My husband just came back from his morning walk and presented me with this:
That’s a nice way to start a cold and rainy day!
Yesterday, on the other hand, was simply beautiful. It was sunny and warm and we worked outside for a quite a while; Don mowing the front lawn, me cleaning the porch and filling my planters with pansies. There’s still a lot of work to be done on the porch, but doing even the little I did yesterday was so good for my soul. I actually felt the warmth of the sun on my face. Heaven.
All four of these planters have been filled with big, fat pansies, as well as the window box planter that I lives on the porch railing. The hanging plants have been put in place. I started to sweep sections of the porch and I hauled all of my pots out of the shed. And – finally – the snow shovels were retired until next winter. We sat on the Funky Patio and watched Mr. and Mrs. Nuthatch fly in and out of the bush. I can’t tell whether they have babies yet or if they’re still in planning mode. Periodically one would fly into the opening of the branch. One of them kept pecking at another section of the branch. Were they getting food for babies? Were they adding to the nest materials? We don’t know. I couldn’t hear any tiny chirps when I got close. But mostly, we tried to stay away and watch from a distance. They fly right by our heads, so they don’t seem to be shy or disturbed by our presence.
Don named them Ozzie and Harriet.
We haven’t seen Henry yet this year and like every year at this time, I worry that he might have passed away. We’ve seen the groundhog that lives next door, but not Henry. Hopefully, this will be temporary and I’ll see him sunning himself on the ramp to the shed. We’ve been calling to him, telling him we miss him.
We had some excitement the other day. I heard a loud sound and voices shouting and I went out on the porch to see what was happening. A large rental truck had somehow crashed and flipped on its side just down the road from us. When I reached the end of our driveway, I saw several people removing cargo from the truck. It didn’t seem as if anyone was hurt and about 8 rescue vehicles arrived shortly after that. The ambulance and fire rescue trucks were the first to leave, and not with sirens wailing, so nobody was hurt. My neighbors all made an appearance on their driveways. After a long winter coupled with social distancing, I got to see everyone, however briefly. There were vehicles out there well into the evening as they had to get the truck onto a trailer and that was a big job.
Today, we’re inside because of the rain. I just may start the Hardy Boys puzzle. I was going to wait for my other puzzles to arrive, but one of them won’t be shipped for another week and the one that has been shipped won’t be here until Thursday. I don’t think I can wait that long.
By the way, to clarify – I didn’t have a full-out panic attack the other day. I felt heightened anxiety, something I’ve begun to experience for the first time in my life this past year. My mom went through a period of having panic attacks. This thing I’m coping with on occasion is unsettling and uncomfortable and I don’t like it, but it’s not nearly what my mom went through. I suppose anxiety and panic attacks take differing forms and everyone’s experience varies.
Stay safe.
Happy Sunday.
Heightened anxiety is a very natural response to the very heightened threats we face daily, right down to finding toilet paper or opening mail. I see this as my body’s way of alerting me to remain on guard, a natural fight or flight response and, in this instance, completely normal. So, when my anxiety is triggered, as unpleasant as it may be, I take it as a self-preservation prompt. It helps me accept the experience.
But I also get it for no seeming reason and have been doing so for a while now. The day we went to the nursery, getting it made sense. But it doesn’t always make sense. Thanks, Anne. Stay safe!
I had a couple of medically-diagnosed panic attacks seemingly out of nowhere, even after my asthma was under control (the disease had returned with ferocity for the first time in years since it had been on hiatus-remission); technically, I could breathe, once I was back on asthma meds again, although you couldn’t have convinced me of it (as the panic attack escalated) and, frankly, I felt I was near death. Mind/body ‘tricks’ (I’m not about to clinically diagnose it here; I’m no doctor!) but very, very real in how you feel when you’re going thru it; it’s horrible. I felt like I was totally crashing, soon to keel over. I went to the ER because my entire face, neck & arm went numb (the first time). The second time, it felt like no matter what I did to help it, I couldn’t get my breath; I was laboring, bathed in sweat and shaking head to toe. You are filled with absolute terror for your life. In my personal experience, it wasn’t some ‘episode’ that just disappeared in minutes either; it was more like hours til I felt any semblance of ‘normal’, and I’d just be wiped out afterward. It took a lot of reassurance from other people…like hands-on attention and don’t let go as I clung to them in those scary moments…to tell me I would be okay in the course of one of these attacks.
