We had such a heavy downpour last night, with more rain expected today.
The three remaining poppies are, I’m sure, no more. Those delicate petals cannot withstand even a light rain. And the peony from yesterday? I’m afraid to look. I was going to go out and rescue it (in the dark and in the heaviest part of the downpour) but saner heads prevailed: in this case, Don.
And I woke up at 4 am. What?? You know the drill; you wake up and some worries start batting around in your brain and you try to let them go but you can’t and you finally give up and get up. Scout looked rather shocked when I appeared at such an early hour. She’s currently snuggled right next to my feet.
I planted this ornamental grass the first summer we lived here. I’ve never seen these – what do you call them – feathers? or plumes? appear. I love surprises in the garden. As long as they’re not the deer-chomping kind.
We watched Bridget Jones’s Diary again last night. It’s one of our favorite movies – the kind we watch when we need a lift. It makes us laugh out loud. It’s full of wonderful performances from the leads and a marvelous supporting cast. Hugh Grant does so well with this kind of caddish character. He oozes charm while he tells lie after lie, whatever he needs to come up with in order to get what he wants.
Have you ever known or encountered a habitual liar? I have, unfortunately. And I don’t mean the little white lies we all use from time to time. I mean the lies that are told to manipulate others, to bend and shape reality into something that ends up being far from the truth, to change the story in order to make oneself look good, or to look like an innocent victim, rather than the perpetrator.
What fuels that need, I wonder? It certainly involves a need to create an alternative reality in order to, what? Pump oneself up? Avoid taking responsibility for an action? Create a persona that is carefully crafted and is not the reality? I’m not a psychologist, that’s for sure, so I can only surmise. I suspect some habitual liars repeat the same untruth so many times that they actually come to believe it.
Sometimes you are fortunate enough to be able to correct the ‘story.’ Sometimes you just shake your head and realize it’s a losing battle and it’s better to vacate the premises. In the end, you’re powerless to change someone’s habitual behavior, so detaching is the only thing you can do.
Anyway, watching the movie again got me to thinking about that kind of behavior, that kind of person. Grant’s character, Daniel Cleaver, is going to end up sad and lonely – you can see it coming – because he can’t be trusted.
What are your thoughts, my friends? Have you dealt with this kind of thing in your life?
Let’s close with another pretty picture.
Ah! That’s better.
There’s a new post up on Just Let Me Finish This Page.
Happy Monday.
We had heavy rains here too . I was hoping for a gentle all-night rain to water the garden but instead we got a crushing downpour.
So did we. Wow, it was intense!
Oh my, perhaps we need to consider building an ark. We had absolutely torrential rain here in the early hours with some ferocious lightening that was too close for comfort. (At last count there were 40 + wildfires to the north and west of where we live. )
I work with someone who feels compelled to constantly “embellish” their life. In this case, I think it comes from loneliness combined with the need for authority. I think maintaining the facade must be exhausting. I personally find it quite enough trying to live my real life, let alone a pretend one.
I think it must be exhausting, as well! And how do you remember just what you’ve embellished?
My step son is one. . He tells so many lies that I truly believe he can no longer tell the truth from the lies. He is a wonderful 42 year old that just cannot tell the truth. People would love him for just him, but his lies always come back to bite him in the butt and relationships never last more than 18 months. It is exhausting and breaks my heart. You are right, I have to distance myself. It is always this question in my mind, “is this actually the truth or just a lie”. I will always love him, but not the life I want for him.
Ah, that must be difficult, especially with a family member. I have a family member that does that, as well. And some former friends.
You want to say, “Just be yourself, stop lying!” Because you begin to question everything that person says and there goes any trust you might have had.
Mist mist mist….just a heavy misting this morning from the fog. One of my brother’s best friends was a habitual liar. He never meant to hurt anyone, but his deceit about attending college on a baseball scholarship, fabricating his BA certificate, even going so far as to leave home to his job and in reality wandering around town until it was time to come home, and making up a girlfriend hurt people close to him when they eventually found out. He was also a charming fellow. He finally turned his life around by meeting and marrying a very strong woman. My brother warned her about his friend’s lying history, and didn’t discourage the relationship, saying it was only fair that she was armed with the reality. I’m happy to say that they are still married and have lovely daughters after almost 30 years. And he no longer feels the need to live a made up life.
