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You are here: Home / Archives for Claudia

Eight Years

February 17, 2016 at 10:05 am by Claudia

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I’ve come out of my hiding place to acknowledge and celebrate the anniversary of this blog. Eight years ago today, I hit publish. That first post, on Blogger, was just some text. The next day I figured out how to add a photo.

Baby steps.

Occasionally, I read posts by bloggers in which they are considering getting rid of older posts that don’t reflect where they are now. I always shake my head at that idea: you wouldn’t be where you are now without the journey you’ve taken. Right? Those older posts of mine, though shorter and somewhat tentative, are just as real and valid as any post I’ve done since.

They stay.

Over the course of this past eight years, I’ve kept to my vision for this blog. It’s a simple one. To share my life in our cottage with you. Until I got a laptop later in that first year, I was unable to share my life on the road with you, but as soon as it was purchased (in Iowa, on a coaching job) – freedom!

Along the way, I played the with idea of trying to get more readers. But the way in which I would have had to do that never felt like the right fit for me. It felt calculating. It felt false. About three years into the process, I started blogging every day, thinking it would help my ad income, but eventually I realized it was a gift to myself. The practice of writing a blog post every morning was grounding. It gave me focus. It kept me honest.

I also discovered a love for photography. What a gift that has been!

I accepted who I am and what this blog is; a daily journal that I share with you, my readers. To be perfectly honest, writing about one thing, one niche, all of the time would drive me nuts. I have a lot of passions and I refuse to limit the blog to just one. That specific focus, by the way, would have been a way to make this blog a money-maker. But it just isn’t me.

So I keep blogging, earning enough money from ads for the blog to pay its way, and that’s just fine.

I started out on Blogger, decided to move to WordPress in 2012, learned enough coding to design a layout and a look that I liked, and here we are today. Yes, there are hassles. Nefarious types are always trying to hack into the blog. Actually, if you blog, they’re always trying to hack into yours as well, I just have the security measures in place that tell me what’s going on at any given moment. Maybe ignorance is bliss? Anyway, it’s annoying and sometimes alarming, but in the big picture, it’s not a big deal. I’ve never regretted my move to WP. I have more control over the look and feel of the blog. It’s a good fit for me.

Along the way, I’ve shared our home with you. I’ve shared my gardening adventures. I’ve shared my on-the-road stories. I’ve shared my handwork. I’ve shared the dollhouse – from its very beginnings to its publication in two magazines. I’ve written about my husband and my dogs and my sister and my parents and my nephews and nieces and my ‘lost’ sister and my friends and colleagues. I’ve written about my work and my love for the theater. I’ve written about things I believe in. I’ve written about animals and animal rights. I’ve written about my longtime vegetarianism. I’ve written about the serious and the silly.

I’ve shared the painful loss of Don’s father, my mother, my father, Riley, and Scout.

I couldn’t have done that without you. Truly. Without you out there reading, commenting and reaching out to me, I probably would have thrown in the towel. One of the best things about the move to WP in 2012 was that it gave me the chance to reply to comments and to let you know, via email, that I had replied. The conversations that have come out of that have been stimulating and moving and funny and sad and everything a good conversation between friends should be.

Thank you. Thank you for being there. Thank you for being there anytime, but especially in those times when I have suffered profound loss. I can never thank you enough for that.

I can’t imagine not blogging, but who knows? Maybe somewhere down the line, I’ll feel it’s time to move on. But not right now. Right now, with your understanding that I will occasionally take a few days away from the blog, as I have been doing since the loss of Scout, I’ll keep on keeping on, as they say.

Thanks. And Happy Wednesday.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

Filed Under: anniversary, blog, blogging 144 Comments

Flowers

February 15, 2016 at 8:14 am by Claudia

Both of these photos were in Instagram yesterday, but since I shouldn’t assume that you saw them, I’ll share them with you.

