Scout — Page 86

It’s Here

November 21, 2012 at 8:02 am by Claudia

Six years old. I proudly wore my pink-checked dress with my faux wrist watch. Obeying my mother’s instructions, I made sure that my dimple faced the camera. Oh yes, I had strict instructions about that sort of thing.

Today I am 10 times six. How can that be?

I am still that little girl, as well as the teenager and the college student and the camp counselor and the graduate student and the actress and the professor and the coach. I am so many things, so many ages, so many experiences. Like everyone else, I don’t feel my age. I feel like I’m in my thirties. And this number – this 60 – unsettles me.

I have no choice but to accept it.

But there’s a voice inside me that says: I can’t be 60! I’m still starting out! I’m still finding my path! I don’t even know what I want to do when I grow up! Wait, let me back up and start over!

Do you know that feeling?

Anyway. It’s here. The dreaded but actually not-so-dreaded day. I will officially be 60 around 5:30 pm.

I could just say it is my birthday and not acknowledge my age – but what the heck – I will proudly own it.

I miss my mother’s birthday phone call – her daily life in a nursing home is a sort of blur. I doubt very much that she’s even aware that it’s my birthday.

I miss my older brother, who died when he was 44. I’ve had so many birthdays he never had the chance to experience.

Scout is in the hospital. She ran a fever yesterday, wouldn’t eat and got progressively worse, so we took her in. They are keeping her to give her fluids and antibiotics. Whether this is all due to Lyme disease or something else, I don’t know. Her back legs were collapsing and she was shaking from the fever and my heart broke as we left her there. The bloodwork, by the way, came back normal.

Last night, the house felt empty. Nothing seemed right without her. Don kept saying, ” I miss my daughter. I want her home.” Today I came downstairs and there was no sweet girl to greet me.

I just want her well again and home with us where we can hold her in our arms and tell her how much we love her.

Sort of a bittersweet birthday, this particular November 21st.

Happy Wednesday.

On Duty

November 20, 2012 at 9:41 am by Claudia

My view yesterday. And most likely, today. I stationed myself in the living room with Scout and kept her company all day. Don had to go into the city, so I drove him to the bus station so that I had the car, if necessary. There’s not a whole lot new to report. Scout did perk up and get hungry yesterday and I managed to sneak some antibiotics into her food. Though she slept most of the day, when Don came in the door after a being gone all day, she did a couple of her pounces and spins, which was heartening. But she sounds terrible. Her already heavy breathing is heavier. She’s now coughing a bit and sneezing. And she threw up again this morning, which, I think, is due to the antibiotics. They may just be too strong for her.

We will know the results of the blood work sometime today and go from there. We may need x-rays. Ironically, I had just paid off our previous vet bills last Friday. Ha Ha! Got you! says the Universe.

I’m nervous but am praying and visualizing my girl as the whole, perfect, healthy creation she is. To top it all off, Don had a sleepless night last night with so much tossing and turning that I fled downstairs to the sofa in the den.

Birthday tomorrow. Thanksgiving on Thursday. I really don’t care all that much about either of them. The best birthday present would be Scoutie taking a huge turn for the better. That’s all I need. (And, of course, Mabel, the Featherweight, was my early birthday present.)

I’m listing a scarf today in the Etsy shop. It’s in silk and bamboo and the color is a bit deeper than this photo indicates. It is so soft and silky to the touch. I guarantee it. And it’s my favorite shade of purple. And I have another one on the way, which you can see in the first photo. Update: Sold to Charlotte. That was fast!

Happy Tuesday.

Worried

November 19, 2012 at 8:01 am by Claudia

Scoutie hasn’t been feeling well for the past few days. She hasn’t been interested in food. I’ve had to entice her with special things like rice and eggs. She’s been a bit agitated and not like herself. We ended up taking her to the Vet yesterday. She’s been put on some antibiotics and some blood work is being done. Unfortunately, she threw up everything not long after I gave her her first pill. So I’m going to try again this morning. We’re not sure what’s going on. She has fluid swellings on her rear legs which we’ve known about and have been keeping an eye on. She breathes more heavily as she’s aged and she definitely could stand to lose some weight. It could be anything and that’s what has me worried.

I was on the phone with the doctor a few times yesterday. Found out she has Lyme again, as well. That means she’ll be on two antibiotics. I’m worried about her. She’s slowed down a bit in the last few years but for a 13 year old dog, she has been amazingly peppy. Please say a prayer for her, my friends. We need your positive thoughts.

Not to make this about me, but there is so much on my plate right now in terms of ‘life decisions’ that I am completely overwhelmed. I seem to exist in a state of worry and tension and fear and that isn’t good. I know. I always try to acknowledge my blessings but there are times when I can’t see them. Ironic, during this Thanksgiving week. I try to keep this blog a fairly happy place but, friends, it’s a tough time for us.

Trying to stay positive.

Happy Monday.

It’s Here

On Duty

Worried

Lambs Like to Party

A Note

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