I just sneezed eight times in a row. I don’t know about you, but that leaves me feeling exhausted!
Do you ever wake up feeling edgy? Even though I slept a lot last night, thankfully, I feel uneasy, tense, and on edge. I would say that I don’t know the cause, but I’m absolutely sure it has to do with the state of our world right now. Threatening nuclear war should put everyone on edge. Having two madmen in charge of nuclear arsenals doesn’t make for a feeling of peace and tranquility. There’s much more, of course. We are bombarded daily with terrible news, with ever more outrageous assaults, we go through yet another attempt to take health care away from millions…you know the drill. It can’t help but take a toll on our peace of mind. Even though I think I handle it pretty well, I realize on a day like today that it’s always there, just below the surface. We resist, but constantly having to mobilize and resist is draining. Nevertheless, we do. And will.
Praying for peace. Praying for a change. Soon.
Thinking of my dogs.
And our beloved Max.
Oh, you darling boy. I can’t believe you’re gone. What joy you brought to everyone who was lucky enough to meet you.
Rest in peace. Run and play with your cousins, Riley and Winston and Scout. Your Grandpa is waiting to take you for a walk and scratch your head.
This abandoned robin’s nest fell out of one of our trees. I finally rescued it and it’s now on the table on the porch.
And we have eight morning glories this morning! The other batch that I planted and had given up on is suddenly full of buds, so we have more and more coming. That makes me happy on this edgy day.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Happy Tuesday.
Edgy, what a perfect way to describe how I feel also. So much anger and hate. I’m trying to stay away from some of it and let my head and heart heal so I can handle more. Because I know as long as we have those crazy men in power there will be more. I feel like my home is in shambles and not sure how I let it get like this. I need to get my head out of a book and straighten up the house and I’ll feel better. Hugs!
Sometimes cleaning and organizing helps. You feel more in control, if only in your own environment. Go for it, my friend.
I think that it is important, right now especially, to enjoy the beautiful and joyful things in our lives. The constant turmoil is exhausting and demoralizing. My little Annie takes me away from all my worries. Her wagging tail and cuddles keep my world in balance. I suspect that your beautiful memories of Scout and Riley do that for you. I guess the lesson in that is that love is the answer.
I really miss my dogs – always – but especially at a time like this.
I could not get through these “edgy” days without my little Winston by my side. I miss my guys Nash and Mister each and every single day but Winston has saved me this past year. I’m so sorry for your families loss of Max. What a beautiful and precious boy. May he RIP and finally run and play without pain or trouble.
I struggle each day to know how to live through all that is going on. All the pain and suffering. All the unnecessary actions coming out of this administration destroying lives – it’s just to much to bear. All the suffering in Puerto Rico and no help – heart wrenching.
Praying for peace for this world and all of us. Wishing you a day of calm and peace Claudia.
Blessed be.
I cannot believe that nothing has been done to send aid to Puerto Rico. These are our fellow citizens! Unbelievable.
Thank you, Belinda.
I feel the same. I loved the pictures of the doggies and flowers. I smiled. Now I am going to sew all day and watch movies. Ok, some housework needs to be done too. I don’t think I will watch anymore news today. But like you, prayers and prayers for all those struggling with putting their lives back together after the hurricanes, earthquakes and fires. May they all be blessed with help.
I’m glad you smiled, Tana. That makes me happy. Enjoy your day of sewing and movie watching!
Claudia, what you and I and everybody with a heart are feeling is the new normal, right? It’s a state of worry and vigilance, and people can only sustain it for so long or else get swallowed up in anxiety which is why the breaks are so important…a car show, a doll house to do; miniatures. Go to the grocery store and carefully select veggies; go to the dollar store and get Fall decor on the cheap; go crunch on leaves around the yard; take a long morning walk; make yourself immerse in a new book; hug somebody; see Escape to Margaritaville on Broadway; make cocoa in a favorite mug. And add marshmallows because now is not a time to worry about the calories from one cup of cocoa. What did we used to do that made us feel better, even if it was illusion and/or temporary? Figure it out, and do it, for sanity. Gotta to do anything to stop that mounting anxiety; the utter sense of dread and of huge things going on, life & death, which we seem powerless to control.