Well, that’s a lovely resolution to that problem! I’ve not seen that happen in the lives of those I have encountered who have that problem, but I certainly wish it for them.
We had a good downpour last night and the plants here needed it. Sorry about your blooms! My last Ex was a liar and in the end it became worse and worse. Nothing felt real around him, hence the Ex part. Hope you have a lovely day. It’s June 1st so my Birthday count down begins :)
Linda
It would be very hard indeed to have a spouse with that problem. In the case of a couple of people I know who habitually lie, they have so deluded themselves that even calling them on it does nothing. They make up another lie to excuse the previous lie!
The weather yesterday was glorious…cool, but lots of warm sunshine. It was great to work outside. I worked with a woman, and there was something off about her, I didn’t realize that what she was saying were lies until I got to know her better. She was an alcoholic…and she told lies to cover up her behavior. Once she owned up to her alcoholism, and got help, her behavior changed, and we became quite good friends for awhile. Hope the weather clears for you and you can enjoy your peonies! ;)
So far, no clearing, just more rain!
Another good ending. Your friend got help for her addiction and you got to know each other as friends. Lovely.
Don’t you just hate waking up to worry? I heard someone say “Worry is just praying for the worst to happen”. Would like to remember that in the middle of the night sometime.
I always love being around someone who is telling a story about something that happened when I was there and it was nothing like what really happened. I know people see things and remember things differently but why do they always need to make themselves look better. I don’t have the energy.
Love you and your flowers,
Eileen
I think it’s impossible to remember it in the middle of the night- when everything seems the darkest. Though I try!
I don’t have the energy, either!
Love you, dear cousin.
Oh, the habitual liar. My only sibling, my sister, is one. We have been estranged for years. When my mom was dying of cancer I brought her back into my life, but nothing changed, and I haven’t talked to her in the 10 years since mom passed. I remain somewhat in the lives of 2 of her 6 children (by 4 different men), but still stay my distance. I wish I could understand when it started. We are 8 years apart in age, so I was away at college when she was growing up. She can’t keep the lies straight, and when I talk with someone about her ~ like w/ my husband or my kids or a dear friend I grew up with, we end up laughing about the absurdity. I then, of course, feel sad that I laugh about it. But I don’t know what else to do at this point with a 57 year old who likely has no REAL memories any longer, if indeed, she ever had any. Lies beget more and more lies.
I think, after a while, the only thing you can do to maintain your sanity is laugh about it. Otherwise, if the person doesn’t want to change, you’re just going to get your buttons pushed repeatedly.
As one who has an estranged sister, I understand. xo
I agree as sad as it is- sometimes it’s laughable and that’s the only thing to get you through it.
We had sunshine yesterday and last night… NO RAIN! What a blessed miracle that was. I hope the ground will dry enough to be able to mow this week… I’m not swimming in knee deep water, though we are knee high in WEEDS and grass!
I almost have to march to the coop to let the chickens out this morning.
So to the question at hand, YES!
I’ve had some habitual liars to deal with in my life time.
It is not just that they tell lies– first they believe it themselves as being some form of twisted truth– and even when they tell the truth it is peppered in lies, making it difficult to make out what’s what! Mental gymnastics if you try and decipher it. Before long– I just chalk up anything they say to be a lie. That is sad for me. To out and out label that person a liar. They don’t realize it… but they aren’t just liars, they become thieves. They rob you of your trust. No matter what– it makes it difficult to trust them. You tell yourself you can’t rely on that person– when it is family, it hurts the whole family. Lastly, they are murderous impostors Harsh? I don’t think so. … I don’t know though if it is homicide or suicide— because they KILL their own REPUTATION or they exchange it for a bad one. Either way– they have killed your spirit– the part of you that thinks you can help them or change them.
It is hard to walk away–
It is hard to get over it.
After trying, to help them- at some point, You have to forgive them; even though you may never be reconciled. That is hard. Because in my thinking… they must be cut off, and they become dead to me.
It’s sad.
