Oh, my friends. Your comments on my blog anniversary post touched me so. Many of them brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for caring, thank you for loving this little blog of mine.
Believe me, I am wrestling with this decision. Nothing is final. As I said in the post, I may decide to keep going. Where I am right now might be very different from where I am later in the year. While Don and I are blessed with a beautiful life together, the fact is – and I usually don’t speak about this, because why talk about it? – we are depressed about lack of work. Don has not worked since before lockdown. Actually, he hasn’t worked since Margaritaville closed. That’s over 5 years. Unlike most of you, we have a hefty mortgage to pay since we were not able to buy a home until we were in our mid-fifties. And though I just worked, there’s nothing on the horizon and, as you know, I am paid less and less for my work simply because theaters are cutting back. I won’t go into all of that again because I’ve spoken about it recently. Don tries to stay positive because that’s who he is, but it’s been very hard on him. But, though we do feel down sometimes, we are usually positive and grateful for our blessings.
Anyway, not a whole lot is happening because of all of that. We want to work, but we don’t have any control over that. All of this goes into my tentative decision: not a lot to share, not much happening, feeling like our careers are ending without it being our decision, as well as the fact that I’ve written a copious amount of words over 16 years. 5000 posts with an average word count of 600 words = 3,000,000 words. Yikes!
But I love my connection to all of you and the community we have here. So I may get further into the year and realize that I can’t give it up yet. But I wanted to be honest with you and share what I’ve been thinking about the life of this blog. So don’t panic yet, okay? We are praying that work comes to us – especially to Don. He needs to work. I’ll write a post in the near future about the changing landscape of the theater and film and its impact on us.
Someone suggested getting a dog. Believe me, we talk about this frequently but neither of us is ready for another dog yet. Or when one of us feels ready, the other doesn’t. We have loved all our dogs, but the loss of Scoutie – our magical girl – changed everything for us. We haven’t recovered. I’m crying as I write about her.
I firmly believe that when/if it’s time to adopt another dog, we’ll know.
Anyway, enough of that. The sun is shining, though it’s very cold out there. We took a walk yesterday and BRRRR! But, we did it. It’s good for us and it lifts our mood. Stella needs a good clean and I’m going to start on that today. The towels need to be washed and the houseplants watered. And spring is just around the corner.
Love you.
Stay safe.
Happy Monday.
It must be so difficult for both of you knowing that acting and coaching is in your blood and I pray that further work turns up for you soon.
I have a suggestion and I fully understand if you feel it’s not for you nor do I wish to cause any offence.
Would you be open to offering bed and breakfast occasionally? Maybe only a couple of nights per week so that you feel that your home is still your own.
Your home is absolutely charming and I am sure travellers would be delighted to receive a home cooked breakfast from Don and yourself
I know from friends who travel frequently in the UK, just how many people from the Arts sector they have met who have opened up their homes in this way. They tell of wonderful conversations with jazz musicians or a lady who is a sculptor but supplements her income in this way.
I think people are more appreciative of the fact that they are staying in someone’s home and treat it more respectfully than an impersonal hotel!
Take care x
That’s a lovely suggestion, Dee Dee – but we only have two bedrooms. The second bedroom is our combined office/studio. No place to put anyone up. And, of course, I’m an introvert, so that might not be a good fit, anyway.
But thank you so much. I appreciate it.
Stay safe.
Everyday I shall say to the Universe..send work to Claudia and Don. Work that will suit their creative gifts. I am not a praying person but I do believe in putting things out there in this magical space we live in and I think it works, too.
Take Care,
Kaye
Thank you so much, Kaye.
Stay safe.
Claudia, you can count me as one more reader who would miss reading your blog, though I do understand your feelings. Ultimately, you need to do what is right for you…which doesn’t always lead to an easy decision. Until then I will continue to enjoy hearing what you, and the others here, have to share. I, too, will be hoping with all my best energy that you and Don will find the work that you want very soon.
Thank you for your kind words, Barrie.
Stay safe.
Claudia, I’ve wanted to comment for a few days, but have been ‘recuperating’ from our first visitors since cancer and covid has been occupying my loopy mind lately. We just don’t accomplish much anymore, it seems. It takes us a day on either side of a doctor’s appointment to get back to normal.
You must know how much your blog means to us, but life gets in the way, doesn’t it? Sixteen years is a great accomplishment and I’ve been enjoying it for most of that time, I think. I do hope that with spring on the way, things will be brighter for you and for all of us. But whatever you decide, when you’re ready to decide, I’ll find a way to keep in touch with you—Instagram or email or whatever.
