Yesterday was a hard one, as was expected, and when I found some of Scoutie’s white hairs on my flannel shirt, I lost it – sobbing in my husband’s arms for all the loss we have endured over the past two years.
Sometimes I think I’ll never be quite whole again. I know you understand. I move forward, doing what is necessary, trying to endure – and for the most part, I do endure, I do move forward. But there are periods of grief and despair. That’s just the way it is for now.
So let’s look at something pretty. My little crabapple tree has bloomed again.
Is there anything prettier? Delicate pink buds that open as lovely white flowers.
This tree is over on the edge of the property and getting a photo or two involved climbing over fallen branches, avoiding pricky wild roses – it’s quite the challenge.
As always with these beauties, the bloom time is short. I guess that makes it all the sweeter.
Everything else around here, save for the Flowering Quince, is still coming out of the ground so it will be a while until I see any blooms.
And for those of you who either never saw or forgot about the curved roof of the Top Secret Project, here it is:
See what I mean? It presents a problem. Can you shape plexiglass? I fear that is not in my skill set.
In other exciting news, I got a new pair of Muck Boots for working in the garden and around the property, after making do with some that I had grown out of and were wildly uncomfortable. Love my Muck Boots!
We have a wildfire on the top of our mountains that has been raging for two days. Send a prayer for the safety of the firefighters and all the animals in its path.
Happy Monday.
I have a headache from all the tears I’ve shed today and Sweet One was only here for 27 hours. I will never understand how anyone can throw a pet into the street. She took a piece of my heart in such a short time. How is it they have no heart when they do something so cruel? I know how you are feeling. Grief comes and goes forever. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about Toni, my first dog, and my Mammaw — obviously there have been others, but those two played a very big role in my younger years and I miss them dearly. Praying for the wildfires to be put out quickly. Our world can’t handle more heat and harm.
I’m so sorry about that sweet kitty, Tammy. Do you really think that the two cats wouldn’t get along? Is there a way you could keep the Sweet One in another room and introduce them to each other very slowly? That’s what the woman who took in my dad’s two cats did and with some patience, it seems to have worked out.
Your crabapple tree is so pretty. I love delicate blooms like that. When the dogwoods bloom here they steal my heart. I shed some tears this morning for Charlie. It does just hit you at times I know. My Mom is also have a spell of dizziness and of course it worries me, but at 85 she has good days and bad days. I need something happy today so I think I’ll take a load of stuff to the thrift shop and just peek at what they have.
hugs,
Linda
I know – we need a bit of happy when we’re grieving (and worrying,as well). I hope you treat yourself to a little something from the thrift shop, my friend. Wish I could give you a hug!
Hey Claudia,
Sorry for your grief. It is a journey, isn’t it? When I find myself overwhelmed with grief, I try to pull up the happiest memories of my loved ones to buoy me through the storm.
Is there perhaps a thick mylar product that has some bend to it that you may could use for the roof of the TSP? I use those floppy plastic cheap dollar store cutting sheets and wonder if something like that could be adapted as a roof. They are opaque but you may could find some that are clear. I think a clear roof would be so neat on your TSP.
Hope the fires are out soon. Forest fires can be so scary for us and for the critters.
Have a great day!
Susan
How to maintain that bend is the challenge. You know what I mean? I’ll figure something out!
Praying with you and for you
Thank you so much, Kathy!
prayers for the firefighters, other people and animals in the path of that and all other wild fires and for those dealing with grief and other hard times. also prayers for those looking for a curved, clear plexiglass roof for a t.s.p.
hope it’s a good, easy week ahead for everyone.
Kathy in iowa
Thanks for ALL of your prayers, Kathy!
Your crabapple is gorgeous! We had one, but the person responsible for the original landscaping, put it too close to the house, and we had to chop it down. I think I need to replace it! Thanks for the pic of the roofline…I had forgotten. I googled how to shape plexiglass and found several you tube videos. I didn’t watch them…but maybe in the future, if you are feeling adventurous, you might tackle skylights! Maybe and Don could work on that together? Enjoy your day! ;)
You should get a new one Donnamae. They are so pretty. This is a relatively young tree and it popped up out of nowhere!
I google those videos you mention.
I’m finding my cats’ fur all the time. It’s too early for you, Claudia, so of course you’ll weep. I went through that but now, I celebrate when I find a bit of their fur. A part of their physical selves is still with us. I miss my cats every day. They were always ready for cuddles, naps and lap warming. They followed me around the house. I had baskets with towels or fleece in them in all my rooms so they could nap when I was working in that room. Many times, they’d ignore the basket on the floor to sleep on my sewing table or desk, in order to get as close to me as they could. I love and miss my kitties, and am glad they brightened my life. Hope all is safe from the wild fires…they are so scary.