And I think a lot of it is rooted in anger, no? Well, I know from suffering it in my distant past and reading about it extensively, that anger/irritability breeds anxiety and the anxiety can definitely lead to depression. I’m not usually an ongoing-angry person. I can be too negative and dark and complaining at my worst, which I try to overcome so that I’m more pleasant(!!), optimistic and sunny instead. But anger? How can a person not boil up in anger, though, when there’s so much injustice and victimization out there, zinging arrows at us from every direction?
I’ve said it before but I am massively resentful that I am victim to the mad men who have access to the nuclear Codes right now. How dare they mess with our lives and this beautiful, imperfect Earth? It’s become bigger than even being a victim of the Equifax debacle, which has given me enough recent aggravation and complete rearrangement of how I do my finances as a potential identity theft target (thank you, Equifax of doing SUCH a terrific job of protecting my identity; it was SO much fun to find out from you that you allowed my most-sensitive info to be stolen). It’s thrilling to sit here on the Calif coast between L.A and San Francisco, hoping a missile/bomb doesn’t make it to my shore. (I assume you’re ‘getting’ my DRIPPING sarcasm which is thinly-veiled Anger & Resentment.) Equifax hacking isn’t going to mean a darn thing if Earth is destroyed in nuclear war. And it’s not just contemplation/analysis of a what-if situation; this is real, more than ever; the unthinkable apparently really could happen (in which case, my husband says, why worry, we’ll all be dead anyway, so make the most of every day and live it like it were your last…sigh, he’s so pragmatic; these things seem to be easier for him than me!).
And add in all of our collective/individual/personal stresses to what’s going on globally and domestically…well, we can only take so much and, I said it before, it’s not a stretch to understand why we’ve become a nation of insomniacs with the feeling of ‘way too often feeling like the rug’s being pulled out from underneath our feet.
I understand 300% why you feel like you do, Claudia, and you are not alone in it.
Yes, I’m very angry. I admit it. I am also unwilling to ‘try to understand the Trump voter’ anymore. If someone voted for him and still supports him, that’s all I need to know. That’s all I want to know. If they regret their vote, well, that’s another conversation.
The Equifax breach is unsettling. I froze my credit reports but I find I don’t trust them anymore than that. I don’t want to task them with watching out for my credit when their screw-up released info about me. I tend to be somewhat fatalistic about these things. There’s so much info out there on the internet, it’s alarming…and in the end there’s not a lot I can do about it but to take precautions when I can.
Yes, the gals at my bank all said, “Well, you know, by now there have been so many breaches and nothing ever really seems to happen afterward.” Well, how can we know, when it’s zillions of people affected; I’m sure we’re not gonna hear every personal story. My extremely-practical husband has been saying for YEARS that privacy has been lost with the internet; our basic info is sold again and again. But I feel this Equifax thing is different because, for us, basically our whole life story so to speak has been exposed; our info stolen was fresh & current (we’d just refi-d six months before the breach). I’d even been (still am), for the past four years, been paying monthly for a credit-checking watchdog service but they’re not going to be looking for small stuff; they monitor larger transactions and/or vendors they don’t recognize as our usual. I’m just too afraid somebody bad is going to slip by, and slip in… and my hubs says, okay fine, call the credit card companies a couple of times per month to see if anything weird has shown up – I think you can do it online if you pay online – do the same with the bank statements (identity crooks have said they can do a lot of damage in 30 days, so I’m not waiting for monthly statements; I’ll check in between)…and, yeah, what can you do more (nothing) except hope for the best. And file income taxes as quickly as you can before somebody else gets your refund. And I’m just praying that nobody messes with our Social Security benefits; neither of us, me or my husband, have drawn them yet although we’re eligible.
My husband is still attempting to freeze credit with the three major agencies. He needs to finish the task! I’ve read a lot about identity thieves and they can be insidiously patient, waiting for the furor to calm down, then doing tiny bogus charges they hope you’ll skip over and not notice, get a foothold, and then compromise you when you’ve gotten to a point where you’re feeling safe and won’t expect it. And identity theft for a victim is a mess to untangle; I’ve known this through an acquaintance who went through it; like a full-time job over months to clear your name and your credit.