I did want to tell you about a book I’ve been reading and liking very much. Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt.
Thank you so much, Shanna.
How is Fred feeling?
Stay safe.
Overall, Fred’s feeling pretty good, I think, though his new meds are making him grumpy and messing with his appetite. Good news is that scans show nothing is getting worse. Ever onward.
Good news indeed about the scan! Please give him my best, Shanna.
xo
The only way I know to help is as Kaye suggests…a shout out to the
universe about great opportunities being offered for you and Don. It’s been my experience that it does work. Hoping and wishing something comes your way very soon.
Enjoy your day! ;)
Thank you so much, Donnamae.
Stay safe.
My husband and I have tremendous melancholy and insecurity over our life’s circumstances in our not-well-funded retirement. We work on ourselves to fight it; we work on ourselves to have hope; I know you and Don do, too.
I try to put things in perspective. I currently have two first cousins (the last of my first cousins) who are dying of cancer at age 73 and 75. My husband’s sister-in-law died from cancer at age 75 this past November. Her husband is in a lot worse financial shape than he realized because his wife had kept some secrets on the money situation. My husband’s brother-in-law is a lawyer so is currently trying to figure out how to bail out this other brother who is age 78 and in poor health himself (and in a cloud of grief over the passing of his spouse [of fifty-plus years]).
There’s a lot of heartache out there in the world; a lot of hardship.
Yesterday, I had to pick up $650 in prescription drugs which is my out-of-pocket expense after three insurances pay their portion. I can’t be without the drugs as they are what are saving my life. And that’s just a part of my prescription-drug expense although thankfully this re-supply will last for 90 days til I have to come up with the money all over again.
In wildfire-prone Southern Calif, our homeowner’s insurance has thankfully been renewed. It’s another thing I sweat out every year now, as more and more insurers pull out of California.
So, light with dark.
This month, my husband returned to a full-time job an hour away from us which is primarily one of physical labor, which isn’t easy in one’s 70s. But we’ve had to do what we must do to survive. We have no one to count on but ourselves. His employer feeds him ‘for free’ twice per day (breakfast and lunch; it’s healthy food, too); so, in order to hit the breakfast shift, he leaves home a half hour earlier than he normally would so as not to miss that free meal, because every little thing helps. We get up at 5:30am so that he can walk the dog, shower and hit the road (90 minutes then, before he ever starts his shift). It’s a big adjustment for us. But he’s the one with the heavy load, not me.
My husband had one recent occasion where he was asked to work late, so he made the dinner shift on that one (it timed out just right), and his ‘boss’ generously encouraged him to take home a plate for himself and me as my husband prepared to exit for home (which gave us both a dinner [and a leftover lunch the next day, for me {everything counts}]).
I miss my husband. We only have about three hours together now in a day (in the evenings, before an earlier bedtime than in these past five years of full retirement).
I was so grateful that my husband didn’t have to go to work today; most major roads around us in Southern Calif have closures due to heavy-heavy rain. We have been inundated with rain for 18 hours straight and it is not letting up. Our ground has already been saturated from other rains. So far, our ancient roof on the house is holding (I prayed a few times on that during the night when the downpours were downright scary).
Also glad that schools are closed today for the holiday so that the moms and dads aren’t having to fight for a parking space when trying to drop off and pick up their kiddoes.
Important to count the blessings wherever they are, and have to remember that the blessings are all around us; just gotta look for ’em in the muck of worry and depression.
As always, Claudia, I pretty much exactly know from which/where you come on the subject and you and Don are always in my prayers. We will be okay, you and Don; I and my husband, too! We will make it! Summon faith.
I’m not particularly a fan of Goldie Hawn (neutral would describe it) but I had read a long, long, long time ago (I think it was a feature story on her in Good Housekeeping magazine) that she had a certain ‘spirituality’ which prompts her ‘to make a conscious choice for JOY’. I love that. Have never forgotten it. Bravo for her (and thanks for the tip, Goldie!).
And, you know what? Your SPRING is just around the corner, Claudia. Your gorgeous, refreshing time of nicer weather and green things growing. Think of how you’ll be surrounded with colorful beauty all around you in the acreage you’ve planted with love and care. It’s going to be SO good!
I understand everything, Vicki.
Thank you.
Stay safe.
We never know what the future will hold for us. Perhaps there is a role for Don just around the corner and a position for you, too. Life is full of surprises. I loved Olivia in her very cute dress and striped stockings. Your dolls always make me smile.
