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You are here: Home / Archives for Scout

Outdoor Goings-On, Reading & Scout

April 14, 2016 at 9:45 am by Claudia

4-14 livingroom

Yesterday, we watched in surprise as several orange-colored county trucks pulled up in front of the house. Our culvert had been cleaned out with an earth mover a couple of weeks ago, along with the culvert of our next door neighbor. Just the other day, we noticed two long lengths of metal pipe in the culvert, which we assumed must have been dropped off by the county.

Sure enough, they were replacing the pipe that runs under our driveway. Pipe that had apparently seen better days. We’ve had some problems with flooding in the culvert from time to time, as have our neighbors. After dragging on a pair of jeans, I hurriedly ran outside to make sure they were alerted to the presence of our peonies right beside the driveway. Though they look a mess at the moment, the new stalks are slowly emerging from the ground. The guys were great. They assured me they wouldn’t harm one bit of the peony patch, as I call it. And they didn’t.

Lots of activity, lots of machinery. But they got it all done in about 90 minutes or so.

I was more excited about all this than was my husband, who kept on reading a book of poetry. I’m afraid I’m a little bit like Gladys Kravitz of Bewitched, always watching what’s happening on my little stretch of road, trying to figure out what’s going on at any given moment. I think that’s why I love Hitchcock’s Rear Window  so much. It’s an excellent thriller, but what I totally get is living in an apartment in a big city, watching the life that goes on around you, noticing when there’s a light on in a window, watching people come and go – you know what I mean. I’ve lived in many city apartments and I was always curious about the lives of other tenants.

4-14 purple flowers

I also did a little work outside for the first time this year. Huzzah! I didn’t do much, knowing that I had to take it slowly, but I cleaned up all the stray sticks and small branches that had fallen during the winter. I raked up the many bean pods that dropped from the catalpa tree. And I started to clean out a tiny section of the big garden bed. I’m doing that very slowly because the temps have gone down to near, but not quite, freezing the last couple of nights and I don’t want to remove the leaf mulch yet.

Then Don and I drove to a market that sells Valencia Oranges, because he is suddenly into making fresh orange juice. (He loved those oranges we brought home from Florida.) We stopped at the bookstore because it’s right across the street and he bought a couple of books of Billy Collins’ poetry. I got a magazine – rare – and the first Harry Hope mystery by Jo Nesbo. I haven’t read any of his books but I’ve heard nothing but good things about them, so I figured it was time to read one.

But first I have to finish The Girl on the Train  by Paula Hawkins. I avoided this one for a long time because of the constant comparisons to Gone Girl, which as you might remember, I disliked intensely. But one of the literary staff at Hartford Stage told me I should read it. As did Darko. (But he liked Gone Girl.) Anyway, I checked it out of my library and I’m about half-way through it. The female characters are rather hard to like, though I find myself liking them a bit more as I go on, and the story is quite compelling. I already sense it isn’t as manipulative as Gone Girl, thank goodness, though there is the same sort of emotional distancing from the protagonist. I’ll report back when I finish.

4-14 scoutchalkboard

Lest you think I’m always happy, always full of gratitude, let me assure you I have my bad days. Tuesday was such a day. I woke up feeling out of sorts. My allergies were bad. I ran several errands, one of which was visiting our little library. On the way up the drive I realized it was the first time I’d been there since Scout died and I immediately flashed on the walks we took her on during the last year of her life. She loved that downward sloping driveway because it allowed her to lope on the way down, something that was increasingly hard for her to do on a flat surface. But after that time in Hartford when she galloped around the park, I wanted her to have that experience again. She was always so joyful in those moments, even though she would be very tired when we got home.

Then I walked in the door and Don wasn’t here and the house was empty and she wasn’t there to greet me and I was incredibly sad for the rest of the day.

We wrote that message on the chalkboard on the day Scout died. It’s been there ever since.

There are good days and there are bad days.

Happy Thursday.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

Filed Under: books, garden, gardening, reading, Scout 48 Comments

Birds, Russian, Seeds, a Gift, Appointments & Books

April 6, 2016 at 9:10 am by Claudia

4-6 birdslookingatCunard

The singing birds seem to be entranced with the Aquitania.

I noticed the change in their position the other day. Are they fascinated with ocean travel? Are they pondering landing on the deck of the ship, thereby bringing delight to the passengers?

(No doubt the change in orientation happened when I was dusting, but I like to think they turned toward the ship.)

Yesterday was taken up by a long phone call with my neighbor, who is from Russia. She was enormously helpful in clarifying some of the Russian pronunciations. I’m very grateful for her help. Then it was off to the Podiatrist for Don’s follow-up appointment. The cellulitis is getting much, much better, though, as I suspected might be the case, the doctor wants him to be on antibiotics for another week. His words to Don: “Chill out. Elevate. No commuting into the city.” (Too much walking.)

Needless to say, Don is going a bit crazy. I was in the same housebound state when I badly sprained my ankle so I understand. There’s only so much you can do from your chair….

Today I’m doing more prep work on Anastasia. I am traveling to Hartford tomorrow afternoon; just for the day, mind you. The actors are doing a read-through of the script. (I hope they sing, too!)

Monday’s mail also brought a package from my longtime blogging friend, Sheila.

