I’m thinking out loud today.
Thought I really don’t follow astrology, I am a Scorpio. And Scorpios seem to be people who feel passionately about all sorts of things. That certainly is true about me. I tend to lead with my heart, though I’m getting much better at balancing that with some wise input from my head. It’s something I’ve struggled with over the years.
Some of the things I feel passionately about I wouldn’t change for a second. Those issues and/or beliefs form the core of who I am, who I’ve become during the course of my life. I could not abandon them.
But then there are the new things or changes that I sometimes have an immediate reaction to as in “I will never do that!” These are what I call ‘absolutes.’ I’m sure Don has heard many absolutes spring forth from my lips over the years. He’s a patient guy. He simply nods in acceptance. Though, sometimes he challenges me to look at the whole thing differently, playing the part of the devil’s advocate. That’s a good thing.
One of the things I am working on is releasing my tendency to be quick to judge – whether it involves a person, a situation (which is undoubtedly more complex than I deem it to be) or something new that I tend to immediately judge and reject.
I distinctly remember when cell phones first started to become popular. My reaction at the time? “I don’t want everyone to be able to contact me at any time of the day!” I didn’t want students calling me all the time. I didn’t want someone to be able to call me when I was driving my car. I didn’t want to be ‘on call.’ So I resisted for quite a while. But when Don and I moved across the country, driving two different vehicles, we realized that we needed cell phones to communicate with each other. (We also used walkie-talkies!) And we realized that it was a good idea to have a cell phone in case of emergencies.
I’ve used various incarnations of the cell phone. Now I have an iPhone and I love it. It works well, it takes good photos, I can access my email, which is something I do most often when I’m working away from home. I can check the weather, I can listen to music when I’m sitting on a noisy train headed into the city. I don’t often use it to go online, though I know many people do. I don’t have my head buried in it, either. I use it when necessary and I love it’s convenience. It’s made a difference in my life, which is often spent away from home for weeks at a time.
Yes, I find people who talk loudly and endlessly on their cell phones annoying and rude. Yes, I shake my head at those who walk around the city with their heads downward, immersed in whatever is on their screen. As with anything, there are those who will go overboard, who will push the boundaries of polite behavior. But that doesn’t mean I have to. It’s possible to have and use a cell phone without automatically plunging into the abyss.
My ‘absolute’ changed.
Similarly…the Kindle. If you search this blog I know that you’ll find some posts where I said I would absolutely never get an eReader. No way! I am a book lover and my love of the real deal, the three dimensional kind, is well documented, in life and on this blog.
An ‘absolute.’
Then, last Christmas, my husband mentioned that he wanted a Kindle Paperwhite. Okay. I researched it and found it to be intriguing. I thought about the demands of my life. Weeks spent away from home, a need to have lots of books on hand to read, not to mention the fact that I review books and many of them are easily downloaded as eGalleys/Review Copies. Oh, and I have a LOT of books and limited space in which to store them. The Paperwhite was sounding more and more intriguing. Much to my surprise, I asked Don to buy me one for Christmas!
I learned another valuable lesson. You can exist in both worlds. One doesn’t cancel out the other. There doesn’t have to be an ‘absolute.’ You’ve only to read the book blog or this blog to know how many hardcover and paperback books I buy. The quick answer? A lot.
But I also give away a lot of books because I have no room on my shelves for them.
The eReader gives me the chance to download several books if I’m going away to Hartford, for example, to work for five weeks. (I might add that at the same time I’m in Hartford, I also check out books from Hartford’s library – the three-dimensional kind.) The Kindle gives me access to lots of free books, especially classics. I use the Kindle to download review copies from various sources. It’s been invaluable in discovering new authors to review on Just Let Me Finish This Page and in reviewing books for this blog, as well.
I’ve found that my ‘absolute’ really doesn’t hold water. For me, clinging to that absolute would have narrowed the range of possibilities for me as a reader and book reviewer. Ultimately, it wouldn’t have served me well.
