Right now: Nothing but sadness.

It’s been an emotional roller coaster and continues to be. Yesterday, I cried off and on all day long. The premature ending to something so dear necessitates a period of mourning. I’m in mourning. Don is in mourning. The cast, the crew, the producers, stage management, director, choreographer and Jimmy are in mourning.

I’ve never encountered a performance like the one on Sunday. The theater was packed with fans. Many had come back for a second, third or fourth time. Everyone wanted to see it one last time. Thunderous applause and cheers as the lights went down. Applause for Paul’s (the lead) first entrance. Singing along with every song. Spontaneous hand clapping to the beat of Jimmy’s music. Cheers. Tears. A cameo by Jimmy in the second act (that was a first) and stomping, cheers, singing and Jimmy at the curtain call. He sang Margaritaville, the cast and audience sang with him, and then he sang a song that he dedicated to the cast. Everyone was crying – onstage and off.

I have a story about three women who were sitting next to me but I don’t have the energy to share it again. I shared it on Instagram yesterday and if you’re interested, go to my feed, or scroll down to the Instagram feed on my sidebar and click on the picture of three women. It’s a good story, to put it mildly. It also will give you an indication of my emotional state during Don’s final performance.

The cast can’t believe they will no longer be working together. Alison, the lead actress, wrote a song for everyone that is heartbreakingly beautiful.

I hate that this is ending.

The enormity of it hasn’t hit Don yet because everyone had to travel down to DC yesterday, where it is even hotter than it is here and they are exhausted and are rehearsing and dancing and singing. It’s rather surreal because the show closed, yet they have one final gig together. Reality won’t begin to hit him until he comes back to the city and we pack up everything. He will miss his life there and that apartment. This will be an enormous transition for him.

He is so loved by the company. We were talking to Jimmy and Frank Marshall, one of the producers (look up his name and see just what he has produced in Hollywood – a true legend) at the party. I was on the receiving end of several hugs from Jimmy, I even got to kiss him on the cheek – he’s a wonderful person. Anyway, he loves Don and loves what he does in the show, but he also thanked him for being such a great influence and inspiration to the cast. One of the producers said he was a consummate professional. He is. And the director quietly told Don that he was his hero.

My heart was overflowing. So why does it have to end? This show is pure joy.

I’m sorting through my emotions and I realize that this has been such a hope for Don and me. A hope for a long run, for a beautiful adventure that started over a year ago in LaJolla to continue. For my husband to enjoy a long stretch in the city performing his favorite role ever. And now it’s gone.

I know you understand. I want to protect my husband. I don’t want to see him disappointed or sad or heartbroken. And he is all three. I’d do anything to keep that from him. I’d do anything to keep that damn show running if it was at all in my power. But it isn’t.

We had a lot of dreams connected to a long run of ETM. They’ve had to be shelved.

As I read tribute after tribute by cast members on Instagram Sunday, as I listened to them speak from their hearts at the party after the performance, I realized just how heartbroken everyone is. To a person. No one wanted it to end. Everyone feels like the rug has been pulled out from under them.

I don’t know what else to say. I’m going to make a copy of this picture today and frame it for Don. He is my  hero, too. In every way. I’m enormously proud of him – not just of his acting chops, which are considerable – but of his integrity, compassion, humor, and love for his fellow man.

More later.

It’s my dear sister’s birthday today. Wish her a happy one.

A year ago today, I was flying out to LaJolla to see ETM for the first time. Sigh.

Happy Tuesday.