I know the memories will be happy someday, Wendy, but you’re right. It’s too soon now. Thank you.
Wild fires are so scary. Prayers to all in their path.
Sometimes a “thing” or a memory pops up and can take me to my knees with tears. I don’t think it ever stops ~ and ~ I have come to think that it is actually a good thing. For me when this happens it reassures me that the person or fur baby is still right there for me….not buried too deeply. I know that I haven’t forgotten them because they come immediately to mind. In a strange way it sort of makes me happy that they are, indeed, still with me, and quite closely at the surface. I seem to find some peace in that.
Yes, because we don’t every want to forget. I can still remember my brother’s voice – so clearly – and he died in 1991. Thank goodness, on some level he is still close to me. Thanks, Chris.
In my travels yesterday I drove past the entrance to some apartment complex in another part of our county that had a double row of crabapples lining the driveway leading to the first buildings and they were all, every one, in gorgeous flowering bloom! Just beautiful – made my day. For some reason, I’m a sucker for rows of trees or shrubbery anywhere, especially at entrances to things, and this was no exception. PS – a wildfire? In the Valley? At this time of year? That not only seems weird, but especially cruel. Will be sending vibes to end this nonsense – and immediately. Good luck and Godspeed to all the firefighters and of course the animals… ?
It has been exceptionally dry here with very low humidity and we have had no burn warnings for several weeks. So I’m not surprised that this has happened. We were just out and saw plumes of smoke coming off the mountain in three different areas. Thankfully, we are supposed to get rain tonight and tomorrow, and surely that will be manna from heaven for the firefighters.
I love the look of the open roof…. you could say its retractable and at the moment is open
I think the roof always blocks out so much fun light anyway
Its a beautiful job done so far by the way
Roofs do block a lot of light – I had no choice in the big dollhouse, but I think I can get away with it here. Thanks, Sue.
On a completely different note… I hope the overwhelming sadness passes . So sorry for all your loses so close together.
Prayers for the firefighters for their safety and health as they battle the fires
Thank you, Sue.
How pretty the crab apple trees are..it is to bad their fruit is so bitter..We have wildfires sometimes here too in the mountains we are surrounded with…it is scary when you can see the smoke up above…also sending hugs in the memory of your sweet little daughter..
I never see the fruit on that tree, maybe because it’s so hard to get close to it! The fire is still raging, you can smell smoke everywhere. But we’re supposed to get rain tonight and tomorrow and that will be a blessing.
The crab apple blossom looks ethereal in your photographs, Claudia.
The incessant marketing for Mother’s Day does not help. I wrote to a company last year because the subject line in one of their e-mails was so hurtful. They apologized, and I’ve noticed that their marketing for this year has taken a different tack.
I wish you could foster a rescue dog or puppy, to help fill the hole in your heart. Your nurturing instincts, clearly, are very strong.
((((( hug )))))
They are very strong, but I get too attached. I admire those who can foster. Bless them for what they do. But I couldn’t do it. I’d want to keep the dog and this just isn’t the time for that sort of commitment. We’ll just have to weather this empty house and our empty hearts.
It seems odd to me that you’d have wildfire in the absence of drought. Lightning? Arson? Scary!
I spoke of it in an earlier response. We have had severely dry weather lately, very low humidity and a No Burn warning. So it’s not really a surprise.
Claudia, Hugs to you and Don. I know you miss Scout so much . I looked at your previous post. Your mom was a pretty lady. It was good to see the picture of you girls and your mom and grandmother. Take care of yourself dear. Blessings, xoxo, Susie
Thank you, dear Susie.
Claudia, I ache for you and Don. Tender hugs coming at you in spirit.
My grandmother had a crabapple tree in her side yard, and a favorite thing was to help her pick them for jelly. She shared it with friends at Christmas. I smile every time I see this tree and send a thank you to Heaven for The Lord blessing me with such a wonderful grandmother. I have her jelly cabinet that my grandfather made for her when they first married. I cherish it.
Thanks for the lovely pictures. Sending lots of love your way. Wish I could help.
xo
Sheila… Who is hoping there aren’t typos. I can barely see!
No typos, Sheila. Much love to you.
Claudia I think about you and Don and all the loss so often, sending you so much light and love. I just passed my Mother’s birthday….the first after her passing. Hit so much harder than I thought it would. You just never know.
For the roof…….what about the clear plastic “fabric” …..I think it is heavy enough to keep from sagging and could be trimmed out in a fabric if you would like. Could have velcro or snaps or even a tie at the one end so that it could be rolled back? JoAnnes might carry it.
Thank you, Janet. I know how hard birthdays are when the one we loved is gone.
I’ll check out the fabric option, Janet.