So I happily say, and did say on this blog, that I was wrong. Using an eReader didn’t mean I was abandoning hardcover/paperback books. If anything, I’ve purchased more than ever. I check books out from my local library. Sometimes I love the Kindle/eGalley version of a book so much that I purchase it in hardcover because I want it in my permanent collection.
Despite what some studies have stated, I retain just as much when I read an eBook as I do when I read a three-dimensional book. And, I can get a book immediately, if I so choose.
No abyss. Just, for me, a nicely workable balance between two different methods of reading.
Same thing with blogging, which is ever changing. I can adapt to some of those changes and, at the same time, retain the integrity of my blog. And I can certainly choose the things I want to embrace and reject those things that aren’t right for me. I’ve made a choice recently to accept the fact that there are all sorts of ways in which to blog and that the variety out there means there is something for everybody. It just adds spice to the blog stew and that’s a good thing. I’m letting go of those judgments. And really, what makes me think I have all the expertise and wisdom on any subject? Short answer: I don’t.
Some absolutes need to be re-examined. I find I’m doing that more often.
Heck, I once held an absolute that stated: “I will never get married. I don’t want to lose my independence. I need my alone time. Spending that much time with anyone would either bore me or drive me out of my mind.”
Thankfully, I smacked myself upside the head and re-examined that one when I met Don. I haven’t lost my independence. I do get my alone time. But here’s the thing: I’ve found that being with Don is my favorite place to be. I’m never bored. And if I go out of my mind, it’s not due to Don.
You can have the best of both worlds. One doesn’t negate the other.
Oh, the lessons I keep on learning.
New post up on Just Let Me Finish This Page.
Happy Monday.
An “absolutely” wonderful post! I agree with you on finding the balance with these new technologies.
Also, thank you for posting about getting your new tote from Levenger. I went to their website and bought a lap desk as well as a stand for my iPad, and both were on sale.
Looking forward to hearing more about your adventures writing your novel.
Happy New Year, Claudia!
That’s right – they’re having a sale! I’ll have to head on over there. Congratulations!
Couldn’t agree more! (Except I’ve not come over to the Kindle side yet…..)
Ah, well that’s what’s beautiful about the whole thing. You get to choose!
I love this post! I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older to never say never! I still have my absolutes but I also know they can change. It’s really a good thing to continue to grow and change I think. The world is so different even from 10 years ago. I use my Kindle and love it for what it is.
hugs,
Linda
It is different – the world – and that doesn’t mean we have to embrace everything, but some the changes are really exciting! xo
My sister has a travel trailer but no place to park it without having to pay so I offered to let her park it on our property. Since I refused pay she put me on her cell phone plan and bought me a phone which was okay but finally died after years of use. A few months ago she got me an IPhone and I love it. I find taking photos with it easier than with the tiny digital camera we have. I have a few close family members I text frequently but that’s it. I use the alarm on it daily. I also love taking notes on it.
Claudia I have a question for you and Don. I just had to stop watching the fourth season of The Killing because the language became so offensive to me I just couldn’t justify watching it. In my world filthy language isn’t something I hear much of. Yet I find that more and more it’s in the movies and on t.v. shows. I have also stopped reading a book with language I find offensive. My question is why do you think the people who make movies and t.v. shows find it acceptable to use foul language so much. Is it just for shock value or is it because they think they can’t get something across to the viewer without it? I can’t believe that the majority of people enjoy listening to that kind of language. Any thoughts on this?
Well, I think it’s a little of both. Shock value and the freedom to use that language on cable channels which are much less restrictive. But also, in the case of some writers who are gifted and don’t overdo it, it makes for a more realistic portrayal of characters. I’m not usually offended by that stuff, but even I have turned off a show or two where I thought the writers were using that language gratuitously. I understand your dismay, Janie.
When the day comes that we stop learning, it will be a sad one!! I guess we are forced to keep up with the times….not always a bad thing??
I agree. Sometimes it’s a very good thing, Missy!
What a great post…and very timely too! This is a wonderful time of year to examine my own absolutes…and laugh at old ones I used to have. I think I’ve changed my absolutes to perhapses…because you just never know! Cold day here, but sunny…hope you enjoy yours! ;)
I like that – perhapses! It’s cold here today, too.
