A portion of the living room on this gray morning. It might rain within the next hour, but it will be brief.
It’s been a lovely and quiet morning with coffee and a good book. As I’ve said before, I am reading The Mirror and the Light, but it’s not the kind of book that I will drop everything to read. Historical fiction is usually not my thing, but these beautifully written books by Hilary Mantel are the exception. Anyway, when reading Mantel, I need another book to read that I find gripping – usually a mystery or thriller. I didn’t have one on hand, so I finally googled ‘writers like Daniel Silva’ to see what came up. I got a few good suggestions, so I searched the library system’s website to see if any of them were on the shelves at my tiny local library. Hurrah, they were! So I drove on over and checked out 4 books. I’ve started one, Orphan X by Gregg Hurwitz, and I’m really enjoying it.
Thanks for all the great comments yesterday. It’s comforting to know there are other adult children of alcoholics out there who have control issues. The bottom line for me: I need to feel safe. Having control does that for me. And it’s perfectly okay. I offer no apologies for something that helped me get through my childhood and still helps me to this day. I mentioned that Don is also an adult child of an alcoholic. He’s not only that, he’s been sober for 46 years. I rarely speak about this because it’s his story. He works his program every day, goes to meetings every day, and sponsors fellow alcoholics. I admire him more than I can say. And because he’s sober, ‘we’ can be. If he wasn’t, our relationship wouldn’t have started. I would have stopped it from ever happening. I’m grateful for his wisdom and guidance every day of my life and he helped me come to terms with my dad’s struggle. He is the answer to a prayer.
Anyway.
A bit more cleaning to do today and some reading, of course, and almost certainly, some shared laughter with my husband.
Stay safe.
Happy Saturday.
My ex-husband is an alcoholic who became sober after our divorce. He is very active in AA and I don’t think he would have done it if I hadn’t asked for a divorce. It was an argument for many, many years of our marriage and if he had quit drinking then, I would “win” the argument and he didn’t like that idea. Once divorced, he could quit for himself and that seems to have worked.
I’ve been getting more anxious lately about life and things bother me more than I want them to. I’m trying to focus more on joy and good moments and I hope that helps.
Have a pleasant weekend. Stay safe, Claudia!
Thank you, Ellen. Much appreciated.
Stay safe.
you and don have created a beautiful home for yourselves and each other, in the physical house in which you live and in your hearts and lives in which you love. wonderful to hear about it. thank you for sharing.
congratulations to don for 46 years of sobriety!!!
and endless thanks and praise to God for answering prayers!!!!
i am not a child of an alcoholic, but find in myself some control issues; it’s about safety for me, too … a month after my nineteenth birthday i was assaulted; made it through other crime, too. from time to time things pop up, but i watch for them and deal with them as needed (thanking God that’s not too often). among other things (like my family and the grace of God), it helps that i worked on it a lot in the past so that stuff didn’t ruin my life. i have a beautiful life and and much to be thankful and happy about. :)
glad you have some more books ready and are enjoying what you just found at your library. it is a comfort to me to have returned to reading. and to have more “tbr” books at hand and hobbies like knitting and painting to enjoy. i know a couple people, including a former boss, who had no hobbies at all and one said she was afraid to retire because she didn’t know what she’d do with her time. i don’t understand that at all (and hope they find things to do that make them happy)!!!
happy, laugh-filled, safe saturday to everyone.
kathy
Control issues can arise from many situations and shocks. I’m sorry you were assaulted. I can’t imagine how devastating that must have been.
Stay safe, Kathy.
you are right (lots of causes).
devastating is a good word for it. took a while to get into something helpful and i hate that time it took, too, because a person needs a place to take care of their feelings and so much of my life then felt like/was a mess, out of my control (it wasn’t but it felt that way) and my family and i all suffered from it. for the most part i finally got a handle on it, but sometimes it pops up for one reason or another. some may say i need to talk about it some more, but i choose to not give the perpetrators any more of my life and because things now are pretty good and i just focus on that, the good things and know that God is in control of my life.
thanks for listening and your support.
xo,
kathy
xoxo
Thank you for sharing. I don’t really know why but there’s definitely a drinking culture in the UK. Lots of pubs and wine or beer at home at weekends is the norm. I haven’t really drank since my early twenties since I once felt so hungover on Christmas Day that I vowed never again.