I live today to say I survived, and it was 17-18 years ago (I’ve never had another panic attack since); but, when you’re in the throes of a panic attack, it’s the worst; just the worst. And then you can worry your mind more, wondering if it’ll happen again since it’s like an earthquake, striking without warning. I have so much compassion for those who suffer from the condition. I think it tends to affect women more than men. I was in a cycle of major, prolonged stress at the time and I had to learn (still learning; lifelong learning) how to manage stress more effectively, which isn’t easy for a lot of people. An overload of multiple stressors are never a good thing for anybody. Fear and uncertainty can really twist us up. That’s why we’ve all gotta watch out for ourselves; be gentle with ourselves during Covid; find every reason to calm the mind and nourish the body. It’s no joke.
So, along with what I just said, with ways to Covid-cope, my husband handed me this last night; it was on a community website, offered as any possible help to citizens (something from ‘sharecare’):
“Change Your Mindset During Covid-19”
Instead of thinking this (lower case), think (uppercase) …
I am stuck in the house.
I AM SAFE IN MY HOME, SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY.
I am going to run out of food.
I AM PREPARED WITH EVERYTHING I NEED FOR NOW AND WILL PLAN TO USE ITEMS WISELY.
I am scared I will get sick.
I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY CONTROL TO KEEP MYSELF AND MY FAMILY HEALTHY.
This will never end.
THIS WILL PASS AND I WILL HAVE A NEWFOUND APPRECIATION FOR THINGS I ONCE TOOK FOR GRANTED.
Everywhere is closing. How will I get the things I need?
ESSENTIAL PLACES, LIKE THE GROCERY STORES, HOSPITALS AND PHARMACIES WILL REMAIN OPEN.
This is ruining all of my Spring plans.
IT IS WHAT IT IS, AND BEYOND MY CONTROL. I WILL RESCHEDULE WHEN I AM ABLE TO.
(So, clearly, this was probably written a month ago, but still applicable in so many ways. –Vicki)
Thank you!
hi, vicki!
i am going to type this up, post it at home and share it with others. thanks for sharing this!
hope you’re having a good day and stay safe!
kathy in iowa
Yes, during the past 10 years, Don went through a long period of debilitating anxiety. It was terrible and frightening and left him unable to work for a while. He worked very hard at recovering and his guidance helps me with my current situation. You’re right. It’s no joke. Thanks, Vicki.
sorry to hear don had that trouble. glad he’s feeling better.
stay safe and well.
kathy in iowa
That was several years ago and we are very happy it is truly behind us.
Hmmm – maybe you could pinpoint the beginning of the longer term anxiety to 12:00 PM, 01/20/17??? Just a guess……
Yes. I do blame this past four years. It isn’t a coincidence! xo
beautiful flowers … those you planted and the one from don (i can tell he has a beautiful heart and so do you).
glad you could get outside to do some gardening as well as watch ozzie and harriet. hope you see henry soon.
too bad it was because of the accident, but glad you could actually see your neighbors for a long-distance chat. glad no one was hurt in that accident.
whatever you had, whatever you felt the other day, i hope it doesn’t happen again. sorry that your mother had that trouble.
