It’s a good 15 degrees cooler today than yesterday. I must confess, I did a lot outside yesterday, culminating in mowing the larger part of the lawn. This is tiring on an average day, but yesterday, it was extremely tiring. Maybe because it was warmer and humid? I’m not sure. But I had to stop more than a few times and hydrate myself and rest. I felt frustrated by the whole endeavor, though I did finish. I’m not one to back off of chores like this and the fact that it was harder than usual ticked me off.
Anyway, after it was all done, I came into the house, took a shower, plopped into a chair and a wave of missing Don completely engulfed me. It’s been over 2 months now, with a month and half yet to go, and I felt overwhelmed with loneliness. And I knew I couldn’t call him because he was in the middle of rehearsals, so I had to wait until later in the day to speak to him.
Most days, we both handle this pretty well. But there are some, like yesterday, that are too much. We often say, “If we could just give each other a hug, everything would be better.” Not being able to do that is just plain hard.
Today is a new day and I’m better, as I knew I would be.
So far, I see three poppy buds. There will be more. And you can see that the catmint is just starting to bloom.
Forget-me-nots in the Memorial Garden.
I received an item in the mail yesterday that lifted my spirits. It was addressed to Aunt Claudia.
From Little Z.
We spoke briefly last night. He hadn’t had a nap and he was tired. After a little back and forth, he said, “I can’t talk because it’s raining.”
Oh, that boy! He makes me laugh.
Happy Saturday.
Little Z is so adorable! He knew what you needed! Your porch is so, well, perfect! What a view it must have! Have a good Saturday!
It does have a lovely view, Debbie. Thanks!
I can only imagine how much you miss Don. That’s a really long time to be apart. I’m sure talking to Little Z and receiving his drawing in the mail lifted your spirits a little. He sure is adorable and I absolutely crack up at the things he says! He’s so witty and charming. Your porch looks beautiful, by the way. That photo makes me just want to be there and sit for awhile. I’ve been needing to go to HomeGoods because I’m looking for two specific baskets – both sizes I can’t find at Michaels or Hobby Lobby. I need a plant stand for my patio, too. I don’t need new outdoor pillows, but yours sure are pretty. Hope I don’t get into trouble! ;-)
I’m headed to HG today. Uh oh!
Thanks for the kind words about the porch, Melanie! Hope your knee is doing better!
Claudia, Your porch looks wonderful You have done a lot of hard work in your yard
and porch. So sorry you have to wait so long to see Don :( . Bobbie DeWitt
Me too. It isn’t easy. But, we’ll weather the separation. Thanks, Bobbie.
Sending e-hugs! But the wait is more than half over…that’s a good thing.
That Little Z has perfect timing! You can’t not smile at his note. Hope you can lose yourself in a good book and a cup of cocoa. (At least it’s cocoa weather up here this morning.)
It’s cocoa weather here, as well! (Though I did have some yesterday even though it was hot – I needed a treat!)
I understand your missing Don….just keep you eye on that date you’ll be reunited. My missing my partner will be forever, but I know I can share the joy of you and Don being together again. Hang in there, Claudia…you’re doing lots to keep busy.
I know – I feel silly complaining when you have lost your husband. Much love to you.
No no …don’t feel silly. I don’t ever fault people who have partners. (I do have envy, as I’m only human…) What gets me mad is when someone has a partner, but doesn’t appreciate him or her. I know you and Don mean the world to each other and I love hearing about it.
xoxo
I have no idea what you are going through. My hubby does his volunteer stint every year, but it’s only for about 2 weeks…and I know how lonely that can be…much less two months! Plus you have a lot of responsibility what with your yard. But, you are more than half way through…and hopefully you can start planning a trip out West soon!
Lovely porch…the blue stone makes it. It’s cool and rainy here…our promised sunshine for tomorrow has been taken away. Hot chocolate ( as someone mentioned) on your porch, sounds absolutely fantastic! And a sweater perhaps? ;)
We were apart for 6 months once. Never again!
It’s chilly today but not chilly enough for a sweater. Sunny – thankfully!
Your porch looks so inviting and relaxing. Mine is still a work in progress. We had lots of digging up and moving plants this year due to a huge pine tree that we had to remove last summer. I am not as far along as I would like to be, but it’s coming along. The heat this week just slowed me down. And today it’s all of 52 degrees. Crazy.