I went over to the Kindle side some years ago, when I realized I could bring one device and have a dozen books to read on a long trip, rather than weigh my luggage down with books…also, more room for those pieces of fabric and needlework supplies that somehow end up as my souvenirs! However, I still proudly proclaim to be the owner of the dumbest cell phone in the world…just talk and text for me, thank you. Those days may end soon, though, as I am experiencing more and more difficulty finding “just a phone” amidst all the fancier smart-phones. Live and let live….we all have choices!
I text occasionally, but only occasionally. Not a big texter! But I like having the option to do it, if necessary!
Terrific post, Claudia. I found myself actually nodding just about all the way through. I think we all have or do things we said we’d NEVER have or do. It’s just a part of life, at least for those of us who’re able to grow and change throughout. The hardest part is maybe just recognizing that we can change, and admitting in some instances, that we were wrong. Enjoy your day!
PS – Your new perfect-as-last tote bag is beautiful. Glad you treated yourself. And finding it for 40% off? Well, that just means you were MEANT to have it. I looked for years for my perfect tote too. Guess what I finally ended up with? No kidding. A very dark navy blue [“true navy”] canvas Lands End “day tripper” diaper bag [scaled down version for moms to use on quick trips]. Believe it or not, it meets every need on my checklist, and bonus – I love telling people it’s a diaper bag! LOL. Needless to say, I don’t carry a laptop in mine though. Discovered it about 8 years ago, have ordered several in that time, still use them every single day and love them.
It’s such a personal thing – the best handbag, the best tote. Gosh, I’ve tried so, so many! Hopefully this one is THE one!
One of my mother’s favorite sayings: Never say “never”!
I use that saying quite often, Terri!
Wonderful post Claudia. Something that as we get older I think we all learn. I’ve had an iPhone for several years and use it much as you do. My husband and kids worry if they can’t reach me when I’m out and about. Please understand that my kids are adults, 34, 31 and 25 and live in Washington DC, Montana and Japan! They still worry about Dad & Mom out in Washington State! I also have my iPad that I use as a Kindle when I travel. I still love the “real” books and have literally thousands of them, but the Kindle makes traveling with books SO MUCH easier and with our kids spread out, I do a lot of traveling. :-)
Blessings,
Betsy
Makes traveling SO much easier! And how lovely that your kids want to make sure you’re okay. I call that very loving, indeed!
There couldn’t be a more timely and valuable post for me because I am totally in the absolutes of: No i-phone. No i-anything. I don’t even use a laptop. I still have a flip phone. I’ve hated the idea of a Kindle. I refuse to do Facebook to the ‘horror’ of most anyone I know.
And yet I like to visit blogs. I like researching stuff on the web when I initially also balked over going online. I’m very glad to have a cell phone on me when I’m alone and driving…because I’ve had to use it a couple of times with car trouble, or call 911 to help somebody else.
It’s interesting to hear your take on existing in ‘both worlds.’ I know by now that a Kindle can help our failing eyes with the larger print; it’s easier to hold than a big book.
Segue to ‘books.’ I was taken with those gorgeous Jane Austen book covers you wrote about recently. Looked them up on Amazon; made a choice/request. Yes, they’re expensive. But I’ll tell you something else which is a hard thing to admit: I consider myself somewhat well-read and I was an English major in school…even got awards for it…but I do not know Jane Austen nor others I should of the great, classics-authors. How can this be? I talked to my husband about it, because he never knows what to buy me for any occasion like a birthday or Valentine’s Day or our anniversary, so his 2015 gift(s) to me are going to be…in increments…those Penguin classics and maybe, just maybe, so many decades later, I will finally join the rest of the world in reading Jane Austen…it’s something I should never admit, but I felt safe here.
Thanks for the tips and thoughts on things, as always. And, again, best wishes in the new year.
I have a friend who has failing eyesight and the Kindle has been a lifesaver for her. I’m sure there are many, many out there who love the easy to read screen and the option of larger fonts.