OF COURSE we’re all on edge…having to do all the crap above; having to keep resisting by writing elected officials about what’s going wrong in our country and how I want them to fix it [represent me]; I’m ordering Xmas stuff early because the holiday season will bring more of the UPS/FEDX chasers in my town (who follow the trucks and steal stuff off the porch when you’re not there although it’s happening year’round here now); we’re still worried about burglaries in our neighborhood (next door, across the street, down the street; will only get worse between Thanksgiving and New Year’s; tis the season) so check each other about locking up and leaving on certain lights if we even leave to go to the nearby shopping center; I’m still uneasy when I drive after being in the car accident 4 months ago; I’ll never feel safe after having been diagnosed with cancer although I’m in remission; I mean, I’m just one person, and I haven’t been this much of a mess in a long time although I’m trying like hell to be ‘normal’ in my un-normal world; just seems like we all have so much/too much EXTRA stuff to get ramped up over right now. I’d like a President I could ‘love’ and respect; I’d like a world where nuclear threats didn’t exist. That would help! But unfortunately, it’s now my world of old. I just feel it’s taking enormous self-discipline to find/create/maintain balance and stick to it, in order to keep one’s brains unscrambled and a whole (not broken) heart. Hyper vigilance takes a toll. One thing I’ve done is create a daily timesheet, like I’d do in my worklife when I worked in offices and was particularly busy with too many projects: I have the day mapped out with some needed rigidity so that I don’t forget to drink water, exercise, eat on a schedule, get in the amt of veggies/fruits I need for the day; take any meds on time; what tasks need to get done in that day; and, importantly, and I’ve highlighted it in hot pink ink, when and for how long in each day to RELAX and have some DOWN TIME, for reading, for prayer, for some TV or whatever. Meditate, and try to clear out that active brain a little! Out with the bad stuff in it, if even for a little while. Otherwise, too much is swimming in my head and I can’t seem to settle it down these days; and when you’re NOT organized about the day, you lose too much valuable time and I just make too many mistakes. Anyway, I’m feeling good about my timesheet; it’s helping me. I’m accountable to that piece of paper!
I know exactly what you mean…edgy. I think that’s why I’ve been concentrating on making things right, here at home. Nesting, if you will. At least this chaos, I can control. Enjoy your day…and breathe! ;)
We have some control at home. I totally understand. We can keep our nest the haven that we need it to be.
I was so heartbroken to hear about sweet Max – I loved him and never actually met him in person. But it is good to know he has some perfect company. :-)
We are all heartbroken, especially Mere and her family. He was such a beautiful and good boy.
I thought it was just me…when I woke up this morning, I wasn’t as…I guess rested would be the word…as I usually am. We’re all feeling this edginess and I feel like I’m tiptoeing around so “bad” doesn’t find me. We’re in the midst of a tiny heatwave, today will be the hottest and then temps will fall the next few days, so I’m cocooning and decluttering and sorting and organizing. My efforts earlier this summer yielded five empty shelves in my garage shelving units, so I’m rearranging to make sense, like less often used items way up or way down, more often used at eye level. All car stuff in one place, all tools in one place, all garden stuff in one place… I really really miss my husband (and that’s an understatement) but he had no sense of organization. I’m in complete control of the garage now, and I’m very pleased with what I’ve done so far. It’s a teensy piece of the world, but I feel better that it’s one thing I can control. I’m worried about the usual health care, the effect on people and animals’ lives in the wake of disaster, and recently, a new reason to be polarized…sports figures and their right to free speech.
And Puerto Rico, where the situation couldn’t be more dire. I’m convinced that T wasn’t even aware they were United States Citizens. In the meantime, the organization run by Obama, both Bushes, Clinton and Jimmy Carter is sending aid.
I was on Puerto Rico many decades ago. I’m sad that the beautiful island is devastated and the wonderful people are struggling. I agree with you about the depth (or shallowness) of his ignorance.
xo
So many jumbled thoughts to express but most have already been said. My first thought is. If you wish to keep your nest, place it in a ziplock and stick in fridge or freezer a couple days to kill off mites or anything else alive in there. My grandma taught me that, whether it’s true?