I ended up taking the day off yesterday, since the actors are doing well and I felt I could give them a day off from my note taking. My stomach was acting up, a reaction not unexpected after the stress of losing Scout. I was tired and worn out and I just needed a quiet day. Knowing that I have to teach a Master Class this morning had something to do with it as well. I needed to rest so that I would be able to function at my best today.

When I shared that decision with Don, he sort of hesitated and when I asked why, it turned out he had sent me flowers which would be waiting for me at the theater box office. So I bundled up and ran over there to pick them up.

2-15 valentine flowers

They’re beautiful. He asked the florist to include one white rose (which you can’t see in this photo.) We exchanged a single white rose on our wedding day.

The afternoon light prompted me to take this photo:

2-15 stilllifewithroseville

“Still Life with Roseville.”

I like the way the texture of the green leaves is echoed in the background texture on the Roseville vase. I didn’t plan it that way, it just is.

I’m off to get ready for my class.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

Filed Under: Don, flowers, valentine's day 40 Comments

Six Days

February 13, 2016 at 9:53 am by Claudia

2-2 yellowflowers2

Writing any sort of post is almost impossible for me now. I know you understand.

All my energy is focused on getting through the day and doing my work. Throughout the day, images and memories of my little girl are constantly in my head. I often find myself aimlessly walking around the apartment.

A couple of mornings ago, I sobbed all morning long. First, by myself, sitting on the sofa. Then, in a conversation with my sister. Then on the phone with Don. And much the same thing happens every day. Yesterday, it was Don’s turn.

There really isn’t any way to explain the profound, powerful, and magical presence that Scout was in our lives. She had more than a touch of the divine. She was an old soul. She taught us more than I can say. We mourn her. We are simply devastated.

Some people – not, I believe, any of you – will grow impatient with our grief. They won’t understand. If anyone says ‘But she lived a long life,’ or worse, ‘It’s just a dog’ I will deck them.

Truly.

Just as the fact that my parents lived long lives has absolutely nothing to do with the depth of my grief or how quickly I should ‘get over it’, neither does the length of Scout’s life.

I won’t even address the ‘just a dog’ way of thinking.

I’ll get to the point. I lost my mother less than 2 years ago. I lost my father 3 months ago. And now, I’ve lost my daughter. I’ve hit a wall of grief that has been steadily building since April 24, 2014 – the day my mother died.

And now it has exploded.

That’s where I am.

Romeo and Juliet  is going very well; it’s a beautiful production and the audiences are really loving it. Beautiful performances. Beautiful direction by Darko. I’m honored to be a part of it.

I am preparing for a Master Class on Shakespeare that I’m teaching on Monday. I’m teaching it to the the seniors from the BFA Acting program at the Hartt School (University of Hartford). We’ll work through their Shakespeare monologues. This requires a fair amount of prep on my part. It’s keeping me occupied.

I’m trying to keep up with my blog reading, but frankly, I have no patience with endless decorating posts or Valentine’s Day posts or any of that sort of thing. It all seems so trivial. It isn’t, of course, and I mean no disrespect, it’s just where I am at the moment.

Thank you again and again for your kind words, for your compassion, for your love for our girl. I know you understand and that has given me enormous comfort these last six days. To say I treasure each and every one of you is an understatement.

Posting daily? Not sure when that will resume, but not for a bit.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

Filed Under: life, Scout 124 Comments

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Welcome!

Welcome!

I live in a little cottage in the country with my husband. It's a sweet place, sheltered by old trees and surrounded by gardens. The inside is full of the things we love. I love to write, I love my camera, I love creating, I love gardening. My decorating style is eclectic; full of vintage and a bit of whimsy.

I've worked in the theater for more years than I can count. I'm currently a voice, speech, dialect and text coach freelancing on Broadway, off Broadway, and in regional theater.

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Scout & Riley. Riley left us in 2012. Scout left us in February 2016. Dearest babies. Dearest friends.

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