Scout — Page 14

The Need to Take Care of Something

March 21, 2016 at 9:20 am by Claudia

She’s not here.

It really hit me last night and I cried and cried. Everything we do is linked somehow to a memory of Scout. We had to catch ourselves several times on the way home; we’d think of arriving at the cottage and then immediately think that Scout would be waiting for us.

Thousands of times a day. Thousands of times a day.

I truly don’t know what to do with myself. For the past two years or so, most of my time was spent taking care of Scout. She was the focus of my days. I have all sorts of ideas floating around in my head about things I can do or projects I can start. But I can’t go there yet. And so I do the obvious things like cleaning and making the bed and then I hit the wall. I hit the wall last night and Don held me in his arms while I cried for my girl, cried for the absence of the joy that made up every fiber of her being, cried for the child I mothered.

It’s only been a month and half. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Our vacation was wonderful and much-needed. We had a terrific time in Florida and on the road. But, here we are, back at the ranch – and our girl isn’t here.

We’re in the middle of that strange time when it’s officially spring but nothing can be done outside for another month or so. I have a feeling that working in the garden will help me. Nurturing my gardens, watching things grow, taking care of everything – that’s what I need.

But I can’t do that yet, so I mother my indoor plants in the meantime.

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The overwintering impatiens and the baby spider plant that I potted yesterday.

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The overwintering geranium that has bloomed for the second time!

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The snake plant/mother-in-law’s tongue that I brought back from Florida. Meredith and I have determined that it’s at least 45 years old. My parents had it in my childhood home, then it moved up to northern Michigan when they retired, then it moved to their condo in Florida, then it moved to Meredith’s house and now it’s with me. There’s another one that is just as old and Meredith has it at her house. Nurtured for years by my parents, this plant is priceless.

That condo, by the way, is now on its way to being sold. We accepted an offer yesterday and Meredith signed the papers. I showed the condo to Don while we there. It was strange being there: empty, nothing left that belonged to my parents, echoing rooms. We’re grateful that it has sold, but it marks the end of all that spoke of my parents’ presence. Now, we tie up all the loose ends, send things to the lawyer, and divide the estate.

Too much change.

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Pothos in the bathroom.

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The little spider plant that I bought for my Hartford apartment. I repotted it yesterday as it was getting very root bound. It’s nestled in a piece of pottery given to me by my mother.

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Succulents on the kitchen table, including Riley’s Dish Garden.

There are more tucked in here and there. I’m feeling the need for even more houseplants, so don’t be surprised if you see more in the coming days.

I didn’t answer comments while I was away, but someone asked where I got the little acrylic tables that I’m going to use in my dollhouse(s). I didn’t buy them, they were a gift from Barbara who lives in Canada. They are jewelry stands, so I imagine if you google jewelry supplies or jewelry display, you might find a source for them. I hope this helps.

Happy Monday.

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Monday: Reading, Weather, Scout

March 7, 2016 at 9:39 am by Claudia

It’s early March, right? I live in the Northeast. Yet, the temperatures are going to be in the high 50s, the 60s and even 70s this week.

As Don said, “I want to go to Florida when it’s really cold at home.”

That might not be the scenario, sweetheart.

My sinuses are wondering what’s up, but other than that, I’m thrilled that we can open the windows and maybe, just maybe, smell a little spring in the air.

It’s a month today since we said goodbye to our girl. In the midst of the hundreds of reminders of her that we have each day, this morning I was enveloped in sadness at the thought of peanut butter. She loved peanut butter and we would always use a dollop of it to disguise her pill. No matter how badly she might be feeling, no matter how sleepy, she always wolfed it down. Oh, my girl, I hope you can eat all the peanut butter that you want now that you’re free.

I could write a week’s worth of posts just on the many reminders that come to us throughout the day. Each of them makes us stop in our tracks and, more often than not, tear up.

We miss her so.

3-7 patconroy

I’ve been thinking about Pat Conroy since I learned the news of his passing. At the age of 70, he was too young. He had a lot more stories to tell. Don was going out yesterday, so I asked him to stop at the local bookshop to see if they had any of his books on hand. I simply needed to drop everything and read some Conroy. In the meantime, I looked online at what might be on the shelves at our little library. South of Broad was available, so I figured Don could go check it out if there was nothing in the shop. Wouldn’t you know it? Don walked in the door with this hardcover copy of South of Broad – he got it for $5. Much better to have my very own copy.

I cracked it open and was immediately plunged into the gorgeous prose of Mr. Conroy. I had to reread the first page, simply because it was so beautifully crafted and the images so dense and rich that I was stunned. I liken it sinking into a hot bubble bath. Ahhh. A familiar friend is back and I can relax and let myself go, to be taken away to another world.

That is why I have always loved the novels of Pat Conroy and why I mourn his absence. He leaves an empty space that no one else can fill.

Happy Monday.

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Prayer Flags

March 3, 2016 at 9:00 am by Claudia

When I arrived home from Hartford, there was a package waiting for us; sent by our longtime friend Joyce, who we worked with at the Old Globe when we lived in San Diego. Inside the package was a lovely sympathy card. And this:

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Prayers on the Wind – Pet Prayer Flags, in the tradition of Buddhist/Tibetan Prayer Flags.

We were so touched by her thoughtful present. We immediately thought about where to hang them. Prayer Flags are meant to hang outside and to stay there through all kinds of weather, fading with the sun.

It seemed like the perfect place would be at the entrance to Scout’s mini-corral.

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It was windy on the day I took these pictures. But that’s sort of perfect, isn’t it?

We said a prayer for our girl.

3-3 pet flags message

And we cried.

Then Don had an idea. We had planned to take this part of the larger corral down. But he said, “It has to be Scout’s Memorial Garden.”

And I think he’s right. We already have the rose bush that was given to me in memory of my mother there. We have the hydrangea. Why not go even further? We’ll start adding some plants this spring.

Maybe a bench.

In her last months, as winter set in, we blocked off the upper corral and limited her to the mini corral, which was on flat ground and was safer for her. When getting around became increasingly difficult, she still loved to stop and sniff the ground and look at her territory through the chicken wire fence.

So it’s the perfect place for a little Scout Garden. And the flags will fly at the entrance.

Thank you, Joyce.

3-3 scout pawprint

She would like that.

Thinking of you every moment of every day, dear beautiful girl.

Happy Thursday.

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The Need to Take Care of Something

Monday: Reading, Weather, Scout

Prayer Flags

Lambs Like to Party

A Note

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