I’ll write more about my dad and his last hours at some point when I can do it without sobbing. For now, I feel like I’m barely hanging on to any semblance of normality.
Losing both my parents in the space of 18 months is simply devastating.
But this little guy helps to pull me out of my grief:
Our pirate, all decked out for Halloween.
And playing pirates is, of course, essential.
No make-up. I’ve learned it makes no sense at all to wear it when I cry spontaneously and often. Hey, at least I’m brave enough to post this.
All photos taken by my sister, Meredith. We’re clinging to each other right now.
And we’re very grateful for a little boy whose smile and love of life is infectious. My dad adored Little Z. We called him ‘the best medicine.’ I hope my dad was looking down as we all – three aunts, his older brother, and his parents – took him trick or treating last night.
Thank you for all your compassionate comments and for your emails. I may not answer right now – I’m just not up to it – but know how much they are appreciated.
I am sorry for your loss, Claudia! You are in my prayers.
Thinking of you and your family. Little Buddy is so dear.
Your father would be proud of ALL of you…..
A sweet, young, joyful spirit is just what you all need right now! He is such a powerful reminder of the joys of living each day to the max. Bet your Mom and Dad are smiling too! Peace to you And Mere.
Blessings to you dear Claudia. I’m not sure you know me but I’m one of Meredith’s blog friends from Vermont. I’m thinking of all of you and just wanted to send my love and understanding to you also and your family.
Little Buddy is a god-sent and a joy , I’m so happy he’s in your lives.
Safe travels home, xoRobin
Im glad to see you with little Z. At times mine these, routine helps the little ones and that in turn helps the big ones. I’m remember when my Granny passed — we took the kids to the tractor pulls that night. At first I felt guilty( as though I weren’t grieving properly and somehow dis honoring my granny) but then remembered reading once about Jaquelyn Kennedy having a birthday party up stairs at the White House the day she buried her husband . The living must keep going. I’m glad you’re with your family and y’all are Keeping going. Cherish ….
Claudia,
I am so sorry for your loss. You are truly blessed to have the loving support of your sister as you grieve together. It is still painful to me that 11 years ago my own sister didn’t even call me to tell me that our Mother had died. She arranged the funeral without me and had her son-in-law call me to tell me of the death and the funeral date. She, her daughter, and my mother’s sister snubbed my family at the funeral. Before that we had a lukewarm relationship at best, but there was nothing to explain why she shunned us.
You didn’t really need to hear my story at this time, but I just wanted to tell you that you and Meredith are so, so fortunate to have the loving bond that you have together.
Bless you both as you love and support each other.
These photos make me smile. I’m holding you and Meredith close to my heart. Holding on to each other does help at these times. Shared sorrow for a Dad you both loved so much.
hugs,
Linda
Thank goodness for little pirates! You are fortunate you have a sister to hold onto…such a blessing! ;)
Claudia, I don’t think any of us would expect an individual reply. You need to take care of yourself and your loved ones. Your last sentence (above) says all you need to say. ❤
Your little pirate looks like the best medicine on the planet. I love how the skull on his hat is wearing glasses in solidarity.
One of my favorite comments yesterday was the one about the widower who was happy to see the children’s costume parade after his late wife’s memorial service, because she loved children.
“…..And the seasons, they go ’round and ’round…..”
Someone gets off the carousel and now it’s another person’s turn. That’s how I explained my mother’s death to my sons, when they were very young.
Little Z can be the wind beneath everyone’s wings, including your father’s.
P.S. The comment to which I refer is on your Instagram page.
Little Z might protest that pirates do not like to be called sweet , but he is sweet all the same. (And I like your headband.)
Claudia, your parents’ passing almost mirrors that of mine. My mother died unexpectedly and my father 16 months later after battling illness and what he called the ‘dark days’. It will be fours years this Christmas and I still can’t look at photos of my dad with my daughter without crying. I don’t think a person can set a time limit for grieving, but we readers are here if and when you need us to listen.
I take comfort in the words of Henry Scott Holland (1847-1918):
‘Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well.’
Keeping you and Meredith in our thoughts and prayers today.
Take the time you need to grieve. I lost both of my parents within 6 months of each other. I had a cousin that said to me, “You should be happy they are not suffering anymore and are in heaven.” Good answer? No, not to one who is grieving. It took me seeing a therapist and 5 years later, I am able to make it through the day without tears and with happy memories. I went to a Hospice Memorial Service that helped so much during that time. The chaplain said, “Grief is personal. Don’t listen when people try to tell you how to grieve.” They mean well. Prayers for you. Yes, those grandbabies help. I found out my daughter in law was pregnant with my first grandchild the day that my daddy was buried. He was born on my parents anniversary. The circle of life is beautiful.
