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You are here: Home / Archives for Don

Thoughts on Sunday

April 3, 2016 at 8:41 am by Claudia

Just yesterday evening, I grabbed the camera to capture the vivid yellow of the forsythia hit by the bright, just-before-sunset light.

4-3 forsythia

And what did I wake up to this morning?

4-3 aprilsnow

All that and a high wind warning until 7 pm, to boot.

If you’re thinking, “Claudia is not a happy camper” you’re right. She is not.

I’m going outside soon to get the heavy, wet snow off  my plants. More of this crap is expected tomorrow, with temps in the thirties for the next three days.

• We watched the NCAA tournament last night. While we were in Florida, my brother-in-law asked us to join in a friendly bracket tournament that occurs every year among his family members. Meredith is doing better than the rest of us, but I did pick Villanova, so I’m grinning a bit this morning. Don picked Oklahoma. I need say no more.

• I spent several hours researching the pronunciation of certain Russian names and much to my dismay, I kept hearing something different each time I visited a new site. My next door neighbor is Russian, so I think I’m going to have to ask her to verify some things. I finally gave in, turned off the computer, and went to the grocery store (again) to stock up on some food.

• Grief: While on the way to the grocery store, I drove past our local animal hospital (I drive by it every time I head out of our little town.) This time, however, I was struck by the memory of Scout’s last hours and I lost it. I remembered Don carrying her out to the car where she stayed on the back seat without moving, I remembered sitting in the car while Don made sure they were ready for us, petting her and telling her I loved her and that soon she would be out of pain.

As I drove down the road, tears rolling down my face, it was as if it had just happened. I asked her to visit me, to let me know she is okay. I keep hoping she will. Then, when I came home and unloaded the groceries, I started to tell Don what had happened and I couldn’t stop sobbing. I cried for the loss of my mother, my father, and Scout. I often replay those last hours in the hospital with my father, hear his voice, the sound of his breath changing as I watched him leave us.

I do the same thing with Scout’s last hours. It’s as if those two profound and heartbreaking experiences within three months of each other cycle in an endless loop in my brain. It’s such a lonely feeling, this loss of both my parents and my beloved little girl. Crying is cathartic, I know, and I’m glad I let go yesterday, though I was absolutely drained when it ended.

The truth is, it’s almost impossible for me to find enthusiasm for much of anything these days, though I have bursts of it at times. I play at enthusiasm, I act ‘as if’ – but grief takes a hold and doesn’t let go for a long time. It really never  lets go, it just changes and morphs as one learns to move forward.

I miss talking to my mom. I miss talking to my dad. I miss talking to my little girl.

One day, right before we left for Florida, I was struck by something. I had a way of talking to my pets, not really a ‘baby’ voice, but definitely a different kind of voice where I used funny, made-up words and sounds and lots of nicknames, singing little songs that I made up on the spot. In that moment, I worried that I might forget what I said to Scout in our countless interactions during the day, every day, for sixteen years. So I grabbed my phone and recorded them.

I don’t want to forget them, you see. It was our own little language. She put up with it, of course; she indulged me. For that I am very grateful.

Ah, well.

4-3 bunnysighting2

• First bunny sighting: an adorable little bunny dining on grass right outside the kitchen window.

I wonder if we’ll have baby groundhogs again this year?

The winner of a copy of Beneath Still Waters  is Maureen. Maureen, I’ve sent you an email. Please send me your mailing address and congratulations!

Happy Sunday.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

 

 

Filed Under: Dad, Don, Scout, snow, weather, winter 52 Comments

The End of a Bizarre Week

April 2, 2016 at 9:26 am by Claudia

4-2 endofday

As is.

The end of a long day; heck, a long week.

Very strange happenings around MHC this past week, most of them to do with Don’s ankle/leg. We took two trail walks last weekend and at the beginning of each of them, Don had to loosen the ties on his sneakers because his inner ankle was tender. He thought it strange, but really didn’t think about it all that much.

By late Sunday night, after I had gone to bed, Don’s ankle was swollen and an area of skin above the joint and on the leg was very red. He couldn’t put any weight on his foot.

On Monday morning, Don told me what was happening and we assumed it must be some sort of sprain, so we started keeping it elevated and icing it off and on. But Don was sort of bewildered by the whole thing, as he had no memory of anything happening to that ankle.

By Wednesday, it was even redder and there was some bruising under the ankle and it hurt a lot, so we went to our local urgent care facility as Don’s doctor was out of town. The doctor at urgent care, not especially skilled in bedside manner, told Don he couldn’t say exactly what it was – it was either a sprain or a skin infection. They gave him a splint, ace bandages and crutches, as well as strong antibiotics and prescription strength ibuprofen. We got the prescriptions filled and went back to elevating, etc.

Later in the day, when Don was looking at the discharge papers, the doctor had entered ‘cellulitis’ in his notes as the diagnosis. This puzzled us, because cellulitis is very serious and the doctor had hedged about any sort of diagnosis during the appointment.

We were in strange and uncertain territory. At this point, we very much doubted it was a sprain, as the redness that extended about 5 inches up his leg was clearly some sort of inflammation and, as veterans of sprained ankles, we knew that if it had been a sprain, that area would have eventually become a bruise and it didn’t. On Mere’s advice, we started to mark how high the redness went on the leg with a permanent marker. Cellulitis, apparently, can lead to a blood infection if not monitored. Not good. A couple of people warned us about the seriousness of it all.

But was it cellulitis?

We tried to get hold of the doctor from the urgent care facility for some sort of clarification. No return call. Then we spent the next 24 hours or so wondering if we should go to Emergency, constantly monitoring the inflammation.

