved this:

He got his first haircut that didn’t require my services, thank heavens. His hair was really long and he looks so much lighter (and younger) this way. Whoo hoo! His stylist’s salon (she owns it) requires masks, they take your temperature before you come in – they have a good protocol in place.

Right after I finish this, we have to tape two auditions. Then I’ll go outside and start sowing seeds.

Thanks so much for your comments on yesterday’s post! I read many of them to Don. He is becoming more comfortable with the knowledge that he is much more of an introvert than we thought. We are both in the theater. We have spent our lives surrounded by lots of people, lots of activity, with people who are ‘on’ much of the time. We have been those people who are ‘on,’ as we’re both performers at heart. Every day and night involved rehearsals and performances and audiences and crew members and required so much energy and so much social interaction – constantly. And we’ve been doing it for over 50 years. Yes, it’s wonderful and stimulating and we both dealt with it much more easily when we were younger and full of piss and vinegar. Both of us are known for being funny. And we are. We’re also witty. So we can juggle that kind of repartee with the best of them. But being on all the time takes its toll.

Now? Quiet. Peace. Working on our terms. We talked about it again this morning. Where do we draw the line going forward?

For those of you who are introverts: There is nothing ‘wrong’ with you. You don’t have to apologize for anything. If someone else doesn’t get it, that’s his/her problem, not yours. You set your boundaries and if those boundaries are scoffed at…don’t let yourself feel one iota of guilt. I say this to myself as much as to you.

If you haven’t read all the comments, I urge you to.

I’m so happy you’re here.

Stay safe.

Happy Tuesday.

The Secret Garden, which is very soggy this morning as we had rain all night long. It’s stopped now, but it’s gloomy outside, save for a brief glimpse of sun earlier this morning. And it’s cold. Once we get through the next 3 or 4 days, I think the temperatures should be back to normal.

I’m currently soaking my morning glory and moonflower seeds before I sow them tomorrow or the next day. I’m late this year. It’s either been too cold or too rainy. Or I forget to soak them, even though I wrote it down in my planner for three days in a row.

Some thoughts on being an introvert:

I don’t know why it took me so long to get there, but it’s really only relatively recently that I have accepted that I am an introvert. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I need a lot of alone time.” Or, “I’m a bit of a loner.” Or what’s on the sidebar of this blog, “I am a solitary person who is chatty.” All true. But, perhaps because I work in a very social atmosphere when I’m coaching, and I’m perfectly capable of dealing with a lot of people, either in the classroom or in a rehearsal room – even at a party – I never quite realized that I’m a true introvert. All those things: teaching, coaching, doing the rounds at a party, leave me feeling exhausted. I cannot wait to get back to my cottage, or my hotel room, or my temporary apartment. Quiet. Peace.

I think I’ve become even more of an introvert in recent years. Don and I have had countless conversations about lockdown and the lessons we’ve learned and what we want to keep in our daily lives going forward. Now, Don is more of an extrovert, but even he wants more quiet, more peace, less ‘people.’ I certainly do. What’s that saying? The best word is ‘cancelled.’ That means I don’t have to go out, don’t have to use my energy to be charming, don’t have to talk, talk, talk. It’s a strange thing. I can do it, and it can be extremely satisfying, and I love my friends and colleagues and students. Nevertheless, it is often exhausting. I suspect – in fact, I know – there are many introverts in the theater. Many actors are introverts at heart.

So we are faced with the world beginning to open up again. How do I navigate it? One thing that growing older has brought – at least for me – is an acceptance of who I am. Not only an acceptance, but a refusal to feel guilty about being an introvert. There’s nothing wrong with it. Friends who are very social have made me feel guilty for wanting to stay home. I’ve allowed that. I’ve always felt I had to apologize for it. And frankly, that pisses me off. Why should I be made to feel ‘less than’ because I don’t want to be out and about all the time? The short answer: I shouldn’t, and my reaction is entirely up to me. So I will move forward being kind but firm about my need for solitude, yet not being entirely unsocial, if that makes sense. No more guilt.

I’m 68 years old and I’ve finally accepted who I am.

I’m very grateful that Don has always understood that about me. He’s never pushed me. Indeed, he’s becoming a mix of extrovert/introvert, if there’s such a thing.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Introvert or extrovert?

Stay safe.

Happy Monday.

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On Being an Introvert

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