sometimes i think about how the things we have now were invented. green bean casserole, for example, seems obvious … maybe someone was hungry but only had mushroom soup, green beans and onions in the cupboard so they decided to mix them together. simple enough (and i am glad they shared their idea/recipe). on a bigger level, somewhere people have envisioned things like seeing far-away things on something that would be called a television or the internet while at home … and then later getting that all into tiny cellphones we could take everywhere. that kind of life-changing imagination must be awesome to experience! all that to say i am thankful for people and their big imaginations and efforts that led to technology that allows me to talk and share photos/videos with my family anytime and especially now when we can’t get close enough to hug. that it allows you, everyone else and me to gather here in friendship and support (thanks for creating and maintaining your blog, claudia!). i’m also thankful that someone invented the alphabet and paper for writers to tell tales in books, that someone envisioned yarn and knitting, that someone came up with jigsaw puzzles and other things to enjoy any time and especially now.
sorry for the random tangent … just how my mind is this lovely sunday morning and i wanted to express some thanks. :)
hope you, don and everyone else has a peaceful day. stay safe!
kathy in iowa
I love your ‘random tangent’ – expressing thanks is a good thing, Kathy. Stay safe!
not a random tangent, kathy … i always read everything you write and you are a soulful, wonderfully-sensitive woman … your comment today was very interesting and prompted me to think of lots of things, so thank you, as a fellow reader and cyber friend here on Claudia’s VERY-essential blog!
hi, vicki!
thanks for your kind words and friendship!
hope you are having a nice,easy day.
and yes, claudia’s blog is essential … one of four i read and the first one i read! :)
stay safe and well.
kathy in iowa
Don is such a sweetheart!
We are waiting on two puzzles to be delivered. Hubby told me yesterday that he misses having one to work on.
I think we are all dealing with more anxiety these days unless you are in denial of the situation. I feel more anxious every time I go to the store. Part of it is being exposed to more people and part of it is whether I will be able to get the groceries I need/want.
Today is sunny and warmer here. We are watching the birds and we definitely have a bluebird couple in one of our birdhouses.
And greenhouses are able to open now along with landscape and lawn businesses. We are still under stay at home until May 15.
Are pansies able to withstand freezing?
I never put any plants/flowers out til mid may and then only hanging baskets I can bring in because it can freeze here up until about Memorial day.
Take care, stay safe
Pansies are cold weather flowers. They like cold temps. A hard freeze, no. But cold is okay. That’s why so many people plant them in the early spring. Stay safe, Marilyn!
Another interesting comment, this one from MHC reader Marilyn … I have heard friends express as well, that each shopping trip is becoming more stressful than the last one, and they can’t wait to get back home and just have the outing be OVER! So sad, to not be able to enjoy ‘de-hermit-izing’ (I made that word up) for even an hour, but it’s true; I’ve been out in the car a few times now as a passenger and I’m edgy when doing so; just have that overall feeling of not feeling safe til we’re back at the house; but I’m hoping, after this flurry of the past/confusing 90 days or so, I can settle better into the ‘new normal’ we’ll likely be faced with for the next year or more. To get conditioned to being out again (in a limited fashion, yes) and getting business/appointments done, just ever-mindful of distancing, a facial covering, hand sanitizers or gloves, etc. We just all had to get used to a lot of stuff too fast, and we have to catch up to indeed that new normal, and realize we’ll probably get more than one set of ‘instructions’ about everything as time goes on.
It will be a good day when those doctors who are guiding us come up with a consistent set of rules. I realize it’s all new, so they’re facing new evidence daily. The challenges are complex.
My early spring is another 90 degrees today in SoCalif; I guess pansies would be suffering in this annoying heat (day after day after day of heatwave, and I am already SO over it; it’s ‘way too soon for hot weather, even here where summer comes earlier than I ever want it to!). In the meantime, YOUR pansies today, Claudia, are such a pretty, bright spot. I can’t imagine how much you must have loved being in the yard yesterday; sitting in the funky patio; yay!!! At last…
One thing I’m noticing out my window are more blue jays than I ever recall! They want to descend on us every time we go in the yard, even taunting my 50-lb/elderly-slow dog (jays are SO bold; males protecting a nest methinx). What I really think is that the one jay, who I am SURE is the same one my mother fed bread cubes to for YEARS (jays can live to a long age), is ANGRY with me for no longer putting out birdseed (or the dry cat food to where he can get to it; cats and food are safe due to now being under a yard canopy); so, one of these days, he’s gonna come at me and let me know how he REALLY feels!