What a fabulous idea – gifts for the coming year! You could start with any Jane Austen, but Pride and Prejudice is perhaps her best known novel and certainly the most loved. (Are you looking at the same books I am? About $22.00 for a hardcover? Considering new hardcovers are usually a minimum of $25.00, I don’t think of them as expensive, especially since they are so well done. But of course, you could indeed get them in paperback for much less.)
Well, I guess I feel they won’t SEEM expensive by not buying them all at once! My hubby is thrilled because it took out the guesswork for him on gift-buying and I still get to look forward to a new book each time I’m ‘due’ for a gift even though I know they’re coming…because I won’t know which one he’ll get next…but, yes, I am myself buying the first one and, glad I’m on your wave here, did decide Pride and Prejudice would be first since I have an ever-so-slight connection to it, having tried to read Mom’s copy of it when I was too young; lovely pastel illustrations in a very nice powder-blue cloth cover I would assume from the late 1940s. Unfortunately, Mom died last year and it’s taking me a long time to go thru her things; I’d found the book and it was irreversibly damp-mottled and moldy, not having been stored properly over too many years (although her Jane Eyre is fine). I tried to do the things to save it and aired it out forever but it was beyond help or enjoyable to read, so I had to pitch/recycle it. Made me sad. So, I knew for 2015 that P and P had to be my first book to buy of these Penguin offerings (Mom would approve). I have a penchant for sets of books, matched volumes…and book series. I don’t know why I get comfort from material things like this, but I just do. Books are friends. Of course, they go beyond the ‘material’ for the places their stories take us. I was a sickly child with respiratory difficulties and Mother kept me occupied with reading from a very early age (she was a voracious reader, books being among the first things she bought as a young adult once she had a paycheck but before she married Dad…always emphasizing with us kids that building one’s home library was as important as buying pots & pans, when we had our first apartments and first employment). Growing up in a modest-income family which had to be frugal, we had one bookcase full of books but it was rare when we’d get a new book…and then it was such a treat; oh, how we’d pour over it; usually a newer atlas or almanac or something to add to the lesser-known encyclopedias we could afford.
Missing Dad & Mom a lot right now, thinking of these things. Mom made an awesome turkey soup after Christmas. I swear next year I’m going to try to make that soup myself.
(I’m up at this ungodly hour because my husband became worried about frost protection but we’re good. Trying to protect our new fruit trees in a mini orchard…)
Those memories are a lot like mine. Middle class, not a lot of extra income, a set of encyclopedias, and the occasional ‘new’ book that filled us with excitement. Thank goodness for the bookmobile!
The older I get “never say never” and “no absolutes” are much more embedded into my opinions and way of thinking. It actually makes me very happy to be less opinionated as I age … or maybe I should say less likely to share an “absolute opinion”! :)
Life is in shades of gray, rather than black & white. Never say never has become a sort of mantra for me.
Hi Claudia!
Oh gosh, this post takes me back! My brother went to SF State during the height of Haight Ashbury and flower children. One Christmas he brought home his girlfriend, who did my astrological chart for me for my Christmas gift. I’m an Aquarius – sun sign in Aquarius, my moon sign in Scorpio and my rising in Libra. She said I was complicated because I have three signs in Aquarius and three in Scorpio – whether due to the heavens or not, I am complicated LOL.
We did go to The Last Bookstore on Saturday … I hate to say it but I was a bit disappointed and underwhelmed. I’m sure your friend has told you its in a wonderful old building, the old Crocker Bank building, which is cool. And there are great tunnels made of books and floating books, etc., that are fun. Perhaps I’m just old and way past my hipster days but I found it a bit dirty – which certainly some used bookstores are but I didn’t expect it from the photos online.
I did come home with five vintage childrens books (that I wasn’t looking for but David was in the childrens books and I started looking through them). I couldn’t find brand new books though. I don’t know if I missed them (I found the arrangement of categories confusing but one would get used to that with more familiarity with the place ) or perhaps they don’t carry current bestsellers or recent issues? I wanted Anthony Doerr’s “All The Light We Cannot See” and couldn’t locate it (not in Modern Fiction, not in Contemporary Fiction and I couldn’t find new releases) and I also wanted a copy of Northanger Abbey – couldn’t find one for the longest time and then I found one from the wonderful Penguin series, but it had a big smudge on the cover (and it wasn’t a “used” edition). I’d go again if I was in the area but I wouldn’t go out of my way.