Side note: we have a large deductible on our health insurance, Don is about 3 months away from getting Medicare, and we knew that the cost of a visit to Emergency, as well as all the doctor’s visits, would come out of our pocket. So we were hesitant to go to ER if it wasn’t necessary.

Don called urgent care again yesterday morning and asked to have the doctor call us. When the doctor finally called us back yesterday afternoon, he was defensive about the diagnosis he gave in the examining room vs. the diagnosis on the discharge papers and was basically a jerk (my words, not Don’s) but he did two good things: he prescribed that antibiotic on Wednesday and he gave us the name of a local podiatrist, who, bless him, squeezed us in late yesterday afternoon.

This doctor was great, so helpful and reassuring. He took his time and listened to both of us. He asked questions. And in the end he said, yes, it’s cellulitis. No, we don’t need the splint or the crutches or the ace bandages. Yes, Don will be okay, it just might take a few more days. If it gets worse, go to Emergency. But, the antibiotics should take care of it. His advice to Don: relax, elevate your leg and come back next Tuesday.

Here’s the thing; it was the not knowing that stressed us out. Were the antibiotics the right choice for whatever unknown ailment he had? Were we doing the right thing? Should we have immediately gone to ER? Would it worsen? What the heck was  it?

By the time we got home yesterday, we were relieved and exhausted. I’ve been taking care of Don ever since this happened. Don’s been worried and in pain. Now, at least, we know.

We have no idea what caused it. Maybe a bite? But we can’t see any sign of a bite. That part remains a mystery.

So the above photo shows the status of the den after we got home. My socks are on the table (it was unseasonably warm and humid yesterday,) there’s an empty cereal bowl because I had to have some Raisin Bran which is comfort food, there’s a guide from our Health Care provider that I was studying when we were trying to determine our options, and the laptop is open for some mindless blog reading, which was about the only thing I could do at the end of the day.

Whew. Now I have to get back to my research, which had to be put on the back burner while all this was going on.

4-2 coloring paraphenalia

I didn’t even do any coloring for the past two days.

This morning, Don’s leg looks a bit better. We can finally see an improvement. Thank goodness.

Now, we’re headed into more bizarre weather. It was over 70 degrees yesterday. The high tomorrow will be 38 with rain/snow and, you guessed it, high winds. (I am so sick of wind.) Monday? 1-3 inches of snow. It won’t last, but the very thought of it makes me want to scream. Rain and snow showers off and on throughout the week, including the day I drive to Hartford for a rehearsal.

Oy.

Now I’m going to celebrate Don’s improvement by making some French Toast. His request.

Happy Saturday.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

Filed Under: Don, life 61 Comments

Checking in on the Garden

March 31, 2016 at 8:22 am by Claudia

Oh Spring, you are wonderful. However, the havoc you wreak on my allergies is not  wonderful. I’m not a happy camper.

This is the time of year in the Northeast when every gardener checks the garden beds once or twice a day to see what is emerging after the long winter. I am no different; I walk outside and peek under leaves, each new green shoot duly noted in the unofficial garden notebook that is floating around in my head.

It’s only March 31st – too early for this gardener to remove all the leaves that are currently covering each bed. Especially since I saw, to my horror, that we might get 3 inches of snow on Monday/Tuesday.

What? Ever hopeful, I am trusting that the forecast will change.

3-31 sedum

Trustworthy Sedum Autumn Joy, planted here before we took up residence.

3-31 leavesontheroses

Leaves are emerging on all the rose bushes. Last year at this time, there was nothing, which led me to worry that the brutal winter had killed them off. Do you remember that the tulip and hyacinth never really appeared last spring? Well, the hyacinth leaves  appeared – with absolutely no flowers. This year, I see one tulip leaf already emerging from the ground, as well as healthy looking hyacinth leaves.

Thank goodness for the relatively sane winter we just went through. Oh – did you know that Don never used the snow blower this year? Not once.

3-31 lilacs

Lilac check-in: I see baby flowers!

The truth is, I am longing to get out there and do some massive garden clean-up. I have to stop and remind myself that it is too darned early. There are certainly other areas of the yard that need some work and I think I’ll start in on that when I’m taking a break from research for Anastasia and taking care of Don, who has something wrong with his ankle. We ended up going to our local urgent care yesterday to get X-rays. No break. It’s all rather strange – the doctor said it’s either a sprain or a skin infection. Since Don doesn’t remember doing anything to the ankle, we’re wondering whether it’s the latter. He is now on antibiotics, is wearing a splint and has crutches.

What’s with the Hill/Sparks clan and their ankles?

Needless to say, it’s been my turn to wait on Don and take care of him. Meals aren’t nearly as exciting as they are when Don is cooking. But he’s getting fed, I promise.

The whole thing is very frustrating and a bit mysterious and we are – officially – over the whole ankle thing.

Don’t forget to leave a comment on yesterday’s book review if you’re interested in a chance to win a copy of the book. You have until tomorrow evening.

Happy Thursday.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

 

Filed Under: Don, garden, gardening 36 Comments

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Welcome!

Welcome!

I live in a little cottage in the country with my husband. It's a sweet place, sheltered by old trees and surrounded by gardens. The inside is full of the things we love. I love to write, I love my camera, I love creating, I love gardening. My decorating style is eclectic; full of vintage and a bit of whimsy.

I've worked in the theater for more years than I can count. I'm currently a voice, speech, dialect and text coach freelancing on Broadway, off Broadway, and in regional theater.

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