A neighbor gave us a tiny orchid in a tiny pot…called a ‘darling’…and I don’t know what to do with it as I know nothing of orchids, but I put it next to a window where it gets light (until the sun comes in too brightly and I shut the shade, late in the afternoon); and, once a week as per its instrux, I give it two tablespoons of water. I didn’t think (forgot?) orchids had scent, but it has some slight, not-unpleasant or overpowering scent. So, will see what happens; I hope I don’t kill it!
Back in the house during cold and rain and temps in the forties. I keep hoping we’ll see Spring soon!
Congratulations on finishing your puzzle! It’s gorgeous. I don’t have the patience to do that. LOL I’ve been doing a lot of crossword puzzles but that’s about my limit. Have been trying to do some sewing. Don’t seem to have as much patience doing that as I usually do. I think we are all in a state of not knowing exactly how we feel. Such a different time in our lives.
How sweet of Don to bring you a flower. Not surprised.
Stay safe and well.
It’s hard to be patient right now. I know I can only read certain kinds of novels right now. Don’t have the patience of anything other than comfort reads. Stay safe, my friend!
Sunday is phone calls to and from friends now, and one friend was saying to me today how she has run out of books to read. She’s the one who lost everything in our SoCalif wildfires at the end of 2017; lost all of her lifetime’s collection of books; hasn’t replaced them, not a one of them (only a cookbook, since she also lost all her collection of recipes…from her own life, her mother’s, her grandmother’s [has been SO sad; I remember so much of all she had and too much is simply not replaceable]; hasn’t replaced a lot of other things either, and her ‘new’ house is really bare bones in decor; cold…but I don’t have the heart to tell her so; I think, psychologically, she just doesn’t want to accumulate belongings only to lose them again, although she never speaks of it in that way, instead shrugging it off to not wanting to have ‘clutter’ at this stage of her life as she approaches age 70; anyway, says she’s instead going to continue to only go to the library and NOT buy books).
Now of course libraries are closed. She never buys anything online! We have so few bookstores in our area and they’re of course closed to the walk-in public anyway. So I now have a bigger push to go thru my books in these Covid-confined circumstances; I know I have books I can get to her. (No Friends of Library sales going on of course; and all the thrifts are closed, so no used books there either.) I said, “One of these days, even though we’ve yet to venture out of town, we could bring over a box of books to you, just set it on the porch.” But, no, she wants me and my husband to come over, walk around the house to her rear yard. We can physically distance in chairs at her patio table (just shove the chairs back and separate). My husband and I could even take a cooler with our own drinks.
I think to myself, “What is THIS week’s rules? Are we allowed to have a gathering of 3?” (The rules keep changing.) She’s alone but has a pet. Still, I know the weeks are getting long for her with no ‘company’. So, I’ll digest this; it seems safe enough. We’d all three still wear our masks. (She had to have an air conditioning repairman over a few days ago; said he was masked and gloved; after he was finished, she disinfected anywhere he’d been in and outside the home, even the interior floors.) In the meantime, I’ll happily amass some books for her (I have tons). I wonder if other seniors are locked up at home with the same problem, at least those who’ve exhausted their last supply of library books. (I’d just think that most people would feel comfortable enough to buy a book online or even send a check thru conventional paper-catalog/mail order. Or pick up a paperback/dimestore novel when they run to the grocery store or pharmacy; don’t they have them in the magazine section, unless I guess they might have certain sections of the store cordoned off [I understand a Target near us in another town is like that; they have the clothing section {and other areas of the store} roped off so that shoppers focus on the groceries and other essential items only]. I forgot to suggest that to her.) Nice to know, though, that books are continuing to soothe and occupy people’s distracted minds during the ‘plague’. Books as comfort; yes!