I agree. Forgive, but no more interaction. You wrote about it beautifully, Pat. The killing of reputation, trust, all of it, leaves a wound.
Toxic. My favorite word lately, but, I think, perfect for this kind of situation. And I don’t do toxic anymore!
I think Meagan Traior says it best about habitual liars-
“If your lips are moving,
Then you lie, lie,lie…”
Sadly I know a few people this can apply to- :/
Glad you survived the rain. Some people just convince theirselves their lies are the truth. I feel sorry for them.
Have a great week my “true” friend!
Judy
The same to you, dear and forever friend. Enjoy your week and kiss those little girls (and Bella) for me.
Yes, I have dealt with this type of person before. He was not enjoyable to talk to at all. People stopped listening to him and would talk around him. That was the only option other than listening him go on and on about himself. Everyone took the conversation in another direction so we could enjoy the time spent together.
I was watching “Field of Dreams” on Saturday while I knitted. Love that show about living out a dream. Especially Doc Graham. He only played one inning of one game in the big leagues and when asked wouldn’t he have wanted to play longer, and wasn’t it a tragedy he never got to live this dream? He answered “The tragedy would have been to only been a doctor for five minutes.” I think that is the part that will stay with me. I thought about my dreams as a young woman and then thought even though I didn’t reach all my dreams, that’s okay too. Lots of us have unfulfilled dreams but that doesn’t make life sad. Life is the dream. But it was great to see Kevin Costner’s character have a catch with his Dad. Getting to make his grief disappear. To see Archie Graham get to play in the big league, but again cut short, but he knows that his life was the dream anyway. And all the ball players getting to play again. Brings a smile to my face.
Oh, I feel the same way about that movie, Tana. One of my favorites. Makes me cry every time I watch it. Doc Graham’s wisdom. The ‘catch’ between father and son. Oh, my heart. It’s so profound. Thanks so much for reminding me of it. It just may be time to watch it again!
Oh, I know too many liars. Sometimes people lie to impress; they ’embellish.’ It must come from a poor sense of self; some kind of inadequacy.
One guy I know lies all the time…and he’s very bright, service-oriented, with a great job; well-liked by many…and sometimes he fibs just to end a subject he doesn’t want to talk about…or when he does something from which he wants no interference so that he has carte blanche to do whatever he’s doing that he knows he’s not supposed to be doing, especially without consulting people of whom will be affected by his actions. He’s a person who cannot handle blame…when he is to blame. It is impossible for him to own up, accept fault or be apologetic. So, he’ll pawn off the blame to someone else or invent some lie to get himself removed from the accusation. In other words, when justifiably called up on something he did or was involved in, he’ll weasel, lie…refuse to be accountable; refuse to own up, man up. It’s a shame because he has so many other wonderful qualities. But it’s a deep flaw…and he will never change; I’ve known him long enough to know. Of course it is true of so many people…myself included…that we are not perfect people; there will be good in us and there will be not-good in us although I’m happy to say that I’ve known a few people who are about 98 percent good and their 2% bad is so innocent or unintentional that I consider them true-blue, noble individuals.
I’m sitting here with the City telling me I will have no water for at least four hours. I was prepared and have been filling buckets and sinks, getting up ultra-early to get the outside animals watered, the plants watered (sparingly, due to drought here in SoCal), laundry and dishes done; showers taken and one last flush. Our 60-year-old neighborhood has sprung two major leaks in the infrastructure and it has taken the workers forever to get clearance from other utilities so that they don’t dig into underground power lines…cable, phone, gas, etc. In the meantime, the echo in our pipes here at home has gotten more deafening of running water under the asphalt street…can you imagine, amid water restriction and state mandates of water use curtailment. I have been in despair about loss of water but the City workers explained to me that we have an aquifer (probably spelled wrong) so that whatever is leaking underground just goes back into the aquifer but, you know, one wonders. I’ve had a couple of people tell me…I was ignorant of this…that suburban neighborhoods all over America are starting to have failing infrastructure when it comes to all the many tracts which were built for The Greatest Generation parents rebuilding their lives after World War II, buying their first homes at the beginning of the 1950s or so and delivering baby-boomer children into suburbia with thousands and thousands of bedroom communities sprouting up everywhere for the growing population. As a result, the myriad web of sewers and pipes and bridges and roads…all that stuff…is aging, just like those very baby boomers. I live in an economically-depressed town and there’s not a lot of money to fix all this stuff, and one worker told me they sometimes fix as many as ten leaks in ten days. Obviously in the next earthquake, we could be (will be) in for a world of hurt.