Claudia, have you ever thought to ask at the library if they are hiring? After I retired I obtained a position at my local library as a page. (the lowest position). The pay wasn’t the greatest but I enjoyed it. I was shelving returns, unpacking the new books, hosting Tea and Books, making displays and posters, helping out with children’s programs. I worked there for 12 years. It was within walking distance, 5 hours a day, 4 days a week, no weekends and no evening hours. It was pretty well a perfect job. I was so lucky. Just a thought. You never know. Hugs, Elaine
We have a very, very, very small local library, Elaine. Most of the people there are volunteers. That really isn’t a possibility.
Thank you.
Stay safe.
I would miss your blog. Reading it gives me hope even though I am much older than you both. I lost my husband 2 years ago after being together for 57 years. I try to stay busy and perhaps without you realizing it your blog helps you in many ways. Doing things on my own is very difficult. My only son lost his wife and she was only 48 with 2 girls, so I try not to make my burdens his. Take your time and think about what life would be without your blog. God Bless you both and give you strength and courage to keep going forward.
I’m sorry you have suffered so much loss, Barbara. Bless you and yours.
Stay safe.
Thank you, I always look forward to your blog. I love reading it and seeing all the things you have in your home and of course what girl would not love your dolls. One day at a time and one tiny step each day. Love to both of you.
xoxo
I read your thoughts about ending the blog with a lot of emotion, as did many others. Not having work for so long when you are both able and willing must feel like an amputation. I think also, at this time in our lives, I just turned 70, we have them to about that are necessarily what we want to share. Insecurity about health, health, and finances become more real as we age. I so much enjoy your dolls, your doll houses, your musings on art and theater and books and movies, and the season changing in your gardens. If you have said all you wish to say in this place, I can only thank you and wish you and Don bright and beautiful days ahead. Especially I will look forward to each post this year. Perhaps it’s time to gather some together and make a memoir. Even if it’s just for yourself and Don. At any rate, do what your heart tells you as you often encourage us to do.
Thank you so very much, Nora. Your words are helpful and so understanding.
Stay safe.
My mangled comment above should have read something about at our age and this stage in life we have many things to muse on, not necessarily things we would like to share. I do try to reread and edit my comments, but sometimes spellcheck and other gods of technology have other ideas. :-)
xoxo
Happy belated blog anniversary, Claudia! Hope some new opportunities pop up for you and Don soon. Are there local theater groups or local universities / high school theater groups that can use your expertise? The pay might not be as high but you wouldn’t have the travel headaches… Best of luck!
I’m overqualified. No one would hire me. Believe me, I tried that when we first moved East.
And we live in a very small community, Ellen.
Stay safe.
Reading the comments, there’s not a lot left to add (apart from reiterating how very much you would be missed!). There is much to be said, though, for exploring options outside of your career zones. I suspect that’s already on your radar. I could envision you freelance writing or (as someone mentioned) working at the library or bookstore or even volunteering (which sometimes leads to other things but even if not, it enormously satisfying.) And sometimes it just isn’t practical or what you want to add to your lives.
I hope the next year will bring clarity to you on this decision and all others — and that the year will also bring you both new work that is enriching and wonderful. Hang in there.
We live in a small community so there aren’t a lot of options. And our local library is very very small. They’re not hiring.
xo
echoing what was said yesterday and in your other post … prayers for work ahead that is rewarding and enjoyable to you and don.
and i can see those other suggestions as good fits for you, too … bookstore, library, talking with/teaching students in theater classes, etc.
you will find what’s right for you. and good things are ahead for you and don, i just know it.
xo,
kathy
Thanks, Kathy.
Stay safe.
First, thank you for the hat pin holder! I used Google lens and found it is Nippon and from the 1910’s. It’s very pretty, Claudia. I will take good care of it.
I also live in a small town and there are not many job opportunities but they do have a community food bank, a fun community theater group- auditioning now for Charlie Brown- the musical, :) and a nice music committee that has musicians from all over (even NYC) perform in local churches. All of the above are always looking for volunteers. Sometimes, it just helps to get out of the house and the day to day routines. Doesn’t solve job or money situations but might be nice to try before the garden season begins. I know how hard it is to get involved in a small town and put yourself out there. I was turned down to shelve books! I laugh now but I was pretty upset at the time.
You know my favorite mantra is, “All shall be well, all shall be well , in all manner of things, all shall be well. ” .. and repeat!
Sending you and Don lots of positive vibes. The sun is out!!
I don’t really want to volunteer. I have enough to occupy my time at home. But I do want a paying job.
I’m so glad you like the hat pin holder! It’s one of my favorite pieces in my favorite colors. But it was hidden away in the back of my china cabinet, so I figured it was time to let it go. Enjoy!
Stay safe, Betsy.