Enjoy the process, Judy. I have to keep reminding myself to slow down. Once it’s done, there’s not much to do around here except water the plants!
I am beginning to get a bit anxious about all that still needs to be done outside ~ and the forecast which prohibits getting it done. It is raining here today, with a high of 58* forecast, and pretty much the same for tomorrow. ugh. I have a few flats of plants that get a bit cranky when they aren’t given a proper home as quickly as is required. Even when watered, they just aren’t happy in those tiny little 4 & 6-packs. I feel like I should be starting a pot of soup or chili in this weather.
Have a wonderful trip to HG today. That is always my happy place. We have a little shopping center with HG, Marshall’s, Michael’s, World Market & Tuesday Morning. I can be happy there for a couple of hours just wandering. Always new stuff to see.
Have a great Saturday. Hope you have a chance for a nice chat with Don at some point.
Is it going to warm up soon? I hope so!
I wish we had a World Market around here, but the closest is way south in New Jersey. When we lived in CA, we had one nearby.
I understand Little Z’s sentiment . It has been raining here for days and days.
We have more coming next week and the week after! But right now, it’s nice and dry.
At times life can seem overwhelming when spent alone. Problems, tasks at hand, decisions are far less of an issue when shared with someone. Life can just get in the way. I love the phrase “Tomorrow is a new day”. Right? You’re hanging in beautifully. The garden, porch, look lovely from your loving attention. It’s such fun to see Spring in the East through your postings and wonderful photos. Thanks! Maybe it’s time to visit the library for a new book to get lost in.
I have plenty of books on hand that I want to read. I just haven’t felt very motivated lately!
Ah, Little Z, little guy; sweetest thing.
I wish I could take some of that rain I’m hearing about here and there for SoCalif today; it’s already so darn hot out at 11am-ish; 94 degrees and climbing rapidly. I scurried to get chores done and I’m now planting myself inside. I can’t take the heat AT ALL for a variety of reasons and, I must tell you Claudia, I do have lifelong asthma and when I’m tired I’m much worse. Fatigue is harder on us at this age.
I don’t like it when people say to me, “I know how you feel.” Well-meaning but, well, they actually do NOT know how I feel. But, as I write this, I know how you feel, Claudia; the overwhelming loneliness, as I’ve been living alone without my husband for the better part of the past four months; the difference being, of course, that the two of us get in ‘way more visits than you’re getting (he’s not as far in distance as Don is from you). Work is in our way as it is yours but, this close to retirement, we can’t turn our backs on extra income; employment is a gift. And the assignment is about to end. And he’ll be here at noon and we’re heading to the beach this evening, which should be cool and lovely!
Just the same, I feel for you and I was thinking recently of how long you and your beloved have now been on opposite coasts; it’s a while, and it is never easy. I know you prepared mentally but I applaud you for not turning whine-y on him and vice versa. There’s so much to look forward to, come July, and I hope you’re also planning to visit a few interesting destinations on the journey back home to New York. Hang in there; you’re halfway there in the separation. You’re very spunky and not a crybaby; look at how you get out at night and go to a meeting by yourself; how you get out there and do really hard, physical labor in your yard with no help. I’m sure I echo all your readers when I say, “Claudia, you’re quite a gal!!”
“Stuff” (the negative emotions) can really build up, though.
I dissolved (wept!) at my primary care doctor visit this week (and I never do that). My doctor is so compassionate; such sincerity and concern in her eyes.
Anyway, set the scene: I’d had very little sleep for days and days. Splitting headache from the area of my head where I had a terrible fall last September (this happens a lot, these headaches, ever since). Yes, missing my spouse SO very much. (Everything’s better when he’s here!) My neighbors-from-hell were really bothering me. The HMO denied another one of my crucial medical appointments with a specialist with whom I’m in the middle of treatment .