That sweet little boy is helping all of you without even trying! What a band of pirates you must have been as you rang doorbells last night!! Your Dad & your Mom were looking down as well.
Make the very most of these days together. I am so glad you are able to be there with Meredith for a while. Everything else can wait. Grief is a very individual process and we all move on at the pace that is necessary for us. Peace will come.
Know that you are in our thoughts and our prayers. ? xo
Prayers for you Claudia and your family. The little one is such a precious gift, full of beans and hugs. This is a hard time to get through. I drip tears on a thought or a memory, dream, remembering, sometimes sleeping is not an easy thing. I know that in time the acceptance and good memories will take over. I miss my Dad, the Dad I knew as a kid, as a young adult, as Grandpa and then Great Grandpa. I know you do too and I know that in time it won’t hurt so much, just not right now.Hugs.
Claudia,
You and Meredith and your entire family are in my prayers daily and I am so grateful that you have them to hold onto at this time! And especially for little “Z”, that bright and beautiful special little boy!!!
In my experience, Grief is a healing process, so take all the time you need and do whatever you need to do, to comfort yourselves during this life altering change . Each of our journey’s through it is as different as each of us… there is no right way or wrong way just your way!
Debbi
So glad your family has this very special little guy, who can still make you smile and look forward to the future. My parents died within 16 months of each other, and my sibs & I were saying “Thank God for the kids…” often during that period. The day my Dad died was also my 5-year old niece’s dance recital, so we had some help in the “real-life-going-forward” way then. And we buried my Mom the day before Halloween, and appreciated the distraction of costumes and pumpkin-carving at that time too. The two of them are 23 and 20 now, and they’ll never know how much they helped their creaky old parents, aunts & uncles. ⛅️
Let me tell you a little story. My dad died about 20 years ago. Seven years ago I was in the hospital, had an operation. I was very lucky, early signs caught it so early I did not have to have chemo,etc. The morning after the operation, I was doing the walk up and down the hall of the hospital, and almost lost my balance. And in my ear I hear my dad’s voice saying something only he would have said. Now before you think I am crazy, I will tell you that I have been feeling ghosts since I was eight years old. And I am not the only one in my family to do so. Fathers are always there.
Little ones have such an innocent way of helping us along when life is hard. Keep crying, keep remembering. This storm will soon pass. Hugs! Chy
Glad to see your post. Nothing like children to keep you going. Keep smiling, keep shining……………..
So glad you had your little pirate to help cheer you up some. I’m sure he was such a delight to your Dad.
Still praying for you all. So sorry for your loss.
Judy
Dear Claudia,in the midst of mingling pain, joy and heartache your images do share with us the reminder of the continuity and power of love. Thank-you. I can imagine the disorientation being exacerbated by being away from home also. May you all,each one of you, find the way in your own best way to see through and extend that beautiful compassion to yourselves.
And a huge hug for you too,Claudia.
No need for replies. Much love to you. xx
Thank goodness for little children in times like this…did you Pirates make anyone walk the plank..arrrr….I knew that little sweetheart would find a way to make everyone smile….Hold him close Claudia…he is a Godsend…
I’m glad the little guy gave you some light in the dark days. Thinking of you.
Make up shmake up…you look terrific because a pirate made you smile.
Claudia, no need to comment. My thoughts and prayers are hoping that you have this special family time and again when you are home with Don. Just take care of each other. Doris
Claudia, there isn’t much I can say or do that will make any real difference in the pain you’re going through. Having lost my Mom when I was 29 and my Dad ten years later I am very thankful that you and Meredith had so many more years with your parents. To talk, to laugh and to love them. My prayers are with both of you of you now. That God will give both of you courage and grace for this season.
Many blessings,
Betsy
What a precious pirate! Kids do have such a beautiful heart and do help us heal. I know what you are going through, Claudia, and I continue praying for all of you.
May you find peace in your heart knowing your parents and dear brother are together and watching over each of you. Offering you many prayers during this difficult time. The words may sound hollow just now, but know all of us care very deeply for you. Your little nephew is an angel here on earth. Fondly, Marcy
Dear Claudia,
I am so sorry to hear about your father. It is good that you are with your sister and family. I keep you and your family in my prayers.
What a wonderful distraction during a most difficult time. Or should I say, what an adorably cute pirate distraction?
It’s so hard losing a parent – but once they are both gone the loss seems even more difficult. What an amazing gift for you and Meredith to have each other. I will continue to pray for you both, along with your entire family.
I’m so sorry to hear about your father. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Thank goodness for the little pirates that help you through the storms.
Claudia,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is amazing how a small child can be so helpful in these rough times. Happy that you are with your family.
Julie