Second I had just started to bury myself in creating by sewing my bags and it was helping me deal with the “edgy” so much. Then this stupid autoimmune (if that is what it is) struck and I am barely able to get around. In between Dr appts I can only sit and so I make trees but the edgy has creeped back in and the pain worsens each day so now I am ultra edgy and exhausted (sleeping less than 3 hours a night) Instead I fret and wonder and weep for what my children’s future will be like and have discussions about the wisdom of bringing more children into the world as it is now.
When I pause and look back to see how we got here it is an easy path to follow. My fear is that we have reached breakpoint, crossroads, zero hour and yet there is no one
in power who cares about anyone but themselves. and..they’re frickin’ nuts.
Athletes exhibiting their civil rights vs Puerto Rico. Really?
Margaret and Helen keep me laughing though.
Just keep baking biscuits- best medicine
Thanks for the tip about the next, Z. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles with some autoimmune disease. You poor thing! Feel better, my friend.
“Breathe in, breathe out…” I think that’s awesome advice. As well as being just about all we can do some days [in the last year maybe MOST days]. That’s what sometimes makes me angriest. That we never used to have these issues, because we never had a mentally-ill, narcissistic & pathologically-lying President before. Arrggghhh. I guess I need a break too. I think I’m going to do some laundry – that always make me feel better. Lugging a basket of fresh folded clothes and towels back from the laundry room & settling them in drawers & shelves – especially with that awesome clean cotton scent – is extremely satisfying. Washing windows is good too. From streaky, dusty & smudgy to sparkling in a matter of minutes. And it’s such a pleasure to look out of them again. Have a productive day recharging your batteries. It’s so important, because we can’t allow ourselves to get tired. The fight goes on. Peace.
#Resist
Laundry and cleaning – all good. Eating some chocolate, as I just did, also good! Peace.
It was serendipity as I began reading your post, that they announced that they have decided to NOT have a vote on the “health care” (or lack thereof) bill. The angst this brings everyone is just cruel. Unreal.
Puerto Rico….. absolutely unbelievable!!!! Although that sounds crazy to say in this day and age as everything (totally absurd) IS, indeed, possible. These are our fellow citizens! But he has time to blow up the NFL in some absurd flag fetish he has. If people are fighting and dying for our rights and freedoms, isn’t “taking a knee” a right/ freedom that they fought for? They aren’t on the field stomping on the flag or burning the flag….. this is not ABOUT the flag. He is out of his mind. Maybe he took too many hits to the head at some point.
Have a good Tuesday, kiddo. Breathe in and out. And pray for Robert Mueller in continuing his job.
After Susan Collins announced her no vote, I was pretty sure McConnell wouldn’t allow the vote to come to the floor. But are we going to have to constantly fight this battle? Because it’s exhausting.
Unbelievable about Puerto Rico. Meanwhile the foundation newly established by Obama, Bush Sr. and Jr, Clinton and Carter is sending aid. Now. Not even sure Trump was aware that Puerto Ricans are American citizens.
I seem to feel edgy most days, but it seemed to be heightened today for some reason. Then I got the news that the healthcare bill is a no go. One victory which I am so happy for. I know they will never give up, but after this week it would be very hard for them to pass a new bill. Let’s hope that they can somehow come together on a bipartisan agreement to fix Obamacare. I never dreamed that I would become an activist at this age, but I know it is something I have to do. xo Laura
Me too. I thought I could relax a bit at this point in my life, but then Trump appeared on the horizon. That was that.
Hi Claudia,
We do miss our loved dog children for sure.. I can still weep. It does not seem right to ever lose them but so is the cycle of life in all nature…but damn. It’s hard.
As far as edgy….I still can not call this bigoted racist trumpie — president. He is so much a bunch of dangerous bully crap.
I also have been watching the PBS Burns doc. and it has brought back memories galore. I look at the 1960s and am glad I marched, grew my hair down to my butt, ” made love not war”, hitch hiked without my parents EVER knowing and lived to laugh about it with my gal pals. I also got to at least, welcome a few neighbor/HS boys I knew and cared for back from Hell of a war.