Indeed. It’s so good of you to share some books with your friend. Being of service is a good thing.
We are good friends with Robert Hays, the actor. I’ve worked with him and Don has known him since he was 18 and they were roommates – they’re very close. He lost his home during the Woolsey fire in Southern California. Everything. All his memorabilia, his music studio (used by his son), everything he owned. He woke up in the middle of the night, heard sirens, and just got out of the house in time. I can’t imagine how hard it was.
I love the pansies. My mom used to say they always have a smile on their faces….oh yes they do. And, they look perfect in that planter.
Hope you see Henry soon…but at least you have Ozzie and Harriet to keep you company. It’s sunny here today…so it’s outside time today. Rain for the next three days…we’ll see how right they are.
Stay safe my friend! ;)
We have rain today and we’ll have it tomorrow as well. Sigh. Stay safe, Donnamae!
You have a lot happen on your road! But good to see the neighbors from afar.
I’m glad it wasn’t as an intense an anxiety attack as some but still, anxiety is anxiety, and so is unsettlement. I think a lot of us can relate.
Well, you mastered one way to deal with it — glorious color and plants. The planter looks terrific and it sounds incredibly productive. My shovel is away too but plants will have to wait a bit. It’s glorious here today so I hope it is coming your way. I just got back from my walk and I’m headed to sit in the sun with my book in a few! Take care.
I think a lot of people are feeling anxious. It’s a very frightening time.
Stay safe, Jeanie.
I look forward to photos of your porch. Let’s hope your weather is better soon.
It’s almost May and it’s going down to 37 degrees tonight. Enough already! Stay safe, Kay.
Your pansies are beautiful. We had to replant our pansies. The squirrels dug them up. They are so destructive. What a lovely thing for Don to do. He is always thinking of ways to brighten your day.
Marilyn
He is a good guy, Marilyn. Sorry about those pesky squirrels! Stay safe.
Today was the nicest day we have had all season. It was 68* this afternoon and NO WIND!! That was the most amazing part of the day. I can’t remember a day without wind in what seems forever. We got a lot cleaned up in the yard and I am so happy that it is done. And so happy it was such a lovely day in which to work.
I hope you started your new puzzle and it is as enjoyable as the Nancy Drew one was. We are all in what feels like a constant state of anxiety. Mix in a smidge of paranoia, some sadness, and an overall feeling of disbelief, and it is a wonder we get out of bed in the morning and are able to put one foot in front of the other. Each of us have different stories, but we are all in this together for the common good. At least that is what I truly want to believe, but daily news stories do make me have serious doubts. Take care of yourselves!!
I’m so jealous! It’s getting windy here as I write this. I’m glad you had a lovely day, Chris. It’s definitely good for the soul.
MOST of us are in this together for the common good. A surprising amount of people – I just talked to my sister in Florida, where people are golfing and on the beach and running around without masks on – are not. Stay safe, Chris.
We had a discussion in the yard today about this. Do you think that during the rationing, etc. during WWII that certain people just decided it wasn’t for them so they stamped their feet and carried their signs (with poor spelling)? Too boring! What about my “rights”! It isn’t fair! It shouldn’t last this long! I don’t WANT to use blackout curtains! I HAVE to have gasoline today so I can go for a drive! It isn’t fair to ration food because I have guests coming over! I’m not growing any vegetables!
Or was it because of good and fair leadership that they understood what was expected of them so the entire country could eventually triumph?
That’s an incredible point I’d never thought of! Makes us look like a bunch of babies in 2020.
Loved what you said: “We are all in what feels like a constant state of anxiety. Mix in a smidge of paranoia, some sadness, and an overall feeling of disbelief, and it is a wonder we get out of bed in the morning and are able to put one foot in front of the other. ” Amen.