And it also happened that I had contact with an ex-boyfriend (the guy I thought I’d marry in my 20s; we were together [at the end, more off than on] for six years and I really, really loved him, later regretting that I’d been the one to break things off; complicated relationship/complicated issues). And, so, fast-forward through all the many, many, MANY years to last week…and it was awful; he was so cold and aloof toward me! Rude; just graceless. I would have preferred polite and impersonal indifference! Or how about pleasantness? Anything but what felt like pure meanness; it was just so shocking. True, I’m sensitive, but…c’mon! All I could think of when looking at him and then listening to him was (I’ll call him Joe): ‘Did you not evolve over all this time, Joe? Can you forgive? We’re old and gray now; could you get over yourself? Life is short; don’t be this way!’ (Gosh, I know of several ex’s who are good friends; they keep in touch!) He has a very successful life; he’s happily married from what I hear; many business/financial achievements as well as personal accomplishments; he and his wife have stellar adult children. Everything fell into place for him after me. So, why hold a grudge, for decades? I just think it’s all so ridiculous now that I’ve had time to process ‘the encounter’; and I actually went from a bit of despair to laughing (ruefully) over it, because his rigidity was just so silly. I shouldn’t have let it affect me, but I was hurt and disappointed because his behavior is so unnecessary; and we live in the same town, so it’s very awkward.
Anyway, I feel better and more myself today…but these small and large stresses had really been piling up. (Sometimes my coping mechanisms fail me in these menopause years.) And, sure reading disturbing news in our local paper and then having to worry about global/national happenings every darn day…frustrating, scary, etc. So, with my dear doctor practically holding my hand this week, the flood gates burst open; defenses down. Embarrassing! I was thinking, ‘Get a grip, Vicki!’ (Searching for perspective!) But we do, all of us, often have many things hitting at us hard every day (believe me, I’ve had worse than something as benign as running into an old boyfriend). When you’re married and conditioned to living with someone, being a couple, you face the world with a little more armor. So, I get it, Claudia. I so get it. My ‘armor’ is a little weak right now. You and I, we’re missing our best friends. Phone conversations don’t take the place of everyday companionship (and cuddling).
In the meantime, tape that beautiful boy’s drawing to your frig and let it give you a smile each time you walk by it!
Sometimes, everything gets to be just too much and crying happens. I’m a big believer in crying things out. It’s cleansing. Obviously, you need to do that.
Thanks, Vicki. I try to be positive, but there are times that even spunky me gets tired of the whole thing!
I am so sorry that you are going through this with Don clear across the country in CA. It is hard. There aren’t any words of comfort in these situations. Know that your friends, out here in the inter-webs, are thinking and caring about you and your honey.
Thank you so much, Mare. I appreciate that.
I’m sure Don longs to be home as well…especially with all the lovely pictures you post of the house and garden coziness! Glad you got the chores done yesterday. Hopefully that means you can relax and enjoy the next few days :)
He does. He loves Spring in the northeast and he’s missing it. I’m going to shoot a video of the garden tomorrow and send it to him.
What a wonderful porch you have created,
Thank you, Susan.
I know when I get tired and overwhelmed I get weepy or grouchy or both! It’s hard to handle emotional things when we are fatigued. You are a trooper but missing Don must be so hard at times. Little Z really does brighten your day (and ours). I know when Tiger or Scout make me laugh it just brightens my whole world.
Yesterday, after a very long week of setting up the church rummage sale, I had to leave the room for a bit. One of the ladies was going on and on about the T man and his wonderful reception and trip to Saudi Arabia and how our ‘former President’ didn’t get the same reception, blah blah blah. I couldn’t handle it and didn’t want to get into it with anyone, especially on church property. So leaving the room was my best bet. It worked and I’m glad I handled it that way. I’ve shared some of my thoughts but don’t like to get into politics at church much. I state my feelings but don’t want to debate it. Just needed to get that off my chest!
We had big storms last night and it blew down one of the crooks with bird feeders and hanging plants. Nothing was hurt, but the wet ground and heavy winds didn’t hold it up. The high winds did a number on our roses also. We needed the rain for sure but enough!!
Resting today. Reading and maybe even paint a little. I haven’t touched my watercolors in a week or more. Today gets to be a Linda day. Hugs!
It would have been hard for me to keep quiet, so I applaud you on that one!
Please tell Little Z that his drawing skills have already surpassed mine! Sorry you are missing Don, but just think of your reunion date and how wonderful that will be.
Best wishes from Best Bun
Little Z is very talented!