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She sent us wildflower, morning glory and forget-me-not seeds for Scout’s Garden. And she added two adorable pairs of gardening gloves. Sheila, this is the perfect gift for us and we are so grateful for your thoughtful gesture. We miss her. We are still in mourning. And we’re so looking forward to that time, hopefully in a few weeks, that we can break ground, prep the soil, and start planting her garden.

From Sheila: “I sent one box of wildflowers for Scout and one for Riley. The pink Morning Glory vine is for Scout, the blue for Riley, and the Zinnias and Forget Me Nots for their parents to cut and enjoy inside.”

And she sent pink gloves because we originally met while participating in the meme Pink Saturday. I’m so touched.

Thank you, dear friend.

I’m reading Beach Music by Pat Conroy, but it’s taking me a while to get into it. That’s not due to his writing, which is superb, it’s more likely due to the crazy week we’ve had. At over 700 pages long, I guess I’ll be reading this one for a while!

Oh, one more thing. Have you seen the new HBO documentary about Nora Ephron? I was a big fan of her work, both on the printed page and on screen, and this new documentary, It’s All Copy, has been produced by her son Jacob Bernstein. It’s wonderful. Run, don’t walk, to HBO to see it. We loved it and are planning to watch it a second time.

New post up on Just Let Me Finish This Page.

Happy Wednesday.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

 

Filed Under: books, coaching, Don, garden, gifts, Scout 51 Comments

Thoughts on Sunday

April 3, 2016 at 8:41 am by Claudia

Just yesterday evening, I grabbed the camera to capture the vivid yellow of the forsythia hit by the bright, just-before-sunset light.

4-3 forsythia

And what did I wake up to this morning?

4-3 aprilsnow

All that and a high wind warning until 7 pm, to boot.

If you’re thinking, “Claudia is not a happy camper” you’re right. She is not.

I’m going outside soon to get the heavy, wet snow off  my plants. More of this crap is expected tomorrow, with temps in the thirties for the next three days.

• We watched the NCAA tournament last night. While we were in Florida, my brother-in-law asked us to join in a friendly bracket tournament that occurs every year among his family members. Meredith is doing better than the rest of us, but I did pick Villanova, so I’m grinning a bit this morning. Don picked Oklahoma. I need say no more.

• I spent several hours researching the pronunciation of certain Russian names and much to my dismay, I kept hearing something different each time I visited a new site. My next door neighbor is Russian, so I think I’m going to have to ask her to verify some things. I finally gave in, turned off the computer, and went to the grocery store (again) to stock up on some food.

• Grief: While on the way to the grocery store, I drove past our local animal hospital (I drive by it every time I head out of our little town.) This time, however, I was struck by the memory of Scout’s last hours and I lost it. I remembered Don carrying her out to the car where she stayed on the back seat without moving, I remembered sitting in the car while Don made sure they were ready for us, petting her and telling her I loved her and that soon she would be out of pain.

As I drove down the road, tears rolling down my face, it was as if it had just happened. I asked her to visit me, to let me know she is okay. I keep hoping she will. Then, when I came home and unloaded the groceries, I started to tell Don what had happened and I couldn’t stop sobbing. I cried for the loss of my mother, my father, and Scout. I often replay those last hours in the hospital with my father, hear his voice, the sound of his breath changing as I watched him leave us.

I do the same thing with Scout’s last hours. It’s as if those two profound and heartbreaking experiences within three months of each other cycle in an endless loop in my brain. It’s such a lonely feeling, this loss of both my parents and my beloved little girl. Crying is cathartic, I know, and I’m glad I let go yesterday, though I was absolutely drained when it ended.

The truth is, it’s almost impossible for me to find enthusiasm for much of anything these days, though I have bursts of it at times. I play at enthusiasm, I act ‘as if’ – but grief takes a hold and doesn’t let go for a long time. It really never  lets go, it just changes and morphs as one learns to move forward.

I miss talking to my mom. I miss talking to my dad. I miss talking to my little girl.

One day, right before we left for Florida, I was struck by something. I had a way of talking to my pets, not really a ‘baby’ voice, but definitely a different kind of voice where I used funny, made-up words and sounds and lots of nicknames, singing little songs that I made up on the spot. In that moment, I worried that I might forget what I said to Scout in our countless interactions during the day, every day, for sixteen years. So I grabbed my phone and recorded them.

I don’t want to forget them, you see. It was our own little language. She put up with it, of course; she indulged me. For that I am very grateful.

Ah, well.

4-3 bunnysighting2

• First bunny sighting: an adorable little bunny dining on grass right outside the kitchen window.

I wonder if we’ll have baby groundhogs again this year?

The winner of a copy of Beneath Still Waters  is Maureen. Maureen, I’ve sent you an email. Please send me your mailing address and congratulations!

Happy Sunday.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

 

 

Filed Under: Dad, Don, Scout, snow, weather, winter 52 Comments

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Welcome!

Welcome!

I live in a little cottage in the country with my husband. It's a sweet place, sheltered by old trees and surrounded by gardens. The inside is full of the things we love. I love to write, I love my camera, I love creating, I love gardening. My decorating style is eclectic; full of vintage and a bit of whimsy.

I've worked in the theater for more years than I can count. I'm currently a voice, speech, dialect and text coach freelancing on Broadway, off Broadway, and in regional theater.

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