So disappointing, I was so excited and hopeful!
Happy week to you!
Oh, that’s disappointing, Sally! Those photos that I’ve seen make it look like a gorgeous treasure trove of books. Sounds like they need to organize the whole place…
We are lucky in that our public library is literally two minutes walk from our front door. I try only to buy “keeper” books, so I like to test-read the library’s copy first.
I was given something called a “Kobo ereader” a few years ago, but it didn’t really appeal as I work on a computer all day. That said, my daughter mentioned books in the public domain on the internet and I’ve been able to read copies of short stories that I never thought I’d find.
She may yet even convince me to upgrade my (for emergencies only) cell phone. Her “Android” takes better photos than my conventional camera.
Now if only I could persuade her to take some pictures of my dollhouse..
Oh, do persuade her, Barbara! I’d so love to see some photos of your dollhouse!
Wonderful post Claudia! I see myself here too, especially when I was young I had many absolutes. It is good to grow & learn & push past boundaries making our lives so much fuller! I truly feel sad for those who never learn this lesson in life.
Hope your day is Lo✓ely!
Thank goodness that getting older brings some wisdom! Have a wonderful day, Mary.
Oh! Claudia-
Such a joy for me to read here.
I am constantly re-examining myself and my decisions. I used to think -” what must people think if I change my mind!?” I’ve come to realize as long as I live and breathe- it doesn’t matter what we decide?- as long as we /I keep our/ my moral character in tact. That is why I love reading about and getting to know you– you are a genuine article.
We change our minds from time to time– and sharing that just keeps it real!
Oh yes! I used to think the same thing. What will people think? But now? Who cares! If it’s right for me and feels right, I’m going to do it. xo
This surprises me as I’ve been a long time reader and never thought you would embrace the e-reader. My hats off to you, Claudia. You have an open mind to all the possibilities. I shouldn’t have been surprised because you live life and celebrate new experiences. Best wishes for the new year. Ann TBL
Trying to stay even more open to new experiences, Ann!
Hi Claudia, no judging and having complete awareness of my intentions for saying or doing anything have been my personal focus lately. The intention awareness, keeping check on my intentions, is actually freeing in many ways, but the judging thing is harder for me. When ‘absolutes’ are stated I often feel that I am being judged for doing that same thing …a specific example for me is a friend who constantly states that she will never take part in Facebook. Perhaps she is judging me for using Facebook, I don’t know her intention, but my gut reaction goes right to judgement of her ‘absolute’. It’s a vicious circle at times, but for me, one worth having awareness of in order to grow in my own life.
You make a very good point. We can also feel judged in turn. But, of course, we have to let go of that feeling eventually, knowing that what we do what feel right for us and it doesn’t matter in the end if someone else choose not to do the same thing. Tricky.
I wrote about Rizzi in today’s post, Ann Marie.
Right there with you on this…. in fact I really enjoy being at this phase of life where everything is not so black and white… I am embracing the “maybes” and feel relieved at not carrying so many judgmental thoughts in my head…. now if I could just figure out who that wrinkled middle aged person staring at me in the mirror is… I would feel even greater!
Hi. I recently discovered your blog and have enjoyed looking through the archives. I also said no way to an iPhone (I caved after a year or so), and for longer, to a kindle. And then I got a Paperwhite when it was on sale and it became one of the best things for months of bad health (along with sheepskin slippers and a large black cashmere sweater). Now treatment and post-treatment fatigue have finished, it’s still my best friend! If I can’t sleep, I read in the dark till I fall asleep, and there’s no problem of having to turn the lights off. It’s been my companion when I have had to wait for hospital appointments or spend time on public transport. It also gives me ‘comfort’ (chick lit) books that I will never read again, nor want to show off in my overfull bookcases, but that are just right for resting and zoning out. If it ever breaks I will be buying a new one!