I’ll try not to think about all of this and concentrate on your lovely photos of flowers. Just wish I had some of your rain!
Well, I certainly keep reading lots of articles that refer to the country’s failing infrastructure. It seems almost dire, doesn’t it? I’m so sorry you’re going through all that on top of the drought you’re experiencing. Goodness, it’s too much!
I remember that it was very hard for me to admit I was wrong when I was young. Mostly because my parents didn’t tend to admit their wrongs. I had to learn to own up to things as an adult and I’m so thankful I do. Don is great at that. It isn’t weakness to admit a mistake. It’s strength.
Yes, I work with one. Everyone knows this about her. How can people not know that we can see right through them?
Your flower pictures are beautiful! That is a seedhead on your grass. But I don’t know if it can be called a plume first. Let’s just give it. It souds so much nicer. We also have been getting rain and everything is just bursting into flowers! Each day brings something new to see.
Have a great day. I hope worries are few.
Plume sounds prettier than ‘seedhead’ doesn’t it? Thank you for educating me on that one. I’m entranced by them!
Worries are there, but we are counting our blessings, as well.
Yes I have known and do know this type of person..I get very irritated when I know someone is lying..therefore I tend to avoid people who do it..I really don’t see the point of having a conversation with someone when you can’t believe a word they are saying..even if they are telling the truth you learn to assume they are lying..I never got to take my walk to look at the Rocket yesterday..A big tree at the edge of the woods came crashing down across our driveway at about 5:00 pm and took the power lines down with it..so we were without power for hours but they did have it fixed by 10:00pm..Just minutes after they had the power back on it started pouring rain..very hard rain..so we were very lucky that they had finished in time..This is the second time this has happened in 2 years I believe it is..
So sorry about your tree, Nancy! But very glad to hear the power was back on by the time the heavy rain started.
Yes, it gets to the point where you doubt the veracity of anything that is said, which is a shame, because some of it might well be true.
Hello there, I feel for the poppies and peonies with all of this rain but was SO SO happy to have been able to enjoy the lilacs for so long this year.
We have very dear friends with a daughter who continues to struggle with a drug addiction. The lies have ruined their relationship, sometimes I think more than the actual addiction. xxoo
Ah, how sad. Drug addiction is such a scourge and the secretiveness of it requires lying. Having been around alcoholics in my life, I’ve witnessed that very thing.
You’re right about the lilacs! We had a nice long bloom time this year, didn’t we?
I am soooo jealous of your rain. I l ive in the central valley of California. we are surrounded by agriculture but there is a horrible drought. It is safe to say I have rain envy.
I don’t blame you. How I wish I could send you some. The drought is terrible and I know California is suffering. Praying for rain to head your way.
Your garden looks beautiful, Claudia. It is very difficult to have any kind of relationship with an habitual liar. So sad for them and for the people they hurt with their lies. xo Laura
Indeed, Laura. No one is a winner in that kind of relationship.
This grass, I have it … like everywhere. :-) Can’t get rid of it. All the best for your garden. There will be sunshine after the rain! Regula
I like that grass – the texture, the green and white stripes. It looks good in the garden. Have a great day, Regula!
Here in Virginia we had rain yesterday… a nice soaker rain which our lawn and garden both needed very much. It had been a week between rains and that’s not enough. I know I shouldn’t complain since areas of our country are having flooding issues and loss of life due to too much rain too fast, but our lawn was suffering. We have soaker hoses on the garden so it is doing well, but rain water just seems more appropriate somehow. xox
P.S. That website listed for me is defunct. I am now at http://peppermedley.blogspot.com
Gosh, I haven’t watch Bridget Jones in a long time. I’ll have to put it on the list again. You’re right. Such good casting and characters. Good luck with the rain. You know what that means – more mowing.