I am not completely tee total as I might have a cocktail or a sip of prosecco at special event but I don’t miss it.
People ask why don’t you drink and I always say it’s that feeling of not being in control.norm
Happy Saturday
Exactly. I don’t like that feeling at all.
Stay safe, Dee Dee.
That’s so inspiring to hear about Don. He deserves so much credit for overcoming alcohol issues. You also deserve credit for coming out of your situation and standing up for what works for you. It’s perfectly understandable that you would want to be safe and in control. You have a wonderful life and husband, so whatever you’re doing has served you well! I am 64 years old and recently just quit drinking. I have been drinking since I was in high school. I only drank socially, but when I drink – be it coffee, water, or wine – I drink fast and a lot. I was not embarrassing myself or getting sloppy drunk, but I felt like crap all weekend after going out on Friday night for dinner and drinks with my girlfriends. I have IBS and my stomach has gotten worse over the years. Every once in a while I would lightly think that I should quit drinking, but then I’d think about all the “fun” I’d be missing. However, when I was up in the middle of the night a couple of weeks ago with an aching stomach the decision just struck me like lightening – I’m quitting drinking. I have never been so resolved in a decision, and I feel so much better already. It was like I was poisoning myself every Friday night. Anyway, bully for you and Don. You’re doing it right!
I’m proud of you, Jenny. Good for you! It’s not worth it in the end. Your health and well being are more important.
Stay safe.
Thank you, Claudia!
xoxo
Don is a man of great worth! What a joy it is to get to know him through your writings.
Thank you ,to both, of you for making my life better.
I wish you peaceful summer days and cool nights,
Kaye
Oh, thank you so much for your kind words, Kaye. Bless you.
Stay safe.
Congratulations to Don for staying sober all those years. Us children of alcoholics have a lot of issues we need to work on. Even at 69 years of age, I am still working on them. I always love seeing pictures of your home. I would love for you one day to take a video tour of the whole house. I love all the pictures you have posted. Please send some of that rain our way. We need it so bad in Phoenix. Our monsoon season has not produced much rain at all. For a girl who loves rain and thunderstorms I live in the wrong state! I miss those Midwest storms. Enjoy your new books. Take care.
I can’t post videos on this site, unfortunately! There’s no easy way to embed them.
I hope you get some rain soon!
Stay safe, Deb.
Don is one in a million. Kudos to him for staying sober for 46 years and helping others to gain their sobriety, too. You make a beautiful couple. An author you might enjoy reading is Linwood Barclay. He writes psychological thrillers and is very good at it. I imagine your library would have copies. He’s a New York best selling author and has written more than 20 books, most of them I’ve read. They are excellent and hard to put down. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Hugs, Elaine
Thanks for the tip, Elaine. I think I did try one of his books a while back but it didn’t click. Sometimes that’s just due to whatever is going on in my life. I’ll try again.
Stay safe.
My brother was an alcoholic and had years of treatment but he never could conquer it. In the end it took his life way too soon. Complete respect for Don.
I’m so sorry about your brother. Don knows of so many who battled addiction and lost the battle. Thinking of you, Linda.
Stay safe.
my parents weren’t alcoholics exactly but they HAD to go out drinking every fri and sat night. When they couldn’t do that they brought the party to our house. I would wake up with a soldier sleeping in my brother’s bed across the room and more downstairs. One night we kids were sleeping in the car outside a bar in France and when I woke up I wondered where my brother was. He was only 1 1/2 and he was inside the bar with my parents at midnight or so. I don’t drink and my husband doesn’t Thank Heavens!
That must have been an unsettling situation, Jan. Good choice not to drink for both you and your husband.
Stay safe.
THis is a warm and lovely home for reading. You two are suited in ways far beyond theatre. I honor and appreciate those who have survived as ACA and those who weren’t but struggled themselves. Well done, Claudia. (And even those of us who weren’t still sometimes struggle for control!)
Thank you so much, Jeanie.
Stay safe.