It also gives me a new perspective on my longtime South Vietnam neighbors I knew yrs ago who got out just before the exit of troops as they lay on the floor of a helicopter and eventually made it over here to be good citizens with Lu going back to medical school to work for the
US Air force. They are very old now … I need to visit them.
Meanwhile, I am sure Ken Burns will cover Kent State. OH my god.. I remember it like yesterday, as well as helping my now late, dear twin brother get out of going to war…He came back home on the bus after his lottery# was called and got what we wanted for him= a 4 F..we rejoiced b/c he would have never made it there.
Hang in girl. I am trying, and I am crying a bit lately.
peace love, and meditate
I remember Kent State vividly and the shock I felt when it happened.
My brother was registered for the draft but because he had a minor charge re marijuana, he wasn’t eligible. I was never a marijuana user (couldn’t stand the smell) but I was never more enamored of it than in that moment.
The Viet Nam War was still going strong when my husband had to register for the draft, and can you believe that he escaped it because, through no fault of his own, he was too thin? His whole life, he’s fought to maintain weight and not LOSE weight. (And it’s not that he doesn’t eat; he eats plenty.) He was a preemie baby in the 50s, quite underdeveloped. Had to stay in the hospital a while before coming home. They didn’t exactly have nic units then, but he was under whatever special care hospitals could give preemie babies at the time (he was born on an air force base; his dad was flying missions over Korea). My husband did have a growth spurt a couple years after that exam (which I find SO odd; it’s something about his growth plates being still open, even though by this time he was in college) and he got taller (he’s over 6ft), but he’s still always been reed-thin and he wears sweaters and jackets which have lasted since, in fact, college! I don’t even know how the fabrics have held up for 45 years but, you know, wool is pretty tough stuff.
I’d done some reading about it…who’s eligible for the draft and who is not (conversely, today, with the obesity epidemic in America, many young American men who are obese would not be able to serve)…and if your medical exam revealed you to be physically ‘feeble’ and I guess with a not-strong chest that I assume couldn’t hold up to a rifle butt(?), you were in fact NOT eligible. My husband had briefly considered going to Canada; he was against the war. But his father was career air force and his brother was already over there in Nam; in the end, my husband didn’t want to cause emotional harm to either one of them by ditching his ‘duty’…so, he wasn’t trying to get out of it; but, in the end, he wasn’t physically fit to serve. It just seems so strange to me now because I’ve only known him as fairly healthy although, yes, THIN…but when I’ve looked back at photos of him as a freshman in college, he really was kinda sickly-looking; his mother always told me he was a miracle baby who wasn’t supposed to have lived (when he was born so early, the nerves/veins/etc. weren’t even developed fully under the skin and he couldn’t stand to be touched, which just about killed her at the time, the natural maternal inclination being to want to hold, cuddle, reassure your struggling newborn/preemie).
Good in the end that he got out of the draft. The war was so unpopular and so wrong, though, of course, I salute everyone who served.
Sorry to hear about your sister’s Max. Dogs should get a longer life, I think. I also understand the edginess you are feeling. Though I am watching Ken Burns’ latest masterpiece, he is so thorough that it can’t help but add to the Edgies we are feeling! I thought we knew just how bad Nixon was, but more and more bad stuff done by him and other leaders comes to light. I don’t think I was aware that he committed treasonous acts during his campaign, before he was ever elected. There are so many parallels to what’s going on today with our elected officials.
I can’t bring myself to watch it. I admire you for doing so. It’s just too much for me on top of everything that’s going on now.
I couldn’t sleep last at all. So worrisome as these two keeping slinging shots at each other. Wish this would end soon and peacefully.
You have inspired me to look at planting morning glories next year. The snow hasn’t even fallen yet but I’m already dreaming of a garden!
Hope you have a lovely and peaceful evening. Take care.
X Chy
Morning glories are absolutely beautiful, Chy. I hope you go for it! xo
So very sorry to read on Mere’s blog about the passing of Max; he was such a pretty dog adn well-loved. If you’ve never read Cynthia Rylant’s children’s book Dog Heaven, I’d highly recommend it. You will feel a little better. Hugs to you.
I’ve read just about every book on dogs and the afterlife, simply because I had to when I lost each of my dogs. Thank you, Judy!