We’ve had so many days of heatwave in SoCalif and the message is somewhat unclear from beach to beach, county to county … but in our most-local beach area, you can move on the beach but not sit. Okay to surf now, or run/jog/walk, but you can’t lay out a towel and sun yourself or pitch an umbrella and read a book. Do not congregate; keep moving. All of the surfside parking lots are closed. So what does NOT get in the headlines is what this means for year’round beach residents who are in neighborhoods of homes at the shore here. Their narrow lanes/streets are clogged with parked cars from this huge influx of people flocking to the closed beaches to where you can barely get ONE car down the middle of the street (like, God help us, if somebody called a fire truck), the residents can’t get out of their own driveways; all these Covid-weary people wanting out and wanting to go to the ocean, parking everywhere they’re not allowed to park; so, for our beach residents, another kind of nightmare, and the police are spread thin, patrolling and parking at the beaches to keep people out, but you can’t control the whole darn miles and miles of shore; it’s impossible, and the beach goers find their ways to the water. And all the photos/news coverage I saw (and from what a friend told me today of what HER friend happened to see in person yesterday [is a live-aboard at the marina … I wonder how they’re handling THAT, with shared/communal onshore showers/bathrooms?])? NO ONE was wearing a mask on the sand, no matter what they were doing.
It was in some ways, business as usual at the beach. A lot of clustered young people, and they want to get out and play. Understandable; but, yes, not a rally to the cause or protection of everybody else. When there’s such bad leadership in a crisis and too much conflicting info, people just tune out. You’ve gotta know what to believe or it’s too easy to just shrug it off. In contrast, I don’t think many people shrugged off FDR in the years to which you speak, Chris. My parents spoke of him with reverence.
Yes, Vicki, I agree about FDR. We need someone to inspire as well as lead. Having a blithering idiot stuttering about what he believes in his magic world of make-believe is hurting all of us. In the 1940’s we had most of the same rights as we do now. What they seemed to understand then, and too many people don’t understand now, is that always with these rights, comes responsibility. Today there are way too many people who are eager to scream about their rights, but they hide away and ignore their responsibilities regarding those rights. Much as the fake president does.
Exactly. It’s all me, me, me. If we had a real leader, a statesman, I have a feeling this crap would happen far less. Thanks, Chris.
I love the puzzle. I have gotten used to doing 350…daughter encouraged me to go to 550 and did…but 1000 too much. My hat is off to you. I remember cuddling up under the blanket-later an electric one Mother bought me for my Arthritis…at a tender age…in that cold, cold bedroom with even colder hardwood floors-those of us born in the 1940’s prefer carpet…with wind and snow swirling at the old windows…wallpaper crumbling on the wall, safe and secure reading my Nancy Drew I received at Christmas or perhaps Easter…later, I bought the set for my daughter who also enjoyed them. My son had the set of Hardy Boys and his boys are reading them now…I guess your blog is one of my very favorites because I enjoy the pictures, the puzzles, plants, hobbies, etc…You touch on politics, but you don’t beat anyone over the head with your thoughts and ideas-which are in line with mine, of course. If I had any suggestion, I would like to hear even more about how you and Don have spent your lives and where. Sounds like an autobiography to me…lol…As to the virus…I do clean daily with bleach-so maybe that will help-no pun intended there…my car hasn’t been moved…I could be the hermit of the building…family has brought groceries three times-they are also isolating…Florida family still isolating…food delivered with two little boys…my days are full, and I know that this will get better…end? Not so sure…take care and keep writing…when you fill somewhat in a panic…remember that you are helping others when you write…can’t wait to see your next puzzle. So far, of all the puzzles, Nancy Drew has to be one of my favorites, and I just might have to get one even if it is 1000 pieces. Thank you for your dedication.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Brenda. They mean a great deal to me. Stay safe, my friend.